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Christmas gifting etiquette

4ever

4ever

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 9, 2008
Messages
2,260
SO is buying himself a new TV which should arrive just before Christmas. Our “old” TV is an LCD we have had for under two years, is still a really good modern model (perfect condition) but not huge enough for SO anymore :roll:
So, we can sell it for a few hundred dollars and put that towards the new TV or we can give it to my Parents for Christmas (still have the original box and everything).
My mum really likes our TV and always comments when she’s over that everything looks so much clear on it then her old CRT TV. I’m sure she would like to have ours, but is it acceptable to give someone your second hand stuff for Christmas? The value of the TV second hand is more then I would usually spend on my parents for Christmas.
And if we do give it to my parents, should I ask them first if they would like it for Christmas or surprise them?
 
I would and have done the same thing. If you think that they would enjoy it, then I would do it, though I'm by no means an etiquette expert.
 
good question, it really depends on the culture and family dynamics. If I were to give my brother and his wife anything second hand (even though I bought it, never used it, still had a tag)- they would get offended. However, if my parents likes something of ours electronically or just recently they commented on our wolfgang puck griddle (we had two) we gave them one, and they loved it, and accepted it with grace. So I would think it fine if you gave your parents the TV as a christmas present since they have commented on it already that they liked it, and if they wouldn't buy one for themself.
 
I'm glad this question came up. I want to give my sister a new gift as well as something "used" for Christmas. The used gift is my extra copy of Mario Kart for Wii with 2 of the wheels. Its not something that gets worn or anything like that. I happen to have two copies and I know she wants the game. I'm worried that it will come off as tacky though.
 
Also we get used DVDs for gifts from our ILs (bought from the video store, previously seen) all the time, and we LOVE IT! especially becuase the ILs are single, students and tight on budget, we are perfectly fine ::) with it.
 
I don't know, for some reason it just doesn't seem right to give a second-hand thing as a gift. I really can't even give a reason why I feel this way, but it just seems sort of tacky to me. We recently purchased a new tv and gave my sister our old one. Honestly, I wouldn't have felt right giving it as a birthday or Christmas present. We just gave it to her.
 
I totally agree with Junebug but I think it depends on your family and how you think they would feel about it.

I know in my family that wouldn't go over well. Not the fact that we were giving them something that they would enjoy but that we were giving it as a gift for a special occasion. That would be the problem. Lots of times we give (and vice versa) them stuff that we have no need for anymore that we think they would enjoy but it is not as a "gift" for a special occasion but just because. As they generously do with us.

I understand though that it is actually more than you would have spent on their gift anyway but it really depends on your family dynamics. If this was me (and my family) I would rather sell the TV and then use the money to buy them another gift. Just so it wouldn't be perceived in a negative light. But if you think your parents would be cool with you giving them your old tv as a Christmas gift then I say go for it because it would be a better value for them.
 
I would ask your parents if they would like that for a Christmas present.
 
If you think they wouldn't go out and spend that kind of money on a TV for themselves, and they really like it, then I would give it to them. But I would also give a second gift, something smallish, like a $30 floral Xmas centerpiece, as a "new" thing.

I think selling it, and then giving them a smallish gift, would be kind of mean, actually. Your mom obviously likes it and appreciates it, and she gave birth to you and loved you your whole childhood! Moms deserve the biggest and best possible gifts at all times!

At least that's what I tell my kids! :naughty:
 
iLander|1291518170|2787595 said:
If you think they wouldn't go out and spend that kind of money on a TV for themselves, and they really like it, then I would give it to them. But I would also give a second gift, something smallish, like a $30 floral Xmas centerpiece, as a "new" thing.

I think selling it, and then giving them a smallish gift, would be kind of mean, actually. Your mom obviously likes it and appreciates it, and she gave birth to you and loved you your whole childhood! Moms deserve the biggest and best possible gifts at all times!

At least that's what I tell my kids! :naughty:
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i like this idea.

in my family, this would be perfectly acceptable. my mom is known as the "queen o' the bargain" and an obsessive second-hand shopper, so in the past lots of our gifts have been second hand. she also likes to quiz us after we unwrap it, "guess how much i got that for?" tacky? to some (ok, maybe lots), yes. but in our family perfectly normal/acceptable gift giving behavior.

i don't think you have to worry about strict etiquette when dealing with immediate family members. from the info you gave about your mom's comments, they'd probably be happier w/your barely used tv, than a smaller new gift that you got them just to have a "new" gift but you probably know your family dynamic better than us. my thought is if it's something your parents would like to have, gift it to them.
 
That's a hard one. I don't know. I think it depends on how your parents would feel about it.
 
junebug17|1291514114|2787547 said:
I don't know, for some reason it just doesn't seem right to give a second-hand thing as a gift. I really can't even give a reason why I feel this way, but it just seems sort of tacky to me. We recently purchased a new tv and gave my sister our old one. Honestly, I wouldn't have felt right giving it as a birthday or Christmas present. We just gave it to her.
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I kind of agree with this, but I have a goofy solution... what about getting your folks something ridiculously cheap, yet new, that you can give them "officially" and then just "oh by the way you can have this too" lol
 
This is just our family, but our parents LOVED when we gave them electronics or big ticket items that they usually would not splurge on themselves. We never made it a xmas or bday gift though, we would just tell them we are bringing it over for them or show up with it. I would then maybe give them a dinner gift certificate or tell them you are taking them to dinner as the xmas gift. Our parents loved when we spent time with them more than any other gift.
 
I agree that it depends on your family.

If we were in this situation, we would just give them the TV. It wouldn't be a gift, it would be more of a "We bought a new TV and we know you like our old one, would you like it?"

I like the idea of buying them something small that costs what you would normally spend on them for Christmas, and then just giving them the TV.
 
+4 or whatever it is now on casually giving them the tv and buying a small, new "formal" gift.
 
Haven|1291569664|2787916 said:
I agree that it depends on your family.

If we were in this situation, we would just give them the TV. It wouldn't be a gift, it would be more of a "We bought a new TV and we know you like our old one, would you like it?"

I like the idea of buying them something small that costs what you would normally spend on them for Christmas, and then just giving them the TV.
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That's what we'd do as well.
 
I would totally do it! Maybe in some families it would be considered tacky or something, but definitely not in my family.
 
Just speaking for my family and no other, I feel that if my parents gave me a used say washing machine for Christmas, it would be totally ok and awesome, but if it it were reversed I wouldn't give them a Christmas present that wasn't new unless it was an antique or it was something with sentimental value like something I made at some point in the past. But like I said before, it totally depends on the specific people, if the parents wouldn't be offended in terms of etiquette, then they wouldn't be. No harm, no fowl. What a person wouldn't want to do of course is cause offense. Like if they thought, their tv wasn't good enough for them anymore but it was good enough for us (NOT saying that's how the OP's parents would think- I have no way of knowing). I don't think there's a "universal etiquette" rule for this type of situation.
 
I would just give it to them outright, not as a gift though. It's something you don't have use for anymore, but it doesn't quite fit the description of a "gift" in my book. A gift is something you give because you've selected this particular item just for them based on thoughtfulness and generosity. Giving them your old TV as an xmas gift is giving them a gift based on the fact that you're getting a new one...not exactly a gift, but an after-thought of your own gift to yourself. KWIM?

But yeah, I would give it to them, I just wouldn't call it a gift.
 
yeah maybe give it to them and also get them another smaller gift? I guess it depends on your family situation--my parents would be UPSET with me if I didn't give them the TV and sold it :-P
 
In general, I used to think gifting "second hand" or re-gifting the gift you previously received was a bad taste. However, the more I become aware of how wasteful we are as a society, the more I wonder: "why not"? As long as the items are what the person enjoys, what is wrong with giving something that is perfectly good (if used) or has been previously gifted to you (still new)? Isn't this the same as recycling the resources on earth, so we do not continue to expand our wasteful behavior?

I no longer buy wrapping papers/boxes for that same reason. I carefully preserve the ones from each gift given to me and re-use them to wrap gifts to others. If everyone begins to recycle, the earth will have a much brighter future. Let that be part of gift-giving as well.
 
Gifting used books is a way to show people you really care; you loved the book, maybe they would too.

To me, this is the same situation with your tv. Maybe include a new 40'ish dollar dvd player and convert old home movies to dvd.
 
Thanks for your replies everyone, and I am happy to keep reciving them.

I'm surprised about how many different opinions there are on this, I'm finding it really interesting to read.

I think I agree with the general consensus is that it should not be their only gift. SO and I are brainstorming something else small to do or get for them, like a reastrant voucher or take them out somewhere for the day.
 
megumic|1291574186|2788004 said:
I would just give it to them outright, not as a gift though. It's something you don't have use for anymore, but it doesn't quite fit the description of a "gift" in my book. A gift is something you give because you've selected this particular item just for them based on thoughtfulness and generosity. Giving them your old TV as an xmas gift is giving them a gift based on the fact that you're getting a new one...not exactly a gift, but an after-thought of your own gift to yourself. KWIM?

But yeah, I would give it to them, I just wouldn't call it a gift.
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I understand your point but disagree because in this case, the TV is worth a few hundred dollars on the secondary market, thus money out of the giver's pocket, and is something the parents would like. If the TV could not be sold for a few hundred dollars (like if it were an older non-flatscreen version that no one would buy), then I would agree with you that it shouldn't be thought of it as a gift, but just a way to get rid of old stuff.

Think of it this way: Your sister has a beautiful set of diamond earrings, 1 TCW, and her husband is buying her a new set for Christmas, twice as big. She can keep the old earrings of course, but doesn't want to, and you have always complimented her earrings and wish you had a pair. She can sell them or she is thinking of giving them to you as a Christmas gift. She normally spends about fifty bucks on a Christmas gift for you.

Which would you rather have, the earrings or a fifty dollar "new" gift - probably a Bath & Body Works shower gel set!

I know what I would pick! :appl:

I think a sensible person would want the gift of greatest value to them, with the term "value" including both desire and overall cost, not "used" or "new". And if someone gave me their used pair of diamond earrings, or a newish TV that was better than mine, I don't think I would miss the shower gel gift basket.
 
nuts - it's been too long to be able to go back and edit.


I just wanted to add that I definitely agree it's all about the dynamics in your family or the relationship with a specific person. I have one sister who would FLIP with appreciation over my used TV or a pair of diamond earrings, but my other sister would make underhanded comments for the rest of our life implying my old stuff being not good enough for me anymore since I moved onto something bigger and better. :rolleyes: That would apply regardless of whether or not it was a Christmas gift though. She'd probably act like that even if I just gave it to her out of the blue.
 
My parents are frugal at heart, and would love to receive a barely used television under the circumstances you've described. Since it isn't new, I'd add an inexpensive TV-themed gift of some sort to go with it - maybe a snack basket or a video or two. But as everyone has said, a lot depends on the individuals and family dynamics.

BTW, when did we stop "giving" and start "gifting"?
 
I think that would be very nice of you to give them as a gift. Maybe give them a new TV related assesory along with it, such as a DVD player or stand? Or even a TV guide subscription. Wrap that up and give it the first and then surprise them with the TV!
 
junebug17|1291514114|2787547 said:
I don't know, for some reason it just doesn't seem right to give a second-hand thing as a gift. I really can't even give a reason why I feel this way, but it just seems sort of tacky to me. We recently purchased a new tv and gave my sister our old one. Honestly, I wouldn't have felt right giving it as a birthday or Christmas present. We just gave it to her.
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i'll be happy to take your second diamonds.... :praise:
 
VRBeauty|1291606835|2788498 said:
My parents are frugal at heart, and would love to receive a barely used television under the circumstances you've described. Since it isn't new, I'd add an inexpensive TV-themed gift of some sort to go with it - maybe a snack basket or a video or two. But as everyone has said, a lot depends on the individuals and family dynamics.

BTW, when did we stop "giving" and start "gifting"?
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I really like the idea of a TV themed gift basket to go along with it, yummy movie snacks and a couple of DVDS (ones both my parents will enjoy) sounds good. We were thinking of giving them a wall mount with it but getting DVDs and snacks has the added bonus of not requiring great big holes be drilled into my mums wall.
 
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