Can I jump on the band wagon?

[kagordo4]

I've read about a lot of ladies LIWitis lately. I'm feeling it too.

I just don't understand what is going on. I finally got a solid of idea of the current situation: SO has the setting he bought it forever ago. I think he has a diamond too (like let's say 98% sure...) but I know (assuming I'm right about the diamond) it is not set yet...? He clearly said: "The stone and ring aren't set yet."

Is that confusing to anyone else? I mean, SO is the type of person that loses his phone while on it so why would he not have it set asap?

On top of that, I'm annoyed with everyone asking me why he hasn't proposed yet. I keep directing them to SO, he can bear that question as I have no freaking idea at this point.

I do know that if he doesn't do it soon I will keep my maiden name for practicing. If I go through more than 50% of med school with my maiden name, I'm keeping it, dang it! I realize that sounds silly to probably everyone, but to me it's just a feeling. I think it's a big deal to Dominicans that their spouse take their last name... well if I've begun the insane process of establishing myself in the medical (and research I'm working on this amazing cancer research project) by one name, I'm going to keep it. hmmph. And if his famiyl doesn't get that then he should have jumps ship a little sooner.

I've also been like... hoping? for an Halloween proposal, it has way more emotional significance to us than our actual anniversary in December. When I found out for sure the stone (assuming still I'm not wrong about him having it) is not set I knew Halloween was out, because it takes Tacori like 4 weeks plus to set it (per our Jeweler).

Fin.


Dust to everyone though <3 I hope all you lovely ladies have better luck than me in the coming weeks. Thanks for letting me whinge, I'm more of the hold-it-all-in-until-I-can't-take-it-then-take-a-bath-and-cry-for-an-hour type of girl .

Edited: I can't spell when annoyed apparently.

 

[amc80]

When will you be half way done with med school?

 

[maebelle]

I totally get that you want to have the same name during rotations as when you are applying for residencies, and having an established name for research papers to boot (good for you). Have you mentioned this to your SO? Does he understand that your name is BIG in research?

If I were staying in research I'd be less like to change my name. Im switching to the money/grant writing side of it all, but I have a couple of smaller manuscripts and one big one that is obviously under my maiden name, and I wouldn't want to give that up!

 

[AdanaEsq]

I totally understand why you want to keep your own name. I was married before did the name change, started practicing under that name, got divorced and had to deal with switching everything back. Obviously not your situation but I do get how much of a pain it is for practical purposes within your profession. Maybe he's not telling the truth that it isn't set but if that's the case then I'm sure he has some plan that he's working on for proposing to you.

 

[Jessie702]

Hon, i totally feel your annoyance, i too was hoping for a halloween proposal, and it doesnt look like its going to happen, based on money. I dont know whats taking your SO so long, but he must hang out with Mine, because they are dragging their feet big time. The only thing i can say, is, maybe he will surpise you and propose during the holiday and if not, he will propose when he feels its right. Im sorry and i relate...

 

[PrincessNatalie]

Can I jump on the band wagon?

Yes jump on! There is plenty of room!

Seriously though LIWitis is in the air at the moment, and IMHO it doesnt help that the list is hardly moving.

COME ON BOYS!

****DUST****

 

[slg47]

kagordo-I hope it happens soon. Sorry to hear that you're getting frustrated...but maybe it will happen on Halloween? It's hard to want to know what's going on yet want it to be a surprise too.

Also with regards to med school-I am not sure why women in science don't change their names more often. I am more than sure it is possible to link papers on your faculty website or CV or wherever it is, if they have a different name. I have really wondered why some computer people don't come up with some great function for google scholar and pubmed and other search engines that can link papers with maiden names...

well...it should happen soon, right? just try to enjoy everything and not worry about it too much...if it takes too much longer then maybe have a talk with FI but I would try to just be patient

 

[monarch64]

Ok, Kagordo, I think you have two separate issues here! One, you are unsure of whether the ring is put together. Two, you are unsure of whether he might propose on Halloween, or on your anniversary in December. Right?

Can the name change be left out of it for now?

I think you're stressing about lots of different things and maybe you should just focus on the one or two that are sort of within your control.

Right now, my advice would be to (of course, you know what I'm going to say!) leave him alone, and let him do his thing with the ring/setting/proposal. He will either do it Halloween (more likely) or on your anniversary in December (also likely), either way he has you GUESSING. This is what the man is supposed to do, girl!

The issue about your name is COME ON! Look, unless you want to give us dates and times, and tell us when your name will be 50%, you can't use that as a bargaining tool. Seriously! I get it, I get it...but come on...where is this coming from? Last ditch effort to "show him" that you are the woman? That's fine, but I think he's going to propose if only you will let him!

ETA: please understand that all of the above comes from a loving place, I think the world of all of you LIW's.

Much love,
Monnie
(seriously!)

 

[blacksand]

Agreed with Monnie. Focus on one thing at a time for now. I completely understand where you're coming from with the name change concern, and I understand why you wouldn't want to change it, but really, I think bringing it up now as a bargaining chip, even if that's not your intention, is just going to make your boyfriend feel bad. And that's not helping the proposal. Once you are engaged (soon!) and planning a wedding, then you should revisit the name change idea and make a decision about it while discussing it with him. It sounds like it will be a big discussion, since it seems to be very important to him. But bringing it up now to get him to propose sooner? That's not going to help things along. It sounds like it's coming soon, so I don't think you need to do any pushing. You'll be there soon enough!

 

[kagordo4]

Ok, Kagordo, I think you have two separate issues here! One, you are unsure of whether the ring is put together. Two, you are unsure of whether he might propose on Halloween, or on your anniversary in December. Right?

Can the name change be left out of it for now?

I think you're stressing about lots of different things and maybe you should just focus on the one or two that are sort of within your control.

Right now, my advice would be to (of course, you know what I'm going to say!) leave him alone, and let him do his thing with the ring/setting/proposal. He will either do it Halloween (more likely) or on your anniversary in December (also likely), either way he has you GUESSING. This is what the man is supposed to do, girl!

The issue about your name is COME ON! Look, unless you want to give us dates and times, and tell us when your name will be 50%, you can't use that as a bargaining tool. Seriously! I get it, I get it...but come on...where is this coming from? Last ditch effort to "show him" that you are the woman? That's fine, but I think he's going to propose if only you will let him!

ETA: please understand that all of the above comes from a loving place, I think the world of all of you LIW's.

Much love,
Monnie
(seriously!)

Totally taken with much love because you're absolutely right. Thank you!

I was thinking about this in lab earlier... it was boring so I was spacing. I think I totally overstressed the name thing. I would NEVER try to force SO into anything, ever. The name thing sort of popped into my head when I starting b*tching and then it nagged at me. : P I realized this morning (before getting to check LIW) that is could very, very easily have come out as complaining (which I was.. just not to him : p ) or as a "bargaining tool" but I would never do that to him, I promise : I should have popped in earlier today to rectify my moaning and groaning I just didn’t have time until lunch (now).
So yeah: last name complaint was just a random and fleeting thought in the mush that is currently my brain, please forgive me everyone for sounding stupid and immature. I don't even know where "it" came from, maybe I need a vacation.

I don't nag, actually I don't talk about engagement anything, and he brought it up. I'm one of the LIW that doesn't snoop or try to pry out information and I actually wanted very little to do with the engagement ring shopping process but he drug me into it. I'm usually super chill about everything; I don't know why I'm suddenly annoyed with all the proposals and weddings (in my friends and family) of late. Hmmph maybe it's the weather change that has me feeling like this.


amc: My Medical school is nontraditional (I think.. if I'm incorrect someone please!! feel free to correct me). Traditionally you attend three years then do one or two years of rotations? Not totally sure. We do three years straight of classes (no summers but a week or two off once in a great moon.) Then we will do a full year of rotations. So, I'll be "halfway" done in about a year. I don't count rotations (even though they're called year four) as physical school time.

Slg: my step-sister just got married in year four and she went through hell and high water in an attempt to get her certifications changed. I mean I'll do it, but I'll just complain along the way : P I agree google scholar better get on it : D

Blacksand: I promise I had/have no delusions of trying to force or persuade SO to propose. My name complaint was a separate issue that popped into my head mid complaint. It left as quickly as it came. I have no intentions emasculating my boyfriend to “win”.

 

[kagordo4]

Can I jump on the band wagon?

Yes jump on! There is plenty of room!

Seriously though LIWitis is in the air at the moment, and IMHO it doesnt help that the list is hardly moving.

COME ON BOYS!

****DUST****

And it's been so slow around here period. I hope someone gets engaged soon : ) we need some pictures to spice things up.

 

[blacksand]

I didn't so much think you were pressuring him to propose as I thought he would think you were pressuring him to propose if you threw the name change thing in his face right now. Don't worry, I don't think your an emasculating witch or anything. I just don't want you to stress about too many things all at once. It's definitely a big decision and a conversation you'll have to have once you are engaged, but I just wouldn't worry about it right now. You'll drive yourself crazy. It's happening soon, really!

I'm trying to my hardest to get engaged soon for your general entertainment...but I'm afraid it will be at least a month or two. I'm currently trying to restrain myself from constantly spamming you all with my diamond. Gotta keep the diamond spam under control.

 

[kagordo4]

lol! Crazy happened when I took orgo I, yuck.

I can't speak for everyone but I personally would looooooove you spam us with pictures of your diamond.

 

[slg47]

Slg: my step-sister just got married in year four and she went through hell and high water in an attempt to get her certifications changed. I mean I'll do it, but I'll just complain along the way : P I agree google scholar better get on it : D

I just think this is such a common issue I'm surprised no one has really tried to tackle it. I mean perhaps women academics and professional types are more likely to keep their name but it seems like it doesn't have to be a huge pain to switch, you know?