Bridezilla check, please - STD debacle

[BigDiamonds]

Okay ladies, give it to me straight: am I being a Bridezilla? I, of course, think that I am being totally reasonable

, but there is always that possibility that I am wrong. Here is the situation:

My mom generously offered to contribute some $ to the wedding. It''s not a ton of money, but it helps and I appreciate what she''s willing to do. So when she suggested that this graphic designer she works with could design my invitations, I thought it was a great way for my mom to feel involved. I also get cool custom invitations, although I have to say that this was a distant second on the reason list.

To make a long story short, the process has been a total cluster&%#$. The woman was not very responsive, acted put out whenever I wanted her to change something, and generally took a long time. Then I got the STD proofs, and the color was wrong and print quality was poor. That''s when I found out that she was printing everything at Kinkos and had to adjust the color settings every time. I told my mom that I wasn''t happy with that, and she agreed to find a professional printer to print everything based on this woman''s designs. Fortunately, she found someone happy to do it, who is doing it for FREE

because they have a good business relationship.

The problem is that this thing is dragging on and on. STDs should have been out in early Dec - it is now early Jan and I haven''t even seen the proof yet. Both FI and I have people calling/emailing/Facebooking every week asking about the wedding date, and the majority of our guests have to travel cross-country to attend. I called my mom over the weekend to ask about the proofs (which were supposed to be in last week and were NOT), and told her that we really needed to get these out soon. My mom acted like I was just freaking out, and even told me, "Chill out Bridezilla."

She doesn''t feel like she can push this guy on the printing because he''s doing it for free. I understand that, but how pushy is it to call and say, "Hi, I just wanted to follow up on the proofs, we would really like to get the STDs out soon."

I''m frustrated because I now know that this thing has been slow as heck because she doesn''t have any urgency on it, and she thinks I''m being unreasonable by asking for things a month after I was supposed to have them!!

If I could do it again, I would just order invites off the internet. I totally understand that these people are operating outside of their professional capacity, and it''s not that I''m unwilling to compromise, but I feel that over a month after the requested date is compromise enough.

So tell me - do I need to settle down? FI thinks this is the most ridiculous thing he''s ever heard and that my mom is being crazy. Of course, if I''m actually Bridezilla, maybe he''s just saying that for his own safety.

 

[havernell]

When is your wedding (i.e. how many months notice would you be giving your guests if your save the dates went out today)?

 

[BigDiamonds]

The wedding is mid-June, on a Friday in CO. Most guests are traveling from the east coast, so there is definitely planning involved.

 

[Winslet]

It seems to me that your actual reaction to the situation hasn''t been Bridezilla-ish at all! I think you should take the lead on this and approach the STD guy yourself, just as calmly as you did in the example in your post of what you might say to him. It might be best not to get your mom involved in the follow-up even if she did negotiate the sweet deal - it''s creating unnecessary tension between the two of you. Just my two cents

Good luck, I hope you feel better about the whole thing soon!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Wow, just curious, when did you guys get engage (can''t remember)? I would have sent them out in august or September if you were engaged by then. I definitely do not think you are being unreasonable. I''m kind of embarrassed for my profession (graphic design) by the way this lady went about doing all this...seriously...kinkos? ugh!

 

[Allison D.]

If I were in this situation now, I'd probably just go ahead and order them off the internet as you would have done originally and get them out. Your mom won't be out any money over it, and you won't have to create an uncomfortable situation.

OR

Your other alternative is just to send an email to everyone with all the details saying "OOPS - printer gaffed on my STDs. The replacements should be printed and mailed shortly, but since so many of you have asked for details to begin making plans, I'm sending them via this email too."

 

[BigDiamonds]

thank you all for the input. It make me feel better to know that you guys would feel the same way - I was stressing about this all day! Less about the STDs and more about things with my mom...it wasn''t that dramatic, but I hate having tension with her.

Smurfy, we''ve actually been engaged over a year, but we just started planning the wedding last summer. I met with this woman intially in September, and I told her that I wanted to get the STDs out as soon as possible, but as long as we hit the 6 month mark I was okay with that. I was trying to be flexible because I knew she was doing this in her free time.

 

[BigDiamonds]

Date: 1/5/2009 11:28:41 PM
Author: Allison D.
If I were in this situation now, I''d probably just go ahead and order them off the internet as you would have done originally and get them out. Your mom won''t be out any money over it, and you won''t have to create an uncomfortable situation.

OR

Your other alternative is just to send an email to everyone with all the details saying ''OOPS - printer gaffed on my STDs. The replacements should be printed and mailed shortly, but since so many of you have asked for details to begin making plans, I''m sending them via this email too.''

You''re right...FI and I had that conversation yesterday. My mom is promsing me the proof this week and she said they can be printed two business days after approval, so I''m trying to hold out but I''m skeptical. FI and I agreed that if we don''t have them in our hands by the middle of next week we will do something else. I probably couldn''t order something and get them before that anyway.

Also, he''s printing everything at once so once I get through this I''ll have my invites, RSVPs, thank yous, etc.

 

[meresal]

You are most definitely NOT being a bridezilla.

This is one of the reasons that I try very hard not to borrow or take favors from anyone... you have no control when things go wrong. Do you have a plan if you don't get them printed soon?? I think early Dec was a perfect time to have them out.

ETA: I would start addressing and stamping envelopes now, so that whenever you get what you decide on... you will only be one step away from having them in the mail. Good luck sweetie!!

 

[kittybean]

I don''t think you''re being unreasonable, but I can see where your mom doesn''t want to press the issue too much with her friend. I''m sure she just doesn''t want to potentially sour a good business relationship by pushing the printer to essentially do her a favor. I think it''s fully acceptable for you to call the printer and check in, but do so in as polite a manner as possible.

Meresal had a great suggestion. Definitely get your envelopes addressed and ready to go--it took me a couple of weeks to hand-address them all, stuff them, and get them mailed.

As for the people calling and messaging you, just answer them politely and let them know when your wedding date is. There''s no reason they have to have the Save-the-Date in hand when making their travel plans--I''m sure that hearing the date straight from the horse''s mouth, so to speak, is enough for anyone inquiring. If you feel that there are people who need to know that haven''t contacted you, just contact them and tell them over the phone or email when the wedding will be, explaining that their presence at your wedding is important to you and that you want to give them the opportunity to make travel plans in advance if they are able to attend.

Also, remember that Save-the-Dates are still an optional thing as far as wedding etiquette goes--you aren''t committing some sort of faux pas by not having sent them yet. Before they were popular, information regarding wedding plans was spread by word-of-mouth, and it''s still fine to do the same. Moral of the story: don''t stress too much about the hold-up. You aren''t being a Bridezilla, but you also shouldn''t worry too much about it.

 

[BigDiamonds]

Meresal, you are SO right. I have tried to minimize relying on my family for important things, and I can see now that I need to do it even more. It''s not that they''re unreliable necessarily, it''s just that I want things a certain way and I''m more comfortable being particular with a vendor than with them.

Kittbean, thank you for your post, it does put things in perspective. Sometimes things seem so dire in the midst of wedding planning, but they''re really not...it''s good to get a reminder of that sometimes!

I''m off to address envelopes now!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

No...you''re not being a bridezilla...but, you''re also getting what you pay for....

When a printer takes on a job for free, it probably gets set on the backburner for paying customers all the time.

I''d just go ahead an order STD''s online, send them out...no reason to continue to stress over it if you don''t have too, and no reason to continuely feel put out either.

 

[Clairitek]

I''ll agree with everyone that you are not being a Bridezilla. I too will be working a friend who is a graphic designer (with a husband and two young kids and shes working on her masters right now on top of her full time job) so I know that I will probably have to exercise great patience and do my best not to be pushy.

Let us know how it goes! I hope you get your proof this week and I''m sorry your mother is using that Bridezilla term too loosely.

 

[bee*]

I don''t think that you''re being a bridezilla at all. I do agree with Italia though in that if he''s doing them for free he''s probably doing all of his paying clients work first and that may be what''s taking him so long. I''d probably order them off someone else.

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

Date: 1/5/2009 10:58:05 PM
Author:BigDiamonds

So tell me - do I need to settle down? FI thinks this is the most ridiculous thing he''s ever heard and that my mom is being crazy. Of course, if I''m actually Bridezilla, maybe he''s just saying that for his own safety.

Nope! Not at all. I too think this is ridiculous. Your Mom shouldn''t say that either. I''d say check with the guy, tell him you need them in 3 (or however many days) because you HAVE to get them mailed out. If they''re not in your hands then, rush order from somewhere else and when he finally gets them to you, just don''t use them. Man, this stinks!

 

[marchswallowbird]

I would show your mother all the questions you''re getting on Facebook as "proof" that there is some urgency in being able to get this information out to people and that it is not you acting crazy. Unfortunately, the other poster was right, when people are doing things for free as a favor because of a business relationship, it does get put on the back burner for paying customers. And you have no leverage whatsoever when things are late or if you don''t like the product.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Totally not being a bridezilla, but ditto kittybean and italia - important to put things in perspective and adjust your expectations as necessary, which it sounds like you are doing

 

[BigDiamonds]

Okay everyone, quick update:

My mom called today to tell me that she had the hard copy proofs, and I met her tonight to see them. The color was not quite right, probably because the designer didn''t pass along the color samples I provided (thanks lady

). Anyway, I gave my mom new color samples to give the printer, but truthfully if they came looking exactly as they are now I would be okay with it. The quality was nice and the color had good saturation even if it wasn''t exactly right. Definitely a big step up from the last round.

The guy told her that as long as the changes weren''t major, he could have everything printed and done by the weekend. So hopefully the STDs will be in the mail by Monday!

Worst case scenario, they should still go out sometime next week.

My mom even apologized for the bridezilla comment, although I think she was doing it mostly to smooth things over rather than that she thought she was wrong. But whatever, I''ll take it.

Moral of the story: accept favors only when you''re really flexible about the outcome. And of course, wedding planning can be seriously perilous to family relations!!

 

[galvana]

you are NOT being a bridezilla! i would be upset too! unfortunately - if you want anything done "on time" and "correctly" - then you must do it yourself and do let others be "in charge" of certain things. Meaning you should be the direct contact with all vendors.
I would call this guy myself and ask for the status. Tell him that if you do not have proofs and final product by "X" date that you are going to go with someone else.

sorry you are going through this, my wedding is in july and i hate to say it but this whole wedding planning is STRESSFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ughhhhhhhhhh -