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Do You Want People to think you have more Money than you have or Less Money than you have/

  • Thread starter Thread starter smitcompton
  • Start date Start date
The subject of how much money someone makes or how much they have never comes up with friends or family. I find that all rather distasteful personally. I am thankful for what I have, don't put on the dog for anyone, and know that we have worked and earned everything we have. There were no gifts, inheritances or money favors bestowed upon us either. I don't think either of us had any realistic wishes that weren't fulfilled so we are blessed. I don't know what people think of us in terms of money and honestly don't care. I've known people with old money who were as frugal as they could be so you'd never know from their spending that they were loaded. Some folks save their money; others spend it like there is no tomorrow. Appearances can be very deceiving!!
 

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Jambalaya said:
Some people are really good at making out they have no money, even if they live in a massive and gorgeous house! They'll make out that the house is a fluke and that really they live on scraps while struggling to pay the heating!
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In the US, this is often the case. Except at the very low and very high ends of the spectrum, there is not a ton of correlation between income and net worth. Tons of folks overspend on everything -- including their home. In CA it may be necessary -- but what about the rest of the country?
 
I’m not impressed by old money and their frugality—stimulate the economy, please! You can’t take it with you when you go—it’s just money. Likewise, not impressed by new money and their blatant or feigned “modest”showing off. Like. Must you post every darn “experience”on your social media? But guess what? I’m not the barometer of good taste and I doubt anyone really is. Live and enjoy. Live and let live. People will always talk. Let them.
 
This thread got me thinking more and apologies for going off topic, but here are some thought/discussion starters. I don't necessarily believe one way or the other, but just curious to others' thoughts.

Why does society make talking about money taboo? Does this result in lack of financial education and understanding? Is it more about lacking modesty? Is it equally distasteful to talk about the lack of money?

How about talking about kids and/or posting pictures of them? While parents are proud and it is not intended to be hurtful, it can be painful for many who struggle with infertility.

Or posting on social media in general? Isn't it all a form of showing off?
 
I would want people to mind their own God dam bussiness and take their beak out of nine
 
Don't care what others may think as long as they do not approach me for financial help.

DK :lol-2:
 
smitcompton said:
He is very much like Missy, modest, friendly and doesn't care if you have a dime or not--really.
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The most important criteria IMO is are you a kind person? Are you a nice person? How do you treat others (who can do nothing for you)?

Being "nice" has gotten a dirty rep but I feel it is one of the most, if not the most, important characteristic someone can have.

What someone does for a living and how much money someone makes doesn't even make the list IMO.
 
Hi,

No-one is asking anyone on here about their money status or how rich folk or poor folk spend their money. Its how you do or want to project yourself to others as to whether or not you have money. Is this an appropriate answer? Its not my business what people think of me.--Not on topic at all. Its sounds a bit angry and defensive.

Mr.B--- Of course its a great topic you suggested, but the taboo gets expressed on here as"Its not my business what anyone thinks of me". It actually caused me to start this topic. Someone here didn't want to say what they paid for a haircut. It needed to be e-mailed to another poster. It made me smile. Does that sound like someone who doesn't care what anyone thinks?.

My brother and I grew up with money discussed at the dinner table almost every nite. My father had a business and he wanted or was asked by my mother what the revenue was for that day. Money talk was part of our life. He and I still discuss money. We wouldn't ask anyone their income, nor are we that interested. But, I don't like people to think I have much money . I do not judge people on money, nor do I want others to judge me on money. Other things happen as per discussion. I also don't do it because it will make others feel bad. I may not emphasize some purchases.

Mr.B Money taboo shoul be discussed. I also want to know how many women mange the finances? MrB are you male or female--Did I ask that before.?

IK Missy, I'm ready for the blast off(smiley)

Annette
 
I’d like for people to think I have less money than I actually have. I already get comments for going on vacation twice a year. Also, having an obsession with sparkly things sure doesn’t help portray me as anything less than comfortable. I mostly just say live and let live.:wavey:
 
I'm female. DH and I maintain separate finances, are completely self made, and we manage our own finances and investments individually.
 
It depends on the situation. I wouldn't wear my bling doing grocery shopping or walking on the street downtown somewhere. I've had a friend who got robbed three times in the span of four years at UC Berkeley. Where safety is a concern, I'd rather people think I have less money than I do. However, if I'm interviewing or at a business negotiation, I'd want people to think I have more. Not because I super care about projecting success and confidence, but in the past I've gotten rejected by superficial people who wouldn't give you the time of day unless you act a certain way. If I care about getting the job done, then I'll dress in a way that doesn't let people dismiss me before I start to talk.

Most of the time in the office I dress super casually (no makeup, no manicures or pedicures, nothing with a collar, leggings under long shirt or tunic) and wear the rings I want.
 
I want my close friends and family to think that I have LESS money, so it's not awkward and so they don't talk to me about money or make weird comments. But I want people I don't know or acquaintances to think I have MORE money. Hahaha!!!
 
smitcompton said:
Someone here didn't want to say what they paid for a haircut. It needed to be e-mailed to another poster. It made me smile.
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Dear @smitcompton, I didn't not share this info on purpose...First of all I was threadjacking her thread so I didn't want to continue threadjacking. And I also felt just a little bit foolish for spending so much on a hair cut and not asking what the cost would be beforehand.

I am very low maintenance. I don't get manicures or pedicures etc and I don't color my hair and I get my hair cut under the best of circumstances every 6 months. Pre pandemic. Post pandemic it had been 18 months since I had a haricut. It has nothing to do with finances and everything to do with the fact I don't enjoy getting those services. I don't like people fussing over me and pampering me unless it is my DH.:kiss:

The reason I didn't share the cost with all of PS had nothing to do with caring what other people thought of my finances Annette. Honestly. :)

If you so badly want to know (or just mildly interested in) what I spent I would be happy to share it here with you. All you need to do is ask.
Go ahead and ask if you want to know.
Don't be shy. 8)

And for the record I texted it to my friend. I did not email it. Just want to be 100% factual. ;)
 
MRBXXXFVVS1 said:
This thread got me thinking more and apologies for going off topic, but here are some thought/discussion starters. I don't necessarily believe one way or the other, but just curious to others' thoughts.

Why does society make talking about money taboo? Does this result in lack of financial education and understanding? Is it more about lacking modesty? Is it equally distasteful to talk about the lack of money?

How about talking about kids and/or posting pictures of them? While parents are proud and it is not intended to be hurtful, it can be painful for many who struggle with infertility.

Or posting on social media in general? Isn't it all a form of showing off?
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There is, IMO, a difference between posting photos of loved ones and even your bling (on PS) and talking about how much money one makes/has. Talking about money is considered (where I grew up at least) to be tacky. But yes, even showing off our assets (bling and otherwise) can be considered taboo. I agree and that is how we were raised. To be modest about all material things and just to be modest in general. It is not a favorable trait to be showy or talk about all one has.

And truth be told I still occasionally feel funny about sharing all my pics here but I know I am among like minded people and we aren't showing off as much as we are enjoying each other's bling and sharing. I love sharing and it brings me joy to see other's gorgeous pieces. Makes me happy to see how happy others are with their diamonds and gems.

There is so much sadness and despair in this world that I think it is OK to take joy where one can and to that end Pricescope is a delight. A joyous blingalicious delight. :appl:


I have known joy and sadness, and, on the whole, I prefer joy.
 
@missy, I did the same thing with a haircut 25 years ago (paid an insane price and didn't ask what it was beforehand). Although the absolute amount doesn't sound much now, what I paid is a good price for a haircut today. In other words, I paid so much that it's taken 25 years for the amount to normalize! :lol-2: :lol-2: And I had straight shoulder-length hair that just needed a trim around the edges. I remember not bothering to ask because I couldn't imagine that it would be a huge amount for such a simple cut. I was wrong!
 
Hi,

I used to do what Bron357 does. When I went shopping, in the days of the Dep't store, I used to try to look as if I had more money then I had. So, I agree with the other comment that it depends on the situation. If you think you will be treated better by using one persona over the other, I'm for using it.

i am going to give 2 examples of this. I live in a small house, in what is now an immigrant neighborhood. Lately I have had workman in to make some repairs to my house. These are men, who surprisingly notice my paintings. I have a reg guy who fixes my adjustable bed and he looked up and told me "thats worth money", pointing at one of my paintings. That day he charged me double what he usually charges. He retired and the new guy also walked and looked at my paintings, commenting they were beautiful. He doubled what the last guy had also double.

The second case also involved the paintings. I needed a new back door, got the estimate, which was OK. That fellow also walked each painting and commented on them telling me his daughter painted. Now, part of the job involved drywall, which is a separate guy. I need some new drywall in my garage as well. It is a separate job. I cannot get a figure of the garage drywall from the company. They told me to ask the drywaller who came to fix the doorway. Brian, the drywaller gave me a price but told me not to say anything to Gregg, the original estimator, (gallery walker)until he spoke o Gregg. Now the test. Brian gave me a low estimate. Will Gregg change it since he saw the paintings.? I'm waiting to find out. No answer yet.

Missy, thanks for taking what I said so well. I think most of us have been foolish ourselves. My living room is full of dolls to prove how foolish I am. I am waiting for my neighbor to come and take some as I am trying to get rid of stuff.

Voce and Jaaron--Its great to see you!

Annette
 
My mother once sent a new sweater to a docent (?) at Emily Dickinson’s home, because this woman was wearing a threadbare sweater. My mother was chastised by a colleague after the fact. It was explained that this docent woman was a very wealthy local and that the ‘threadbare’ look was a particular affect that the Western Mass Old Money crowd took. Who knew..

Living in the South I’ve seen folks climb out of Bentleys and Range Rovers with leggings, slippers and wife beaters.

I used to work at Saks, I feel like I’ve seen it all.

It all confuses me. I genuinely don’t care how much money people think we have, or how grungy I look on any given day.
 
I’m going to revise my answer if I may. In certain circumstances I would prefer to be thought of as having more money than less. If it keeps certain people from treating me like a charity case then by all means. Granted it doesn’t happen often, and the people that do it mean well, but I would exhaust all other options before I would borrow money from anyone.

In general though and on a day to day basis, I just want to be thought of without any regard for money. Just an average person doing the best to raise decent humans and be a good person.
 
I feel like it depends.

I’ve been the “poorest” person in multiple social and living situations and it’s extremely uncomfortable especially when people are either oblivious or judgmental.

I used to live in a very wealthy neighborhood in a terrible dump of a building. Older, obviously wealthy women in particular would just gawk at me. I hated the people in the neighborhood so much I broke my lease. They were showy, rude, judgmental and extremely preoccupied with looking wealthy. I wish I’d had enough money then to have nicer clothes (I was just starting my career) so I could’ve flown under the radar more.

Other situations I feel like the “wealthiest” among my friends or family because I’ve worked really hard to build a career, whereas some peers haven’t been able to for a number of reasons. It’s embarrassing to be treated like a snob, to feel judged for investing in nice clothes, furniture or jewelry, and some relatives are poor and my husband and I send money to them. It’s expected of us and I resent it. We work really hard and were given no favors whatsoever. So yeah, I wish they understood that we weren’t just sitting on piles of cash. We care about them of course but it’s complicated…it’s the expectation that I resent.
 
Alybetter said:
My mother once sent a new sweater to a docent (?) at Emily Dickinson’s home, because this woman was wearing a threadbare sweater. My mother was chastised by a colleague after the fact. It was explained that this docent woman was a very wealthy local and that the ‘threadbare’ look was a particular affect that the Western Mass Old Money crowd took. Who knew..
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Omg, that is HILARIOUS! I think it goes to show that the old-money crowd can take their desire to demonstrate that they are not new money too far!

Slightly off-topic, I don't understand the whole thing about people with old money looking really poverty-stricken and unkempt. While I wouldn't want to wear gold lamé and drive a white Rolls if I had serious money, I also would never want to go around looking so down-at-heel that I inspired an onlooker to send me new clothes when I didn't need them and when I was, in fact, wealthy! I can't imagine having money and yet still dressing that way. Since I'm not old money, it might be said that that's why I feel this way, but I really don't think that it is. I'm a big fan of looking polished and put-together; it's my ideal, even if I often don't manage it.

Hm. Maybe I should start a thread about grooming as it relates to one's financial situation/job/social circle.
 
This thread is quite timely, because recently I've looked back on the last couple of annual visits with my aunt (pre-pandemic; haven't seen her since March 2019), and it occurred to me how she kept making comments about how much money her adult children (my cousins) have. I've heard all about how D. has paid off his mortgage and about how much money her other son has made, etc. etc. plus their property empire abroad. In retrospect, it has struck me as distasteful because it seems like she's presenting it as a competition, when we are family. If my cousins have accumulated a lot of wealth, in the nicest possible way, I DON'T CARE! I knew them when they were snot-nosed kids crammed into one bedroom, so them having money doesn't mean anything to me. I would be just as much their cousin if they were each living in a tiny studio apt. There is no financial situation - good or bad - that could alter the way I feel about them. What matters to me is our shared past, our childhood Christmases and our communal family history. I'm happy for them, but I can't say I appreciate my aunt's boasting. It seems to go against everything that we were as a family in times gone by. We were all very down-to-earth, happy with family times all of us gathered at home, and I think some of that has gone away, it seems, with the fruits of success. It's a pity.
 
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Jambalaya said:
she kept making comments about how much money her adult children (my cousins) have.
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Oh, I cannot stand when people do this.
When some old biddy corners you and starts bragging about her children/grandchildren, and their great jobs and all their money.
Are they trying to make me feel bad or themselves feel better?
Either way, I don't want to hear it , and there's no nice way to tell them to shut up.
 
stracci2000 said:
Oh, I cannot stand when people do this.
When some old biddy corners you and starts bragging about her children/grandchildren, and their great jobs and all their money.
Are they trying to make me feel bad or themselves feel better?
Either way, I don't want to hear it , and there's no nice way to tell them to shut up.
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I just say you must be so proud of them. That usually stops their bragging in their tracks.
 
Jambalaya said:
Omg, that is HILARIOUS! I think it goes to show that the old-money crowd can take their desire to demonstrate that they are not new money too far!

Slightly off-topic, I don't understand the whole thing about people with old money looking really poverty-stricken and unkempt. While I wouldn't want to wear gold lamé and drive a white Rolls if I had serious money, I also would never want to go around looking so down-at-heel that I inspired an onlooker to send me new clothes when I didn't need them and when I was, in fact, wealthy! I can't imagine having money and yet still dressing that way. Since I'm not old money, it might be said that that's why I feel this way, but I really don't think that it is. I'm a big fan of looking polished and put-together; it's my ideal, even if I often don't manage it.

Hm. Maybe I should start a thread about grooming as it relates to one's financial situation/job/social circle.
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Yeah, it mystifies me, too. I guess they’ve just reached some sort of pinnacle?
I like French chic, simple and clean, personally. As long as it includes athleisure ;-)
 
While we are all guilty of it to some degree, at the end of the day, we shouldn't judge others. Everyone is worthy of kindness and respect, regardless of how much or how little they have. We don't know others' situation or circumstance, not that it matters.

I think most behavior/actions come down to emotions and how it makes one feel. While some people can come across as tacky and/or trying too hard to be something they are not, I have compassion and feel for them. Likely, they have some self-esteem issue (we all do) and doing/saying/wearing/whatever makes them feel better about themselves. If they aren't hurting anyone, it doesn't really bother me.
 
missy said:
I just say you must be so proud of them. That usually stops their bragging in their tracks.
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I say the same thing. But as someone who has 6 adult kids who are, shall we say, all the colors of the jelly beans, it is a reflection upon their insecurity.
A polite adult does not boast about their children in such an insensitive manner.
My ex MIL did it to my ex and me about her second husbands children. It was so extremely rude, and frankly done as a put down.
Consequently, I try to be very careful about what I say among our family members because I still remember being made to feel bad about my accomplishments by my MIL. I don't want any of my kids feeling less than.
 
I would prefer most people not think anything about our finances. I am sure they do as that is, to some degree, human nature. We have more than some people likely think and less than others likely think.

The only people I have actively made comments to in order to get them to think about our finances were a couple of people who had caused us issues in the past and needed to believe we could hire an attorney to handle any future issues without any concern to cost. By them thinking we could pay a hundred thousand dollars or more (again) without any discomfort, we avoided additional court issues.

My family is... Odd. Specific finances are never talked. Sales though! Normal conversation includes complementing a cute shirt/purse/whatever and the person replying with a thanks and where they got it. That usually comes with how much it cost. (Not in a look how expensive it is way. More like I got this great thing for only $5!) For really exciting things, you get the showing the new item -- rather than waiting for it to be noticed -- along with an excited statement of not believing the great price they got it for. I still haven't broken this habit. We have friends from the area we just moved out of who are surprised to hear people say that sort of thing.
 
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