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Do straight guys watch gay ****?

OMGOMG

Rough_Rock
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Serious question.

Allow me to explain. I'm a regular poster here, but I need to protect my privacy on this one.


My sister is enrolled in a graduate class that requires her to use software that she can't run on her MacBook. She asks my dad if she can install and run it on his PC laptop, which he allows her to do.

While doing homework, and performing google searches, the google search bar and address bar keep autocompleting to gay **** sites. Lots of them. So, she wonders if this is coincidence, and checks the history, which is full of gay **** sites. I don't know if there were regular **** sites included too, but lots of gay ****, and particularly from a day when he was out of town for business. Right.

She calls me freaking out and disturbed, but wouldn't tell me what. I just didn't want her to feel alone, so I told her she could tell me. Wow, wasn't expecting that. Neither of us know what to think. On one hand, it's my dad's right to watch what he wants to watch. But I think there are implications to this type of behavior. Am I wrong? I don't give a d*mn about my dad's sexual preference, honestly. He's my dad, I love him the same. If he is stepping out with other men (a leap, not sure how big, from just watching gay ****), then I have obvious concerns for my mother. I found this out in October, but hadn't given it much thought since then, My sister recently had a fresh encounter, looked at the history again, and it's consistently the same type of material. :???:

How are you supposed to respond to learning something like this about your parent??? :confused: :read:
 

GliderPoss

Ideal_Rock
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No personal experience on this but perhaps you could just casually me mention to him about clearing his site history and see what his reaction is....... :errrr:
 

audball

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Hmm. I can't say that I'm a **** site frequenter...however, does gay necessarily mean men? Could he be searching for girl on girl ****? My understanding is that most males find that to be erotic. It may not be what you think...and even if it is, his private life and sexual preferences wouldn't be something I'd care to know/discuss. You obviously can't undo the knowing part (though you'll never really be able to know for sure what it was/wasn't unless you check out the links yourself), but I'd probably just let it be.

If it were my parents, I don't know that I'd care. I'm not particularly close to them though, they're divorced, but living together as platonic roommates...it's a strange situation in it of itself.

Good luck, hope you find the relief you desire.
 

ForteKitty

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Dont think that is too common. If he is questioning his sexuality, he may be exploring. He may not.

I would be concerned about my mother's health. Maybe flat out ask your dad if he is being faithful to your mother... and see where it goes. You dont have to mention what's on the computer. Have a serious conversation with him and mention you wish he would be considerate of your mother's health, and to be "careful" if he is having indiscretions.

sorry you have to deal with this.. :(
 

OMGOMG

Rough_Rock
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audball|1292987949|2803432 said:
Hmm. I can't say that I'm a **** site frequenter...however, does gay necessarily mean men? Could he be searching for girl on girl ****? My understanding is that most males find that to be erotic. It may not be what you think...and even if it is, his private life and sexual preferences wouldn't be something I'd care to know/discuss. You obviously can't undo the knowing part (though you'll never really be able to know for sure what it was/wasn't unless you check out the links yourself), but I'd probably just let it be.

If it were my parents, I don't know that I'd care. I'm not particularly close to them though, they're divorced, but living together as platonic roommates...it's a strange situation in it of itself.

Good luck, hope you find the relief you desire.


It's guy on guy ****. I'm pretty sure it's exclusively guy on guy ****, but I don't remember.
 

CNOS128

Ideal_Rock
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Maybe your parents watch gay **** together? Or someone else is using your dad's computer? Or it's a virus? Or, he's watching gay **** by himself.

Either way, I'd stay out of it. I know it's hard to think about, but it's really not any of your business. I'm sorry.
I would give you the same advice if you learned your father were actually having an affair -- with a man or a woman. I don't think anything good could come from having that conversation with your dad.
 

ForteKitty

Ideal_Rock
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what if he passes something to his wife? if he is cheating, it doesn't matter who he's cheating with... the mom's at risk!
 

OMGOMG

Rough_Rock
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ForteKitty|1292988941|2803440 said:
Dont think that is too common. If he is questioning his sexuality, he may be exploring. He may not.

I would be concerned about my mother's health. Maybe flat out ask your dad if he is being faithful to your mother... and see where it goes. You dont have to mention what's on the computer. Have a serious conversation with him and mention you wish he would be considerate of your mother's health, and to be "careful" if he is having indiscretions.

sorry you have to deal with this.. :(


Thanks for your sympathy. I don't live with my parents, or even in the same state. I only go home at the holidays, so it would be very odd for me to ask if he was being faithful. I would have no basis at all to ask a question like that. I think the last time I saw my dad was in March. My sister could do it, but she lives at home and wouldn't ask in order to avoid living in an incomfortable situation. I totally understand her position. No one else knows... at least to our knowledge.


I've always seen my parents as more roommate like than lovers. I don't even know if they HAVE a sex life. They aren't affectionate. I know they have condoms in the house, but that's totally weird because my mom had a hysterectomy a decade ago. They aren't hidden though, just under the cabinet with the other toiletries.

I could never forgive myself if something happened to my mother that I could have prevent. That's really my only concern.
 

CNOS128

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ForteKitty|1292989709|2803448 said:
what if he passes something to his wife? if he is cheating, it doesn't matter who he's cheating with... the mom's at risk!
You're right. IF he were having an affair, maybe I'd suggest she talk to her father. But we don't know that he is. His private life should be his own. And he should adjust his privacy settings better.
 

OMGOMG

Rough_Rock
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TheBigT|1292989241|2803443 said:
Maybe your parents watch gay **** together? Or someone else is using your dad's computer? Or it's a virus? Or, he's watching gay **** by himself.

Either way, I'd stay out of it. I know it's hard to think about, but it's really not any of your business. I'm sorry.
I would give you the same advice if you learned your father were actually having an affair -- with a man or a woman. I don't think anything good could come from having that conversation with your dad.


If I knew with 100% certainty that there was no risk to my mom I would have no concerns at all about the situation. He's an adult, he can watch what he pleases. If he were having an affair, and I knew it, I would tell my mom. She deserves to have all of the information when she is making a decision about her health and safety. If the shoes were reversed, she probably wouldn't say anything. She also things nothing good comes from tell these things, and she has counselled me not to tell other people before.
 

ForteKitty

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Do you have a close relationship with your mom? Can you somehow talk about "other people's issues" and see how she responds, then somehow ask how their relationship is? Maybe they are more like roommates than lovers, maybe she is already aware and just doesn't want your sister to be uncomfortable.

If she is completely clueless, perhaps gently remind her that it wouldn't be a bad idea to do include STDs in the annual blood panel. You can use Tiger as an example... seeing how his wife had no clue, and although you dont suspect dad of doing anything, you rather have peace of mind?
 

OMGOMG

Rough_Rock
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ForteKitty|1292989995|2803454 said:
Do you have a close relationship with your mom? Can you somehow talk about "other people's issues" and see how she responds, then somehow ask how their relationship is? Maybe they are more like roommates than lovers, maybe she is already aware and just doesn't want your sister to be uncomfortable.

If she is completely clueless, perhaps gently remind her that it wouldn't be a bad idea to do include STDs in the annual blood panel. You can use Tiger as an example... seeing how his wife had no clue, and although you dont suspect dad of doing anything, you rather have peace of mind?

I'm close enough with my mom that we could talk about pretty much anything, but I'm not sure that I could suggest STD testing without an antenna going up. I could probably figure it out though. I should have thought about that around world AIDS day. I am married, and I always get tested. If I trust my spouse, I have nothing to worry about, right? So the test is just another routine test. I'll see if I can squeeze that into our convo sometime.

I don't get the impression that my mom would stick around if my dad was fooling around with men. Women, maybe. Men, I can't see it. My neighbors ex-husband was gay, and my mom has had lots to say about that over the years. Maybe projection? Who knows.
 

megumic

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I was victim to finding out a parental secret via computer/internet. It sucks, no matter which way you dice it. You say nothing, you feel like you're keeping his secret captive; you say something, and you're the sneak. Honestly, speaking from experience, you need to do what is right for you. If you're going to hold on to this and it has the potential to harm your relationship with one or both parents, then perhaps it's best to casually mention to your dad what happened -- conveniently in front of your mom. If you can handle knowing about this without knowing more, then stay mum.

Personally, I chose to speak up. My relationship with one parent meant more than keeping the secret of the other parent. It wasn't my secret to keep and I felt obligated to tell all.

I'm sorry your sister discovered this and now you're in this predicament. I've been there and it is an awful gut-wrenching feeling b/c you just want to know the truth. Sometimes it just feels like lots of deception and lying and you're just not sure what. You'll do the right thing for you at the end of the day.
 

somethingshiny

Ideal_Rock
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My mom would want to know so I'd tell her. That being said, we only live a few miles from each other, talk on the phone every couple days and see each other at least once a week. I don't see my dad that often due to his work schedule and extra activities. If my bro/sis told me about something like that, I'd immediately tell my mom for her own protection. I realize people look at **** without ever physically cheating on their spouse, but in my mind at least, if he's watching gay **** he's exploring his own sexuality and I'd assume he's going to act on it before possibly divorcing just to see if it's worth it.

Lots of hugs to you. I know that it's "none of your business" but I would be very upset too.
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
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I'm gay.
I've never been to one but there are businesses called bath houses where men go to have sex with strangers.
Over the years I've spoken to a person or two who have told me about them.
They say, and I've read, that the majority of clients of "gay" bath houses are 'straight' married men.

Knowing this I'd say that yes some straight guys watch gay ****.

I think it will be several generations before the hatred and fear ends, and men are truly comfortable identifying gay if that's what they are.
Living a lie is such a tragedy for them, their wives and kids.
 

JulieN

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Watching **** doesn't mean that the watcher is a cheater. Maybe your mom is watching the gay ****. I know women who do.

I think it is a huge stretch to go from finding something on a computer and then asking your mom about getting tested. I think what you'll ultimately do depends on how you view relationships between men and women. It seems like you think men are cheaters and gays have disease. If my friend tells me she had sex with a black person, I'm not going to tell her to get tested--it's a huge stretch.

My bro is gay, and the only advice I ever gave him was to get the Gardasil vaccine, the same thing my sister and I did..
 

MakingTheGrade

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I think there's a big gap between watching **** and cheating. I don't think I'd bring up that possibility until there was more than just circumstantial suggestions.

Also, how tech savvy is your dad? Maybe he's going to general **** sites that is crowding him with gay **** pop-up screens? Also, are you absolutely sure nobody else in the family uses that computer? (no other siblings, nieces/nephews, spouse, etc).
 

VRBeauty

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I'm a big advocate of minding your own business, but you have very legitimate concerns that are affecting you. I think you should speak up in this case... something along the line of "Dad, I know this is none of our business, but little sister told me that she stumbled upon this on your computer, and we're concerned that you might be endangering your health - or Mom's."
 

ForteKitty

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JulieN- i think a lot of people cheat, and everyone should be tested. straight or gay. presumed committed relationship or not. Just because you never know.
 

stepcutgirl

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I had a similar incident many years ago with regular ****. This was long before wireless or dsl when we had to use dial up, so I'm not sure if this still happens, but I was finding all kinds of **** on our family computer. It got to the point I was uncomfortable with it and I decided to email the family member I thought it was and explain that I didn't really feel myself or the rest of the family needed to know all these sites were visited. Well, it turns out the computer had been hacked. I woke up one night to hear the dial up dialing and went in the room to find no one there but **** addresses were popping up all over the place. I got up each night and it would be happening. We discontinued the service and got another and that resolved the issue.

Sometimes there are valid reasons for things that we don't think there could possibly be a reason.

Also, I know a guy who confessed to me that he used to feel like he might be bi, because he knew he liked women but he was attracted to male ****. He ended up finding 2 gay men online and experimenting with them. He said the experience grossed him out and it wasn't what he thought it would be, that the act was not good for him but the **** turned him on. I believe human sexuality is fluid, thats not to say you can be gay one minute and straight the next but I do think there are degrees of straight and degrees of gay.
 

OMGOMG

Rough_Rock
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kenny|1292992783|2803473 said:
I'm gay.
I've never been to one but there are businesses called bath houses where men go to have sex with strangers.
Over the years I've spoken to a person or two who have told me about them.
They say, and I've read, that the majority of clients of "gay" bath houses are 'straight' married men.

Knowing this I'd say that yes some straight guys watch gay ****.

I think it will be several generations before the hatred and fear ends, and men are truly comfortable identifying gay if that's what they are.
Living a lie is such a tragedy for them, their wives and kids.


I agree completely with your last two sentences. I know that even if my dad WAS gay, he would never feel free to live that way openly. That to me is very tragic, because it wouldn't make an ounce of difference to me. I just want him to be happy and to be his authentic self. I also don't think it's my place to "out" him in any way, whether it is just his taste in private entertainment, or truly a sexual preference of some type.
 

OMGOMG

Rough_Rock
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JulieN|1292993141|2803479 said:
Watching **** doesn't mean that the watcher is a cheater. Maybe your mom is watching the gay ****. I know women who do.

I think it is a huge stretch to go from finding something on a computer and then asking your mom about getting tested. I think what you'll ultimately do depends on how you view relationships between men and women. It seems like you think men are cheaters and gays have disease. If my friend tells me she had sex with a black person, I'm not going to tell her to get tested--it's a huge stretch.

My bro is gay, and the only advice I ever gave him was to get the Gardasil vaccine, the same thing my sister and I did..


I think you are really off base. I won't even touch the racial comment, since it has no relevance to this thread.

I never said all men are cheaters. You might have noticed the name of this thread, and it's a question. If people came to the thread in droves and said, "Oh yes OMGOMG, straight guys love ****!" I would have said, "Great, that's all I need to know!" I don't happen to know any straight guys who will admit to watching gay ****. I never once considered that my dad has or had cheated on my mother with another woman, but it stands to reason that if he is suppressing a gay identity, which is possible, even if not probable, that perhaps he would or has cheated with a man. Cheating is cheating, regardless of sexual orientation. I don't know why you are making any distinctions based on sexuality. If someone is being cheated on at all, they are at risk. I do not apologize for trying to weigh and evaluate whether or not my mother is in at risk, and whether she should know. As I said before, if it's just ****, it's just ****. I am soliciting opinions because I have NO IDEA what to think.
 

OMGOMG

Rough_Rock
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MakingTheGrade|1292993536|2803482 said:
I think there's a big gap between watching **** and cheating. I don't think I'd bring up that possibility until there was more than just circumstantial suggestions.

Also, how tech savvy is your dad? Maybe he's going to general **** sites that is crowding him with gay **** pop-up screens? Also, are you absolutely sure nobody else in the family uses that computer? (no other siblings, nieces/nephews, spouse, etc).

No one else uses the computer, no one else lives there or comes over regularly. My mom is horrible with computers, and worse with laptops. And her vision isn't great. She still types with 2 fingers, lol.
 

OMGOMG

Rough_Rock
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stepcutgirl|1292994921|2803492 said:
I had a similar incident many years ago with regular ****. This was long before wireless or dsl when we had to use dial up, so I'm not sure if this still happens, but I was finding all kinds of **** on our family computer. It got to the point I was uncomfortable with it and I decided to email the family member I thought it was and explain that I didn't really feel myself or the rest of the family needed to know all these sites were visited. Well, it turns out the computer had been hacked. I woke up one night to hear the dial up dialing and went in the room to find no one there but **** addresses were popping up all over the place. I got up each night and it would be happening. We discontinued the service and got another and that resolved the issue.

Sometimes there are valid reasons for things that we don't think there could possibly be a reason.

Also, I know a guy who confessed to me that he used to feel like he might be bi, because he knew he liked women but he was attracted to male ****. He ended up finding 2 gay men online and experimenting with them. He said the experience grossed him out and it wasn't what he thought it would be, that the act was not good for him but the **** turned him on. I believe human sexuality is fluid, thats not to say you can be gay one minute and straight the next but I do think there are degrees of straight and degrees of gay.


hahaha! I had one of those gay **** viruses once! It filled my favorites with ****, and man, it was really difficult to get that stuff off of my PC! I don't think that is the case in this situation, and honestly, I don't want to have to look at any of that material to sift through and try to figure it out. I'll mention it to my sister and see if she thinks that might be it. I think from the pattern though (ie, lots of **** when he is out of town), that it's actually the accurate browsing history.

I'm really not at all concerned about my dad's sexuality, though I agree that it can be fluid, and works on a continuum. He's my dad, period, and an amazing father. I am trying to figure out if this is highly unusual behavior, what if any implications there might be, and ascertaining any risk to my mother. Other than that, I am content to respect his privacy... just not at my mother's expense.
 

JulieN

Super_Ideal_Rock
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OMGOMG|1293000058|2803520 said:
JulieN|1292993141|2803479 said:
Watching **** doesn't mean that the watcher is a cheater. Maybe your mom is watching the gay ****. I know women who do.

I think it is a huge stretch to go from finding something on a computer and then asking your mom about getting tested. I think what you'll ultimately do depends on how you view relationships between men and women. It seems like you think men are cheaters and gays have disease. If my friend tells me she had sex with a black person, I'm not going to tell her to get tested--it's a huge stretch.

My bro is gay, and the only advice I ever gave him was to get the Gardasil vaccine, the same thing my sister and I did..


I think you are really off base. I won't even touch the racial comment, since it has no relevance to this thread.

I never said all men are cheaters. You might have noticed the name of this thread, and it's a question. If people came to the thread in droves and said, "Oh yes OMGOMG, straight guys love ****!" I would have said, "Great, that's all I need to know!" I don't happen to know any straight guys who will admit to watching gay ****. I never once considered that my dad has or had cheated on my mother with another woman, but it stands to reason that if he is suppressing a gay identity, which is possible, even if not probable, that perhaps he would or has cheated with a man. Cheating is cheating, regardless of sexual orientation. I don't know why you are making any distinctions based on sexuality. If someone is being cheated on at all, they are at risk. I do not apologize for trying to weigh and evaluate whether or not my mother is in at risk, and whether she should know. As I said before, if it's just ****, it's just ****. I am soliciting opinions because I have NO IDEA what to think.

I don't want to argue with you, because you seem pretty set in your ways. You asked me why I'm making my distinction based on sexuality; this thread is titled "DO STRAIGHT GUYS WATCH GAY ****?" You say he would PROBABLY cheat if he's gay, but you NEVER considered that he would cheat if he's straight? :confused:

On one hand, you say cheating is cheating, regardless of orientation. I agree. Apparently, you think your dad would cheat only if he's gay.
 

Dreamer_D

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Your mom may totally know about it and they may watch together. No telling what types of stuff goes on between consenting adults behind closed doors. I think on this one, it is none of yo' business and you need to just back off and leave it be ;))
 

chemgirl

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JulieN|1293001383|2803531 said:
OMGOMG|1293000058|2803520 said:
JulieN|1292993141|2803479 said:
Watching **** doesn't mean that the watcher is a cheater. Maybe your mom is watching the gay ****. I know women who do.

I think it is a huge stretch to go from finding something on a computer and then asking your mom about getting tested. I think what you'll ultimately do depends on how you view relationships between men and women. It seems like you think men are cheaters and gays have disease. If my friend tells me she had sex with a black person, I'm not going to tell her to get tested--it's a huge stretch.

My bro is gay, and the only advice I ever gave him was to get the Gardasil vaccine, the same thing my sister and I did..


I think you are really off base. I won't even touch the racial comment, since it has no relevance to this thread.

I never said all men are cheaters. You might have noticed the name of this thread, and it's a question. If people came to the thread in droves and said, "Oh yes OMGOMG, straight guys love ****!" I would have said, "Great, that's all I need to know!" I don't happen to know any straight guys who will admit to watching gay ****. I never once considered that my dad has or had cheated on my mother with another woman, but it stands to reason that if he is suppressing a gay identity, which is possible, even if not probable, that perhaps he would or has cheated with a man. Cheating is cheating, regardless of sexual orientation. I don't know why you are making any distinctions based on sexuality. If someone is being cheated on at all, they are at risk. I do not apologize for trying to weigh and evaluate whether or not my mother is in at risk, and whether she should know. As I said before, if it's just ****, it's just ****. I am soliciting opinions because I have NO IDEA what to think.

I don't want to argue with you, because you seem pretty set in your ways. You asked me why I'm making my distinction based on sexuality; this thread is titled "DO STRAIGHT GUYS WATCH GAY ****?" You say he would PROBABLY cheat if he's gay, but you NEVER considered that he would cheat if he's straight? :confused:

On one hand, you say cheating is cheating, regardless of orientation. I agree. Apparently, you think your dad would cheat only if he's gay.

I could be wrong, but I really don't think that OMGOMG is making a blanket statement about gay people being cheaters or anything like that.

I think she's saying that her parents relationship is loving; that they have a deep emotional connection, and mutual respect for one another. Its hard to picture somebody in this relationship cheating. However, if her father is gay, then he's been living in a situation where his physical needs are not met. His wife simply can't meet them. No amount of discussion, love, or compromise can change this fact. I can't fathom how frustrated he would be if this is the case. Imagin living in this repressed way for 25+ years (I'm guessing based on the fact that the OP has a younger sister in grad school). If her father is gay, then I can see how the OP thinks he might be more likely to cheat, based purely on frustration and curiosity.

I also don't think that looking at **** automatically means that he's cheating.
 

Dreamer_D

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OK I read all the posts now. I think all these assumptions that if he likes to watch gay **** it means your mom is at risk are really taking leaps and betraying a lot of negative assumptions about what it means to be gay. If it was straight **** no one would say these things. Men are men, ya know, the odds of him cheating are the same no matter what type of **** he watches, and check the recent stats on HIV/AIDS (since that is I assume the "risk" you all are talking about) and you might change your assumptions a little about where risk lies. I think no matter your own protests to the contrary to Julie, you are uncomfortable that your dad may like this type of **** -- but some straight men do. And straight women. And you will never know what the scenerio is here, you know why? It is none of your damn business.

And if you only wanted to know the answer to your topic heading question, you did not need to provide all the details you did ;)) Of course this was not a simple question, you are having a promlem with what you found.
 

Dreamer_D

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Oh, the only thing that is your business is for your sister to tell your dad that if he is going to let her use his computer can he please create a guest user so that she cannot see his search history perhaps ;))
 

Imdanny

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You're supposed to say nothing, not a word, to that person, and to that person's spouse, and as little as possible in general. I wouldn't talk about it with anyone but your sister. There are no "implications" (i.e. bad things that it implies or that are going to happen) and for the privacy and dignity of that person, you should let it go. This is how I handled the same situation with my grandfather and if I had it to do over again I'd handle it exactly this way again.
 
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