Do conventionally good looking people get advantages in life?

[mellowyellowgirl]

I didn't want to derail the White Privilege thread but that thread made me think about the advantages of being conventionally good looking.

I have a conventionally good looking child whereas Pink Bandit and I are normal, average looking people.

I feel that he has very different experiences from us on a social level. For instance he gets free things all the time. We will pass by a store and people will give him all manner of free things because he is "cute". This is not specific to a certain country or holiday destination (some countries do love children more than others) but seems to happen universally.

He gets complimented a lot on his appearance and people will try to strike up conversations with him all the time. Socially I have also noticed that he is what you would call "on top of the food chain" at both school and preschool. This is especially glaring during pick up and drop off. His preschool teachers told me kids would cry because they could not sit next to him during floor time. I asked him about it and he was like "Oh yes they get upset when it's not their turn to sit next to me."
And I'm thinking "HUH????"

Once he was sick and was absent for a day (from Kindy). The day he returned to school kids were swarming him in the playground during drop off to welcome him back. He has random kids calling and waving to him on his walk to school with me. Buses full of older kids wave at him when they return from sports (apparently he chats to the older kids sometimes during lunch so they all know him). NONE of this happened to either Pink Bandit or myself as child.

Now he is a pretty quiet, very mellow, chilled kid. Not the type to try and attract attention at all so I find it interesting. It kinda just rolls off his back and he attributes it to people being nice. Everyone is super nice according to him. Is it the appearance? Whilst we were far from being outcasts, we were both fairly anonymous little kids at school with a handful of friends. I also think we were as decent as he is when we were little and weren't horrible kids or anything!

 

[baby monster]

I think it goes beyond surface appearance but being cute or attractive certainly helps in life. Some people have that certain something. Call it charm, charisma or magnetism but it exists and I believe one has to be born with it. It can't be learned or taught. Your kid has it and his life will likely delightful.

 

[OreoRosies86]

Ohhhh I learned very quickly after college that Pretty People Jobs are absolutely a real thing.

 

[partgypsy]

the short answer is: yes.

It might not just be looks, he must be just a nice kid people just like, what baby monster was saying. My lil' brother was classically "cute" when he was a kid. Our grandmother would save treats for him, my female cousins doted and carried him around. In school even if he started out badly, by the end of the school year the teachers would rave about him even though he wasn't doing anything different, he was just a sweet kid.

I think both of my daughters are beautiful, and when I am with them random strangers will compliment them. My youngest when she was toddler to 5,6 years old, was just super cute. Not only would she get attention, people would just give her stuff, like balloons and samples, especially old ladies like buying a candy bar and giving it to her, or press a $1 bill in her hand! When we went to a swim park (at Dollywood) the photographers took so many pictures of her the armbands were up one arm. The most was when I was at a wedding my youngest came up to me and told me someone gave her this (a $50 bill). It was my uncle and I actually got upset at this. But my Dad talked me down (I was going to give him a piece of my mind). At that point I told my daughter to no longer accept gifts from people.

 

[whitewave]

Definitely, from personal experience.

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

Oh @partgypsy the comment about school made me laugh! Now the kid has a lovely teacher whom he adores. Wonderful lady, very experienced and I feel like she treats him in a very fair way. They get "points" for good behaviour or achievements. Points get swapped for prizes at the end of the week. He always does well but every time his regular teacher is away and there is a substitute teacher, the amount of points he gets rises astronomically.

We get random tourists or tour groups taking pictures of him all the time when we are in touristy areas. I am funny about pictures so I remove or block him when this happens.

 

[lovedogs]

Yes this is definitely a thing. In psychology, we talk about it in the context of the "halo effect"

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halo_effect

 

[redwood66]

Yes and like @lovedogs says there have been numerous studies showing it is true.

 

[bludiva]

Yes this is definitely a thing. In psychology, we talk about it in the context of the "halo effect"

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halo_effect

This. Example: I don't think Hope Hicks' career rise would have been so meteoric if she was average looking - she was just hired by Fox at an EVP level...she is 29 and had limited work experience before joining the Trump campaign. That's not to say she can't do the work but I'm sure a lot of others can as well, the halo effect helps.

 

[PierreBear]

This is similar but I remember for a statistic project, we surveyed people and did an experiment. Showed them people's faces and their names. Tried to prove if it was statistically significant if people remembered the attractive people's names more than the average people. We did show that it did help people remember.... yes aside from names, I do believe there are advantages. However, I think what really sets people apart, the older I get, is someone going out of their way to be kind. I'll remember acts of kindness for years to come though not necessarily the face/name.

 

[Tekate]

I had it, I used it, and I can say it surely gives one advantages but as time goes on one has to prove themselves.

Both my kids are average looking and have never had trouble getting along in life, so far.

Looks don't last but a GREAT education does.

Your little on sounds delightful and being with your kid(s) when they are young is such a fun time, I miss it

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I think it does. I work with kids and I swear I have an easier time of it because I’m “pretty” and a lot of younger kids especially associate “attractive” with “nice”. Sort of like a Disney princess effect, and/or maybe they just conflate “I like how this person looks” with “I like this person”. A mistake some adults still make lol.

I was not conventionally attractive growing up but sometime in my 20s I got in shape and grew out of my baby fat and definitely noticed that the world at large treated me differently in both good and bad ways. A lot more random smiles from strangers in general, but also more rude cat calls and learning to be wary when guys came up to talk to me.

 

[Bron357]

I agree as well.
My daughter was a very pretty and very cute looking baby / child so from an early age she was used to getting smiles from strangers and later on lots of preferential treatment “here’s an extra cookie for you you sweet thing”.
I think that self esteem boost from such an early age makes them more social and confident in themselves “people like me, I’m a good person” and that in itself is attractive to other people. So it’s continuing pleasant and positive life experiences.
And that’s why it’s so awful for children who have visible differences or disabilities. They don’t get smiles and positive experiences from all and sundry so I have always made a point of “fussing and smiling” over any child who I thought wouldn’t normally get noticed.

 

[missy]

Yes. It's been proven as others here have written.

However, I think what really sets people apart, the older I get, is someone going out of their way to be kind. I'll remember acts of kindness for years to come though not necessarily the face/name.

Yes 100% yes. This is everything IMO.
I always remember the wise saying "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”

Interesting journal article.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3130383/

For those of you who do not like to click here you go. Edit: PS has a character limit per post of 5000 so went over and cannot share the text. Need to click if you want to read it...Sorry! I tried multiple posts but still too long. I can post the abstract and summary at least.

Facial attractiveness: evolutionary based research
Anthony C. Little,1,* Benedict C. Jones,2 and Lisa M. DeBruine2
Author information ► Copyright and License information ► Disclaimer

This article has been cited by other articles in PMC.


ABSTRACT
Face preferences affect a diverse range of critical social outcomes, from mate choices and decisions about platonic relationships to hiring decisions and decisions about social exchange. Firstly, we review the facial characteristics that influence attractiveness judgements of faces (e.g. symmetry, sexually dimorphic shape cues, averageness, skin colour/texture and cues to personality) and then review several important sources of individual differences in face preferences (e.g. hormone levels and fertility, own attractiveness and personality, visual experience, familiarity and imprinting, social learning). The research relating to these issues highlights flexible, sophisticated systems that support and promote adaptive responses to faces that appear to function to maximize the benefits of both our mate choices and more general decisions about other types of social partners.


...SNIP...
4. SUMMARY AND CONCLUSIONS
Being more or less attractive has important social consequences and people do generally agree on who is and who is not attractive. Beauty is not just a simple social construct—attractiveness appears to be ingrained in our biology. While some aspects of face perception might be innate, other aspects are clearly influenced by experience; it seems unlikely that individuals are born with a representation of what a perfect partner looks like.

Structural and other aspects of human facial appearance are linked to preferences (§2). If a trait reliably advertises some benefit to the perceiver, then we would expect individuals in a population to find that trait attractive. It is clear that individual differences in preferences for some traits will prove adaptive and so are consistent with evolutionary theory. We document several potentially adaptive individual differences in human face preferences as well as other factors that may lead to variable preferences (§3). Research on human facial attractiveness has benefited greatly from an evolutionary/biological perspective, both in terms of documenting what traits are likely to be important and in predicting individual variation. Work on facial attractiveness is also integrative, combining theories and methods from behavioural ecology, cognition, cross-cultural research and social psychology.

And this is interesting...for attractive people getting a lower level job is more difficult.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/kateashford/2017/10/31/attractive/#590da93012c5

There’s been a good amount of research showing that work life is generally easier for good-looking people: They tend to earn more, they’re hired faster, and they’re more likely to get promoted than average looking folks.

But researchers just found the thing that’s harder for hot people: Getting a less desirable job. When people making hiring decisions consider attractive candidates for less desirable jobs, they are less likely to select them for those positions because they believe they’d be less satisfied in those jobs, according to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Less desirable positions include things like being a warehouse laborer, housekeeper or customer service representative.

 

[jordyonbass]

If they do get things in life easier than so be it.

When their looks have deteriorated and we're all equally-ugly, my work ethic will rise above my years of being somewhere around or below average

 

[missy]

If they do get things in life easier than so be it.

When their looks have deteriorated and we're all equally-ugly, my work ethic will rise above my years of being somewhere around or below average

Haha true dat. But it is easier when one is young and beautiful. Society makes it challenging for us as we age...of course I comfort myself with the (hopefully true) fact that as we get older we get wiser...still waiting to become a "wise adult".

And dear Jordy you are not average or below average in appearance at all. You are very good looking (just ask Kenny!) and still quite young. You have it all on your side right now. Use it and enjoy it!

 

[stracci2000]

I agree with what everyone has said.
I would add that height matters, too.
Tall, good looking men seem to shoot up the corporate ladder.
I know quite a few men who have had such an easy time getting
promoted, it is scary.
Tall, blonde/blue women do, too.
I have seen a few "less than attractive" men in high positions, and it usually turns out that they are
related to someone important, hence the job position.

 

[bludiva]

I have seen a few "less than attractive" men in high positions, and it usually turns out that they are
related to someone important, hence the job position.

When I've seen less conventionally attractive people in high level positions, a lot of the time it's because they have really proven themselves (worked harder, longer, smarter), or they are great at corporate politics, or they know/are related to someone. Good looks = easy button of life. So is being born rich or with connections. Highly recommend "The Bubble" episode in 30 Rock for a comical take on the halo effect.

 

[House Cat]

I have no idea. When I was young and attractive, I wore resting bitch face to make everyone leave me alone. Now that i’m Older and less attractive, the RBF is permanent and no one will talk to me!

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

Yes this is definitely a thing. In psychology, we talk about it in the context of the "halo effect"

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halo_effect

Thank you for posting this! I read all of it (including the Horn Effect) and found it fascinating.

As children both Pink Bandit and I reckon once in a blue moon we met an adult who loved kids and would give us treats/want to play with us etc but we never witnessed the whole people going out of their way to engage and do stuff for a kid before. Didn't realise the other half led completely different lives! We never felt disadvantaged as regular, not particularly cute kids! hehe didn't know what we were missing out on

 

[partgypsy]

I'm in a weird boat about my self-image. Me and my sibs were all on the cute side, but I didn't really think about it, not knowing any different. My twin sister and I are blonde and green-eyed, and my mother was approached to have us signed up for modeling/commercial work. But it would be a lot of work for her and traveling right at the time she was getting a masters so declined. My older brother did do one newspaper ad, but hated it so that was the last one. by the time I hit kindergarten I got the thick bottle glasses and was a book reader and day dreamer. In junior high, high school had the trifecta of acne, thick glasses AND braces, and my self image was anything BUT pretty. I didn't like people looking at me. I was also a late bloomer. So it was weird the last year and a half when I did a little internet dating, that the number one thing guys would say to me that I was "beautiful". while that is not the first word I would use to describe myself, I'm finally comfortable enough with myself that I can appreciate the compliment.

 

[diamondringlover]

I will say yes..my oldest son is quite an attractive young man...think of boy next door good looking with drop dead stunning blue eyes....yeah he knows he is handsome and other people do make comments..women and men have flirted unashamedly with him...and he has never had a problem with getting jobs and things like that...but with that said he is still very grounded and has never given me any trouble over the years..he has turned into quite an amazing young man (he is 32)

 

[Mrs_Strizzle]

I have struggled with my 16 year old daughter with this her whole life. People have always tried to get me to enter her in beauty pageants, but I have always refused. It bothers me because people have always commented on her striking beauty, and I do not want her self esteem to be based solely on that. When people in front of her comment on her physical attractiveness, I always say something about her 4.33 GPA, applaud her for the amazing sister she is to her 4 brothers, or the fact that she plays violin like an angel. She has even told me she notices this. But I have always wanted her to know there is so much more to her then how she looks. I often laugh it off and say, "I made her beautiful. She has made herself an amazing young lady".

Her big brother on the other hand has told me, "Mom, the Honeys, they love this!" as he points to his face. He will be 19 and might just be the death of me

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

We are a family of good looking women. But my sister is a stunning beauty. And it is my pleasure to say she has been beautiful all her life. As such, she received unwanted attention from peers, friends, teachers and men in general. At times, bordered on harassment. And of course the standard, mean girl crap since she got all the (unwanted and undesired) attention because of her natural lovely appearance.

Did she get treated differently? Oh you bet. And not exactly what I would consider an advantage. (And none of what she wanted or sought).

cheers--Sharon

 

[strawrose]

At times, yes. If you’re sweet to people, you get bonus points, because they don’t expect it (?)

Other times, a girl stranger will just look at you and then suddenly snog their boyfriends. It gets annoying. One time, I purposefully kissed my husband so that a girl would stop talking mean things about another girl and me at the gym to her husband.
It’s kind of lonely, because they only see you by the face. They don’t realize you could become their best, loyal friend if they looked past it.

My friend, who is much prettier, has it tougher, because she is very shy and it comes off as snobbish. I heard so many bad rumors about her from people... it was really sad. Whenever I walked up to her at parties, she’d light up because I didn’t treat her badly.

 

[yssie]

I was a pretty cute baby. I guess. Most babies are pretty cute.

I wasn’t particularly attractive as a toddler. I grew into an outright unattractive primary school child, and high school did absolutely nothing for me in the looks department. I wasn’t overtly bullied - being the class baby offered that much protection from the meanest mean girls, and teachers were nice to me because I was bookish and obviously an outcast - but I certainly wasn’t accepted. I wasn’t invited to parties, I never went to dances, I was always chosen last in drama classes, I was confident I’d never, ever have a boyfriend. I’ll never forget my ninth grade classmates taking a big group First Day Back photo whilst me and another girl were busy, then retaking the pic when they realized she hadn’t been there - but still without me.

In college I decided if I wasn’t going to ever be pretty... I could at least be “extraordinarily fit”... and show off said fitness. I got exactly the sort of attention you’d expect. And it did about as much for my self-image as you’d expect.

I didn’t really start growing into my bones until my mid-twenties. It’s partly ethnicity - mine isn’t obvious at first glance and “mixed” is “in” these days. And what a difference every year since then has made! I’m in my early thirties now and life is easy. The biggest differences are the smallest changes - but to me they’re glaring deviations. Strangers smile and offer help... I grew up with strangers kind of ‘looking right through me’, not really acknowledging me. People make small allowances I’ve done nothing to merit - no charge for the extra shot in my coffee, an extra thorough search of backroom inventory and complementary delivery on something I’m looking for. Corporate/academic settings are the total opposite of what I’m used to - I’m used to peers not wanting to work with me, but people who don’t know me looking to me for instruction and expertise; these days coworkers welcome my presence and input but people who don’t know me universally assume I’m in marketing or HR, not engineering. And then there’s the negative and inappropriate attention that I react uselessly to because I never learnt how to deal with it constructively.

My SO and I went to an art exhibit a few years ago. I excused myself to use the restroom and left him sitting on a bench. He was smiling as I went back... he commented offhandedly that he isn’t used to beautiful women walking up to him. I barely managed not to start crying right there and then: I’d lived two decades sure that no-one would ever call me “beautiful”.

I think - no, I know - that what previous posters have said about childhood confidence, self-esteem, and social adjustment is true. I’ve heard the same types of stories from people who’ve had significant weight loss - life’s little things are easier when you’re conventionally attractive, and all those little things add up to a pretty darn big difference!

And yeah, I do think it’s worse for girls. I, like @Bron357, make a point to assign teams when it’s obvious that someone’s going to be excluded, fuss over the little girl whose looks and hair and clothes don’t fit in, park myself at the “not-the-cool-table” at the office party. Unconscious bias is no less cruel and damaging because it’s unconscious.

 

[Phoenix]

I have a somewhat similar story to @yssie's.

I was a super cute baby (even if I say so myself, lol), but as a child in a family of 9 children and with a younger brother (sons are always favoured in Asian families), I wasn't - or so I thought at the time - given as much attention by my parents as I wanted. As a result, I excelled at school, always came top of my class, bc I was desperate for their approval. This went on throughout my academic life, I was always top/ excellent at everything, scienes, art, literature, languages etc..you name it, except for sports bc sports were not high on my parents' list of "important" subjects.

Then in my early teens, I was hanging out with my cousin, who was super pretty. She had massive saucer eyes (a big plus for Asians), massive boobs (she developed way early while I was small-chested) and she was super popular with everyone - girls and boys alike. I clung onto her in order to have the affection lavished upon her rub off on me, a little. She had a ton of bf's while I had none.

The turning point for me was when I went to France and these 2 sisters suddenly - I still remember this vividly - turned to me and commented how beautiful I was. I looked around and thought they were talking to someone else. I was shocked, truly shocked, when I realised their compliment was directed at me. I still wasn't confident bc at the school in France where I went to, all the French girls were so pretty. I remember there was this beautiful tall girl (1.73m), with amazing long cascading blond hair, massive and gorgeous blue eyes; I had a girl-crush on her and she was, needless to say, constantly surrounded by boys. I don't know if she was academically excellent. I, as always, excelled at everything, especially maths, and grew a base of loyal fans.

Fast forward to us moving to the UK. OMG, for some reason, the women there HATED me with a vengance while the men swamped around me. I was known as the "bimbo with a brain". People who had assumed I was stupid were genuinely shocked when they found out I was actually very brainy. This went on throughout my late teens, well into my twenties and early thirties. I was slim, super fit (discovered the gym), I dressed well (super classy for work and super revealing, sexy for parties). My colleagues - the male ones only - paid me all kinds of attention, did little things for me which I hadn't asked for, like fetching me coffee, sandwiches etc, turned a blind eye when occasionally I was late for work. My female colleagues regarded me with suspicion and some deliberately picked on me, which I fought back of course. That I was petite provided me with an added advantage, men seemed to want to protect me and be my knights-in-shining-amour. I got promoted and transferred to Hong Kong from the UK, much to the chagrin of many colleagues, some of whom were much more experienced and I would even say more able. Moving to HK was fun too bc I was the only female expat in my office, the HOT girl with a senior position and a brain. I was taken out every night by male colleagues and woo'ed by many others.

Then, I got married and my husband would fawn over me, buying me jewellery, gifts, lavished me with attention. etc etc..

It still goes on to this day, even though I am older, and at the moment not so fit. But just before I fell ill, I still got tons of attention, esp when I went clubbing where people would assume I was/ am 10-15-20 years younger than I am/ was.

So yes, good looking people do get advantages in life. Sometimes, you get bitches deliberately giving you a hard time. But I am always nice and kind to people, so the bitchiness eventually dissipated, most of the time. I have, however, fallen out with my bridesmaids who, as it turned out, hated me with a vengeance all the 20+ years I knew them. Go figure!!

 

[Karl_K]

I would not know, as I am butt ugly.

 

[jordyonbass]

I would not know, as I am butt ugly.

We've got a club you can join

 

[JPie]

We've got a club you can join

Count me in!