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Do you ever just feel anti-social?

athenaworth

athenaworth

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Jun 19, 2010
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Let me first start out with telling you that I am normally very social. Now that in mind, sometimes I just don't like being around large crowds, and I think it's starting to wear on my hubby.

Here's the most recent: our best friend got married yesterday to a girl we really like. We've spent all weekend with them and we're going to go on their honeymoon with them (seems strange but we're old travel buddies, and we plan to give them their space). So tonight everyone was up In their room to watch football (which I could care less about) and the bride's family with three young screaming children came to watch the game (adding 10 more people to an already over crowded room) so I decided to come downstairs for some alone time. My DH is upset because I didn't wait 10 minutes and I feel kind of bad, but I didn't want to it for the game to start then interrupt everyone. But now I feel bad. DH's mad, and I think the guests think Im weird. I guess the reason I'm posting this here is because I want to know if it makes me a bad person that I left? I can't really go back now, but I don't want anyone upset. I don't know. Maybe I just needed to vent. Ugh. Sorry.
 
I don't think you're weird at all! Next time, I suggest excusing yourself and going to the bathroom for a few minutes. Or going to the kitchen and offering to tidy up or help with meal prep. It gives you some space, doens't look as odd as going to a room by yourself for no reason and your DH will be happy. But I think it's totally normal to want to get away from the chaos of a big group for a few minutes! Your DH also needs to relax a little bit and think more about your needs than how something looks.
 
Thank you. I forgot to mention that we are in a hotel so I just went to our hotel room. Im packing DH up for the next leg of our tip to make amends.
 
Assuming you didn't stomp off screaming "I hate football and I hate all of you!" you're not a bad person! I still can't quite figure out what difference 10 minutes made to your DH, but I'm exactly the same way. I'm social and chatty until suddenly I'm overwhelmed and I have to get away.

Taking a bit of time for yourself is a lot better than acting strange and unhappy in front of a large group of people. Ask DH which he would have preferred...
 
I don't think it's weird or anti-social to escape an overly crowded room (especially when there are three screaming children in said room). Then again, I'm not a kid person :P

I think you're fine. I would give an excuse next time (like someone suggested, excuse yourself to the bathroom or something), instead of just walking out as that is rather abrupt and could be misinterpreted.
 
sillyberry|1290996232|2781362 said:
Assuming you didn't stomp off screaming "I hate football and I hate all of you!" you're not a bad person! I still can't quite figure out what difference 10 minutes made to your DH, but I'm exactly the same way. I'm social and chatty until suddenly I'm overwhelmed and I have to get away.

Taking a bit of time for yourself is a lot better than acting strange and unhappy in front of a large group of people. Ask DH which he would have preferred...
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You are totally right and totally awesome. Thank you.
 
It sounds a little abrupt, but I think the thought of a large crowd and football would have prompted the same response from me. I *might* have gone back later on to check in with everyone though.
 
Well, no, I never feel anti-social, but I sometimes I feel un-social, if that makes sense. Sometimes I don't want to deal with people and I have to make myself overcome it and get on with it. The thing about people is that sometimes they can be professional, caring, helpful, friendly, and sometimes the complete opposite. It's weird and sometimes it's hard not to take it personally. YMMV.
 
Sure. I can totally understand wanting to get out of a crowded room, esp. after a weekend filling with socializing (which I'm assuming was the case since weddings are pretty social events).
 
I wound up going back when everyone left and the bride said, "he'll, if they weren't my family, I would've left too.". So all's well that ends well.
 
athenaworth|1291035084|2781677 said:
I wound up going back when everyone left and the bride said, "he'll, if they weren't my family, I would've left too.". So all's well that ends well.
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That's great, Bride sounds like a very cool person! Glad you are feeling better about things. I personally don't think you did anything wrong. In fact, I think had you stayed for awhile and then left, your exit would have been more obvious. You really have no connection to the bride's family, IMO you weren't under any obligation to hang out with them. But I guess my ramblings are for naught because everything worked out- It didn't bother the person who matters most, so all's well!
 
I am exactly like you described - i don't think you are weird at all. Sorry your DH is mad about it, but i completely understand not wanting to watch a football game with a bunch of people, when you honestly don't care about football.
 
i'd have left too. sounds like the bride would have also. hubby needs to relax. which is exactly what you went to do. its called taking care of yourself and no one will do it for you: congrats on having the good sense to call it a day rather than push yourself and become "grumpy".

MoZo
 
I totally know where you are coming from. My ex used to know when I needed to break away. He called it 'Renee Time'. Example- weekend of family, nieces and nephews crawling everywhere, dogs barking, blah blah blah. He, simply by looking at me, would be like 'I see someone is in need of a little 'Renee time'. I need my 'me' time, otherwise I would probably injure someone, LOL.

He shouldn't be upset, but try explaining to him when he has had a little time to 'simmer', he might hear where you are coming from better. :)
 
I feel like this all of the time. I'm an introvert, and I need plenty of alone time in order to feel sane. Even if I've just been out with people for one evening, even if I had fun, I feel kind of relieved when it's over. So after an entire weekend of socializing, you can get that I would have wandered off, too.

I think people just have different levels of need when it comes to space & socializing. Some people need more of one or the other.
 
I don't think it makes you a 'bad person' that you left, but leaving right after the famly came might have appeared a bit standoffish. Like you were upset that they were there and couldn't stomach being around them, even for a few minutes. I'm not saying that's how you felt at all, or how the family perceived it -just that it could've been perceived that way. I might've made some small chit-chat and then made an excuse about 'needing to catch up emails' or something like that.

I'm an introvert and definitely need my alone time as well. DH is the same. The difference between us is that I'm more diplomatic about it -whereas he''s not. Sometimes a friend of mine will come visit us and he'll stay in the bedroom watching TV/reading because 'he didn't feel like coming out'... which to me seems rude.
 
Add another bean to the 'introverted' jar.

I would have left too. Different strokes and all.
 
I would've left too...did you stay long enough to greet them/say hello or did you leave before they got there? I'm asking because sometimes sticking it out just for a couple of minutes saves you a headache like this later - ETA: in my case, I need time alone fairly quickly and can socialize only for so long, so I deal with these types of things fairly often...

The last couple of times we went to visit DH's friends I retreated into our guest room several times. I was feeling really good about doing that because I felt I could be comfortable enough with them (I know them through DH for many years). But DH got upset because a couple of times they asked where I was and he felt it would have been better if I had at least said something (i.e., I gotta go check my e-mails or whatever). It really kind of embarrassed me because then I became so aware that they were "out there" thinking I was rude so it made it hard for me to come out of the bedroom.

I don't see what the big deal is about someone retreating for a while into their bedroom, and I don't think someone asking where I am is an indication that they think I'm rude - but - just to save myself the headache and anxiety next time I go over there I'll make sure to announce I'll be checking e-mail for a few hours. :mrgreen:
 
I'll give the extraverts POV! I don't need much alone time. So, CJ2008 gave a good example of the introverts POV when she said "I don't see what the big deal is about someone retreating for a while into their bedroom". Of course it's not a big deal, but you see in the extraverts head the thinking is "why in the world would you want to leave when this is where the fun is and you could stay and have chats??" In a perfect world, everyone would understand that we're all different and some people just need space, as the bride clearly did realise in your case. But the not-so-emotionally-aware extraverts in the room could perceive your actions as rude, or could be worried something was wrong. Now that's their problem, and you don't have to please everyone, however to make life easier for yourself it can be easily avoided as others said by a couple minutes of chit-chat and then making an excuse before exiting.

FWIW, I don't think you were rude and I think your husband overreacted. I'm just giving another perspective.
 
I can't for the life of me understand what is ticking your husband off about your need to remove yourself for a time from the 'group'.

Yes, everyone has moments when they need space. Some of us (ME) more than others. I certainly would have done the exact same thing. And I damn sure wouldn't apologize to anyone for doing so.

Anyone who was offended, including your hubby, needs to grow up.
 
hhmmm.....screaming kids, crowd of people and televised sports. I think I might have jumped out of a window.

I don't think you did anything wrong or rude. Crowds, sports and kids are right up there on my list of things I like to avoid so if I were in your place I would have smiled pleasantly and excused myself. IMO you did the right thing.
 
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