do most couples set up joint accounts after marriage?

[ficklefaye]

FI and i already have a joint account set up, but we hardly use it, we still have our own separate accounts for now, we were thinking of just putting money into the joint account for joint finances like mortgage, utilities, other miscellaneous house items, but still keeping our own accounts for other things, my mom was bugged by this

have you talked to FI about this? are you comfortable having a joint account? it''s not a given, right? that couples are supposed to do this?

 

[musey]

Date: 7/23/2009 1:14:05 PM
Author:ficklefaye
FI and i already have a joint account set up, but we hardly use it, we still have our own separate accounts for now, we were thinking of just putting money into the joint account for joint finances like mortgage, utilities, other miscellaneous house items, but still keeping our own accounts for other things, my mom was bugged by this

have you talked to FI about this? are you comfortable having a joint account? it''s not a given, right? that couples are supposed to do this?

I don''t know what most couples do, but we did what you were planning to do starting the day we moved in.

We combined everything after the wedding. I was not comfortable with the idea, but it was basically our only option at the time (for a number of reasons). It''s taken awhile, but I''m mostly comfortable with it now. Hubs never had a problem with it... probably because he''s the one with the more steady income right now.

 

[cocolaw]

i think it will be uncomfortable at first, but i think it is very important. i want us to do our finances together, pay bills together, make investment decisions together. i do not want to be the wife that doesn''t know how much they have, who is given an allowance. i also don''t want to be a wife that pays all of the bills, married to a husband who is clueless about how much things actually cost! i have seen both and neither is appealing to me. i already had this conversation with my fiance-he thinks i am a little crazy, but this is just how it''s go to be!

 

[cocolaw]

*the wife who doesn''t know how much WE have*

 

[Clairitek]

We combined a little after we bought the house together, just to pay our mutual bills. Then when we got married we decided that we would combine everything but then we would each have some fun money. Thing is, after we each put into savings and into our bills account he had about 3x more fun money left over than I did (I am still a grad student). At first I was upset by this, then I realized that there was such a slim chance that he would actually spend all of that money that I didn''t really care and got over it. Then, DH''s father talked some sense into him over 5 innings of a Phillies/Mets game and now we are 100% combined.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

I think this is a personal preference. FI makes significantly more than I do and he has children from a previous marriage. We wanted a prenup but can't have one because that is grounds for annullment under Catholic Cannon Law.

We set up a joint "House Account" and we contribute the same percentage of our net checks into it (60%) and the other 40% go into each of our separate accounts.

We have "financial conferences" once a month and we've been able to really make our money work for us instead of the other way around. I will max out my 401k contributions for the first time this year and with the company matching a good percentage, this is the most I've ever contributed. I will move the whole family over to my company insurance as soon as we are married because even though it is a tad more pricey, there is no deductible and both of the kids have special needs (asthma and others).

We took out several insurance policies for each other. My work policy goes to my FI because it is smaller and would cover the costs of a funeral and a couple of months for him to "grieve" and my new big policy goes to my parents because they really depend on the help I give them now and I have two siblings that are still college-bound. His work policy goes to his kids because it would adequately pay for both of their college and post grad if they choose to do so and the new big policy goes to me because it would pay off the house, pay for funeral costs, and maintain my new standard of living for up to a year if anything should happen to him. In addition, we have a separate policy that goes to his parents to assist with any child care costs if anything should happen to FI before the kids are college aged.

And we've both updated our wills to specifically exclude any previous partners or spouses from being either beneficiaries or executers of our wills and had them filed in court with documentation that all have been adequately provided for in any previous separation settlements. This was mostly for his ex-wife, but we included all of my exes as well to avoid singling anyone out.

I highly recommend that anyone who is coming to the marriage with children or assets, that they consult an attorney to ensure that no one is being treated unfairly. Money matters are much more than just a joint account and it's important that you think of retirement, insurance, and education when planning your bright shiny new future together!

 

[mayachel]

This is such a hard topic for us. We are both earning plenty to live on, own a home together and yet we keep everything separate. Now, not that we go penny for penny or halves on anything. More of a "you take care of these bills, and I''ll take care of those".

I''m not happy with the arrangement and hoping that it will change post marriage. (Of course, with conversation, not just hoping).

We are in a bit of an awkward place, though it seems not so uncommon...that I''m in grad school, working some, but making barely a third of the income currently. Yet I try to contribute around 45%.

My sense is, is that this is an unfair balance, as when I contribute "equal" to household costs, there is little left over for savings. Where as for him, there is much more left over to go into savings, fun spending etc...

We have already received generous financial gifts for our engagement. However, they go directly to the person they were written out to...

He''s fine with the arrangement, I''m not. Looking forward to the rest of your collective wisdom as we get closer to actually conversing.

 

[Lauren8211]

We will definitely do that. We will maintain our own checking accounts as well, but will each contribute into a joint checking account that we will pay bills from.

 

[kittybean]

We combined our finances when we got married a few weeks ago (well, we''re actually still in the process of combining). All of our paychecks and other income go into one joint account, from which all bills and purchases are paid. We still have our separate accounts, but what goes in there now is an automatic monthly transfer of equal funds for "fun money." We liked this idea because it allowed us to keep an element of surprise in gift-giving to each other, gave each of us equal money for fun activities and purchases for ourselves, and let each of us spend that money exactly the way we want. We''ll see how it works!

I have to admit I''m a little surprised how many people are hesitant to combine finances when they marry. Although I''m not an advocate of pre-nups, there is that option for people who want to lay out exactly how a dissolution might work. Unless one spouse is very irresponsible with money (which makes me question a little bit why the responsible person is committing to a lifelong partnership with them), I don''t see why you wouldn''t share everything with your spouse. Pretty much everyone agrees that marriage is an incredibly serious commitment and union of two lives. I don''t understand why someone might say, "I''ll share my heart with you, but not my paycheck." I think financial unity and "economic intimacy" is part of the deal, i.e. a given for me.

I know there are many people that disagree with me and have great reasons for doing so; I just interpret marriage as a partnership on all fronts. I understand, though, that every couple is different, and I absolutely think each should do what they, together, decide works best for them. Ficklefaye, if keeping your finances separate is what will be best for your marriage, you should certainly do that; it really doesn''t matter what anyone else thinks (it''s not their money!). I would just think about why you might not be comfortable having a joint account and make sure it''s not for reasons that might end up being issues for you down the line. Good luck figuring out something that works for you!

 

[stephbolt]

FI and I set up a joint account before we moved in together. We calculated what we would need to pay household expenses, etc. and we each contribute the same amount to that account. Over the last four months of living together, we''ve refined what comes out of that account and how much we should each contribute. It ends up being about 30% of my income and a bit less of FIs. FI does outearn me, but he has a lot more debt as well so most of his money is going to that.

I''m not sure what we are going to do in April when we get married. We''ve talked about combining a lot more of our expenses, and maybe keeping 10% or so separate for fun money, but we haven''t been able to agree on what would come out of that fun money. Right now we both earn a decent amount, but in a few years FI is likely to make partner at his firm and then will be vastly outearning me.

For those that have 100% combined income, do you have any regrets about not having your own money, whether it''s to splurge on yourself or to suprise your SO with something?

 

[ficklefaye]

i think for me that it is all mental, it''s taken me awhile to make and save my own money and i''m proud of where i am now, i guess i''m just not ready to combine the accounts at this point, if that makes any sense

i like that i''m successful as an individual which isn''t to say we won''t be successful as a couple

 

[purselover]

Date: 7/23/2009 2:45:42 PM
Author: stephbolt
FI and I set up a joint account before we moved in together. We calculated what we would need to pay household expenses, etc. and we each contribute the same amount to that account. Over the last four months of living together, we''ve refined what comes out of that account and how much we should each contribute. It ends up being about 30% of my income and a bit less of FIs. FI does outearn me, but he has a lot more debt as well so most of his money is going to that.

I''m not sure what we are going to do in April when we get married. We''ve talked about combining a lot more of our expenses, and maybe keeping 10% or so separate for fun money, but we haven''t been able to agree on what would come out of that fun money. Right now we both earn a decent amount, but in a few years FI is likely to make partner at his firm and then will be vastly outearning me.

For those that have 100% combined income, do you have any regrets about not having your own money, whether it''s to splurge on yourself or to suprise your SO with something?

We''re 100% combined with no regrets, if I want to splurge on something that we can afford he is in full support of it and vice versa, as for gifts, he may see I bought something at a specific store but he''d have no way of knowing if it was a present for him.

 

[MustangGal]

DH and I combined when we got married. He had a lot more savings than I did, but we figured we were married, it''s all "our" money at that point anyway. We do each have 1 credit card in our own names (the ones we had before we got married). I pay all the bills, and DH never really spends much, so it hasn''t been an issue. Through the years we''ve earned pretty equal wages, until recently, now I''m the bigger earner, but it''s still all "ours".

 

[rhbgirl24]

We merged all our finances when we moved in together 5 years ago.......

 

[elrohwen]

We already have a joint checking account that we use to pay for food, utilities, and things we do together. We also have our own credit cards that we use to pay for personal stuff (but I'll pay for the bunny's vet care on my card, even though he's a joint pet, because I know FI has car payments and student loans that I don't have, etc). I keep pushing to get a joint credit card now because I'm putting all of the wedding stuff on my card (paying it off every month from the savings account) and my card has a lousy rewards program. I want to get our joint card now with travel rewards so at least I'll be earning stuff for the rest of the wedding money I have to spend.

I honestly use my credit card for everything, because I love how easy it is to track what I'm spending and then just pay it off at the end of the month. I know we'll eventually totally join our finances, so I figure we might as well start doing it now.

ETA: We're in the same profession and make almost the same amount of money. I think this is an important factor in our decision because neither of us will gain or lose by combining. If anything, FI will gain because he's currently paying those bills (car and loans) by himself. After combining, I'll have less fun money because I'll be helping him with that. But I don't mind! I like it that way.

ETA2: I brought up fun money accounts to FI (we already have the checking accounts, so we could just keep them) and he didn't think it was necessary at all. I told him that means he's not allowed to get mad if I spend money on shoes and clothes

FI spends so little money on himself that I almost feel it isn't fair, but if it's ok with it, I'm ok. It's not like I'm a crazy spender or anything, so it'll work out. And we could always go back to fun money accounts later if we wanted.

 

[ficklefaye]

oh also, FI didn''t know the concept of saving money until we met, so altho he has changed, that is another reason i am hesitant about the joint account

 

[honey22]

I honestly don''t understand the idea of having separate accounts when you are married. If you are happy to commit and share your life with another person, you should be able to trust them with your finances and share an account. Money seems so trivial compared to the other challenges married couples face.

We have had a joint account for more years than I can remember. Seriously, if we were to separate, I would be devastated, and dividing the cash in our account would be the least of my worries.

That said, it''s up to you. If you really want to keep them separate, whatever works for you both.

 

[ficklefaye]

honey, i guess there''s more to it for me, i grew up with a dad who had far too much control over my mom and although i have decided to get married, i think having control over my own money, just helps me from feeling the way my mom did, even tho my FI is nothing like my dad, i know over time we will probably have a joint account, but right now i''m just not ready

 

[ficklefaye]

i hope this isn''t a sign that i''m not ready for marriage

 

[Diamond Confused]

we''re not planning on it. He pays the bills, i give him my share of the expenses.
My parents never had a joint account and they''ve been married for 35 years.

 

[ficklefaye]

thanks diamond confused, so it does work both ways

when i mentioned to my mom the other day that i didn''t want to have a joint account, she pretty much thought i was crazy

 

[nclrgirl]

No worries! It''s a different time than when our parents'' got married. My DH and I have a joint account for mortgage, groceries, eating out together, utilities, other shared expenses and we have separate accounts for the rest of our money. Our separate accounts take care of individual expenses and fun money! It''s just what works for us!

 

[merrymunky]

My fiance and I have a joint account, but we still keep out separate accounts too. At present, he pays the rent, car and food shopping and I pay the bills. All money for the outgoings is transferred into the joint account, so in essense, our own accounts are our pocket money.

It works quite well, but at present we are both feeling the pinch financially. Once we are married we will sit down to talk about finances and see if there is a better solution.

 

[freckles127]

I think most couples do. We''ve talked very briefly about it and I think the best scenario would be to create a joint where we would both contribute a certain % to it that would cover our mortgage, maintenance, food, etc..

And the rest could go into our own accounts for our own personal needs.

I''d like to keep my personal/his personal accounts because everyone has their own fun and there should be no need to check in with their SO for everything..

Also, if I buy him a gift and vice versa, I''d like to know that I bought it, not us.

 

[honey22]

Date: 7/23/2009 6:01:51 PM
Author: ficklefaye
honey, i guess there''s more to it for me, i grew up with a dad who had far too much control over my mom and although i have decided to get married, i think having control over my own money, just helps me from feeling the way my mom did, even tho my FI is nothing like my dad, i know over time we will probably have a joint account, but right now i''m just not ready

You know, I never even considered this ficklefaye, and I see it as a good reason to have some of your own funds if it makes you feel secure. Your post made me realise how lucky I am to have such fabulous role models in my parents, and a open and easy relationship with my partner when it comes to money. Thanks for explaining your situation, it made me understand a little more why people chose to have individual finances.

You need to do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I am sure your FI will understand where you are coming from. As long as you keep the lines of communication and honestly open regarding finances, it shouldn''t be a problem.

 

[Diva0413]

Date: 7/23/2009 2:35:34 PM
Author: kittybean
We combined our finances when we got married a few weeks ago (well, we''re actually still in the process of combining). All of our paychecks and other income go into one joint account, from which all bills and purchases are paid. We still have our separate accounts, but what goes in there now is an automatic monthly transfer of equal funds for ''fun money.'' We liked this idea because it allowed us to keep an element of surprise in gift-giving to each other, gave each of us equal money for fun activities and purchases for ourselves, and let each of us spend that money exactly the way we want. We''ll see how it works!

I have to admit I''m a little surprised how many people are hesitant to combine finances when they marry. Although I''m not an advocate of pre-nups, there is that option for people who want to lay out exactly how a dissolution might work. Unless one spouse is very irresponsible with money (which makes me question a little bit why the responsible person is committing to a lifelong partnership with them), I don''t see why you wouldn''t share everything with your spouse. Pretty much everyone agrees that marriage is an incredibly serious commitment and union of two lives. I don''t understand why someone might say, ''I''ll share my heart with you, but not my paycheck.'' I think financial unity and ''economic intimacy'' is part of the deal, i.e. a given for me.

I know there are many people that disagree with me and have great reasons for doing so; I just interpret marriage as a partnership on all fronts. I understand, though, that every couple is different, and I absolutely think each should do what they, together, decide works best for them. Ficklefaye, if keeping your finances separate is what will be best for your marriage, you should certainly do that; it really doesn''t matter what anyone else thinks (it''s not their money!). I would just think about why you might not be comfortable having a joint account and make sure it''s not for reasons that might end up being issues for you down the line. Good luck figuring out something that works for you!

I''m surprised too. I''m getting married in 2 months, and FI and I just opened our joint checking account. We''re currently using it for wedding related expenses and after we''re married, we''re going to combine all the joint bills (rent, car, utilities, etc...), pay those together. FI currently makes about 20K more than I do (not for long hopefully

), but we''re still splitting stuff down the middle. If I find it to be too much for me, then we''ll re-evaluate. But we never considered doing it any other way. We also will keep our separate accounts, but mostly for separate bills (cellphones, my bad shoes shopping habit, etc...), and we''ll make each other authorized users on our credit cards so we don''t have to open another credit card account.

 

[Sabine]

What worked for us was to keep our separate checking accounts, but combine our savings into a joint savings that was connected to both of our checking accounts.

Now that I''m staying at home and not working, we had to do something different. But we still decided to have 2 checking accounts (but both are joint so we both have access to both, we just think of one of them as mine and one as his) with a joint savings because it seemed like it would get ''messy'' if we were both making withdrawls daily from one account. This works though because the paycheck goes to ''his'' account, but since I''m the one who pays all the bills, grocery shops, takes the dog to the vet, etc., I can transfer whatever I need into ''my'' account or pay the bills directly from his, without having to tell him every little purchase I make on a day to day basis.

 

[geckodani]

We 100% combined finances with no regrets whatsoever.

Money + DH = Madly stressed out personage.

Prior to the joining of finances, DH was lucky if rent got paid. Now - everything gets paid on time, and he''s a happier critter overall. We each have a set amount a week to spend on non-essentials. It seems to be working so far!

 

[DMBFiredancer]

we have our own accounts and plan to keep it that way. FI''s name is on my account and he can transfer $ back and forth if needed, but we take care of our own money.
i think if we merged now, it would cause alot of fights. our system works great now and we share living expenses pretty equally with what we each pay for.

 

[Cleopatra]

Almost all of our married friends have set up different ways of doing their finances. The way we do ours - we have 1 joint checking account - that''s it. All of our money goes into that account - we have a joint credit card, which every single purchase goes on that card - and we pay it off every single month (yay for points!). We have a strict budget that we follow - it makes us both feel great when we''re under budget and more $$ can go into our joint savings.

We also each have our individual credit cards, but the only time we can use those cards is if we''re buying a gift for the other person, and obviously, that card will be paid through our joint checking account.

It makes our life easier this way and we''re saving SO much more by doing things all joint - we''re both accountable for our spending, and neither of us questions a purchase the other makes. I''m loving our finance plan!