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Avoid Disaster - Ladies Please Help!

Should I go with the original plan, or do it sooner to avoid conflict

  • Propose sooner to avoid any hurt feelings.

    Votes: 5 62.5%
  • Use your original plan - it will be special no matter what!

    Votes: 3 37.5%

  • Total voters
    8

Yusiro

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 26, 2011
Messages
43
Hello Again all,

I need some help, and hoping the wise ladies of PS could help me out! I had a plan for my proposal ([URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/waikiki-proposal-help.166053/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/waikiki-proposal-help.166053/[/URL]) and thought that it would work great. I shared it with my parents, since they would be there, and they came to me with an issue.

My sister has been dating her BF for nearly 5 years. My parents are fairly certain he will be proposing within the next few months - be it on their anniversary this month, near christmas, or on our vacation.

My concern is that if he does wait until the vacation, BOTH ladies will feel as though their thunder has been stolen because I would want to propose regardless.

That said, I picked up my completed ring on Saturday - it's gorgeous and I will be posting pictures as soon as I can set up a photoshoot without her being there.

My question to you would be: Should I ditch my plans and try to come up with a new one, sooner, to ensure there are no conflicts, or should I stick with my original plan?

I should note that we both want a september wedding, so If I were to propose within the next month, it may be next year. Otherwise it would definitely be in 2013. The sooner proposal is very tempting (i know the ring is going to look beautiful on her) but I want it to be special for her and I can't think of anything more special then doing it on our holiday.

Any thoughts would be really appreciated.

Thanks!
 

chemgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2009
Messages
2,163
Are you close with your sister's boyfriend? Why not call him and tell him that you're planning on proposing on the trip, but that you can do it earlier if he already has a proposal planned? Then you would know where things stand.

If he is planning to propose during the trip, why not create a special moment to propose before the vacation? You can plan a luxurious and romantic day near where you live. Think of what she likes and what types of things you can do closer to home. If you're near a winery you could call them about a private meal. Take her to an amazing bed and breakfast, or a gorgeous nature hike. Surprise her and make the day exciting!
 

Yusiro

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 26, 2011
Messages
43
Hey Chemgirl,

Thanks for the reply! I did think about calling him, or asking him out for a beer to discuss... but am afraid that if he isn't planning anything it would like like I was pressuring him to do it - we're not all that close really (he's 14 years older than me).

The option of making something local special would be pretty awesome... perhaps I'll look into that! We're in Toronto, Canada so B&B, wineries, city nights, etc. are all great options.

Thanks for your help
 

chemgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2009
Messages
2,163
We're in the same city! So there's a lot you can do close to home. A weekend in Niagara-on-the-Lake would be romantic (if that's her type of thing). The options are really endless.

If she's the outdoors type, Dundas has great hiking trails and waterfalls. My favorite is Tew's falls because its a bit more secluded than others: http://www.cityofwaterfalls.ca/tews_falls.html

I'm sure you'll find something fantastic.
 

audball

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 2, 2008
Messages
4,946
I think you should go for planning something at home sooner just in case. Like chemgirl said, you can still make it VERY special and then you can go on the trip and CELEBRATE. I don't recall if you two had discussed engagement, etc but many of the ladies on the LIW forum are very nervous/anxious about upcoming trips, anniversarys, holidays etc and their whole trip/vacation/special days can be spoiled if they're expecting something and it doesn't happen.

Earlier would be less obvious and more likely to surprise her, if that's what you're going for. And if early means you could marry this coming September (2012) that may also help alleviate conflict between the sisters since they both want a September wedding. That leaves 2013 for the sister and nobody either having to change months, or fight for family/guest attendance in as little as a 4 week span to two different events. Many out of towners would only be able to attend one.

Goodluck in your decision!
 

Yusiro

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 26, 2011
Messages
43
Awesome! Thanks again!

Edit: Audball - sorry it seems we were posting at the same time. You bring up some really good points and a lot to think about. I didn't even consider having the trip as a celebratory type deal. It might even be a good opportunity to take engagement photos if I planned it right... I thought I had decided on Hawaii but now I'm not sure again!

Re: discussed engagement - we have, I'm sure she knows it's coming sometime in the next year, but she doesn't know when and doesn't know I already have the ring. When I told my father "probably sept. 2013" he said "why wait so long?"

Hmmm - back to the drawing board I suppose!

Thanks for your opinions both ways all!
 

audball

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 2, 2008
Messages
4,946
Yusiro|1319029647|3043408 said:
Awesome! Thanks again!

Edit: Audball - sorry it seems we were posting at the same time. You bring up some really good points and a lot to think about. I didn't even consider having the trip as a celebratory type deal. It might even be a good opportunity to take engagement photos if I planned it right... I thought I had decided on Hawaii but now I'm not sure again!

Re: discussed engagement - we have, I'm sure she knows it's coming sometime in the next year, but she doesn't know when and doesn't know I already have the ring. When I told my father "probably sept. 2013" he said "why wait so long?"

Hmmm - back to the drawing board I suppose!

Thanks for your opinions both ways all!
No problem! And OMG!! I love that idea!! Setting up a special day/photographer and having ENGAGEMENT phots in HAIWAII!! That would be an amazing way to still incorporate your vacation and have an AMAZING backdrop for your photos! And then you woulnd't have to worry about planning a long distance proposal to somewhere you've never been.

That definitely gets my vote. Propose earlier, local, special and romantic day she's not expecting. Claim Sept. 2012 for your wedding, and schedule engagement photos to celebrate in Haiwaii. That sounds like wins all around to me!

I'm with her Dad, why wait so long? :naughty:
 

Yusiro

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 26, 2011
Messages
43
No problem! And OMG!! I love that idea!! Setting up a special day/photographer and having ENGAGEMENT phots in HAIWAII!! That would be an amazing way to still incorporate your vacation and have an AMAZING backdrop for your photos! And then you woulnd't have to worry about planning a long distance proposal to somewhere you've never been.

That definitely gets my vote. Propose earlier, local, special and romantic day she's not expecting. Claim Sept. 2012 for your wedding, and schedule engagement photos to celebrate in Haiwaii. That sounds like wins all around to me!

I'm with her Dad, why wait so long?
The one issue that I'm still having is the financial aspect. Trying to save for a wedding in 10 months I think would be quite difficult. I bought a house at 22 (i'm 25 now) so I've got budgeting down to an art - but I fear that between our two incomes we would be pressed to even save 10k in 10 months (that would REALLY put us tight too). Not much help (read: none) from her family - I'm sure they'd love love to help out but would not be financially able to. My family, I have no idea - we haven't really discussed it. I'm sure they would help out (my parents are often far too generous) but I don't want to expect anything.

I don't want to go into a huge debt for a wedding. But at the same time I want her to have the 'fairy tale' that she wants. Friends of ours got engaged this summer, and the man sold his condo and moved back in with his parents to help pay for the wedding. That seems really backwards in my eyes - I just can't get my head around the rationale.

I don't want a 2 year engagement either... a year and a half is about as long as I'd like to go.

Hate to throw a third issue into the bunch! Perhaps I'm reading to much into this... but at the same time I want it to be perfect for her and consider every option.
 

audball

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 2, 2008
Messages
4,946
Yusiro|1319032919|3043441 said:
No problem! And OMG!! I love that idea!! Setting up a special day/photographer and having ENGAGEMENT phots in HAIWAII!! That would be an amazing way to still incorporate your vacation and have an AMAZING backdrop for your photos! And then you woulnd't have to worry about planning a long distance proposal to somewhere you've never been.

That definitely gets my vote. Propose earlier, local, special and romantic day she's not expecting. Claim Sept. 2012 for your wedding, and schedule engagement photos to celebrate in Haiwaii. That sounds like wins all around to me!

I'm with her Dad, why wait so long?
The one issue that I'm still having is the financial aspect. Trying to save for a wedding in 10 months I think would be quite difficult. I bought a house at 22 (i'm 25 now) so I've got budgeting down to an art - but I fear that between our two incomes we would be pressed to even save 10k in 10 months (that would REALLY put us tight too). Not much help (read: none) from her family - I'm sure they'd love love to help out but would not be financially able to. My family, I have no idea - we haven't really discussed it. I'm sure they would help out (my parents are often far too generous) but I don't want to expect anything.

I don't want to go into a huge debt for a wedding. But at the same time I want her to have the 'fairy tale' that she wants. Friends of ours got engaged this summer, and the man sold his condo and moved back in with his parents to help pay for the wedding. That seems really backwards in my eyes - I just can't get my head around the rationale.

I don't want a 2 year engagement either... a year and a half is about as long as I'd like to go.

Hate to throw a third issue into the bunch! Perhaps I'm reading to much into this... but at the same time I want it to be perfect for her and consider every option.
Yeah, I see where you're coming from. Definitley do not go into debt for a wedding, it seems backwards to me too. That being said, have you two talked about what she really wants from a wedding? Not every girl's fairy tale is the big princess wedding. Maybe have a few talks over the next few weeks about what's important to the two of you and see if a lower budget could work. You definitely do not have to have a huge budget to have an awesome wedding.

I've read a zillion of these real weddings and many are dreams to me for very little money.
There are a lot of budget friendly ways to do a wedding.

A favorite blog of mine, see 101 pages of ideas: http://offbeatbride.com/filed/real-weddings
Another favorite wedding I read about here on PS: http://www.younghouselove.com/wedding-album/

It's a tough decision, but unless her dream is the big princess wedding, I'd still go for this year and throw a budget friendly bash in September.
 

Yusiro

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 26, 2011
Messages
43
Whoa! A lot of those would be MY dream wedding because a lot of them seemed really fun (and some quirky). I'm an artist by trade, specifically a graphic designer, so was planning on saving money by designing our invites myself and using one of my contacts to produce them - so that will save some money. I've always wanted my wedding to be a little different and memorable - not necessarily a huge expense. I know most girls have dreamt of their wedding since childhood so although I know compromise is important, I'm thinking that her priorities should come first in this case (with some input of course).

Unfortunately, however, unless I can sway her a little, she wants the princess wedding. We're talking draping fabric from the ceiling, several course meal, large affair. One of her best friends was married last year and the Antipasto platter ALONE had to have been at least 5000$ (whole lobsters, steaks, cheeses, shrimp cocktails, crabs, quail, roast duck, you name it) and then there were 5 courses after that. They went severely into debt for their wedding, hoping for lots of money from guests. I fear that my GF sees that and thinks it's the norm... I think I need to have a casual talk with her to see what's what about the cost and style of the wedding... that will help my decision. Thanks so much for those links, they're really awesome.
 

audball

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 2, 2008
Messages
4,946
Yusiro|1319034489|3043452 said:
Whoa! A lot of those would be MY dream wedding because a lot of them seemed really fun (and some quirky). I'm an artist by trade, specifically a graphic designer, so was planning on saving money by designing our invites myself and using one of my contacts to produce them - so that will save some money. I've always wanted my wedding to be a little different and memorable - not necessarily a huge expense. I know most girls have dreamt of their wedding since childhood so although I know compromise is important, I'm thinking that her priorities should come first in this case (with some input of course).

Unfortunately, however, unless I can sway her a little, she wants the princess wedding. We're talking draping fabric from the ceiling, several course meal, large affair. One of her best friends was married last year and the Antipasto platter ALONE had to have been at least 5000$ (whole lobsters, steaks, cheeses, shrimp cocktails, crabs, quail, roast duck, you name it) and then there were 5 courses after that. They went severely into debt for their wedding, hoping for lots of money from guests. I fear that my GF sees that and thinks it's the norm... I think I need to have a casual talk with her to see what's what about the cost and style of the wedding... that will help my decision. Thanks so much for those links, they're really awesome.
Yeah, it sounds like some talks are in order to get to a compromise/same page about what type of wedding to have. You can have the princess style wedding without $5k antipasto platters for sure! If she knows you and your budgeting (from the buying a house so young etc, she is sure to know your ways and know without you saying that going into debt isn't an option). Try and have some casual talks, any upcoming weddings that you can pin without it sounding like totally out of the blue? Try to work it in somewhere and see if you can get a feel for married sooner - less exravagant, married later - more extravagant and see where she leans. That'll kind of give you a guiding hand towards when to propose if you're looking at not wanting more than a 1 1/2. Maybe also have the talk with your family and see if/where/how much they may be willing to contribute. If the proposal is coming, I'm sure they know that's around the corner.

Enjoy the links, there are definitely some fun, quirky, awesome parties people have planned. From their homepage, you can even search by region.
 

chemgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2009
Messages
2,163
What about seeing if she's open to a smaller wedding? I recently attended a fantastic wedding in the distillery district. Food was amazing, atmosphere was great, and the decore was elegant. It had an artsy vibe, but not really your standard wedding. There were only 60 guests so it didn't cost a fortune (well relatively).

I originally wanted a princess wedding in Toronto, but my wedding planner quoted 36k for the cocktail hour, dinner, and dance. Eep! We compromised on a more intimate wedding at a winery in Niagara and are very happy to be debt free!

Maybe present it to her like there are two options. Either have a long engagement and princess wedding, or have a more intimate wedding and a shorter engagement? It might help to show her pictures of smaller weddings that are still gorgeous so she can judge if its something she'd be happy with. Ultimately its something you need to decide together.
 

Yusiro

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 26, 2011
Messages
43
Maybe present it to her like there are two options. Either have a long engagement and princess wedding, or have a more intimate wedding and a shorter engagement? It might help to show her pictures of smaller weddings that are still gorgeous so she can judge if its something she'd be happy with. Ultimately its something you need to decide together.
It's funny you should say that chemgirl. We spoke on the phone at lunch and she brought the subject of weddings up (seems to come up a lot as of late). I basically did exactly what you said - we'll have to pick. Her view of the non-traditional wedding is that everyone meets at Mcdonalds afterwords - I told her that no, that's not the case and put the spin on it that doing it differently would make it more memorable and special. I'm paraphrasing, but at the end she basically said "We'll see when we get engaged, get quotes for how much things are and decide how long of an engagement from there". I've had the basic conversation before "How much could you save in a month, could you put aside 1000$ per month? No? 500? a stretch?" then did the math on a 25,000 wedding saying it would take X years to save that up. Her response is "People always pay for their plate". My argument - yes in a perfect world, but you can't expect that. It's their choice what (if anything) to give.

So basically even after the conversation - all I got out of it was that she doesn't really know what a wedding will cost, but would (maybe) be open to doing this a little differently than the picture perfect princess wedding.

I told her I was going to do some searching online - so I'll give her the two links that Audball sent for a start.

This is meant to be a happy time, and I don't want her to have regrets because we were cautious with our money - but on the other hand I don't want to start our lives together with 20k$ of debt.

Small side note @chemgirl - A distillery wedding would be so beautiful - I actually had the ring made by Leif Benner in the distillery and can't help but feel inspired down there. I doubt we would be able to afford it, but it would be worth looking into for sure!! (i'll have to do a basic head count to see our numbers, but I'm sure it would be less than 150, if not less than 100).

I'll have to bring it back up to her after she's had a chance to look at the sites... I just don't want her to feel as if I'm 'leading her on' as it were.

Thanks all!
 

audball

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 2, 2008
Messages
4,946
Yusiro|1319044735|3043582 said:
Maybe present it to her like there are two options. Either have a long engagement and princess wedding, or have a more intimate wedding and a shorter engagement? It might help to show her pictures of smaller weddings that are still gorgeous so she can judge if its something she'd be happy with. Ultimately its something you need to decide together.
It's funny you should say that chemgirl. We spoke on the phone at lunch and she brought the subject of weddings up (seems to come up a lot as of late). I basically did exactly what you said - we'll have to pick. Her view of the non-traditional wedding is that everyone meets at Mcdonalds afterwords - I told her that no, that's not the case and put the spin on it that doing it differently would make it more memorable and special. I'm paraphrasing, but at the end she basically said "We'll see when we get engaged, get quotes for how much things are and decide how long of an engagement from there". I've had the basic conversation before "How much could you save in a month, could you put aside 1000$ per month? No? 500? a stretch?" then did the math on a 25,000 wedding saying it would take X years to save that up. Her response is "People always pay for their plate". My argument - yes in a perfect world, but you can't expect that. It's their choice what (if anything) to give.

So basically even after the conversation - all I got out of it was that she doesn't really know what a wedding will cost, but would (maybe) be open to doing this a little differently than the picture perfect princess wedding.

I told her I was going to do some searching online - so I'll give her the two links that Audball sent for a start.

This is meant to be a happy time, and I don't want her to have regrets because we were cautious with our money - but on the other hand I don't want to start our lives together with 20k$ of debt.

Small side note @chemgirl - A distillery wedding would be so beautiful - I actually had the ring made by Leif Benner in the distillery and can't help but feel inspired down there. I doubt we would be able to afford it, but it would be worth looking into for sure!! (i'll have to do a basic head count to see our numbers, but I'm sure it would be less than 150, if not less than 100).

I'll have to bring it back up to her after she's had a chance to look at the sites... I just don't want her to feel as if I'm 'leading her on' as it were.

Thanks all!
If you read some of the threads in the Bride World Wide and Groom Grooves forum right now, there are many brides, not complaining, but commenting that a lot of guests aren't even bringing gifts, let alone "covering their plates". In these tough economic times, some people just can't gift much, if anything, let alone anything near covering 2 heads worth of cost. You absolutely CAN NOT go in expecting to make your money back. If you do, great, lucky you, but it's just not reality right now. Some will be courteous and follow the cover your plate rule, others won't even remember to bring a card in lieu of a gift. I say you need to find out what is more important to her, the big wedding that you will X amount of time and save for until you can pay for it in cash, or getting married sooner on a smaller scale. You can still have a fabulous wedding (like chemgirl's friend, sounds lovely!) with less people and have the same elegant result. Lots to think about, but something you'll have to jointly decide. And hopefully you can figure it out soon so you can peg down your proposal plans!
 

chemgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2009
Messages
2,163
http://www.distilleryevents.com/what.html worth contacting them for a price range.

There are pictures of different rooms that can be used and several photos of weddings. Depending on what you want, you might be able to do a smaller wedding there. I don't know exactly what our friends spent, but it wasn't astronomical. The bride's dress was really unique. It was a fall wedding, so instead of hiring a florist they bought large bunches of dried flowers and lavender. The entire night was so creative. As you know, every space in that area is fantastic. The decorating possibilities are endless.

A smaller wedding doesn't mean McDonald's.

For example, one of my cousin's was recently married in the Courtyard restaurant in downtown ottawa http://www.courtyardrestaurant.com/weddings.aspx (not that you would want to get married in Ottawa, but there is a very detailed price list) . It was a fantastic space with high ceilings, wood beams, and exposed stone walls. They had a cocktail hour, a five course meal, and dancing. The guest list was around 70 people and they didn't have many flowers (let the space speak for itself) so the wedding cost a little over $15 000.

A second cousin rented the lakefront patio of a bistro in the Muskoka area. She had sixty people for a cocktail hour and 3 course meal followed by dancing.

Neither wedding was the traditional ballroom wedding, but to be honest I think I enjoyed them more as a guest. Its a refreshing change from the standard banquet hall frozen appetizers and quarter chicken with roasted potatoes. At 28, I've been to more weddings than I can count, and I have to say that the non-traditional ones stand out, while the standard weddings are all blended together.

That said, if she has her heart set on a black tie event, then its something you'll probably have to work with. Bride's can be pretty particular!
 

Yusiro

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 26, 2011
Messages
43
Chemgirl - I think we have too much in common! My sister got married at the courtyard a few years ago and it was lovely (the distillery district reminds me a lot of her wedding). She had around 60 guests and it cost about what you were saying your Cousins was.

I actually went to the distillery website as soon as you mentioned it - it would fit my artsy side as well as her princess side if we did things right.. a really good option!

Thanks so much for the recommendation of that, it may well be where we end up! I have nothing against the ballroom type wedding - but besides my sisters, every wedding i've been to was like that. I'm thinking something a little different would be a really good way to personalize it.

I will keep you all posted on my decision (I think at this point I just have to sort out in my head sooner or later proposal).

Thanks again
 

chemgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2009
Messages
2,163
Wow crazy coincidences!

Goodluck on the proposal and I look forward to hearing all about your wedding planning! It sounds like it'll be great!
 

NervousBuyer

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 25, 2011
Messages
55
I'm in a similar situation of trying to decide how long to wait before proposing. In my case we have already talked about the wedding date, but not the proposal. From my experience, once she knows a proposal is on its way in the coming months/year, she'll want it sooner rather than later. Once you know you want to be engaged, delaying the process may end up frustrating her by making her wait.

Plus, once you are engaged, you can openly discuss the wedding date without worry. I think the idea of celebrating on a vacation is wonderful! Your engagement pictures (should you get them on location) will be wonderful memories for years to come, plus being absolutely gorgeous! Make sure you work out with the photographer how you will get the images though since they won't be local to where you live.

Good luck! :)
 

Yusiro

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 26, 2011
Messages
43
Still thinking, seemingly back and forth every day... but I wanted to show you all the ring since I had a chance to take some (quick iphone) pictures. Go ahead and check them out here: [URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/my-custom-ring-experience.165294/#post-3045454#p3045454']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/my-custom-ring-experience.165294/#post-3045454#p3045454[/URL] and let me know what you think!

After discussing some wedding type things with my GF, I found out the no matter when I propose within the next 6 months, she would like to get married in Sept. 2013, so I think the prospect of 2 weddings in the same year will be gone (since I know my sister will want a very short engagement).

More to think about I guess!
 

bibiloves

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 21, 2009
Messages
164
Hi Yusiro,

I don't normally browse this section of the forum but I just want to comment that you are such a thoughtful and realistic person. Personally I think that proposing early and then surprise her with an engagement session in Hawaii sounds perfect. I had a friend who did that and her engagement photos in Hawaii are breath taking. As far as budgeting and timeline goes both of you can work together to create your wedding when you're engaged. My husband and I had a 2 year engagement because we wanted to pay everything by ourselves and not having to put any financial burden on both of our families. We opened a saving accounts together and started to put $500/each every month (we were both still living at home so that was doable, heck we are actually still living in my parent's basement). Anyway I budgeted 15k but it ended up more than that I think. I didn't mind the long engagement as we both know exactly where we stand financially. Do what you think is best for both of you and good luck with everything!
 

Yusiro

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 26, 2011
Messages
43
Aw, Thanks Bibiloves - Still debating, I've had the ring for nearly a month now!

She's really stressed at the moment with saving for the holidays, and the trip, etc - so I'm starting to think an engagement would stress her out even more (hard to believe I know). I will see how the month goes!

Thanks again,

Yusiro
 

Davis4304

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2011
Messages
1
Dear Yusiro,

I am 25, my husband 29. We have been married for about four years.

We did not have much money, so we had a gorgeous simple wedding. We only paid about $500 for our wedding so we didn't go into debt. We had it at our church, and a number of ladies prepared a wonderful meal! We had gourmet food, and about 100 guests.

The wedding is not about pleasing all your friends and family, it is about making a commitment, and you can have an amazing wedding without having to go into debt.

If you have not proposed yet by the time you read this, know that anything you do to make it moment special will mean the world to your fiance. My husband proposed on an ordinary weekday, but he had the ring on the counter covered with a little leaf (I am a big nature lover), and when I took the leaf off, there was the ring. I turned around, and he was on bended knee. The proposal didn't cost him a lot of extra money and I will remember it forever.

Also, I come from a background that believes in short engagements, we put together our wedding in about two and half months. My sister put her wedding together in 6 weeks.

Remember that a wedding is for both the Groom and the Bride, not just the Bride. So, if your one desire is to have a wedding debt free, your fiance should be understanding and agree to that, if she doesn't agree you may be headed for financial difficulties down the road.

Have Fun!
 

inflorescence

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 11, 2010
Messages
133
He has had 5 years to propose to his gf... if you are ready to ask your gf to marry you, do it. Don't let someone else stop you from doing what you want and have planned. Maybe also talk to the other guy and see his opinion (maybe he isn't going to do it over the holiday)... ask, what can it hurt?
 

inflorescence

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 11, 2010
Messages
133
audball|1319029635|3043407 said:
I think you should go for planning something at home sooner just in case. but many of the ladies on the LIW forum are very nervous/anxious about upcoming trips, anniversarys, holidays etc and their whole trip/vacation/special days can be spoiled if they're expecting something and it doesn't happen.
100% I was one of those girls.. haha...
 

Yusiro

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 26, 2011
Messages
43
Thanks for your help again all. As of right now, still no proposal. The holiday season so far has been hugely stressful for both of us so far, I don't want to add to that stress!

Davis4304 - your wedding & proposal sounded lovely!

I think I may have been unclear with my explanation of the financial issue. We both agree that going into debt for a wedding would be a bad idea. She would like to have a dream wedding, so would therefore need a long engagement in order to avoid going into debt. She may well decide once I propose that she would rather have a simpler wedding sooner, but that is to be seen. We have discussed, and agreed entirely, that the wedding is for the Bride and Groom - we both want it to be special. She doesn't drink so something like not having an open bar would save money - there are tonnes of ways to do it inexpensively without being 'cheap'. If guests are angry that there isn't an open bar - sorry, i'd rather remember my wedding (the last wedding I went to with an open bar had fights, and the bride doesn't remember anything after the church).

I have made the decision - it will be while we're on holidays. I know that goes against several peoples advice but it honestly feels like the right decision for us. It helps that it now seems very very unlikely that my sisters boyfriend with be proposing at the same time (or ever, sadly :( ) I thank everyone very much for their advice, and have taken everything into consideration.

I'll let you know how it goes!

Yusiro
 

NervousBuyer

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 25, 2011
Messages
55
Yusiro|1323105433|3074582 said:
... it honestly feels like the right decision for us. ...
That's what matters, afterall! :) Other perspectives can be useful at times, but only to help you make your decision - one that is right for you two. Good luck!
 
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