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Do you want children?

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sugary

Rough_Rock
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Nov 18, 2008
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Funny, but I have not given this any thought before until the other night when my gal pal asked if we were planning on having children soon after we get married since I will be 27 then. My FI and I have not discussed this, but feel we should and soon. I know Iwant kids, but I have not put a timetable as to when or how many. My mom had the 3 of us (who are extremely close) within 6 years, but had her mom''s help My FI has a brother who is 7 years older. Have any of you discussed this with your BF or FI???
 
I think having kids is like jumping off the high tower at the swimming pool... it can be intimidating, and there''s no going back!
I guess you have to ascertain what your man''s general feelings are about kids (and your own), but I wouldn''t panic just yet if neither of you has a strong desire to actually follow through.
I am now a career mum, but until I was 29, it all seemed a bit much to be talking kids.
You can really grow into motherhood. Even during my first pregnancy, I didn''t feel particularly maternal. It''s a process.
 
I do not want children and neither does SO. Have you guys talked about it at all? That can be a big issue.
 
Hi Sugary
My SO and I have talked about kids since forever. He''s very family oriented and would love kids. In fact he said one of the reasons he wants to marry me is because he thinks I''d be a good mother. He''s "ordered" a set of twins already but I''ve told him that''s not the way things work hehe
Whenever there are babies or little kids around he is always looking at them and smiling. It''s really sweet.
We plan on trying for them as soon as we get married. Back in July he said he''d like a baby in two years time but since getting married first is important to us, we''d have to be married by October 2009. And then who knows whether we''d get pregnant right away.
Only thing that worries me is that if we have girls I have a feeling he''s going to be too overprotective. So that''s something we have to discuss in more detail.
 
I believe I was born to be a mom... haha not really, but I know I want kids, and I already know I will be a great mom. I know this sounds weird, but I am ALWAYS around kids... constantly and I love them. Everything about them, even the gross stuff. My boyfriend on the other hand, thought he never wanted kids until he met me. He hated how they cried, were so dependent, and just helpless. But once he began babysitting with me and hanging out with my younger cousins, he realized the funny, quirky things kids do, and how they really do make you appreciate things. We decided to have kids when we are around 26-28 and so far he said he will want 2 kids, maybe three if they are far enough apart.

Man, I sound like a weirdo! haha
 
Date: 12/9/2008 8:41:07 PM
Author: IloveAsschers13
I believe I was born to be a mom... haha not really, but I know I want kids, and I already know I will be a great mom. I know this sounds weird, but I am ALWAYS around kids... constantly and I love them. Everything about them, even the gross stuff. My boyfriend on the other hand, thought he never wanted kids until he met me. He hated how they cried, were so dependent, and just helpless. But once he began babysitting with me and hanging out with my younger cousins, he realized the funny, quirky things kids do, and how they really do make you appreciate things. We decided to have kids when we are around 26-28 and so far he said he will want 2 kids, maybe three if they are far enough apart.

Man, I sound like a weirdo! haha
Click to expand...
I feel the exact same way (and I''m not even joking!)!!! I work with kids and I couldn''t imagine NOT working with kids and NOT having my own babies! My BF has 4 nieces/nephews with a 5th on the way and he is great with the toddlers and pre-schoolers (who are all boys) but hardly pays attention to his 2 year-old niece! But yes, we do talk about kids all the time, including how many we want, whether we want a boy or girl first, their names, etc... I always wanted to have 2 kids before 30 but that''s only 4 years away...we''ll see!
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no kids, just us and the dog
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We both want kids. My fiance really, really wants kids - and soon! The problem is that neither of us wants to stay home with them, and neither of us wants to have a nanny or grandparent raise the kids. Something''s gotta give - when we figure it out, then we''ll start trying!
 
Yup. I come from a large family and am excited about having kids. My SO is one of two and he is looking forward to being a father. We'd like to have some time to transition into marriage, but I definitely would like to have a baby before I'm 30. The chances of complications highten with every year after 30, so I'd at least like to make sure that I'm able to have kids before then. We've agreed that until we actually have kids, we can't decide on a certain number, but somewhere in the 2 - 4 range would be our preference at this point. He's going to make a wonderful father and I'm looking forward to being a Mom.

I have 5 nephews and 2 nieces and they are just the joy of my life. I can only imagine how much joy holding my own children will be. Granted it is a lot of work, but I know deep down it will be totally worth it. I plan on being a stay at home mom and until then, I work with kids for a living.
 
No kids. If we have kids, they will be adopted. FF has a lot of bad stuff in his medical history (pretty much everything bad) and I was adopted, so I don''t know my medical history. But, at the moment, and the entirety of our relationship, neither of us has expressed the desire to be a parent.
 
No way, No way, NO WAY!!

How do I put this nicely..
I try to avoid the presence of children. And I say this realizing it makes me sound like a total @#$%#..
Just not up for the energy it requires just to be in the same ROOM as a child.
but thank god me and the bf are in agreement over this.

I''m 26 now, and who knows if a switch will go off or something when I hit 30 but I just don''t see it ever happening.
 
I will join the "meant-to-be-a-Mom" club... I basically feel like my life''s purpose won''t be complete until I bring a few little babies into this beautiful world...and yes, I am a believer that it is beautiful :)

B wants 2 kids, and I desperately want 3 (maybe 4 if finances allow.) I would love two boys and a girl, or three boys (but I get what I get!) We will likely start trying around the time we are both 27 or 28. We''ve agreed that of course after getting married/house, the #1 goal to achieve pre-babies is a trip to Europe. Heck, maybe we could start trying on the trip!

Like some of you, I have six (soon-to-be-seven) neices and nephews whom I love more than anything. I am also in love with B''s baby cousin (who has a lil brother/sister on the way also!) and I can *kind of* consider that baby to be my family, right???
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okay, okay, he will be soon!
 
Hi Sugary,

Yes, my SO and I have talked about it in depth. I feel it''s an important thing to talk about before getting engaged, just to make sure that both people in the relationship feel the same about timelines, number of kids, etc.

We are both 27 and we''re not planning to have kids till we''re in our early thirties. That''s the plan -- I guess we''ll know when we''re ready to start trying! I can''t imagine having kids quite yet, but I''m still looking forward to it because I know that when we''re ready it will be the greatest thing ever.
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Date: 12/9/2008 10:20:06 PM
Author: laughwithme
I will join the ''meant-to-be-a-Mom'' club... I basically feel like my life''s purpose won''t be complete until I bring a few little babies into this beautiful world...and yes, I am a believer that it is beautiful :)


B wants 2 kids, and I desperately want 3 (maybe 4 if finances allow.) I would love two boys and a girl, or three boys (but I get what I get!) We will likely start trying around the time we are both 27 or 28. We''ve agreed that of course after getting married/house, the #1 goal to achieve pre-babies is a trip to Europe. Heck, maybe we could start trying on the trip!


Like some of you, I have six (soon-to-be-seven) neices and nephews whom I love more than anything. I am also in love with B''s baby cousin (who has a lil brother/sister on the way also!) and I can *kind of* consider that baby to be my family, right???
31.gif
okay, okay, he will be soon!
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uhhh are we the same person?!?!?! geeze this is EXACTLY everything we are trying to do!!!
 
We have a 4-year-old DD, and want to try for another baby pretty soon. In fact, the plan was to get engaged and TTC baby #2 by the end of this year, but we hit some financial problems, and things are sort of on the back burner right now.. :|
 
NO!! I''m with Trillionaire, it''ll just be us and a dog. This definitely is a big issue and you need to talk to your SO and make sure you''re on the same page in this department. My SO and I agree that we''re not parent material, we both tend to be a little selfish and enjoy our ''us'' time way to much. He''s SOOO turned off by kids that he would consider this a deal-breaker. Thankfully we are on the same page. I didn''t have a very fortunate childhood and I''m working very hard to get through graduate school to make something of myself (as is he) and I want to spend my money on me, travel, and spoiling us. I know many feel that that is a selfish viewpoint, but I think it more selfish to have children when you don''t want them. Talk to him about it, this is HUGE!
 
yes yes yes and more yes!
we want kids so bad! if we were married and had jobs and a house -i dont doubt id be pregnant right this minute lol
 
My SO and I have discussed children to some extent. We know that we want to wait a few years after getting married and until we''re financially stable enough to have children. We also discussed having about two children and I would like to have them fairly close together, probably within two/three years. I know he wants a son, and I would like a daughter, but obviously we''ll take whatever we are given. I also have expressed that I would like to stay home to raise the kids, and he is open to that. We''ve even talked about how we are going to raise them. We are both catholic and were very involved in church and would like our children brought up the same way. He grew up working hard on his family farm since he was able to walk, and I''ve been working since I was 14 so we know that we want our children to have a good work ethic and a sense of money. I think this is definitely an important topic to discuss. Some people have very ideas when it comes to kids, some people want lots and some don''t want any. Then the subject of what happens if you are unable to have children. Are you going to adopt? Artificial insemination? Surrogacy? These questions may seem unimportant right now, but I know that my SO has expressed that he doesn''t really want to adopt because he would really want a child that is genetically alike (not that he has anything against adoption in general, it''s just his personal preference, I on the other hand, would definitely consider it.)
 
This was recently a topic brought up again between me and hunny. I also believe that I was meant to be a mother. I love children, when I see children behaving badly I don''t think they are bad kids, I think they have bad parents. Kind of judgemental, I know and I feel bad for that. I am almost 25 and would like to start trying to have children in 2/3 years only because I have endometriosis and cysts on my lady bits! sorry if that was TMI. Boyfriend knows this, loves kids too, but the idea of possibly having children in a few years truly scares the poo outta him. So, like everything in our life at the moment it falls into the category of it will happen when it happens!
 
I definitely think this is something that every couple needs to discuss before they are engaged, because it is a significant part of spending together forever.
 
Having children is something I discuss very early on with anyone I date. I absolutely want children and if someone did not, it would be a dealbreaker for me (I would know we had no future - I am not interested in casual dating).

SO and I agreed to have kids within the first few months of us dating... In all honesty, if money/life circumstances were a little different, I would have children right now. I can't wait! I have MAJOR baby fever. I'm almost 25 and I really hope we start TTC within two years or so (not anticipating a very long engagement). Definitely before 30.

Now, if we could only agree on a #. SO seems to be under the impression that we'll have 6- boys, of course, enough to fill a hockey line
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We don''t have any children. We PLAN on having them though. I would like at least 2, hopefully 4. I grew up with 2 brothers (and I''m the oldest) and I''ve always wanted a sister
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So ideally, I''d love 2 boys and 2 girls! :)
 
We both want kids but, as he''s quite abit older then me, he''s keen for them to happen asap.

I think it''s important to talk about these things before you get married to make sure you''re both on the same page and have similar expectations.
 
Co-signing with the "born-to-be-a-mother" club! We are planning on starting shortly after we get married.

~SL.
 
Yes, we definitely want to have children. Although not in the immediate future...more like the future-future.
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We both want children, and this was definitely a deal breaker for both of us!

I''d like to start trying in about 2-3 years (I''m 26). I think he''d rather wait a while longer but I want to be sure not to wait too long, as my family has had fertility problems in the past (not my mom though, I''m one of four and she''s been pregnant 6 times!).
 
On my own, independent of any SO, I'm ambivalent.

With my ex, yes, we wanted kids.

With my BF now, no. He's pretty ambivalent. We're both slightly kid-leaning, but since his family is in another country, he doesn't have the extended family and friends network that my ex had, which kinda suggests to me I'd be a little lonely having kids with him.
 
Great Topic! I am with Namaste, who avoids children. I think in general people should think very carefully about having children and the implications on a marriage. I''ve never wanted kids (other people''s kids have always annoyed me), and when I met FI, that was the number one issue (he has two boys that live with him).

Now that I have lived with them for almost a year, I am even more firmly committed to never having children. I am very bothered by anyone who says that their children come first. I want to slap them and say "NO! Actually, you swore before God, and your loved ones, that your SPOUSE comes first!" I want to remind them that after their children grow up and spend all their money and eat all their food, they will only have EACH OTHER! So you better not have neglected your spouse to devote yourself to a third party that will leave you as soon as they can.

I know it sounds harsh, but when I''ve tried the subtle smiling and changing the topic, I always get the "oh you will change your mind" or my favorite, "well, you should have at least one so that you can experience it and decide if it''s for you." No thanks! Like Lara said earlier, there is no going back once you''ve gone there!
 
Like so many others, I STRONGLY encourage you to talk to SO about this. Marriages have been destroyed, or at least become VERY unhappy, over this very topic. I''ve seen it with my own eyes!

We discussed this issue at a fairly early stage of our relationship. Neither of us have very strong feelings about it besides that right now is NOT the time. I''m still trying to get settled into my career. Financially we couldn''t do it right now either.

I always thought I''d want a little brood of children, but the older I get (almost 30) the more I realize it isn''t that important to me. I am a teacher so I have a whole group of children all the time! I love them dearly, but at the end of the day they go home to their families...Although I do spend more time with them then many of their parents do...I don''t know if I could work all day with them and then turn around and come home to more...does that sound strange for a teacher to say? I''m sure it''s completely different, but I just need to relax when I get home! LOL

His family is very small. Neither of his parents have siblings and he only has a sister (not married). I know it makes him sad sometimes that he doesn''t have more family, but at the same time he''s really freaked out of children. Most of our friends have kids and his reactions to them are pretty funny sometimes. I grew up with three sisters. My mom had three siblings and my dad had eight. Needlesstosay, I have A LOT of cousins. My extended family is HUGE. But, even though there''s something comforting about having all those blood relatives, I''m not close to many of them. Actually, only my immediate family is really close.

Maybe in a few years after we''re married we may feel differently. But I don''t want to be too old either...I''m very happy for all those women in their 40s having children, but it wouldn''t be for me.

Phew! I''m feeling long-winded today!
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My SO and I talk about it all the time. I know we want to wait for a little after we''re married, because we''re on the younger side and I want to have time just the two of us without babies to take care of immediately. But I want to have children earlier in order to be in good health when they''re older and to enjoy time together once we''re retired with our families in good health (hopefully) SO and I have had tougher childhoods and I feel like if our parents were slightly younger when they had children things wouldve turned out a little differently. I suppose thats my own interpretation of things and SO is always telling me not to worry about our children and when we should have them based off of my fears in that department. We''ll see what happens...
 
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