Bachelorette Parties

[Prana]

Is anyone out there not having one?

When did bachelorette parites/hen night/stagette''s become the thing to do? I only learned of them fairly recently, when people I knew started to get married.

It seems that many brides seem to think that they are an expected event; I was always under the assumption that the bride got the shower, and the groom got the bachelor party.

I have to be honest, I never thought my BM''s would be planning one for me, but I found out that they are and I''m shocked!

What are your thoughts on the tradition?

Personally, when I found out that my BM''s were trying to plan something, I suggested that we all just go and do something fun, and that everyone pay their own way (mainly meaning myself, because my BM''s have already purchased their dresses and shoes, and will also be paying for their own hair and makeup should they choose to have it done professionaly). I feel sort of strange with all this attention!

 

[meresal]

I treated mine as nothing more than a "Girls'' Night Out". That is what I asked my MOH to plan, and that is what we did.

Dinner, Dancing, and Drinking. I will never be able to get that group of girls together again, and it was an awesome night!

Nothing to fear. Just have fun and enjoy getting to hang out with all of your girls.

 

[MonkeyPants]

My sister is throwing me one in a few weeks. We are treating it the same way as meresal did, just a fun, casual night out out to celebrate my last weeks of single-dom!

Personally, I''m the same as you girlface in that I don''t like all this attention on me, but I''m flattered that friends and family have been so wiling and exciting to throw me bridal showers/bachelorettes. Have fun with it!!

 

[laughwithme]

I am having one but its not going to be a huge ordeal with 20 girls in Vegas, like some people do. There are going to be 5 of us (me and my 4 bridesmaids, who are all good friends) and while I don''t know exactly what my MOH has in store, I know there will be a limo and we are going out dancing and drinking. Of course we are all totally stoked to get together and have a ton of fun, but since we see each other often, I think my girls are *more* excited to make me do silly stuff (I would imagine they have a scavenger hunt or crazy veil to wear or something.)

I''ve thought this tradition to be common for many years - my sisters (who are late 30s) still talk about their bachelorette parties. So, its all I''ve ever known. I think its a great tradition, but needs to be tailored to the individual''s personality. For one of my friends, she is very shy and doesn''t even dance when her husband is there, so going out for a crazy night was not an option. Instead, we got a hotel room and everyone brought ingredients for a mixed drink and we played games all night. For another friend, we did a daytime thing with pedicures, wine tasting, etc. So, while I love the tradition, I don''t believe that it always means limo + 20 friends + shots of tequila.

 

[caribqueen]

Honestly, if it weren''t for television and shows like Bridezillas, I don''t think I''d have known about the bachelorette party thing. Aside from my bridal shower, I don''t think I''m having an official one, but I plan to organize a girl''s night out with my local BMs and some other women I really care for. My MOH also mentioned a spa day, but I''m not sure of the details on that.

 

[shertz1981]

I''m probably not having one, my BMs live in four states (five if you count my female ketubah signer as a BM, which I do), all different from mine, and they''re all coming to at least one of my two showers. But they''re fun! You''ll have a great time!

 

[nkarma]

I am getting married just to have the bachlorette party! I am totally kidding but it has actually been one of the biggest things I have been looking forward to that goes along with the wedding process. I love girl's night out and I too don't like the attention on me. I guess it's not about me but about a really fun night with all of my closest girlfriends that I hope we will all remember for a long time. The bachlorette parties for other friends that I have been to have always been SOOOOO much fun!

I love to drink and dance and go out so I think the bachlorette party was made for me. And you gotta love wearing a plastic penis necklace...they are kinda tacky but hey I will do it. I am also looking forward to my friend's bachlorette party that is this summer more than mine. We are going to Vegas and I have never been with her cause usually we hang out with her and her FI as a couple. A girls weekend sounds amazing.

So yeah I am kinda the opposite, I don't like bridal showers really and don't see the point in those. I feel like they are for very demure ladies. I haven't been to that many, but I find the games kinda boring and everyone is pretending to like dressing people up in toilet paper. I would much rather go out with my friends! I also will never get the presents thing at showers...the wedding is coming up soon, why 2 presents??? All of this is totally my opinion though. I know others have different ideas of what they like to do with their free time than I do.

 

[RaiKai]

Neither my husband or I had parties or showers.

We don't live near any of our friends or family, and even when the idea came up neither of us were interested. We both find them rather tacky (no offense to anyone that loves them) in a way that infantilizes the individuals and marriage. I think this is a common view amongst our peers (we are in our 30's). These days most of them opt for a small weekend camping trip with the guys or girls, a round of golf or go karts, a nice dinner, or something like that instead of the traditional bachelor/bachelorette party. These days I do find it odd when one of them does go for the more "traditional" bachelor or bachelorette party instead.

We have both been guests at a lot of them though. As long as I have known about weddings, I have known about bachelor/bachelorette parties and showers. Any Friday night at a bar when I was in my late teens/early twenties would allow me to witness at least 2-3 bachelorette parties, with the bride in her fake veil and sucking a penis lollipop going around and fulfilling her "list", etc as well as 2-3 bachelor parties with the intended groom draped in candies to be "sucked off", etc.

That being said....and despite that they are not for me....I do encourage you to just enjoy it. View it as an opportunity to hang out with your friends. And don't wear the ugly fake veil unless you REALLY want to.

 

[Nov2109]

My friends asked if I wanted one..I''m not a big partier/drinker. I told them if they wanted to just have a girls night out dinner, drinks, and dancing that would be fine. I know one of my FSILs has taken over planning and she wants it to be a surprise for me. Its just 3 of the BMs and a few other very close girlfriends.

I''m interested to see what she has in store for me! It will be a good time...I''m really looking forward to it. I moved away from home and don''t have a ton of girlfriends down here! I''m excited for a night out, and for my friends from home to meet the girls I''m friends with where I live now.

FI is having an enormous bachelor party-he was in a fraternity and has a pretty good amount of friends from home. I''m sure they''ll wind up at a strip club, even though he hates them. He usually skips that part of the bachelor party and just goes for dinner and the drinking afterwards...His Best Man is mr. fraternity, I just asked for him to come home in one piece. My brother will be there so I dont think it will get too out of hand, or atleast I hope!

I think bachelor/bachelorette parties have been around for awhile now, but most are not as extreme as the ones on TV. The few I''ve gone too have just really been dinner, drinks, and dancing.

RaiKai...the penis straw line cracked me up. That is one thing I told them, I will not wear a fake veil, or drink out of a penis straw. Im game for anything else, just not that!

 

[Prana]

Yeah, my SIL is pretty much planning mine as well. She didn''t get me any penis attire, but she did get me ''some'' attire, she won''t tell me what it is. She is having a hard time thinking of things to do because I don''t drink, I''m not into clubs, and one girl is only 20, so we might be limited...She has now broken down and asked me for suggestions hahaha. I''m really just looking forward to spending time with them all!

 

[brown_eyes]

I love the bachelorette party tradition, but I''m using it more as an excuse to have a girls weekend away. We''re going to rent a beach house on the gulf and just enjoy the beach and sun and house for a couple of nights. No getting dressed up for dinners or bars, just hanging around the house playing games and cooking at night and getting plenty of sun and relaxation during the day.

I''m not big on going out, and I love a good weekend at the beach so this is perfect for me and the girls are all excited to come.

 

[PumpkinPie]

we didn''t have showers or the bachelor(ette) parties either - but I''ve attended those of others and they can be pretty great parties!

 

[Clio]

I didn''t have one, as they''re not really done in my circle. I did have a bridesmaids'' luncheon, which was lovely.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

I guess they''ve become popular through movies, media, etc. I''m "newer" to the wedding scene and most of the younger girls (early-mid 20''s) I know have had one... at least a night out.

Most of the older brides I know have not had one.

My girls are throwing one for me- all they told me was to keep my calendar open the weekend before my wedding. Yikes... I''m a little scared- ha ha.

 

[zoebartlett]

I didn't have one. I'm not into the party scene really, and my friends knew that. For some reason, I always think of bachelor/bachelorette parties as being a night of heavy drinking and dancing. I don't do either one, really. I know they can be anything you want them to be, but that's the association I have. It would have been fun to go out for a nice dinner or something low-key, but we didn't plan anything. My husband didn't have a bachelor party either.

ETA: I forgot to mention that my friends live in different states, and I think it would have been hard to coordinate something with them.

 

[LabRatPhD]

I won''t be having one and my FI will not be having a bachelor party. I don''t think anyone in our circle has had them. We are not having any showers either. Heck, the only reason we are having a wedding is because my parents want one and they are paying! I would have much rather gone to the JOP.

I guess we are a fairly low key couple!

 

[Jena17]

My girls and I went white water rafting and camping for my bachelorette party! There was about 10 of us and 4 of my good friends were getting married the same year and we either went out drinking or wine tasting, so we were all burnt out of that so I decided to change things up a bit and do something adventerous and fun! We all had sooo much fun! My husband isn''t a bar kind of guy so he and his friends went fishing for the day for his bachelor party!

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Me and my BM''s are combining the shower/bachelorette party into the same weekend. That is mainly because I live so far away now. Right now the plan is to have a nice dinner out and than hit up some clubs....basically like other''s said, a girls night out.

 

[elrohwen]

Personally, I would far far rather have a bachelorette than a shower! I did not want a shower. I ended up having one because mom and MIL wanted to do it, but they kept it to like 6 people and there were no silly games or any of that.

My bachelorette was a blast! I went into NYC with some friends and hung out at a favorite bar, had an awesome dinner at my favorite restaurant, and saw a Broadway show. I loved it. My MOH couldn't come because she lives across the country (she was very sad to miss it) and neither could my other BM, my SIL. So it wasn't even a wedding event so much as a girl's night out. Though they did pay for my dinner and there was a little more wedding talk than usual.

A bachelorette in no way has to be a drunken and debauched party. Sure we had some drinks, but nobody got drunk, nobody did anything silly.

Honestly, I can't stand the typical wedding shower - they're not for me. But I love an opportunity to go out and have a fun night with my girlfriends.

eta: I planned my own bachelorette, invited everybody, paid for my drinks and my show tickets. I was just happy that people wanted to celebrate with me and was totally grateful when they all split the tab on my meal.

 

[Cupcake*Muffin]

I am having a bachelorette and a shower on the same day. The first time around

, I also had both but in the end the bachelorette party sucked so bad that I am calling a redo--sort of. I personally do not like having all eyes focused on me, nor does the idea of having penis straws/necklaces/bracelets/veils really excite me. But I do want to see all my friends and go out and just have a great time. As for the shower, I do not love the idea of "asking" for gifts. And I think some of my friends who are having a hard time financially are not sure if they are coming because they feel obligated to bring a present. So I''ve told them to just come to the bachelorette and have fun. We also are not doing a traditional shower since I have been married before and we don''t really need anything. So my MOH decided to do a lingerie shower since I have none, which is really for the benefit of both FI and me

. Could I live without both? Yes, especially since it''s my second time around but at the same time, I love the fact that my friends care enough to want to do this for us.

 

[dcgator]

Hey girlface,

First off, your puppy is so cute!

And now on the topic at hand: Bachelor/bachelorette parties are pretty common with my group. In fact, a lot of them go all out and do the Vegas route or some other type of crazy thing. My DH and I are both pretty low key and I didn''t want him do anything crazy (ie strip clubs) plus he doesn''t like them either. He felt the same for me.

So, for his bachelor party, his GM''s took him to a cabin in the woods and they had man time and then they went rafting down the river. He had a great time and there was no questionnable activity

.

For my bachelorette party, I told my girls to keep it pretty mild. They mostly obliged. The first night we went to a club, but they got a private table, so about 7 of us just got to drink champagne and dance and enjoy the music, without all the creepy guys bothering us. The second night we went to a hockey game (I love hockey) and then to a local bar afterwords. Some of the girls really wanted to play the cheesy/racey bachelorette games, but I wasn''t too interested. I just enjoyed hanging out with some of the ladies =0).

For your party, I would feel free to speak up about what you do/don''t want. If you are not into the bar scene, think about going to a cooking class, going out to dinner, going to a sporting event, going to a spa-day, or even just having an old school sleepover complete with chic flicks and pampering. Don''t be afraid to tell them what you like since this party is for you. Once they do have it, enjoy it

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

A bachelorette party should be whatever you want it to be, a girls weekend in Vegas, a joint party with your FI, a night in with a chick flick and your girlfriends, a day at the spa, dinner with friends... whatever you want it to be! It''s more about the people you''re with than what you''re doing, and the whole stripper and booze experience isn''t really the norm in my experience.


My bachelorette party was a weekend trip to the Texas hill country for a wine tasting weekend. My friends and I try to take a trip somewhere once a year (pick a city to fly to like New Orleans or Chicago), so this wasn''t out of the ordinary. We went to dinner on Friday night, stayed in a bed&breakfast for the weekend, and did the wine tour thing with a mini tour bus on Saturday, left Sunday. They had a lingerie shower for me on Friday night. It was a great girls weekend, and we all had fun without guys around.

I told my MOH that my only requests were 1. somewhere away from husbands and SO''s 2. somewhere in-state so that everyone could afford to come without a plane ticket 3. no penis paraphenalia or condoms, etc please. They came up with this awesome trip, and it couldn''t have been better. I insisted on paying my own lodging (had to be pushy about that), but my friends did pay for my wine tour because they said they would have been buying me drinks at a bar regardless.


My husband went on a tube trip with his guys down the Guadalupe River and then a night out in Austin.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 3/18/2010 7:37:56 PM
Author: elrohwen
Personally, I would far far rather have a bachelorette than a shower! I did not want a shower. I ended up having one because mom and MIL wanted to do it, but they kept it to like 6 people and there were no silly games or any of that.


My bachelorette was a blast! I went into NYC with some friends and hung out at a favorite bar, had an awesome dinner at my favorite restaurant, and saw a Broadway show. I loved it. My MOH couldn''t come because she lives across the country (she was very sad to miss it) and neither could my other BM, my SIL. So it wasn''t even a wedding event so much as a girl''s night out. Though they did pay for my dinner and there was a little more wedding talk than usual.


A bachelorette in no way has to be a drunken and debauched party. Sure we had some drinks, but nobody got drunk, nobody did anything silly.


Honestly, I can''t stand the typical wedding shower - they''re not for me. But I love an opportunity to go out and have a fun night with my girlfriends.


eta: I planned my own bachelorette, invited everybody, paid for my drinks and my show tickets. I was just happy that people wanted to celebrate with me and was totally grateful when they all split the tab on my meal.

That sounds like a lot of fun! That''s something I would have loved to do if I had given it more thought.

 

[ts44]

I''m having a bachelorette party, hopefully low-key since I''m not much of a wild child.

Has anybody ever had their mom along on their bachelorette party? My mom invited herself to mine, along with her best friend, her tennis partner and all of my aunts.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 3/19/2010 10:07:39 PM
Author: ts44
I''m having a bachelorette party, hopefully low-key since I''m not much of a wild child.

Has anybody ever had their mom along on their bachelorette party? My mom invited herself to mine, along with her best friend, her tennis partner and all of my aunts.

One of my BMs had dinner first and had her aunts and mother along, then the "girls" went out for karaoke at a bar.

I dislike drinking and hitting up clubs, the traditional b-party if you will. I told my ladies I would not do that. PERIOD. They wanted a few suggestions, so I suggested ''Paint Your Plate" or simply going out to dinner and spending the evening catching up since I live in a different state now. The one and only party I have gone to, the bride ended up in the ER with alcohol poisoning after puking in the limo for an hour. Definitely now my cup of tea. Not saying that they all end this way. But if I ever thought I would go out to bars for my own, I never wanted to after that night.

I think you should do something you love to do, not what is considered standard.

 

[mrscushion]

I'm not having one -- my BMs and I are spread across 3 continents and it's just not possible. No shower, either (which is just fine with me). But, I'm having a long wedding weekend with different activities, so we should get to hang out plenty then.

ETA: FI is having a bachelor party but that's because he sees his best man and a couple of the groomsmen all the time.