Bummed when I really shouldn''t be...

[rockzilla]

Some background. I am really close with my oldest cousin, let''s call her "K." K is quite a bit older than me (she''s 42, I''m 25) and we have been close ever since I was a little baby. When she would babysit me, people would even think she was my mom. When I went out to look at colleges on the west coast, it was her and not my mom that made the trip with me. I was also the flowergirl in her wedding.

When K was in her early thirties, her husband was killed in a car accident. It was a really sad time for the whole family, particularly because they were such a great couple. She is a really funloving person, and for many years after that she dated younger guys who weren''t really ready to committ. But, over the years she''s really realized that she wants to have a family (she would make such a great mom!) and has been going through that tough dating stuff. The last 8-10 months or so, she''s been dating a guy that it seems like she is really serious about having a future with.

So, this is all GREAT for her. I talked to her today, and found out that they are expecting. SO awesome...with everything she has been through, I am so excited for her. I know she was unsure how long she''d have to TTC, due to her age, etc, but I guess it turns out they didn''t have to wait long at all. They are planning a small elopement, just the two of them, early this year.

Now for the part I feel really bad about. Her due date is August 20th. My wedding is August 15th. I am really sad that she won''t be able to make it, but also thrilled for her. What bums me out though is that it means most likely all my closest family besides my mom and dad (my aunt, uncle and cousins) now won''t be coming to my wedding as well. These are the people who mean the most to me, that I really wanted there (I even picked the date that would be best for them to come from MA to California) and I am just heartbroken. At the same time, I feel so guilty for even thinking this because I know what a great thing this is for our family and a wonderful blessing to celebrate.

I don''t need you to tell me that it''s selfish to feel this way, and I should just be happy for her -- I know that, and I am. I''m just disappointed that having my family there (really, one of the reasons you get married) isn''t going to happen. And I thought things were going so well....

 

[redfaerythinker]

Oh my gosh. You totally have a right to feel bummed. Maybe someone with a wireless computer card could webcam the ceremony to her? I''m so sorry that she can''t be there for you. *HUGS*

 

[mrowmrowsmom]

Oops. I just posted this in the wrong topic.

 

[iheartscience]

That is a bummer/good news. Do you think your family will really all skip your wedding? I know that babies are important, but most of the time you have to wait a few days to all see the baby anyways. (Mom''s still in the hospital, may not want visitors, etc. Plus the baby is just a lil'' lump-an adorable lump, but still just a lump!) I would just be really surprised if people skipped your wedding because of her due date/possibly baby on the way. So don''t despair yet!

 

[Gypsy]

Hi Honey, we had a similar thing happen. Three of the people we just could not imagine not being there were pregnant with due dates right at our wedding date, and I felt the same. Happy for them, but bummed too. I didn''t do a video, but if you do... have one editted down to 2- minutes of key footage (walking down the aisle, vows, first kiss, entrance to reception, first dance clips) and send it to her with your wedding announcement. Even if you aren''t doing full on announcements you can do one special one for her.

 

[Blair138]

I don''t really have advice for you but just wanted to tell you that you are not alone! I too had someone super close to me get pregnant and her due date is a week after my wedding. There was some uncertainty if she would make it to my wedding and in my heart I was so happy for her, but in my head I felt like a horrible person because I was upset that she might not be at my wedding. She actually got the surprise of a life and is expecting twins, and I cannot tell you how relieved I am that she will be able to make it to my wedding.

Sorry you are going through this, but you are not a horrible person for being upset.

 

[Deelight]

I don''t think your being selfish in the slightest, it is not as if you can in here and went oh woe me my life is over how dare she fall pregnant.

That said I can understand I can understand why your feeling the way you do it is a bummer but do you know for certain everyone is going to skip your day for the new bubba? Chances are they will be able to both, excepting your pregnant cousin unless you have been told otherwise.

 

[Sabine]

I just wanted to give you [[[hugs]]] because that is a really difficult situation. You have every right to feel conflicted over being happy and sad at the same time.

 

[neatfreak]

Hon, you are totally justified in feeling sad and disappointed! Let the tears flow for now, it's perfectly natural and acceptable to be sad when someone can't come to your wedding regardless of the reason. Now if you go all bridezilla on her and insist that she induces 2 weeks early so that everyone could come to your wedding I'd be singing a different tune here.

 

[elrohwen]

Awww, that would make me really disappointed too! I don''t think you''re being selfish. It would be selfish to say you didn''t like her "stealing your thunder" or something. You''re just disappointed because you can''t share your special day with someone you really love (and those who are also close to her). You''ll just have to have a little party with her later where you can show her all the pics and she can introduce you to her new baby!

 

[bee*]

Sending hugs- I would be totally bummed too. That''s really disappointing for you.

 

[kittybean]

I think feeling bummed is totally natural and expected in the circumstances--I would feel that way too, no matter how exciting the news! As long as you are understanding, there is no reason you can''t privately feel a little sad. I am crossing my fingers that some of the family members will come to your wedding anyway. Hugs to you!

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

You''re totally justified in being bummed... I would be, too... And you''re cleeaaaarrrrllly not angry with her. It''s just a total downer that she won''t be able to make the trip. :::hugs::: I hope that you''ll have time to arrange a trip sometime after your wedding to visit her & the baby and the rest of her family. And bring any wedding DVDs/albums to share with her!

As excited as she is about the baby, I''m certain she''s sad to miss out on your special day.

 

[EricaR]

A few more (((hugs))) from me, too. I''m sorry this situation stinks. Hopefully the rest of your family will still make the trip.

 

[swingirl]

Aww. Sorry things are working out that way. A disappointment for sure as your guests are something you were counting on. It's understandable to be bummed. (((hugs)))

 

[rockzilla]

I just wanted to post an update to the situation. It is really sad...my cousin and her SO lost the baby =( Apparently there were major developmental problems that would have made it impossible for her to carry to term.

I am so so sad for her. I know she wanted this so badly...and wasn''t sure she''d be able to conceive...and then when she did, to have this heartbreak happen.

While this means that I will have at least some family members at the wedding, I feel almost guilty about thinking about it. I remember a passing thought I had a few weeks back...along the lines of "maybe she''ll have the baby early...and it will be perfectly healthy and they''ll be able to come after all." Now I feel so awful for even having thought that, given what has happened. I love my cousin so much, and I know she will be a great mom someday...

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Totally understandable...

Maybe you could go out to be with her for a long weekend, and spend time getting facials and shopping. A beautiful day with her "just because" can be as rewarding as a beautiful memory of her at your wedding...

 

[iheartscience]

I''m sorry to hear that, rockzilla.

Don''t feel bad about thinking she could come if she had the baby a little early-of course you would want her to be able to come, and thoughts can''t make anything happen! (As much as I wish they could!)

 

[choro72]

So sorry for you and your cousin...I know you were looking forward to seeing the baby. And don''t feel bad. I think I will have more selfish thoughts if I were in your shoes.

 

[Kelli]

I totally understand why you''d be bummed. I think anyone would be. It seems too early to assume that none of them can make it though. I''m hoping that some of them will be able to be there for you.

 

[redfaerythinker]

Oh rockzilla, i''m so sorry to hear your update. Please don''t feel guilty for your passing thought about her having the baby early. Remind yourself that you would never in a million years wish any bad on your cousin. This must be such a difficult time for you and your family. *Hugs* to you, and prayers to your cousin and her SO.