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Congratulations vs. Best Wishes

Discussion in 'Bride World Wide & Grooms Grooves' started by Lanie, Jan 6, 2009.

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  1. Lanie
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    by Lanie » Jan 6, 2009
    Have y''all heard of this? One of my aunts told me that if you say "Congratulations" to a newly engaged girl, it implies that FINALLY she got a man to marry her. But if you say "Best Wishes", it''s as if she chose him, not that he chose her. Since then, I''ve been trying to pay attention to what people say and I have had many people tell me/write to me "Best Wishes" and "Congratulations" to my fiance. It''s an old custom that probably older generations abide by, but I thought it was interesting!
     
    


    


  2. Deelight
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    by Deelight » Jan 6, 2009
    I have never heard that one LOL everyone has been telling me/us congratulations, FI and I were together 10.5 years before getting engaged so you know you may be on to something ;-) LOL.
     
  3. meresal
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    by meresal » Jan 6, 2009
    Lanie,

    Acutally there was an article about this is this month's Spirit magazine. (It's the Southwest Airlines magazine) They were doing an interview/article with Emily Post's granddaughter, who still works and writes for the company.

    The man brought up how his wife gave him a weird look when he congratulated a fellow employee on her new engagement. It was stated that this used to be very off kilter, but this day in age, any kind of congratulations is suitable.

    Here is the article, I actually read it last weekend when I was flying home for Christmas. Very interesting to see that the family still has so much to do with etiquette nowadays.
    http://www.spiritmag.com/2008_12/features/extreme-etiquette-2.php
     
  4. Morgie44
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    by Morgie44 » Jan 6, 2009
    That is interesting, because for me, I feel like saying best wishes is kind of like saying "Wow, good luck with THAT" I know that isn''t the intent of best wishes, but forever whatever reason, that is what first comes to mind for me...
     
    


    


  5. OUpearlgirl
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    by OUpearlgirl » Jan 6, 2009
    I was always taught that you say Congratulations to the groom and Best Wishes to the bride.
     
  6. wannaBMrsH
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    by wannaBMrsH » Jan 6, 2009
    That''s funny! My FMIL said the same to me: "You congratulate the groom and give the bride your best wishes!"

    I didn''t understand it, but I guess it makes sense.
     
  7. Octavia
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    by Octavia » Jan 6, 2009
    I''ve heard of it, but it''s pretty outdated in the area/social circles I am in. IMO, it''s pretty silly to have to use different euphemisms to convey "I am happy for you" depending on the sex of the person you''re talking to.
     
  8. Lanie
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    by Lanie » Jan 6, 2009
    I know, right??? That''s what I was thinking too! Best wishes when he leaves the seat up all the time.
     
  9. Clairitek
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    by Clairitek » Jan 6, 2009
    I read the same article! It was pretty interesting. It made me want to read some of the Emily Post books.

    I thought about the implication of Congratulations vs Best Wishes. I do feel like Best Wishes sort of implies "Good luck with that" as Morgie pointed out. Personally, I''m grateful for whatever well wishes or congrats someone is conveying to me and my FI.
     
  10. bee*
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    by bee* » Jan 6, 2009
    I never heard that before! I think I always say Congratulations-woops!
     
    


    


  11. elrohwen
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    by elrohwen » Jan 6, 2009
    I had never heard this either until someone at work corrected another girl for telling me "congratulations". Personally, I think it''s kind of silly; I''m happy for any form of congratulations or best wishes I get! (and I''m sure other girls are too) Another co-worker and I thought it was a silly custom so we spent the next 20 minutes joking about things you can say to the bride other than "congratulations". Our favorites:

    Ouch.
    I always thought you would do better.
    Are you pregnant or something?
    Maybe you should get your eyes checked.
    He must''ve given you a big ring.
    Maybe you should rethink this.

    Lol, sorry, we''re so obnoxious. And obviously not very up on wedding etiquette. I do find things like this really interesting though! Depite making fun of it, I''m sure I''ll be noticing what I say when I give a newly engaged girl my best wishes instead of congratulations [​IMG]
     
  12. Lanie
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    by Lanie » Jan 6, 2009
    Hee hee...I''m laughing during class...and I''m the teacher.
     
  13. elrohwen
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    by elrohwen » Jan 6, 2009
    Haha, I''m glad we''re not the only ones who find it funny. [​IMG]
     
  14. sammyj
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    by sammyj » Jan 6, 2009
    I''ve never heard of this ''rule'' either...and after giving it more thought, I don''t think I''ve ever even said "best wishes" out loud before! I''ve written it in many cards but it sounds pretty odd to me to say ''best wishes'' or ''i wish you the best'' (?!?) to someone....
     
  15. Haven
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    by Haven » Jan 6, 2009
    I was taught to say "congratulations" to the groom and "best wishes" to the bride.
     
    


    


  16. Sabine
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    by Sabine » Jan 6, 2009
    The only time I had ever heard of this was on an episode of Gilmore Girls (my guilty pleasure show!). Emily and Richard were renewing their vows after their separation, and Luke told Emily "congratulations" and Emily corrected him and said congratulations are for the groom, and best wishes are for the bride.
     
  17. Smurfysmiles
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    by Smurfysmiles » Jan 6, 2009
    oh gilmore girls, they''re always good for showing us proper etiquette
    me and fi even discussed naming our first daughter lorelei lol, we both love that show
     
  18. musey
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    by musey » Jan 6, 2009
    Too funny! "Best wishes" has always sounded a bit curt/sarcastic to me, no matter who said it or the occasion. I don''t think a single person told either of us "best wishes," everyone said "congratulations" (or "yaaaaaaaaay" haha), and I don''t think they weren''t thinking "finally" as I was only 22 when he proposed [​IMG]
     
  19. pocahontas
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    by pocahontas » Jan 6, 2009
    Haha! I hadn't heard of this rule either and like Bee, I've always congratulated both people on their engagement regardless of gender.
     
  20. pinkstars
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    by pinkstars » Jan 6, 2009
    All I could think of when I saw this thread was Gilmore Girls!
     
  21. Nocturnius
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    by Nocturnius » Jan 10, 2009
    Eh. I didn't care what people said. I think people are too uppity about that kind of thing. My mom made a big deal about it, too.

    To me, congratulations was exactly what it is in the dictionary: "an expression of joy in the success or good fortune of another." Getting married to the love of my life was certainly good fortune, and I appreciated it every time someone said it.

    And he DID choose me, just as much as I chose him. This is not a one-way street here. He is no more privileged to have me than I am to have him - after all, he had to CHOOSE me in order to PROPOSE to me.
     
  22. bensbride
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    by bensbride » Jan 10, 2009
    I was taught to follow the "Congratulations to the groom and Best Wishes to the bride" thing. I''ve always just done it for fear of offending someone, but now reading that some people perceive "best wishes" as being curt or sarcastic, maybe I''ve been doing the wrong thing all along. What a headache! I''m just going to say "I''m so happy for you" from now on.
     
  23. canuk-gal
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    by canuk-gal » Jan 10, 2009
    HI:

    I always thought it was "Congratulations" to the man (on a fine catch). I bet most Hallmark (engagement) cards say both.....

    cheers--Sharon
     
  24. Nocturnius
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    by Nocturnius » Jan 10, 2009
    But do you see my point? To all the ladies, don''t you think your man is a fine catch? I know I think mine is. If he should be congratulated on a fine catch, I think I should be, too.

    And I agree with others who said it seems almost like "good luck with that". It does seem very grim.
     
  25. katamari
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    by katamari » Jan 10, 2009
    Ditto!
     
  26. SarahLovesJS
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    by SarahLovesJS » Jan 10, 2009
    Yep, I''ve heard it before...annnd I do it anyway sometimes. [​IMG] But not to be rude, just like Congrats more at times. [​IMG]
     
  27. PilsnPinkysMom
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    by PilsnPinkysMom » Jan 10, 2009
    Wow. I''ve never heard about any of this congrats/best wishes stuff... I''m certain everyone has said the former to me.

    I''ll hafta ask my mama about this one... She''s a bit older, perhaps she''s heard of this before [​IMG]
     
  28. Haven
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    by Haven » Jan 11, 2009
    Oh my goodness! If you''re saying ANY euphemism to a bride or groom, then perhaps you should just keep your mouth shut! Weddings are not the time for veiled harshness. (I know that''s not what you meant, Octavia, but I just thought it was funny.)
     
  29. Steel
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    by Steel » Jan 11, 2009
    Me too!
     
  30. BigDiamonds
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    by BigDiamonds » Jan 11, 2009
    I have heard this before, but I have never actually seen anyone use it IRL. "I give you my best wishes" sounds so formal and weird...it would be hard to say to someone with a straight face.
     
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