~*~*~ Dixie ~*~*~

[Mandarine]

Hi!

Just wanted to drop you a note in case you were checking PS.

I hope you are feeling a little better. I know this is a tough time, but you are a strong and beautiful that on top has a huge heart, so I have no doubt you will get through this.

Hugs,

M~

 

[janinegirly]

Dixie, how are you doing this week? We miss you!

 

[therighttime]

Hi Dixie!
I''m thinking about you too. Check in when you feel like it.

Take Care!!!! We are here for you.

 

[Lorelei]

Hey Dix, thinking of you and sending you a hug

 

[blushingbride]

Hi Dixie - we're here if you need to talk! I hope that with each day things have gotten a little easier for you.

Hearts and Hugs,
BB

 

[Mandarine]

I hope you check in soon!!! Hugs,

M~

 

[akw94]

Thank you all so much for your concern. I''m not sure I really feel better but it feels a bit more controllable. I went away for a few days and that helped a bit. I needed some time away. Unfortunately, I wish I never had to come back but haven''t figured out how to make that happen yet.
He agreed to not talking about anything substantive until he returns and I''m completely torn about how I feel about that. It feels ridiculous to talk as though nothing happened but I want our connection so bad and when we spoke the other day, it felt normal but certainly, what happened is anything but that. Still a week and a half until he gets back. Still so unsure of how I feel or how to move forward.
Thanks again for all the kind thoughts. I miss coming on PS but it''s so hard since all the memories center around us getting married.

 

[janinegirly]

dixie, thanks for checking in and you sound a *little* better which is great for now! i''m so sorry you are going through this--to have to wait weeks for him to return..
but it does sound like you''ve been so strong and are handling it with composure and grace (going away for a few days was a great idea!). And at least the 2 of you are talking. Still, everyone deserves answers and closure, and so much more so in this case when so many other people/family are looped in b/c of the wedding. With only a month till the wedding when he dropped this bombshell--I woulld hope he''d have the decency to do whatever it takes to come back as soon as possible.

please still stick around here..this forum is not just for wedding planning, it''s also a community which supports each other. keep us posted. i certainly will be thinking of you in a week and a half and will be checking here everyday for your posts in case you need to vent!

 

[akw94]

Janine, just wanted to say thanks for your post. Today, I came to work and it just feels pretty awful. But here I have to be focused so I suppose it''s good. I really wish there was some way I could take an extended period off but then I suppose I''d never get myself back in reality.
I just wish this week and next would speed by b/c the waiting is almost unbearable. Of course, if the decision is to split, I don''t know how I''ll deal w/that either. I just can''t believe the willingness to throw away something that was so good after just a few days of thinking. Even if it was based on unexpressed doubts, obviously there was a lot of good to last this long and for him to propose, all the foundation of our relationship. I don''t know how to believe that he didn''t think through marriage sufficiently, not based on who he is, on his past and our relationship.
Oh well.. I guess I better find a way to do some work.
Thanks again.

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi Dixie,

I''m so sorry you''re going through this -- I can only imagine what you''re going through. How is your son doing? He had a lot invested in this as well, and I hope he''s holding up.

 

[janinegirly]

good to hear from you dixie

i wish you could take an extended break from work too..maybe you can take a day here and there to try to ease yourself back into things slowly.

it's very difficult to analyze why your bf did what he did..like you, i agree it makes no rational sense. i can only guess he's having major cold feet and wanting to escape as a result, but that the depth of his feelings have not been altered. so don't let yourself think that. but ultimately, he's the only one who can answer all these questions--is there any way he can return earlier?? I mean it's just so heartless to disappear for 3 weeks! I know when i went through breakups, even 3 days was pure torture.
when you do talk over the phone, does he say anything reassuring? he should be tormented that he is putting you through this!
i don't know, i wish i could call ya and be more supportive, but i think you're handling things as well as can be expected, and now you're only down to about 1 wk more of waiting..so hang in there. try going to bed earlier and watching trash tv...maybe it'll help the time pass

. in the meantime you can always vent here..and know we are all rooting for you. time does heal alot, and each day that passes is a day you are moving forward!

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Dixie...I''ve been mostly lurking lately but I wanted to let you know that I''ve been thinking about you. Keep your head up! *Hugs*

 

[janinegirly]

just bumping up to see how dixie is doing...been thinking of you!

 

[akw94]

Hi Janine, thanks for thinking of me.
I wish I had something good to update. Things are about the same. He gets back this week and then we plan to talk. It''s been a very hard period of time. I''ve tried to think about me and what I want/need but all I really want is for things to be as they were. I''m still in disbelief and just moving along, one day at a time.
But I''m working and able to maintain myself on the outside. How I feel inside is a different story.

Thanks again for checking on me. I know at some point I will be ok.. I have to believe that. I come on PS here and there but it''s so hard b/c I was in this forum just weeks ago, planning my wedding. Now I''m not and I still can''t believe it. It would''ve been just 3 weeks away. It''s just devastating.

Hope all is well with you. I haven''t forgotten you guys, just not really able to communicate these days and thinking of weddings makes me unbelievably sad.

 

[KimberlyH]

Sending tons of peaceful thoughts your way, Dixie, no matter the outcome of your relationship.

 

[janinegirly]

thanks for checking in dixie..i really feel for you. mostly i wanted to check in to see if your bf had explained himself a bit more--it''s all just so hard to understand (so can only imagine what it''s like for you).
i didn''t realize he still wasn''t back..good luck with all of that and keep us posted. i''ll keep checkin'' in from time to time..hang in there, it''ll all somehow make sense in the end..

 

[Mandarine]

Date: 8/15/2007 10:39:45 PM
Author: KimberlyH
Sending tons of peaceful thoughts your way, Dixie, no matter the outcome of your relationship.

What she said!

Thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way!!

Hugs,

M~

 

[janinegirly]

dixie,
just thinking of you this week. i hope things are going ok now that your bf is back..

we''re all thinking of you and please stick around

 

[akw94]

Mandarine, Janine and Kimberly, thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I never would have known that I would find such a warm and wonderful community of people when doing some research on diamonds. I appreciate you all so much.

As for my update, we talked quite a bit when he got back. Initially, we decided to separate but the next day, he decided he''d like to do the counseling. So, since that is what I want also, we''re going forward w/that. We''re looking into people and I think we''ll be able to start soon. Things feel good between us but part of what scares me is that before, things felt good too and then all of a sudden, my life is completely changed. But I''m trying hard to stay day-to-day and not analyze too much until we start the counseling. It''s a very scary process. So we''ll see.

It''s so sad not to post in here now. There are so many things that he took away from me when he canceled the wedding. I am hopeful that if nothing else, counseling will help me get back the parts of me that have been deeply hurt. But I truly hope that it will help us resolve whatever doubts/issues there are and that we can move forward.

Thanks again for the check-ins.

Take care!

 

[Mara]

dixie, i have been thinking about you as well and wondering how you are doing.

it's funny you mention the whole thinking that things were great before so being unsure on trusting the feeling again, that is totally how i felt in the past as well when G and I broke up for that time..i felt like gosh i thought everything was so fabulous but obviously it was not. trusting yourself and that person again is hard when you do try to make things work the 2nd time around.

i will keep my fingers crossed for you two, i think counseling is a great idea and wish you both the best. the one thing i will say is try to have an open heart, if he DOES want to figure things out and see if you two can make it work (and get past whatever it is that is holding him back if he does want to be together), then try not to be bitter or distrustful or too skeptical. i know it's tough but it could make a world of difference. sometimes when it comes to matters of the heart, pride is not something you should hold onto too tightly.

best of luck and keep us posted.

 

[risingsun]

dixie~I hope things go well for you. Will you stop by, from time to time, and let us know how you are?

 

[janinegirly]

dixie, thanks for checking in..i had a feeling you were still around, so don''t go leaving (hehe).

i''m glad to hear your bf is back and you guys have at least talked, you must''ve had so much pent up. are you guys back to living together, still technically dating? The fact that he has agreed to counseling shows he isn''t giving up on everything (or hasn''t "erased" everything as you first thought), but he is at the very least, very confused. regardless, you''re right that he took so much away that will take time to get back (with or without him) and for that, he owes you dearly.
i think counseling is a fantastic idea, but please put yourself first. to me, things can''t really be the same again--and you have to think if you''d even want it the same after all of this. good luck dixie, you are a sweet person who deserves more. stick around and keep us posted!

 

[akw94]

Mara, thanks for your response. This part is so much harder than I thought it would be. I thought that once we decided on counseling, I would feel better. But I don''t. I am still so sad. I will definitely try to have an open heart. Thank you for that advice. It is hard b/c it''s so scary and I feel very alone and lost often times. We are worth the fight though, I believe that so we''ll see and I will force myself to be patient.

Marian, thanks for writing. I just love PS and everyone on here so I will update as things proceed.

Janine, you are very sweet! I really appreciate your concern. It is too bad we don''t all live in the same area. We are still living together, not exactly sure what title you''d give us right now. Dating, I guess although I am hoping that''s something we can sort out w/a counselor.
You are right, things can''t be the same and obviously, if he wasn''t sharing his thoughts w/me, I don''t want them to be the same. My hope is that this makes us better and stronger. If nothing else, I need it to make me better and stronger b/c I feel severely damaged by this experience.
Thanks again Janine, I''ll post here and there (just maybe not in the Brides forum.. doesn''t really seem like the right place for me anymore).
I really do wish you the best and hope you have a wonderful wedding. It''s coming up soon!

 

[Mara]

Date: 8/23/2007 9:53:33 AM
Author: dixie94
Mara, thanks for your response. This part is so much harder than I thought it would be. I thought that once we decided on counseling, I would feel better. But I don''t. I am still so sad. I will definitely try to have an open heart. Thank you for that advice. It is hard b/c it''s so scary and I feel very alone and lost often times. We are worth the fight though, I believe that so we''ll see and I will force myself to be patient.

Dixie...I totally hear you (and sorry by the way I can''t get this stupid blue highlight off my post!)...

It is scary to realize that you don''t *know* the other person''s thoughts and heart as much as you thought you did. It makes you question your judgement as well. It''s totally normal to feel that way. But if you think your relationship is worth the fight, fight. And fight with everything. And see if it''s enough. If not, then you know at least YOU TRIED. And that''s all you can do.

If it doesn''t work out then know that you will move on, you will be happy. I always used to think well even though this really sucks and I am hurting, I know I can move on and be happy without him. Because we always can. But it would be nice to not have to of course. But anyway, know that you will get by regardless of what happens. Good luck!!

 

[janinegirly]

always good to hear from you dixie, and i can understand if you want to move this thread to another forum!

i have a slightly different view..i don''t think you should fight till the bitter end--ultimately you need to focus on you first and the relationship second. ideally the 2 are one and the same, but right now, it''s not (as it wasn''t for your bf when he turned your world upside down). just please make sure you don''t cling on to something if it''s affecting your self-esteem negatively long term (and ability to trust). Right now it sounds like your bf has things as he''d like them--a girlfriend, no wedding and someone around. You on the other hand was the one to sacrifice (beyond just the wedding). I hope i''m not being a downer, i just want you to do what''s best for you! hang in there girl!

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Hi Dixie~
I''ve been thinking about you a lot so thanks for letting us know how you''re doing. I wish you all the best and I hope you are able to find the answers you''re looking for through counseling. Please let me know if there''s anything I can do to help...there are a few of us pretty close by!
~Megan

 

[Mandarine]

Dixie, thanks for checking in!!. I think you guys are on the right track with trying...like Mara said, it is all you can do. If it doesn''t work out at least you will know you tried.

I''m sending positive vibes your way so that whatever happens is the best thing for you and your son!!.

M~

 

[KimberlyH]

Dixie,

You know in your heart what is best for you and your son; take good care of yourself and know that you will be fine, no matter what may come of this. Big hugs and positive thoughts are coming your way.