Can you ignore people who offend you on forums?

[Imdanny]

Like if they try to offend you and say something passive aggressive to you or about you or if you simply find what they say offensive?

I've been posting on forums for more than 10 years and I've found that it's helpful to me to try to ignore people when they say things I don't like. Otherwise it becomes this tense unpleasant experience and it's like wallowing in it if I let myself.

It's not easy for me to do and I don't think I'm 100% there yet but that's where I think I'm going.

 

[Upgradable]

People ignore me all the time. I don't know if it is because I'm offensive, or that nothing I have said is worth responding to.

 

[Imdanny]

Oh, maybe what I said came out a little wrong. I don't mean so much ignoring people (although, yes, that's part of it) as much as finding my way out of patterns of antagonism. If people who like to get personal realize you're not into it, they tend to leave you alone.

And I should say that some people never get into these conflicts. I'm amazed by those people. I've never really understood how they could be so self-contained among so much drama.

And I'd like to reiterate that I'm certainly not talking about only my experiences at PS. I find the same kinds of things (and capacities in myself or not) wherever I've posted.

Kenny can attest. I used to get into flame wars.

As I get older (?) I'm becoming very conflict adverse, I guess.

 

[kenny]

Yes you CAN ignore people.
It does not mean they won or conquered you or everyone believes what they say.

I used to get into many more tense exchanges too.
Now I try to think of letting the buttheads be buttheads as another kind of tolerating diversity.

I do speak my mind and let it be.
I don't have to win, just express myself.

 

[Nashville]

I don't have a problem speaking my mind, but it's the same person over and over then yes I can and will ignore. I only have so much energy and if someone is truly just trying to get under my skin, I just have to try and remind myself that they are doing it because they want a reaction, and by not giving it to them I've saved myself a headache.


Sometimes in my weak moments of frustration I look at this cartoon for help

 

[junebug17]

Imdanny, I recently commented on someone's post that contained some statements that bothered me, and I'm sorry I did now. No good came of it. I just ended up feeling frazzled and upset. I should have just ignored it, like you are trying to do. There's a part of me that feels I should be able to voice my opinion, but I think for the most part I'm better off just responding to the OP and ignoring other posts in the thread I disagree with. I guess I just can't handle confrontation very well, even on the internet.

 

[diva rose]

I don't have a problem speaking my mind, but it's the same person over and over then yes I can and will ignore. I only have so much energy and if someone is truly just trying to get under my skin, I just have to try and remind myself that they are doing it because they want a reaction, and by not giving it to them I've saved myself a headache.


Sometimes in my weak moments of frustration I look at this cartoon for help

lol - that cartoon is funny.

Yes I can ignore people on forums. In real life, I am confrontational but I just find online it causes more drama to confront.
However there are situations where I won't ignore e.g. someone being bullied online or mistreated. That's just wrong so I will speak up (in this case write) my thoughts.

 

[Arkteia]

Usually people are polite here but several times I felt either personally attacked or misunderstood or ended up with the feeling that a person was not very polite. Very few times. But recently I came to realize that actually, I was often dealing with people much, much younger than myself. Some are probably my son's age and he is quite frank.

When I made, I think, my first posting on the Hangout I felt under attack. And most of posts were OK, but one appeared quite rude and was personal. Then, from another post, I was able to gauge this person's age... Well, what would sound offensive in a 50-year old is probably assertive in someone who is in 20 to early 30 age group. And the poster, was, probably, thinking that she/he was talking to a person in hers/his age group. I thought that in real life, she/he is smart, ambitious, tough, has strong opinions and must already have achieved something since she/he here. And actually, she/he is likely in my voters' group. So I am OK with it now.

I do not ignore, I try to rationalize and make corrections.

 

[klewis]

If you think a poster is deliberately trying to antagonise you then ignoring them would definitely is the best way, but if it's just that you strongly disagree with another persons opinion, then why not state your opinion too if it's a subject you care about?

Apart from a situation where I felt I was being deliberately antagonised, I would never decide to ignore a specific member, regardless of who it is or what disagreement I may have had with them.

 

[Imdanny]

You see when I grew up I always wanted to be Kenny. He understands me perfectly. ROTFL!

 

[Imdanny]

Imdanny, I recently commented on someone's post that contained some statements that bothered me, and I'm sorry I did now. No good came of it. I just ended up feeling frazzled and upset. I should have just ignored it, like you are trying to do. There's a part of me that feels I should be able to voice my opinion, but I think for the most part I'm better off just responding to the OP and ignoring other posts in the thread I disagree with. I guess I just can't handle confrontation very well, even on the internet.

junebug17, thank you for your comments.

I haven't noticed who does what and when at PS so much as I can tell when posters are fighting with each other, and it's never any fun imo, for anyone involved (because I've been there) or for anyone reading. I've decided it plain isn't good for me and if other people want to do it the best thing I can do is ignore it.

Actually, I've also decided to stop reading about news and politics on the internet (a big turn around for me). I mean if there's real news, I figure I'll hear about it, but I don't want to spend my time being involved in all of these dramas and soap operas that are fought about day after day and month after month. It's exhausting and I have other things I could be and should be doing.

 

[that_someone_special]

One poster here drives me nuts. They are blocked
Others I will just skip the post after I've read a few lines of their "usual" type of post.

I would say as long as someone isn't trying to pass their CZ off as a real diamond (and it has happened...), I'm good with most posters. I try to stick more in the SMTB and pearl sub forums now than the chatty hangout

 

[Nashville]

If you think a poster is deliberately trying to antagonise you then ignoring them would definitely is the best way, but if it's just that you strongly disagree with another persons opinion, then why not state your opinion too if it's a subject you care about?

Apart from a situation where I felt I was being deliberately antagonised, I would never decide to ignore a specific member, regardless of who it is or what disagreement I may have had with them.

Well, I definitely agree but it can also go both ways. I'd sometimes rather see people ignore a poster than gang up or form a mob mentality, because that's just ugly. There's no need to form a lynch posse, if the person truly offends or you truly can't agree with them, move on to other discussions.

 

[Jennifer W]

I have to ignore, or I'd a) spend my short, precious life correcting people who are wrong on the internet and b) go nuts.

Sometimes it means not even opening whole threads because I know from the title I'm going to read something that offends or infuriates me. Even if I do read it, the sensible, smart and well argued posts are 'lost' to me, as I'm so stunned or irritated by the butt head posts. What's the point? No one is going to change their whole outlook because I tell them they ought to re-think things, so I won't give myself the grief trying.

ETA what I do make a point of ignoring is a post inserted into a conversation just to be snarky or confrontational. In the same way I'd ignore that in a real-life conversation, I suppose.

 

[Jennifer W]

People ignore me all the time. I don't know if it is because I'm offensive, or that nothing I have said is worth responding to.

I think a lot of people feel that way, and it isn't the case. I always read your posts, but I read a lot more than I type here, so probably don't respond directly too often. Doesn't mean I'm ignoring you, honest!

 

[elrohwen]

I've never gotten into a conflict on a forum. I'm very good at walking away, even if I'm annoyed. For the most part, nobody has ever really tried to piss me off either - just some minor drama here and there. The hardest things to walk away from have been on a pet forum, where people have posting some really irresponsible things. It takes a lot of self-control to not police them and just offer advice, then walk away.

 

[atroop711]

I try ignore ppl BUT if they were to say something very insulting then my temper will win over. I will def. let them know what I think of their ignorance. I do keep my opinion to myself a lot of the times because I cannot stand when ppl expect me to agree with them or insult my choices.

There is one online forum that I go to that's anonymous and I can tell you that everything flies there..woohoo ppl really let loose

 

[soocool]

People ignore me all the time. I don't know if it is because I'm offensive, or that nothing I have said is worth responding to.

Uppy, no way are you offensive. But I feel invisible here a lot. I guess it depends on what I have to offer and if it is what people want to hear.

Luckily, I have never felt that I been offended on the forums, but then I try to stay away from topics that are too controversial. I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and no one is right or wrong. Perhaps people find the need to attack others in order to feel superior or it had struck a "nerve".

 

[packrat]

I'm not easy to offend, I don't think. I've done some eyebrow raising. I've closed my eyes and hit the Submit button a few times and waited for the backlash, but usually it's been agree to disagree. I've done some heavy sighing when my opinion has been..I don't know what I'm looking for here...disregarded I guess, as being a certain way, and even tho I might think the opposing view is just as ridiculous, but I'm not going to *say* that b/c it's rude. I don't know that I've ever been directly quoted and told my views are wrong, but I've put my opinion out there and had people say "People who think ABC are XYZ" which lumps me in there. When there's a discussion and X thinks they're right and Y thinks they're right, it's one thing to give reasons why X/Y believe what they do. It's another thing for Y to say "Well, I see I'm wasting my time, people who think like X are never going to see the light and if we all felt the way they do our society would take a step backwards"..that's not very nice.

Everyone has different opinions, everyone has different experiences which lead them to feel the way they do. As I've said before, I don't have a little notebook where I"m busy scribbling away who said what to whom so I have something to refer back to and be irritated by or to bring it back up again at a later date. I raise my eyebrows or sigh, and then I forget who said it.

Most of the time, I *don't* say what my opinion is or what my experiences have been b/c I know that generally I'm in the minority/unpopular side of the debate. I *Like* hearing differing views/thoughts/opinions on things b/c my mind is open and I'm capable of putting myself in someone else's shoes to understand where they're coming from. I had great religious talks w/someone on another forum that I haven't talked to in years, but I have a lot of respect for that person for never ONCE making me feel inferior or wrong or stupid or uneducated.

 

[risingsun]

It depends on the topic, the person, and the importance I place on contributing my own opinion. If someone is behaving like a bully to me or someone else, I will definitely respond. A situation came up recently with a new poster. This person had tunnel vision and couldn't respond to what was actually addressed to him/her. I decided that I would attempt to persuade this person to respond to what I was actually saying. It took a good number of posts, but there was some mutual understanding by the end of the exchange. There are other posters with whom I wouldn't make the attempt, because I've seen the outcome of others' efforts.

 

[kenny]

I think it is VERY rare that poster A "deliberately" antagonizes poster B.
Actually, I don't think I have ever seen it on PS.
Other fora yes, PS no.

IMHO 99.99% of the time such "deliberate antagonization" is actually the perception of poster B.
But let me say, perception IS a very powerful thing.

In the 1970s I did est, Erhard Seminars Training.
A huge thing I got from it was recognizing how powerful perception it.
Much of "reality" that I was certain of up to that point I now understand as perception.

This is key, and very hard to describe to people.

 

[PinkTower]

People ignore me all the time. I don't know if it is because I'm offensive, or that nothing I have said is worth responding to.

I never ignore you. I always read your posts.
And, ya know why? Because of your posts that night in July. Undoubtedly, they will live in infamy as the funniest posts I have ever read. Girl, you are hysterical. I felt like I was at a high school pajama party.

 

[MissMina]

I'm not nearly as interested in being "right" as I am in being factual
If someone states their opinion as fact i will probably reply.

Aside from that I find myself more bemused than offended by
how many different takes there are on every subject

On a forum thee is no such thing as getting the last word

 

[DragonEyce]

I think it is VERY rare that poster A "deliberately" antagonizes poster B.
Actually, I don't think I have ever seen it on PS.
Other fora yes, PS no.

IMHO 99.99% of the time such "deliberate antagonization" is actually the perception of poster B.
But let me say, perception IS a very powerful thing.

In the 1970s I did est, Erhard Seminars Training.
A huge thing I got from it was recognizing how powerful perception it.
Much of "reality" that I was certain of up to that point I now understand as perception.

This is key, and very hard to describe to people.

Very insightful, Kenny. We all look at life through our own learned paradigm. Different is not bad, it's just different, unless someone is obviously lying or bullying. No one needs to put up with that.
Danny, ignore away. You don't have to agree or disagree with someone to be polite. Treat everyone with dignity and interact with those you wish to. Life is too short for pettiness, enjoy yourself.

 

[anitabee]

if you go to "my pages", "my account" and then "friends and foes" you'll find that under "foes" you actually have the ability to make all posts from any chosen member invisible (or i guess the post contents just won't show up).

i'm seriously considering doing this with one poster. the things written by this individual get under my skin and aren't worth viewing.

 

[iheartscience]

Ha, threads like this just make me wonder who is being blocked! I guess if it's me the blockers won't see this post and I'll feel ignored!

But to answer the original question, no one here really offends me enough to make me ignore them. I might think certain posts are pointless/incorrect/whatever, but no posts (or posters) really get under my skin or bother me. I actually almost never even think about PS when I'm not sitting online ON PS. If a poster really did get under my skin I could definitely ignore them. But I like reading everything so I wouldn't block anyone.

 

[Upgradable]

People ignore me all the time. I don't know if it is because I'm offensive, or that nothing I have said is worth responding to.

Uppy, no way are you offensive. But I feel invisible here a lot. I guess it depends on what I have to offer and if it is what people want to hear.

Luckily, I have never felt that I been offended on the forums, but then I try to stay away from topics that are too controversial. I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and no one is right or wrong. Perhaps people find the need to attack others in order to feel superior or it had struck a "nerve".

I've gotten too "old" to take the bait anymore. I had my moments, they were just all pre-Pricescope. There was only one poster here who could get my goat time after time!! Thank goodness she has been put on a very short (and tight) leash.

 

[Upgradable]

People ignore me all the time. I don't know if it is because I'm offensive, or that nothing I have said is worth responding to.

I never ignore you. I always read your posts.
And, ya know why? Because of your posts that night in July. Undoubtedly, they will live in infamy as the funniest posts I have ever read. Girl, you are hysterical. I felt like I was at a high school pajama party.

Oh, that is a night that will live on in our memories. It was like the date that wouldn't leave! Thanks Pinky. If I had a hat, I'd tip it to ya!

 

[Haven]

I really enjoy reading PS, and I post here a lot, but I can't say that anything that's ever gone on in these forums has affected me in any way once I was finished reading for the day. So, yes, I can ignore people who offend me on forums. (This is the only forum I read, so perhaps we are just exceedingly polite around here.)

In real life I have little to no tolerance for people who offend me, and I typically just walk away from them. I can't think of a time I've ever been bothered by such a person for more than the minute or so after the offending behavior. Life's filled with too many really interesting things to do and think about, I can't imagine letting something negative take up any of my time.

I've found the recent sensitivities here on PS to be a bit annoying, so I've been spending much less time around here. It isn't offensive, exactly, but it's something that has made my experience on PS to be less enjoyable. Rather than getting upset, I suppose you can say I've just ignored it by ignoring those who are overly sensitive (IMO) as well as topics that might provoke such posters.

 

[Imdanny]

Danny, ignore away. You don't have to agree or disagree with someone to be polite. Treat everyone with dignity and interact with those you wish to. Life is too short for pettiness, enjoy yourself.

Thanks.