Calling all Empty Nesters Out There!

[njmom8285]

I saw the new thread for moms to be (and dads?). Thought it was such a great idea~when I had my children so loooong ago

it would have been great to network with expectant moms, sometimes it''s a very scary process. But of course when I had my kids computers where the size of rooms and the only high tech toys we had were our calculators and cassette tapes!!

So, needless to say DH and I am an empty nesters. Pretty much so anyway~our youngest just received her MSW and can''t afford to leave yet(And for several reasons, I really need her help sometimes)....but she is into her own things anyway! I don''t know if there is anyone else out there that would like to join in and have a little company in this transition~but, I thought I would put the idea out there.

Everyone thinks being at this stage is just one big freedom party. But, I for one would rather go back 20 years and have my kids stay in the wonder of their childhood for a bit longer. I miss those little faces lighting up as they ran out of the school at 3pm.

 

[soocool]

I am not an empty nester yet, but my DD is 17 and a junior in high school and will be off to college in less than 2 years. She is hardly ever home anymore with all her extracurricular activities. Plus, she is driving now so I don''t even get to play catch up the way I used to when I drove her everywhere. I had her in my 30s (I am now 53) while my friends were in their 20s when they had theirs.

My friends and I had kept in touch somwehat over the years, each of us busy with our kids, but now I hear from them at least once a week suffering from the dreaded "empty nest". More so the moms than the dads.

Since I will be soon approaching that stage in my life, I would love to be prepared and have a support network. I hope that others will jump on board with this!

 

[gardengloves]

Hi NJ mom,

I''m an empty nester too. Kids grown and flew the nest.

Love having my kids come for long weekends to dote on them, fuss over, cook for, take shopping, spoil rotten,
watch movies, but also really like the being with just me and DH.

.

 

[njmom8285]

Hi So cool and Gardengloves!

I''m glad to find some other Moms out there like me. My kids are great~and I couldn''t be prouder. It~well for me anyway; is not the same as when they were younger and still at home. I miss that part of being involved in their lives as much as back then.

My son is almost 28, and my daughter is 24. He lives about 1 1/2 hours away, in fact we are visiting him today for a late Christmas visit and to give his girlsfriend her gifts. He was home for Christmas~but she went to her family and so we are getting together today. I feel blessed that they still feel the commitment to be with thier families although, I think next year might be different. My son talks from time to time about getting engaged, they have been together a little over 3 years and she is a great young woman. I''m really old fashioned and feel a bit unformfortable with the living together thing. But they almost all do it now! I keep joking with him as they buy household stuff that there won''t be anything left to get them when they do get engaged!!

My daughter does still live at home. But also is hardly ever around, because of her work schedule and trying to have a social life. She does make her best effort to help me though. That is mostly because I am chronically ill and she is my main support. I won''t even go into DH''s role in all this. She has a boyfriend and they too have been together about 2 1/2 years. For various reasons they are taking things slow and she is quite independant from him~still goes out with her girlfriends as does he with his buddies. That is just fine with me. She just got out of Grad school in May and is busy building her career.

I can so identify with the college angst...my son was only an hour away, but DD was 3 1/2 hours for undergrad., and it killed me while she was so far from home!!
Do your kids know where they want to go yet? Are either of you working outside the home? I did until about 5 years ago when I was forced to leave early because of health issues.

I really hope we can conitinue our post and get to know each other. Maybe even talk about our passion for jewelry too! Take care and have a great day. I can''t wait to hear back!!

 

[ImpatientOne]

We're empty nesters, too! Grandkids make up for the times where I miss my kids being little

My oldest (27) is a Marine stationed down in California with his wife and two little ones. My middle child child is 22 and recently returned back to the nest in order to prepare to enlist in the military. Hopefully she will be ready to go in another month or two. The youngest (20) is getting ready to graduate from college in May. She goes to school in Hawaii, so is pretty much out of the house. She is not planning on returning home for long once she graduates.

I was a single mom since the youngest was one, and just married my husband almost three years ago. I always thought I would be sad once all of my kids left home, but I LOVE the freedom

While I enjoy having them come to visit, I love the life my husband and I have together when everyone is gone. I spent so many years taking care of kids all by myself, I finally feel like now it is "me" time!

 

[gardengloves]

Date: 1/9/2010 2:23:38 PM
Author: njmom8285
Hi So cool and Gardengloves!


I''m glad to find some other Moms out there like me. My kids are great~and I couldn''t be prouder. It~well for me anyway; is not the same as when they were younger and still at home. I miss that part of being involved in their lives as much as back then.


My son is almost 28, and my daughter is 24. He lives about 1 1/2 hours away, in fact we are visiting him today for a late Christmas visit and to give his girlsfriend her gifts. He was home for Christmas~but she went to her family and so we are getting together today. I feel blessed that they still feel the commitment to be with thier families although, I think next year might be different. My son talks from time to time about getting engaged, they have been together a little over 3 years and she is a great young woman. I''m really old fashioned and feel a bit unformfortable with the living together thing. But they almost all do it now! I keep joking with him as they buy household stuff that there won''t be anything left to get them when they do get engaged!!


My daughter does still live at home. But also is hardly ever around, because of her work schedule and trying to have a social life. She does make her best effort to help me though. That is mostly because I am chronically ill and she is my main support. I won''t even go into DH''s role in all this. She has a boyfriend and they too have been together about 2 1/2 years. For various reasons they are taking things slow and she is quite independant from him~still goes out with her girlfriends as does he with his buddies. That is just fine with me. She just got out of Grad school in May and is busy building her career.


I can so identify with the college angst...my son was only an hour away, but DD was 3 1/2 hours for undergrad., and it killed me while she was so far from home!!

Do your kids know where they want to go yet? Are either of you working outside the home? I did until about 5 years ago when I was forced to leave early because of health issues.


I really hope we can conitinue our post and get to know each other. Maybe even talk about our passion for jewelry too! Take care and have a great day. I can''t wait to hear back!!

Hi NJ Mom,

I can so relate to the issue of visiting for belated gifts cause grown kids are scattered with significant others on holidays. Holidays become an issue when a son has a girlfriend or in my case a wife. My daughter- in law''s family seems to have the hold on all holidays from Thanksgiving to Mother''s Day, and everything in-between. I''ve managed to stake a claim on Christmas. I don''t want to interfere in my son''s marriage, I want him to be with his wife- so never make a fuss, and I know how he feels so its OK. she is great and I love her, but I know how she is with her mom. I just stand back!

Both my kids, son married and single daughter are about an hour away,- but daughter recently discovered how easy it is to get on train and spend weekend with me, so now she is a frequent guest and I love it. I wish we all lived closer. I take such good care of her she doesn''t want to leave. I work and commute into NYC where she lives, and we often get together for lunch and she comes home with me when I get lucky. When DH travels for work I sleep over at her apartment, so we have lots of quality time together. I love having her around - we cook and putter, watch movies, chat, shop, its like old times.

This is a second marriage for me, kids from the first, so I am actually enjoying the empty nest and the freedom. DH adores my kids, has none of his own, - but he is great with my kids.

It''s a different stage in life, learning to adjust to kids as adults, and finding your own life opening up as well. At least that''s my take, but I miss being with them.

 

[soocool]

Date: 1/9/2010 2:23:38 PM
Author: njmom8285
Hi So cool and Gardengloves!

I'm glad to find some other Moms out there like me. My kids are great~and I couldn't be prouder. It~well for me anyway; is not the same as when they were younger and still at home. I miss that part of being involved in their lives as much as back then.

My son is almost 28, and my daughter is 24. He lives about 1 1/2 hours away, in fact we are visiting him today for a late Christmas visit and to give his girlsfriend her gifts. He was home for Christmas~but she went to her family and so we are getting together today. I feel blessed that they still feel the commitment to be with thier families although, I think next year might be different. My son talks from time to time about getting engaged, they have been together a little over 3 years and she is a great young woman. I'm really old fashioned and feel a bit unformfortable with the living together thing. But they almost all do it now! I keep joking with him as they buy household stuff that there won't be anything left to get them when they do get engaged!!

My daughter does still live at home. But also is hardly ever around, because of her work schedule and trying to have a social life. She does make her best effort to help me though. That is mostly because I am chronically ill and she is my main support. I won't even go into DH's role in all this. She has a boyfriend and they too have been together about 2 1/2 years. For various reasons they are taking things slow and she is quite independant from him~still goes out with her girlfriends as does he with his buddies. That is just fine with me. She just got out of Grad school in May and is busy building her career.

I can so identify with the college angst...my son was only an hour away, but DD was 3 1/2 hours for undergrad., and it killed me while she was so far from home!!
Do your kids know where they want to go yet? Are either of you working outside the home? I did until about 5 years ago when I was forced to leave early because of health issues.

I really hope we can conitinue our post and get to know each other. Maybe even talk about our passion for jewelry too! Take care and have a great day. I can't wait to hear back!!

Originally DD was looking at all schools on the east coast. (We are in southeastern PA) She has a couple of friends who started college in Sept 2009 and all complained about the problems travelling home over the holidays because of weather and airport security issues and they are looking to transfer to a college closer to home by their sophomore year. So now DD is rethinking about going out of state. She wants to stay in PA, but would consider NJ as well. On the top of her list is Bloomsburg University and West Chester University. She is phenomenal in math, but has not expressed a desire to major in it. She is really into Photography and has centered all her electives around it since freshman year. We are starting the college visits this spring and will do some over the summer as well.

As for me, I quit working full time after DD was born, then worked part time (school hours) in retail (Etienne Aigner) for the discount when DD began kindergarten. In addition to the 20% discount, twice a year we got 50% off everything in the store, including sale and clearance items. My closet is stocked. I only stayed about 2 years because they were demanding I work evening hours and I refused. After that I found another part time position writing proposals and doing the billing for a medical education service. There was a company buyout and after the consolidation of several of their similar companies, they decided they would centralize my position in their NJ home office, so I was laid off. I only worked about 15 hrs per week and I was given a 3 year severance pay at full time salary. After 6 months, for whatever reason, they found they could not do what I did and they offered me the position again. I declined and sold them on the idea of consulting for them. Funny, their salary budget (job title, etc) would only allow them to pay me $25.00 per hour, but as a consultant I charge $40.00/hour,but beginning this year they will pay $45.00 ( I gave myself a raise). I also bill for any expenses I incur, travel, paper, ink, phone calls, etc. If they chose not to use me, I really do not care. But they already have me booked for 2 projects. I can perform the job whenever it pleases me and do not have to work out of their office. Most everything is done via computer.