Do Pros and Cons lists help you decide?

[Snicklefritz]

I'm in the middle of all sorts of big decisions in life, and I've been making these darn lists left and right, but I've not had a single eureka moment or even a slowly developing realization that tips the scales when making any of them. I think the problem is most of my lists end up having a similar amount of pros and cons that hold similar weight. Or maybe I'm doing it wrong?

Anyone else find them truly helpful?

 

[ieatbugs]

I'm in the middle of all sorts of big decisions in life, and I've been making these darn lists left and right, but I've not had a single eureka moment or even a slowly developing realization that tips the scales when making any of them. I think the problem is most of my lists end up having a similar amount of pros and cons that hold similar weight. Or maybe I'm doing it wrong?

Anyone else find them truly helpful?

I work in software development and we use a process called Scrum. At the end of our 3 week long sprints, we examine behaviors we need to start doing in the future. Everyone gets two points. You can put both points on one thing or points on different things. For me this works well to weight stuff. If you have your list pros and cons and I gave you 4 points to weight the ones with the biggest impact, how would you distribute them?

 

[zoebartlett]

I make pros and cons list and like you, Snicklefritz, they come out pretty even sometimes. One thing that does help is to make a decision one way and pretend for a few days that that's what's actually going to happen. Live with it for a bit and see how you feel. Sometimes doing that exercise tips the scales for me, either to stick with that plan or go with the other.

 

[tyty333]

I know this sounds bad but my DH and I always flip a coin when we're down to nothing left to help us decide...but what actually
happens when you flip the coin and it comes out decided for you a certain way, you get that emotional high...like yes...that's great or...
You'll automatically get this low feeling like that's not really how you wanted the coin to land. You don't have to stick with how the coin lands...its just a way to get your subconscious to actually come out with feelings one way or the other.

 

[yssie]

I know this sounds bad but my DH and I always flip a coin when we're down to nothing left to help us decide...but what actually
happens when you flip the coin and it comes out decided for you a certain way, you get that emotional high...like yes...that's great or...
You'll automatically get this low feeling like that's not really how you wanted the coin to land. You don't have to stick with how the coin lands...its just a way to get your subconscious to actually come out with feelings one way or the other.

I feel exactly the same way tyty, and I do exactly the same thing! The "truth" always seems to come out when the choice is taken away

 

[Snicklefritz]

Thanks for the helpful responses everyone! I will definitely give them a try. I'm usually not a very indecisive person but these big, life-changing decisions deserve some real thought.

ieatbugs, I think your point system sounds simpler and therefore much better than any point system I've ever created. It would help me identify my top priorities... And, I like your name because it reminds me of my sister's adorable, but super gross, little dog named Jacks - who regularly eats bugs

Zoe, that sounds like a great idea - putting a choice into action in my head so that I can really experience it in life. Thanks!

Tyty and Yssie, I love this idea of assessing my reaction when a choice is taken away! I'd be great to know how I really felt about my options by having my thinking overridden by a visceral, gut reaction. Will give it a try!

 

[Enerchi]

I'm another person who's a big pro/con list maker! Anything at all I have a reaction to, I'll put on that list (and there are some stupid things that I'll list as either a pro or a con... trust me on that! ie: "um, cuz it comes in purple/orange plaid" !)

I do the same thing - "ok, this is what Enerchi has decided it is XYZ"and I stick with that for a day or so. That tells me if i've done the right thing or not. Once you remove the 2nd option, that's where your heart kicks in and that's the part that I trust over logic!!

Good luck!

 

[mrs jam]

I'm in the middle of all sorts of big decisions in life, and I've been making these darn lists left and right, but I've not had a single eureka moment or even a slowly developing realization that tips the scales when making any of them. I think the problem is most of my lists end up having a similar amount of pros and cons that hold similar weight. Or maybe I'm doing it wrong?

Anyone else find them truly helpful?

I work in software development and we use a process called Scrum. At the end of our 3 week long sprints, we examine behaviors we need to start doing in the future. Everyone gets two points. You can put both points on one thing or points on different things. For me this works well to weight stuff. If you have your list pros and cons and I gave you 4 points to weight the ones with the biggest impact, how would you distribute them?

I love this!

 

[ieatbugs]

I'm in the middle of all sorts of big decisions in life, and I've been making these darn lists left and right, but I've not had a single eureka moment or even a slowly developing realization that tips the scales when making any of them. I think the problem is most of my lists end up having a similar amount of pros and cons that hold similar weight. Or maybe I'm doing it wrong?

Anyone else find them truly helpful?

I work in software development and we use a process called Scrum. At the end of our 3 week long sprints, we examine behaviors we need to start doing in the future. Everyone gets two points. You can put both points on one thing or points on different things. For me this works well to weight stuff. If you have your list pros and cons and I gave you 4 points to weight the ones with the biggest impact, how would you distribute them?

I love this!

It works great because as always, in business, you never can have EVERYTHING you want, but this way the most needed things get in there

 

[ieatbugs]

Thanks for the helpful responses everyone! I will definitely give them a try. I'm usually not a very indecisive person but these big, life-changing decisions deserve some real thought.

ieatbugs, I think your point system sounds simpler and therefore much better than any point system I've ever created. It would help me identify my top priorities... And, I like your name because it reminds me of my sister's adorable, but super gross, little dog named Jacks - who regularly eats bugs

Zoe, that sounds like a great idea - putting a choice into action in my head so that I can really experience it in life. Thanks!

Tyty and Yssie, I love this idea of assessing my reaction when a choice is taken away! I'd be great to know how I really felt about my options by having my thinking overridden by a visceral, gut reaction. Will give it a try!

Glad I could help
The name came from a habit I had as a very properly dressed in lacy pink garments little girl that shocked everyone. Apparently my tendency for irreverence never went away as an adult either, as I am prone to still say goofy/shocking things ;D

 

[marcy]

They work well for us and we also do a rating system of 1 to 4 (or how many ever things are involved). We then pick the criteria then we assign values of 1 to 4 and whatever gets the most points helps us see or decide what we want to do.

 

[Polished]

Great suggestions here. I sometimes find it helpful when making a decision to look back at some of the choices I made in the past. The best ones often didn't feel like I was making a choice - it simply felt like the right thing to do because it was so aligned with my way of being.

 

[Snicklefritz]

Haha! I'd love to see an example of one of your lists, Enerchi! They sound quite entertaining Thanks!

Yes, I think the point system is another helpful suggestion, marcy! And that one doesn't sound too complicated either.

I totally hear ya, Polished! I so wish I was just able to go with my gut right now. Unfortunately, even that part of me is a little confused on one particular issues I'm trying to sort out Hopefully in time some of the dust will settle on this concern, and I'll be able to see things a little more clearly.

I was, however, able to make a pretty big step with a decision that pertains to my future career thanks to everyone's help! Again, thank you all so much for your wonderful suggestions!

 

[Enerchi]

Just throwin' this out there FWIW....

What if the one decision you are struggling with, you post on PS for input - but under a pseudonym?? (and if you register as "Purple/Plaid" - I'm totally onto you on that one!!! You KNOW you'll get a variety of responses (cuz no one on PS has strong opinions ... ) but there could be a hidden gem in there that you hadn't thought of.

Once I've whittled it down to a few options, then I become a 'collective problem solver'. I'm like one of the Borg (from Star Trek!) and benefit from the collective wisdom of the masses.

anyhow, FWIW