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Avoiding Happy Hour

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Dreamgirl

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I was just asked by a co-worker if I''d ever want to join some of them at a happy hour sometime soon. The thing is, I don''t drink (because I find alcohol disgusting) and I really just like to GO HOME after work instead of spending more time with the people I work with. You know? It''s just not my ''scene.'' That isn''t how I roll.

So dumb question but....how do I graciously bow out of this one without looking like a party pooper? lol
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Date: 1/29/2009 1:46:17 PM
Author:Dreamgirl
I was just asked by a co-worker if I''d ever want to join some of them at a happy hour sometime soon. The thing is, I don''t drink (because I find alcohol disgusting) and I really just like to GO HOME after work instead of spending more time with the people I work with. You know? It''s just not my ''scene.'' That isn''t how I roll.

So dumb question but....how do I graciously bow out of this one without looking like a party pooper? lol
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Just tell your co-worker tonight doesn''t work for you, and thank her for thinking of you...
 
I''d just say, "no thanks," and go on my merry way. If people are nosy, that''s their problem.
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Well, they aren''t going tonight. But sometime soon. As in, they are planning it now for a future date which they don''t know of yet..
 
I would just say "Thanks for the invite, but I just like to go home after work." Honesty is the best policy! I''m also not a fan of doing stuff with my coworkers right after work.
 
Did you tell her you do not drink? I would just say "Thanks, but I am not much for going out for drinks" or similar.
 
Tell them the truth, nicely, that you don''t drink, but thank you anyway. If you don''t phrase it like that, and just say no for the first offer, there will be another.
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Yep. And I''m a very honest person. I''d go out to lunch with them! HA!!!
 
Date: 1/29/2009 1:53:54 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
Yep. And I''m a very honest person. I''d go out to lunch with them! HA!!!
Why don''t you just say that? "Thanks for thinking of me, but I don''t drink. I''d love to go out to lunch with all of you sometime, though!"
 
Date: 1/29/2009 1:56:17 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 1/29/2009 1:53:54 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
Yep. And I''m a very honest person. I''d go out to lunch with them! HA!!!
Why don''t you just say that? ''Thanks for thinking of me, but I don''t drink. I''d love to go out to lunch with all of you sometime, though!''
Perfect! ditto, by the way.
 
I think you have your answer. Be truthful that after a day in the office you like to go home and kick back but that you would love a raincheck for lunch sometime. This way they know you are interested in them outside of the office but it won''t be after hours.

I do think it is somewhat important to not come off as aloof and unwilling to enjoy a bit of time away from the office with co-workers and lunch is a good compromise for that.
 
Yep, suggesting lunch sounds best. You really don''t want to burn bridges with your co-workers and doing a light lunch will take the pressure off of you since you don''t drink and that way nobody will be offended.

As was asked above, do they all know you don''t drink?
 
Everyone has great ideas...I totally understand that you don''t like drinking and feel uncomfortable but sometimes I think a little discomfort is healthy if the goal is worth it. A good relationship with your co-workers is important. I guess I would just take one for the team...you *MIGHT* even have fun
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Just b/c they are drinking does NOT mean you have to.
 
I would just be honest and tell them that you don''t drink alcohol, but maybe you could still join them and have a non-alcoholic drink. If you like the person that asked you, I would still want to go for the socialization.
 
Depending on the group, you should be prepared to answer the follow-up -- well, it''s okay, if you don''t drink, you don''t have to drink, you can have a soda or water, so you''ll join us, right?

Some people do not want to be told that you don''t want to spend time with them after hours and that you''d rather go home.

I totally commiserate with you, though. I went to constant lunches and did my best to avoid sometimes weekly happy hours. I would go sometimes, to take one for the team, but it was never enough. Every time I didn''t go, I was guilt-tripped for it, and just so that there is no confusion, I was not the life of the party, so it''s not like I would have been missed if I wasn''t there. It was just an obligation of sorts.
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Ok so after further thought and your suggestions, I emailed her back and said:

I think I will pass on the happy hour. But I would love going out to lunch with you all sometime!

I will see if she says anything back. Thanks for the help!
 
Date: 1/29/2009 1:51:04 PM
Author: thing2of2
I would just say 'Thanks for the invite, but I just like to go home after work.' Honesty is the best policy! I'm also not a fan of doing stuff with my coworkers right after work.


exactly.

sorry~ I didn't see all the responses before I posted.
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ft">She answered me back and said:

"We will include you, in case you would like to hang out with the rest of the department. Otherwise, I think a nice lunch date would be a great way to learn more about each other sometime."

Not sure what she means by including me, but glad she was receptive to the lunch idea!
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I think she''s being really nice. She obv doesn''t want you to feel left out. I think that''s really sweet of her.
 
Date: 1/29/2009 2:06:06 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Everyone has great ideas...I totally understand that you don''t like drinking and feel uncomfortable but sometimes I think a little discomfort is healthy if the goal is worth it. A good relationship with your co-workers is important. I guess I would just take one for the team...you *MIGHT* even have fun
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Just b/c they are drinking does NOT mean you have to.


I totally agree with Tacori on this one!

Would going out for happy hour one time kill you? It might be a great way to get know your co-workers and establish bonds. You certainly don''t have to drink if you go.
 
I''m sort of with littlelysser on this one. I go out to happy hour with FI and some of our friends sometimes, and I don''t always drink. Never felt uncomfortable about doing so. Most of the time they have great deals on appetizers, so like to nab some of those.
 
Date: 1/29/2009 3:19:51 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
She answered me back and said:


''We will include you, in case you would like to hang out with the rest of the department. Otherwise, I think a nice lunch date would be a great way to learn more about each other sometime.''


Not sure what she means by including me, but glad she was receptive to the lunch idea!
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I believe this implies that your coworker thinks you want to go out to lunch with her specifically and not everyone, and thus she will still invite you to the happy hour in case you want to hang with everyone.
 
I agree with neatfreak, and also with Tacori/LL/Aloros. Especially since you''re relatively new to the company, it might not be a bad idea to "change your mind" about going to happy hour. In order to keep good relations with your co-workers, you might have to put on your game face occasionally...it can be really important to show your non-corporate side every once in awhile -- not every single Tuesday, but this sounds more like a one-time thing. I actually think it''s a great idea not to drink alcohol, so you''re assured of staying on your best behavior.
 
Keep in mind the dynamic is TOTALLY different after work (relaxed, fun, etc) than a lunch hour *during* work. Just something to think about. Sounds like you have very nice coworkers.
 
Date: 1/29/2009 9:28:29 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Keep in mind the dynamic is TOTALLY different after work (relaxed, fun, etc) than a lunch hour *during* work. Just something to think about. Sounds like you have very nice coworkers.
That''s exactly what I''m thinking when I read this thread. It might behoove you to open your mind a bit (without compromising your stance on alcohol consumption) and go out with your co-workers post-workday once in a great while. It can definitely be a test...
 
Date: 1/29/2009 10:18:33 PM
Author: monarch64
Date: 1/29/2009 9:28:29 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Keep in mind the dynamic is TOTALLY different after work (relaxed, fun, etc) than a lunch hour *during* work. Just something to think about. Sounds like you have very nice coworkers.
That''s exactly what I''m thinking when I read this thread. It might behoove you to open your mind a bit (without compromising your stance on alcohol consumption) and go out with your co-workers post-workday once in a great while. It can definitely be a test...
Ditto! I don''t drink but still go to happy hour work get togethers. I think it''s beneficial to get to know your co-workers better. I always get non-alcoholic drinks.
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I think the lunch thing is a great idea. Just be truthful with them and they won''t mind. I''m kind of the same as I enjoy going home when I finish work although we have had some great nights out.
 
Date: 1/29/2009 10:54:09 PM
Author: snlee


Date: 1/29/2009 10:18:33 PM
Author: monarch64


Date: 1/29/2009 9:28:29 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Keep in mind the dynamic is TOTALLY different after work (relaxed, fun, etc) than a lunch hour *during* work. Just something to think about. Sounds like you have very nice coworkers.
That's exactly what I'm thinking when I read this thread. It might behoove you to open your mind a bit (without compromising your stance on alcohol consumption) and go out with your co-workers post-workday once in a great while. It can definitely be a test...
Ditto! I don't drink but still go to happy hour work get togethers. I think it's beneficial to get to know your co-workers better. I always get non-alcoholic drinks.
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This is a good point. I had a VERY HAPPY HOUR once... ok 1) I am a lightweight (this is important to know) 2) I am a BIG KID (also important to know.) 3) It was arround Christmas time (VERY IMPORTANT...)
I was with a bunch of my coworkers VERY EARLY into my career (I was A LOT YOUNGER), and I had one too many... and I see a guy in a red outfit sitting on a large stool... with a full white beard.... unfortunately someone told me it was a mall santa, so I climbed on his lap and told him I wanted a puppy for Christmas.... ummm... I NEVER LIVED THIS DOWN.
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ETA: I no longer go to work happy hours...
 
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