Burial question

[packrat]

Ack, this feels so distasteful, but I don't know who to ask, other than maybe calling one of the funeral homes.

When a parent dies, who is responsible for the payment for the burial and funeral etc? More specifically, if a parent has NO money set aside? Do you hope and cross your fingers that they have life insurance? What if the life insurance *was* there, and the payments weren't kept up on it?

 

[Karl_K]

The estate is responsible.
If there is no estate and no one steps forward to pay it the state will pay for a basic funeral.
Which varies state to state.
Medicare pays $250 towards it.
In many states it is now cremation and interment in basically a big vault with their name on a plaque others it is basic fiberglass casket and an unmarked plot in the "community field".
In IL the state pays ~$1200 on top of the $255 and it is up to the funeral director what services they will provide for that money.
Cemeteries are required to set aside a section as a community field and are paid ~$500 a plot out of the state $1200.
Many Cemeteries if you want to put a marker you are required to pay for a plot as none are allowed in the community field.
Others provide a stamped metal marker, and some you can buy a marker and have it placed on one.
Veterans get a little better treatment because the VA pays for a regular plot.

 

[Karl_K]

As a kinda morbid aside IL is 10s of millions of dollars behind on paying for them.
The place that handles most of them for the city of Chicago is owed over a million dollars by the state.

 

[Dancing Fire]

when my dad passed away 3 yrs ago my brother,sister and i had to chip in $2000 ea for his $28k funeral (chinese traditional style) even after we received about $4700 in cash donation from our friends.he had about $17K in life insurance.

funeral home = $12K
casket = $4300
casket liner = $1200
cemetery service on weekend = $2000
dinner after the service =$2700
grave marker = $1600
flowers = $1500
plot = $750 which was purchased in 1985 when my mother passed away or else it would of cost an extra $4300.
plus a few more thousand dollars for them Chinese traditional stuffs.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Ack, this feels so distasteful, but I don't know who to ask, other than maybe calling one of the funeral homes.When a parent dies, who is responsible for the payment for the burial and funeral etc? More specifically, if a parent has NO money set aside? Do you hope and cross your fingers that they have life insurance? What if the life insurance *was* there, and the payments weren't kept up on it?

they'll try to rip you off,so shop around for the best price. don't buy the casket from the funeral home.

 

[packrat]

Thanks Karl and DF! I feel a little better about it now. I was under the impression that if there was no money then WE would be responsible and it was making me verge on panic attacks and toss and turn at night wondering if when the time came we'd have to file bankruptcy.

She's got life insurance at the moment, but we can't pay it ourselves, and getting the bills paid from her account is giving me fits, so if it ended up lapsing, or should something happen while the bill is behind, I want to be sure we'll still be in the clear.

Would I need to talk to anyone to make sure? Like would the funeral home know if anything varies by State? She has it specified that she does not want to be embalmed, so I don't know if that would cause an issue if there's no money and the State is paying?

I *thought* I'd read on cnn.com a while back that there was a certain amount set aside for each State to bury those w/no money, (an article, must've been about IL, b/c I remember being stunned about the money and people that couldn't afford burial) but that was a while back and I couldn't remember, so thank you for confirming it!

It's not something I'm expecting to happen tomorrow, but I'm anxious that things won't be taken care of the way they should and we'll be left scrambling at the end, so I just wanted to be sure!

ETA-DF, you can buy caskets places other than a funeral home? I didn't know that. Seems weird to buy it someplace else doesn't it?

 

[HVVS]

If you just Google casket store, it will give you a map of them in the USA. Apparently they are more of an urban thing. There was one that opened in about 2002 or 2003 where I used to live. People thought it was rather outrageous that a downtown store had caskets and urns in the window, lol.

 

[Dancing Fire]

ETA-DF, you can buy caskets places other than a funeral home? I didn't know that. Seems weird to buy it someplace else doesn't it?

no, infact for the identical casket (my dad's) the funeral home wanted to charge us like $9700 so we bought the same casket from an outside source for $4300. it is the law now (at least in Ca) all funeral homes must accept caskets purchased from an outside source.

btw; nowadays you can even order a casket from Costco.com

 

[packrat]

Wow, I had no idea! I had to go look at costco.com to satisfy my curiosity. You really can buy completely anything/everything over the internet. It still seems weird, but when finances are an issue you do what you need to do I suppose.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Wow, I had no idea! I had to go look at costco.com to satisfy my curiosity. You really can buy completely anything/everything over the internet. It still seems weird, but when finances are an issue you do what you need to do I suppose.

don't let the funeral home rip you off if they price match,fine,if not, then go with an outside source.

 

[monarch64]

You need to check out the life insurance policy. They won't talk to you unless you're the owner of the policy, so if she's able to give them permission to speak with you then do that. If not , when she dies everything will go to her estate unless she's named you or someone else a contingent owner. It's imperative that you get this taken care of before her death. I work in LI, and too many times I've see people worrying over funeral costs and having to pony up the money themselves instead of the life insurance payout because of the owner issue. If you're not contingent owner, the LI company will require a death certificate plus a letter of testementary (PITA to get from the courthouse)...etc.

So sorry to hear this news, and let me know if there is any info I can provide to help you out.

 

[Ninna]

Family funerals are incredibly stressful and expensive 10-12k is average in my region, time to time you get 40k affairs. About 75% of the time family members pitch in once the bid is given. The rest already payed and had their plots picked in groups of 2 & 4, 4x9'.
I agree with last poster, you should check ins, and have mom do necessary changes ASAP.
Religion/traditions play a big role. The key is to know what you want NOW and not to be lured into any unnecessary expenditures.
Buy a cheap casket from outside the funeral home [sorry DAD, please look the other way] NO one will be able to appreciate the cherry mahogany after you place the flower saddle over it.
Funeral homes charge a substantial mark up when we they know they have a desperate customer. Keep in mind that sealed caskets are
MUCH more expensive than unsealed ones, if your parent wants to be 'sealed' just ask the cordinator to keep the casket Closed, it takes a second w/o charge.

Embalming unecessary, refrigerating is much cheaper.

DON'T fall into packages F Homes allude all to a unecessary services, i g n o r e.
Hold memorial service at home or favorite park, much more cheaper and quite special/cozy imho.
Inviting close friends and relatives back to your place [or a family member] is a LOT less expensive than a restaurant. If you belong to a church/temple they will allow you to do it at heir hall as long as you let them know sooner than the day of. Allowing family/friends to bring something can save you hundreds, and make them BE part of it, a small donation should be given.

Music, if a relative/friend cound play a tune or two? CD ok...all totally unnecessary in my book.
Flowers, MAIL orders are often cheaper. Same goes for 'professional printers' funeral programs can be done in your computer.

CREMATION, bothers many, cheapest way to go..no need for burial plot. After a few decades in this I can honestly say that is quite popular $!
It varies from state to state and many require a permit, You may be present [AND highly recomend] when the body enters the retort.
Scattering [ashes] pulverized bones at a later time [privately] attracts many. A genetic plastic urn will be provided by the crematoria
so a wooden box may be needed to support/display them, ashes are quite heavy btw.
AS I said, arranging a funeral for a loved one is incredibly stressful, get as much info and advice as you can TODAY, don't be taken by the first offer. Good Luck!

 

[kenny]

Unfortunately I think many people feel that spending more money means they cared more, or the deceased was more-loved, or they'll be seen as being a better person . . . blah blah blah.

To each his/her own.

I'd look into a green funeral.
http://www.thegreenfuneralsite.com/

Yeah, Costco has caskets from $924 to $2500, but nothing biodegradable.

 

[MissMina]

My father passed away several years ago in Oceanside CA.
There was no funeral no burial no flowers no casket
He was cremated and we chartered a boat to take us beyond the three mile limit to
scatter his ashes. The whole family was there and it was very meaningful to us.
Total cost was less than $500.

 

[packrat]

JD's POA, and there is a $25,000 policy and he is listed as beneficiary. There is another policy in his sister's name, same amount, but when the time comes, she'll take her money and skedaddle. His mom is in a nursing home, and other than those 2 policies, she has nothing.

When the time comes, I see my dad taking over and helping figure things out b/c he's gone thru it before and I certainly have no clue how to go about anything, and I don't think JD will want/be able to deal with it himself.

That's part of what prompted me to start the thread..I have a hard time getting him to pay the bills for her policy. I can write out the check but I can't sign it b/c he's POA, and I get tired of forcing him to do it, so I want to make sure our finances (and lack thereof) are safe. I know he doesn't want to face this stuff and acknowledge that she's ill but..you do what you gotta do. And it's not like it's probably going to happen tomorrow, it could be years, but it's just not something he wants to deal with I guess.

Is it bad of me to not tell him that if there is no life insurance the State will cover basics? I don't want it to be..like an opt out thing, like oh well, then I'm not going to bother b/c the State will do it. I feel disloyal and like a horrible wife but she's already got the policies and can afford the payments, so that's how I feel it should be.

Even still, it would be the very basic, nothing fancy.