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Do straight guys watch gay ****?

Tuckins1

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HotPozzum|1292987933|2803431 said:
No personal experience on this but perhaps you could just casually me mention to him about clearing his site history and see what his reaction is....... :errrr:

I understand how completely unexpected and disturbing this might be, but I don't think it's OP's or her sister's place to say anything. His sex life is his own. This was on his private laptop, and he didn't bring it to anyone's attention. Sorry, but I just don't see how it's anyone's business....

(OP- sorry you guys have discovered this! I'm sure this is really changing how you think of your father, but try not to let it. It may just be something that he is curious about...)
 

OMGOMG

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Sparkly Blonde|1293046529|2803886 said:
If your sister deleted the history wouldn't you think that your dad would have figured out that you know?

lol, apparently he does not know how to delete history. Otherwise, he would probably take that precaution.
 

Imdanny

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OMGOMG|1293036898|2803739 said:
Imdanny|1293004939|2803561 said:
You're supposed to say nothing, not a word, to that person, and to that person's spouse, and as little as possible in general. I wouldn't talk about it with anyone but your sister. There are no "implications" (i.e. bad things that it implies or that are going to happen) and for the privacy and dignity of that person, you should let it go. This is how I handled the same situation with my grandfather and if I had it to do over again I'd handle it exactly this way again.



Thank you for this comment. ::)

You're welcome. ::) Look, it was just one part of who my grandfather was (and is). He and I never discussed it. Never. And I'm gay. And we've never discussed that using the word "gay" either. There is a lot that can be said for dignity.

You can't change your father. Your mother can't change your father. They probably know each other best, anyway.

If it's any consolation to you at all, my grandfather and my grandmother were happily married for 50 years until she died. So he looked at some internet **** and I caught him watching a Soloflex commercial in the middle of the night.

Really, my advice is think about his dignity and about respecting him and not assuming the worst about him (that because he might be or is watching gay ****, he would possibly be having unprotected sex with men and unprotected sex with your mother). I mean, that's a huge, huge leap.

I can only echo all of the others who have advised you with best wishes to leave it alone.
 

HollyS

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This is could be one ugly family mess. :shock: I won't comment on it. That's your business.

But,


NO. Straight men - - absolutely, no doubt about it, 100% heterosexual males - - do NOT watch gay guy ****. Not as a rule. Certainly not as a habit. They may have seen it at some point, but it wouldn't be their favorite naughty diversion.
 

Porridge

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Messages
3,267
Ok I think this is going to be ok, although I totally understand your shock! The most likely scenario is that he has a virus. Does he watch more **** on business trips, or does he just use his computer more on business trips? These viruses are so common!

The second most likely scenario is that he just enjoys gay ****. You should never have to know your parents' **** preferences, whatever they may be, but there it is so just try to forget it! Most of us enjoy a little ****, it's no biggie. He probably won't act on it.

Now the second worst case scenario, your dad is secretly gay. This is awful for your poor dad, because not being able to be yourself and trying to hide a part of who you are is not a nice way to live. However, it is his choice to keep it a secret. I would maybe continue to let it be known that you have no problem whatsoever with anyone's sexual orientation. Your cousin is a good way to drop this into conversation.

The worst case scenario. The least likely, IMO. Your dad is cheating. I understand why people may suspect this, because if he is in fact gay then a straight marriage cannot meet his needs. For this scenario, I think your idea of getting STD checks just because is a great idea.

Personally I would bring it up, in a jokey way. I would say "dad! your computer has some kind of virus, there's a ton of gay **** in your history!". This being the most likely cause, he can get an anti-virus and learn some privacy decorum! I would see where it goes from there. He can choose to laugh about the virus, or he'll react in some way.

At the end of the day, regular STD checks are a good idea, regardless of what you do or don't find.

{HUGS}

ETA omg pterodactyl ****. AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. I am googling this RIGHT NOW.
 

rosetta

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Maybe it's a mistake.

Maybe someone else looked at gay **** when they borrowed his computer.

Maybe he's curious

Maybe he is gay.

These are all assumptions.

The facts are he is a grown man who knows when and how to take precautions so I doubt he needs to hear it from you. Unless you think he doesn't love your mother and would wilfully harm her, he's probably protecting her as needed.

You don't actually need to know your father's sexuality unless he wants to tell you, so why embarrass him by revealing what you should never have seen in the first place?
 

Dreamer_D

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I think that although it is family, and you care, there are boundaries that need to be respected within families, and sexual preferences/habits/proclivities are one. If you saw your dad making out with another man, then perhaps you would have a right to tell your mom what you saw. But this is not that case, there are too many uncertainties for the "risk" concerns to even remotely outweigh the invasion of privacy concerns.

Honestly, as a parent, it would never be ok for my kids to stick their noses into my personal and sexual relationship with their father. I would feel bad that they were exposed, in this case, certainly, but would not want them involved.
 

OMGOMG

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Tuckins1|1293046878|2803896 said:
HotPozzum|1292987933|2803431 said:
No personal experience on this but perhaps you could just casually me mention to him about clearing his site history and see what his reaction is....... :errrr:

I understand how completely unexpected and disturbing this might be, but I don't think it's OP's or her sister's place to say anything. His sex life is his own. This was on his private laptop, and he didn't bring it to anyone's attention. Sorry, but I just don't see how it's anyone's business....

(OP- sorry you guys have discovered this! I'm sure this is really changing how you think of your father, but try not to let it. It may just be something that he is curious about...)

Thanks for weighing in Tuckins. :)


I will say that it really has not changed how I think of my father. I think people are complex. My dad is the best dad I know. That's all the matters to me. I wish we hadn't found it, but I'm not inclined to do or say thing about it. However, there is a large part of me that feels that if anything happened to my mother (STD wise or other) that I could have prevented, I won't be able to forgive myself. That's really my only concern, and it makes me complicit in something that I had nothing to do with. Like I said, I have gay family members. Gay, straight, same difference to me. I judge people based on their actions, not their sexual orientation. Fidelity, and health are things that I take seriously. **** preferences couldn't matter less to me. I understand the cultural pressure to conform to heteronormative standards, so if my dad spent his life trying to pretend not to be gay, I would only be sad that he felt that he had to. He's a church leader, and community leader in the city that he is in. It would be a great risk to be "out" if you were him. I get all of that.

To be honest, I can't see my dad as the type to cheat at all. That's just not the man I know, but gay **** didn't fit into the "man I know" box either, so I have to think outside of my box, even if just a little.
 

HollyS

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I will say this:

I'm amazed at the number of people here who think it is perfectly okay to say "whatever floats your boat, Dad, is okay by me".

Really? Even the possibility, or probablity, that he could be engaged in risky behavior? For himself and for his wife? And as long as he's taking 'precautions', which 'surely he is', then it's okay to indulge his proclivities, even though he's married???

It seems to me that that way of thinking is just as stupid as the other "Dont ask, don't tell".


A moral compass is not a moral compass if everyone everywhere can do exactly as they please, and you don't have a problem with that.
 

Dreamer_D

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OMGOMG|1293036598|2803737 said:
Dreamer_D|1293004388|2803556 said:
OK I read all the posts now. I think all these assumptions that if he likes to watch gay **** it means your mom is at risk are really taking leaps and betraying a lot of negative assumptions about what it means to be gay. If it was straight **** no one would say these things. Men are men, ya know, the odds of him cheating are the same no matter what type of **** he watches, and check the recent stats on HIV/AIDS (since that is I assume the "risk" you all are talking about) and you might change your assumptions a little about where risk lies. I think no matter your own protests to the contrary to Julie, you are uncomfortable that your dad may like this type of **** -- but some straight men do. And straight women. And you will never know what the scenerio is here, you know why? It is none of your damn business.

And if you only wanted to know the answer to your topic heading question, you did not need to provide all the details you did ;)) Of course this was not a simple question, you are having a promlem with what you found.


The recent stats on HIV/AIDS play out exactly the way that this discussion does. The majority of men get it from men. The majority of women get it from men. It's not difficult to understand that men are likely to get it from men, and give it to women. The cultural intolerance about homosexuality drives this need for men to live dual lifestyles, and it is really sad and dangerous for all parties.

There are many other demographic groups that have very very high rates of HIV infection etc. is my point, and was Julie's point in her post referencing race, so the focus on a potential gay partner being the highest risk factor is unfounded. And rates of other STIs, like syphilis and genital warts for example, are sky high in the straight population. That is my point.
 

OMGOMG

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Dreamer_D|1293048222|2803929 said:
OMGOMG|1293036598|2803737 said:
Dreamer_D|1293004388|2803556 said:
OK I read all the posts now. I think all these assumptions that if he likes to watch gay **** it means your mom is at risk are really taking leaps and betraying a lot of negative assumptions about what it means to be gay. If it was straight **** no one would say these things. Men are men, ya know, the odds of him cheating are the same no matter what type of **** he watches, and check the recent stats on HIV/AIDS (since that is I assume the "risk" you all are talking about) and you might change your assumptions a little about where risk lies. I think no matter your own protests to the contrary to Julie, you are uncomfortable that your dad may like this type of **** -- but some straight men do. And straight women. And you will never know what the scenerio is here, you know why? It is none of your damn business.

And if you only wanted to know the answer to your topic heading question, you did not need to provide all the details you did ;)) Of course this was not a simple question, you are having a promlem with what you found.


The recent stats on HIV/AIDS play out exactly the way that this discussion does. The majority of men get it from men. The majority of women get it from men. It's not difficult to understand that men are likely to get it from men, and give it to women. The cultural intolerance about homosexuality drives this need for men to live dual lifestyles, and it is really sad and dangerous for all parties.

There are many other demographic groups that have very very high rates of HIV infection etc. is my point, and was Julie's point in her post referencing race, so the focus on a potential gay partner being the highest risk factor is unfounded. And rates of other STIs, like syphilis and genital warts for example, are sky high in the straight population. That is my point.


Yes, I am very aware of race differences. I never stated my race, so you have no idea what demographics I may be familiar with. Julie is the only one who implied that gay = higher chance of AIDS or STD. I have been very clear throughout that CHEATING = higher chance for AIDS or STD, and the only reason that I was concerned about cheating was because if he has needs that my mother cannot meet, then perhaps he would cheat. That is all. If my dad was gay, and I found out he was lusting after women and I thought he might be cheating on Dad #2 with women, I would want Dad #2 to be safe and tested too.

Sexuality is not the issue. Fidelity is.
 

kenny

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HollyS|1293048191|2803928 said:
I will say this:

I'm amazed at the number of people here who think it is perfectly okay to say "whatever floats your boat, Dad, is okay by me".

Really? Even the possibility, or probablity, that he could be engaged in risky behavior? For himself and for his wife? And as long as he's taking 'precautions', which 'surely he is', then it's okay to indulge his proclivities, even though he's married???

It seems to me that that way of thinking is just as stupid as the other "Dont ask, don't tell".


A moral compass is not a moral compass if everyone everywhere can do exactly as they please, and you don't have a problem with that.

Breaking wedding vows IS immoral AFAIC.
Doing so with the opposite or the same gender is equally immoral.

Being gay is not immoral.
As a gay man my moral compass is perfect, thank you very much.
As a moral person I do share your disgust regarding how morals are going down the toilet.
 

Imdanny

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kenny|1293049059|2803949 said:
HollyS|1293048191|2803928 said:
I will say this:

I'm amazed at the number of people here who think it is perfectly okay to say "whatever floats your boat, Dad, is okay by me".

Really? Even the possibility, or probablity, that he could be engaged in risky behavior? For himself and for his wife? And as long as he's taking 'precautions', which 'surely he is', then it's okay to indulge his proclivities, even though he's married???

It seems to me that that way of thinking is just as stupid as the other "Dont ask, don't tell".


A moral compass is not a moral compass if everyone everywhere can do exactly as they please, and you don't have a problem with that.

Breaking wedding vows IS immoral AFAIC.
Doing so with the opposite or the same gender is equally immoral.

Being gay is not immoral.
As a gay man my moral compass is perfect, thank you very much.

Exactly, who said if he were engaging in his "proclivities" it would be ok? I don't believe in infidelity.
 

OMGOMG

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kenny|1293049059|2803949 said:
HollyS|1293048191|2803928 said:
I will say this:

I'm amazed at the number of people here who think it is perfectly okay to say "whatever floats your boat, Dad, is okay by me".

Really? Even the possibility, or probablity, that he could be engaged in risky behavior? For himself and for his wife? And as long as he's taking 'precautions', which 'surely he is', then it's okay to indulge his proclivities, even though he's married???

It seems to me that that way of thinking is just as stupid as the other "Dont ask, don't tell".


A moral compass is not a moral compass if everyone everywhere can do exactly as they please, and you don't have a problem with that.

Breaking wedding vows IS immoral AFAIC.
Doing so with the opposite or the same gender is equally immoral.

Being gay is not immoral.
As a gay man my moral compass is perfect, thank you very much.

@Kenny,

EXACTLY!
 

Tacori E-ring

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This is an interesting thread. One of the exceptions to confidentiality between a therapist and a patient is if the patient intends to harm another person. This used to include the duty to warn (if the client refuses) sexual partners if the therapist knows their client is HIV+. Things have changed and now there is controversy b/c HIV+ is not the death sentence that it used to be. It is an ethical debate among the profession and many therapist no longer warn.

I don't think most men watch gay **** involving men (involving women are a different story) but as others have said it is none of your business. Disturbing, yes. The thought of finding ANY **** on my dad's computer makes me uncomfortable. I understand your concern but I also agree that there is NO evidence of an affair.

If you decide to confront your father be sure you evaluate your motives. Why are you questioning him? Is it YOUR fear or are you thinking about your father's well being? Are you prepared for him shutting down and being defensive? Are you prepared for your relationship being harmed by this conversation? I would really think before you act in this situation.
 

OMGOMG

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Tacori E-ring|1293053407|2804023 said:
This is an interesting thread. One of the exceptions to confidentiality between a therapist and a patient is if the patient intends to harm another person. This used to include the duty to warn (if the client refuses) sexual partners if the therapist knows their client is HIV+. Things have changed and now there is controversy b/c HIV+ is not the death sentence that it used to be. It is an ethical debate among the profession and many therapist no longer warn.

I don't think most men watch gay **** involving men (involving women are a different story) but as others have said it is none of your business. Disturbing, yes. The thought of finding ANY **** on my dad's computer makes me uncomfortable. I understand your concern but I also agree that there is NO evidence of an affair.

If you decide to confront your father be sure you evaluate your motives. Why are you questioning him? Is it YOUR fear or are you thinking about your father's well being? Are you prepared for him shutting down and being defensive? Are you prepared for your relationship being harmed by this conversation? I would really think before you act in this situation.


I agree that there is no evidence of an affair or cheating.

I'm going to set up an alt account for my sister so that she can comfortably do her HW, and so that my dad can return to his privacy. We will also investigate pop-up blockers and the like. I think IamDanny asked why my sister doesn't get her own laptop. She has a Macbook, the software for her class is not compatible with it. As a matter of fact, we all use each other's laptops interchangeably when we are home, so this is actually a timely question. My entire family and my husband will be home for the holidays, and it could be far worse for someone else to stumble upon it.

My sister and I will figure out a way to get my mom to go and get tested. If we do it as a bunch of family ladies in solidarity, it won't seem out of place I am hoping. I always get tested anyway. I am married. Testing is for my health and safety, hopefully my mom will feel the same way.

I really have no motive other than precaution on my mother's behalf. I have zero desire to have any sort of conversation or confrontation with my dad about this. I don't care if he likes ****, or men. That doesn't change or effect my relationship with him. If I was his wife, I would feel differently.
 

HollyS

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Kenny,

Nothing I said was a reflection on you or any other gay person. It was entirely about someone who MAY be stepping out on his wife. Whether he is heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual, he might not be taking precautions to protect himself and his wife.

And, frankly, his spending an inordinate amount of time on **** websites, no matter which type of ****, is a sure indication that something is not okay with him.

And beyond that, he is, in fact, lying to his wife. About who he is, what he likes, what he feels, and what he wants. Also, a problem.

But my comment wasn't even directed at his issues. It was directed at everyone who thinks he can just 'keep on keeping on' . No worries. Um, no. I don't think so. That's the moral compass problem I refer to. Were I his daughter, we would be having a talk. Soon.



Before anyone draws inferences and conclusions about what I really mean - - ask me. I will clarify.
 

Tacori E-ring

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Messages
20,041
Minding your own business and not worrying are two entirely different concepts.

What we know:
Somehow gay **** sites were in OMG's father's history

What we don't know:
1. If *he* was the one that went to these sites.
2. How often he goes
3. How long he has been looking at the sites.
4. If the mother is in the dark (it is possible she is NOT).
5. If the father is a homosexual or attracted to men
6. If he is looking at this **** is an indication of (an) affair(s)

I am sure I am missing more unknowns but bottom line IS none of our business. PERIOD. What would be the point of a talk/heart to heart/frank discussion?
 

diva rose

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Messages
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kenny|1293049059|2803949 said:
HollyS|1293048191|2803928 said:
I will say this:

I'm amazed at the number of people here who think it is perfectly okay to say "whatever floats your boat, Dad, is okay by me".

Really? Even the possibility, or probablity, that he could be engaged in risky behavior? For himself and for his wife? And as long as he's taking 'precautions', which 'surely he is', then it's okay to indulge his proclivities, even though he's married???

It seems to me that that way of thinking is just as stupid as the other "Dont ask, don't tell".


A moral compass is not a moral compass if everyone everywhere can do exactly as they please, and you don't have a problem with that.

Breaking wedding vows IS immoral AFAIC.
Doing so with the opposite or the same gender is equally immoral.

Being gay is not immoral.
As a gay man my moral compass is perfect, thank you very much.
As a moral person I do share your disgust regarding how morals are going down the toilet.

Great posts you two.
Regardless of what your sexual orientation is - breaking wedding vows is immoral.

I really do think if you are gay and married to a straight woman who has no idea. That is deception.
You are lying to yourself, your family and your wife who took a vow with you.
People should come into terms of who they are and be proud.
I think misleading your wife into believing you are something else is cruel.

Now I am not saying your father did this or is gay. It appears some people do think straight men watching gay **** happens.
Do I agree with this? Well...I really don't know :)

In the end OMGOMG, it is whatever you want to do and feels right for you that matters. Every family relationship is different.
If you can turn a blind eye and be ok with it - do it. I can't - so I would be discussing it with him.
 

trillionaire

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OMGOMG|1293054412|2804036 said:
I really have no motive other than precaution on my mother's behalf. I have zero desire to have any sort of conversation or confrontation with my dad about this. I don't care if he likes ****, or men. That doesn't change or effect my relationship with him. If I was his wife, I would feel differently.

This is an interesting response to the situation IMO. As a daughter, I would want to stay out of it as well and probably would. As a wife, I would certainly want to know what my husband was up to. Not that you aren't entitled to privacy in relationships, but if my husband was watching **** of any sort and hiding it from me, I wouldn't like it. I don't need to watch it with him, I don't even need to agree with it, but the aspect of intentional and cultivated secrecy makes me pretty uncomfortable. If my husband was going to strip clubs, gay or straight, and hiding it, I would be upset. I think it's more about deception/honesty than anything else.

Anyway, it seems like the steps that you outlined in your last response are reasonable. It's nice that you are trying to protect his privacy by creating additional accounts before you have company during the holidays.
 

Porridge

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Tacori E-ring|1293053407|2804023 said:
HIV+ is not the death sentence that it used to be. It is an ethical debate among the profession and many therapist no longer warn.
It's only not the death sentance it used to be because there is new treatment available. Which you would only get if you knew you had it. So I don't understand why the attitude has changed?
 

Tacori E-ring

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Porridge|1293066357|2804220 said:
Tacori E-ring|1293053407|2804023 said:
HIV+ is not the death sentence that it used to be. It is an ethical debate among the profession and many therapist no longer warn.
It's only not the death sentance it used to be because there is new treatment available. Which you would only get if you knew you had it. So I don't understand why the attitude has changed?

I just thought it was interesting information. People were referring to their "duty to inform" and I was just commenting on how it has changed in the counseling profession. Treatment has come a very, very long way and there is set guidelines where a counselor can break confidentiality (which can hinder the counseling process). HIV+ is no longer a black and white issue in the code of ethics.
 

Porridge

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Tacori E-ring|1293066741|2804225 said:
Porridge|1293066357|2804220 said:
Tacori E-ring|1293053407|2804023 said:
HIV+ is not the death sentence that it used to be. It is an ethical debate among the profession and many therapist no longer warn.
It's only not the death sentance it used to be because there is new treatment available. Which you would only get if you knew you had it. So I don't understand why the attitude has changed?

I just thought it was interesting information. People were referring to their "duty to inform" and I was just commenting on how it has changed in the counseling profession. Treatment has come a very, very long way and there is set guidelines where a counselor can break confidentiality (which can hinder the counseling process). HIV+ is no longer a black and white issue in the code of ethics.
Oh it is interesting. Sorry, now that I re-read my comment came across as blunt and accusatory, it wasn't meant to be! I just genuinely don't understand.
 

Miss Sparkly

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HollyS|1293047348|2803908 said:
This is could be one ugly family mess. :shock: I won't comment on it. That's your business.

But,


NO. Straight men - - absolutely, no doubt about it, 100% heterosexual males - - do NOT watch gay guy ****. Not as a rule. Certainly not as a habit. They may have seen it at some point, but it wouldn't be their favorite naughty diversion.

That's quite the assumption to make. I will make the assumption that you don't have anything aside from your own opinion to back this up. Besides, is it not just a tad hypocritical to say that you won't comment on this topic but do so anyway? :???:

I would take this entire gay **** with a grain of salt. Would you still be horrified if you saw that your dad was looking at BDSM, scat play or watersports? I don't think that the conclusion of an affair would have been jumped to in those cases.
 

violet3

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HollyS|1293062703|2804169 said:
Kenny,

Nothing I said was a reflection on you or any other gay person. It was entirely about someone who MAY be stepping out on his wife. Whether he is heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual, he might not be taking precautions to protect himself and his wife.

And, frankly, his spending an inordinate amount of time on **** websites, no matter which type of ****, is a sure indication that something is not okay with him. And beyond that, he is, in fact, lying to his wife. About who he is, what he likes, what he feels, and what he wants. Also, a problem.

But my comment wasn't even directed at his issues. It was directed at everyone who thinks he can just 'keep on keeping on' . No worries. Um, no. I don't think so. That's the moral compass problem I refer to. Were I his daughter, we would be having a talk. Soon.



Before anyone draws inferences and conclusions about what I really mean - - ask me. I will clarify.


i really disagree with the above statement. I totally agree that cheating is wrong - would NEVER do it. I and i agree that lying is wrong. But watching ****...is just not that wrong, particulary if you are saying ANY kind of ****. People like pornography - lots of people...gay, straight, bisexual. It doesn't make people unhealthy or make something wrong with them if they like pornography. I have a gay friend who equally enjoys both gay and straight pornography - he's not ashamed, and honestly he's liberated about the fact. I am not commenting on the OP's dad's sexuality here, but I am saying there are more people out there that enjoy pornography both together and individually than you must think. it doesn't make them deviant or wrong in any way.
 

diva rose

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violet3|1293071691|2804289 said:
HollyS|1293062703|2804169 said:
Kenny,

Nothing I said was a reflection on you or any other gay person. It was entirely about someone who MAY be stepping out on his wife. Whether he is heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual, he might not be taking precautions to protect himself and his wife.

And, frankly, his spending an inordinate amount of time on **** websites, no matter which type of ****, is a sure indication that something is not okay with him. And beyond that, he is, in fact, lying to his wife. About who he is, what he likes, what he feels, and what he wants. Also, a problem.

But my comment wasn't even directed at his issues. It was directed at everyone who thinks he can just 'keep on keeping on' . No worries. Um, no. I don't think so. That's the moral compass problem I refer to. Were I his daughter, we would be having a talk. Soon.



Before anyone draws inferences and conclusions about what I really mean - - ask me. I will clarify.


i really disagree with the above statement. I totally agree that cheating is wrong - would NEVER do it. I and i agree that lying is wrong. But watching ****...is just not that wrong, particulary if you are saying ANY kind of ****. People like pornography - lots of people...gay, straight, bisexual. It doesn't make people unhealthy or make something wrong with them if they like pornography. I have a gay friend who equally enjoys both gay and straight pornography - he's not ashamed, and honestly he's liberated about the fact. I am not commenting on the OP's dad's sexuality here, but I am saying there are more people out there that enjoy pornography both together and individually than you must think. it doesn't make them deviant or wrong in any way.

I think Holly meant watching it all the time - excessive amounts not just regular use. There is a huge difference.
And I agree with her. If someone is watching **** daily - dedicating a good chunk of time doing it per day - and it starts to interfere with their daily life - they do have a problem. It's called **** addiction or they really need to get some sex.
 

AGBF

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
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Messages
22,143
Sparkly Blonde|1293070152|2804268 said:
I would take this entire gay **** with a grain of salt. Would you still be horrified if you saw that your dad was looking at BDSM, scat play or watersports? I don't think that the conclusion of an affair would have been jumped to in those cases.

I didn't expect to smile today. The truth is that a person's having a strong interest in one of those things (in which a spouse has no interest) often leads him to look at areas outside the marriage. I am not implying that looking leads to infidelity; it is hard to be unfaithful without looking, however.

Deb/AGBF
:read:
 

yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Messages
27,242
Tacori E-ring|1293053407|2804023 said:
This is an interesting thread. One of the exceptions to confidentiality between a therapist and a patient is if the patient intends to harm another person. This used to include the duty to warn (if the client refuses) sexual partners if the therapist knows their client is HIV+. Things have changed and now there is controversy b/c HIV+ is not the death sentence that it used to be. It is an ethical debate among the profession and many therapist no longer warn.

I don't think most men watch gay **** involving men (involving women are a different story) but as others have said it is none of your business. Disturbing, yes. The thought of finding ANY **** on my dad's computer makes me uncomfortable. I understand your concern but I also agree that there is NO evidence of an affair.

If you decide to confront your father be sure you evaluate your motives. Why are you questioning him? Is it YOUR fear or are you thinking about your father's well being? Are you prepared for him shutting down and being defensive? Are you prepared for your relationship being harmed by this conversation? I would really think before you act in this situation.



This is the only part of this thread that I will comment on - my god, I hope that this is not true.

HIV *is* a death sentence. Period. If you have the money and/or pre-existing healthcare with the necessary coverage, it can be managed so as not to interfere with day-to-day life for years with a variety of treatment programmes. There is no guarantee of effective treatment, however, and there is no cure. It can be transmitted whether or not one is undergoing treatment, all that changes is the likelihood, and with repeated unguarded exposure that likelihood always increases. The only guarantee is that AIDS is a deadly disease.

There is no controversy about this. And there should be no controversy about informing a spouse, given that the most effective method of transmission is intercourse.
 

Imdanny

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
6,186
Yssie|1293078847|2804360 said:
Tacori E-ring|1293053407|2804023 said:
This is an interesting thread. One of the exceptions to confidentiality between a therapist and a patient is if the patient intends to harm another person. This used to include the duty to warn (if the client refuses) sexual partners if the therapist knows their client is HIV+. Things have changed and now there is controversy b/c HIV+ is not the death sentence that it used to be. It is an ethical debate among the profession and many therapist no longer warn.

I don't think most men watch gay **** involving men (involving women are a different story) but as others have said it is none of your business. Disturbing, yes. The thought of finding ANY **** on my dad's computer makes me uncomfortable. I understand your concern but I also agree that there is NO evidence of an affair.

If you decide to confront your father be sure you evaluate your motives. Why are you questioning him? Is it YOUR fear or are you thinking about your father's well being? Are you prepared for him shutting down and being defensive? Are you prepared for your relationship being harmed by this conversation? I would really think before you act in this situation.



This is the only part of this thread that I will comment on - my god, I hope that this is not true.

HIV *is* a death sentence. Period. If you have the money and/or pre-existing healthcare with the necessary coverage, it can be managed so as not to interfere with day-to-day life for years with a variety of treatment programmes. There is no guarantee of effective treatment, however, and there is no cure. It can be transmitted whether or not one is undergoing treatment, all that changes is the likelihood, and with repeated unguarded exposure that likelihood always increases. The only guarantee is that AIDS is a deadly disease.

There is no controversy about this. And there should be no controversy about informing a spouse, given that the most effective method of transmission is intercourse.

I have a friend who became HIV positive in 1989-1990, sometime around there, that was 20 years ago. I have a hard time seeing that he has a "death sentence." He's doing fine. He's been doing pretty much fine for 20 years. He got his PhD, became a professor, and is on a Fulbright scholarship in Europe right now. I don't have an reason to believe that his prognosis is "death." Maybe it is, but I think it's too early to tell.
 

diva rose

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
451
I have to agree with Yssie here.
Perhaps you can prolong your life if you have HIV with medication now days. It's a long term condition and it is pretty much a death sentence.

I am not sure about the laws in USA however in Australia, if a health professional (doctors, nurses, speech pathologists, psychologists, dieticians etc) has HIV or even Hepatitis B/C, we cannot work. That's it - THE END of our career. We might not be having sex with our clients (we hope not!!) or even in close contact, but we are placing them at risk.
 
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