ARGH!!!

[fisherofmengirly]

Okay, I''m stuck between feeling irked, bratty, and just frustrated.

My cousin is getting married the weekend before us, but we chose that day so we wouldn''t swoop in and *steal her thunder* by getting married just before her, since she and her fiance have been engaged much longer than Paul and I have been.

So, first I was thinking of doing a particular style of cake, and when I mentioned it, she said she liked that, too, and she thought she''d do it. Now I''m not. Because, well a WEEK isn''t much time for people to forget things, and I''d like our wedding to have some element of something special, unique, us.

I''d told my mom what we''d planned to do as part of our favors. She loved it, thought it was very *wintry* and told her sister, my aunt, my cousin''s mom about it. Of course, she then told her daughter, my cousin, who also said, "OOH! I want to do that!" Ends up she''s not willing to do the work involved *which is minimal, in my opinion. So, thankfully, I get that back.

Anyway, when I got home to visit my family and help with my dad''s recovery, Mom told me she had a surprise for me for the wedding. M&Ms with our names and date on them, in our colors! I''d looked into it, but totally wasn''t willing to pay the price for it. Mom thought they were cute and said it wasn''t something you get to buy every day, so she went ahead and ordered them. So, I''m all excited and stuff because it''s a fun thing to have and we''re talking about how to incorporate them into the favors, and my aunt calls. Dumb me, I tell her about it because I''m hyper excited.

She called today to tell me my cousin will have them, too. Now, that does sort of take away from the fun I originally felt. Now it will be, "ooh, that''s cool. Just like the wedding we were at last weekend."

GRRR!

I''m not telling ANYONE about the capelet thing because I''m loving that idea and I really want it to be MINE.

Gosh, just writing this, I feel like a cry baby. But really, I guess I just needed to vent. No one gets to own personalized M&Ms, I don''t suppose. And I did get my favor idea back again, but really, I''ve not taken anything she''s mentioned in her plans. It wouldn''t be polite, in my opinion.

But then again, Paul and I are more about the marriage, and the M&Ms will still taste just as good and yummy and it''ll be a fun page in my engagement/wedding planning scrapbook!

 

[poptart]

That''s still so rude of her though!! I would be VERY angry, especially since your wedding is only a week after hers. I give you kudos for not screaming at her, haha.

Marisa

 

[sumbride]

Oh, that''s tough... well, definitely don''t share any more of your ideas with her or any family members! I''m sorry you''re going through this, but you have a good head on your shoulders so try to be patient with her, but still...

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Ever the boy who makes me smile and thank my God for him, when I called Paul to vent and be grry, he said, "well gah, doesn''t she know the rules of wedding etiquette?" That''s what I tell him all the time when I''m trying to convince him that he really needs to do this or that, so I''m not doing everything on my own. Wise boy to not only listen to me, but to use it to make me smile, too! Oh how I love him so!

He also said that the guests are most interested in witnessing a union and supporting the couple and blessing them and in seeing a beautiful woman walk into the arms that will never leave her, and we have that nailed.

Yes, yes we do.

**Sumbride, I know I need to NOT talk about everything, but I''m just such a stream-of-consciousness type of person. I''ll work on it. I think I''ve learned some lessons here.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I agree you should keep your ideas to yourself. Your cousin seems to love your taste so you should be flattered but I totally understand where you are coming from. Or you could tell her fake ideas and see if she jumps on those?

 

[larussel03]

I agree, keep you unique ideas to yourself. That would bug me too, esp since the weddings are only a week apart. Don''t let it get you down, but def tell your mom not to tell her sister anymore of the details...I think it''s a good idea for brides, no matter how close they are, to not discussing their wedding plans if they are getting married in close timewise proximity to each other.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Haha Tacori. I should say I''m thinking of adding HUGE butt bow sashes to my bridesmaids, and see if that''s something she falls in love with, too.

I don''t mind sharing ideas as far as pew bows, etc. But to me, the favors are something else. I don''t know. I feel like a 5 year old upset because someone else brought Cheerios to school for snack, and I wanted to be the only one with them.

Oh well.

Mom says she won''t share any more ideas she has. We''re both just such talkers. Heehee. It''ll be a fun challenge, anyway.

 

[KimberlyH]

fish;

You have a right to be upset, and then learn your lesson. I am the queen of chattiness, so I totally understand, and at the end of the day you''re married so it doesn''t really matter...but if it bothers you, which it does, it will take away the fun of planning...and planning should just be tons of fun! So no more talking about plans and ideas, it will be fun for you and your guests to see how the day unfolds with no clue as to what you have planned.

 

[anchor31]

Ugh, how rude of her... But no matter what, fisher dear, your wedding will be the most beautiful, most special one!!

 

[oshinbreez]

I''m not one that gets upset very easily, but this would really bother me. I was thinking the same thing as Tacori....give her fake ideas....lol

 

[VRBeauty]

Oh Fishie... *** I have to slip into the vernacular-- there is no better say to put this*** ... that just sucks! I mean, you two could be having giggly co-conspirator girl fun, planning weddings around the same time, and instead you''re having to watch your back! I''m so sorry for you both. You, because you have to be on your guard when you should be able to share your new ideas an enthusiasm with at least a few confidants (after all, that''s half of the fun!) and your cousin, who doesn''t seem to have enough originality or class OR SELF-CONFIDENCE to stay away from your ideas!

We all know that you and Paul will end up with a unique and memorable wedding that celebrates your love for each other, and the shared beliefs that brought you together, and the beginning of your life together, no matter what your cousin does...

But it still sucks!

Play your cards close to the vest and keep smiling! And as for those red herrings... great idea!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Mom and I actually just spent a good deal of time thinking and talking about numerous things wedding-related. Fun indeed. None to be shared with cousins, aunts, or sisters, either.

We are going to put the M&Ms in a totally different package than we''d planned on before. I''ll tell you all because you''re not my cousin and well, I am a chatty thing, after all. We''re going to do origami style boxes, out of that paper that''s right between being opaque and translucent, with violet ribbon to close it, along with the other goodies. I''m also making cocoa cones. Have you seen those? LOVELY! So wintry, too! And that will have the ribbon and a card from us, sharing our love with guests, and also our Bible verse theme for the wedding, and our lives. *that''s the favor she TRIED to steal, by the way.*

Thank you all for understanding why something as little as a candy coated candy would upset me. I''m basically over it now, particularly since my name and Paul''s and our date fit on the candies, and theirs won''t. That makes it sorta different. haha. That was my mom''s attempt to make me feel better. Gotta love her, too!

My cousin is a few years younger than I am, and she''s being really frivolous, burning through resources she doesn''t have. Back in the day, I may have done the same, though I doubt it. I''m a creative type and I love a *deal* and an opportunity to embellish and give things my own flare. Anyway, this isn''t the first incident that''s upset me, to say the least. She refers to my ring, my lovely, beautiful, gotta-love-it tulip, as the "baby diamond," while hers is not much bigger at all, and well, not high quality, at all. She told me she was glad I could feel pretty and like a bride in a $99 dollar dress, and that she hears the Florida Keys are really quite dirty, particularly Key Largo, where we will most likely be staying on our honeymoon. It''s really kind of comical to me, because I LOVE every aspect of what we''re planning and I LOVE that it''s working out to be wonderful and still inexpensive, for the most part.

So, my thin skin is trying to take her words with a grain of salt.

We''ll have a lovely wedding regardless of anything silly like snide comments or copied ideas. All along, our goal has been to have the focal point be on us uniting as one, thanking our Lord for the blessing of such a gift in one another''s life. Things are coming together well, for that effect. Yay!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Oooh! Just had a great idea I''m trying to work out in my head, to make it actually possible and pretty: A bed of paper TULIPS! With the candies tucked down within the petals, wapped in sheer fabric, or tulle maybe. Maybe have them in a basket, laying on their sides, like a big ol'' bundle of freshly picked violet tulips. I just knew I''d find a way to put paper flowers into the festivities!

I wonder if that will work. I need to find a good stem. I feel a new project forming!

 

[VRBeauty]

She wanted to steal your Bible verse theme idea????

Maybe you should "share"

that you'll be using Exodus 20:15 and 17 as the theme for your wedding!

How's that for a red herring?

BTW be careful to that you never, ever mention PS around her!

 

[anchor31]

I''m sorry, but what a brat! She obviously has quite the inferiority complex, or else she would copy everything you do and bash the rest. I think you have fun and lovely ideas, and the price of the dress doesn''t dictate how beautiful it is!

 

[JessaJS]

*Had* to chime in....

UGH- no offense to your cousin, since she''s your family, but she sounds extrememly immature and self centered. I can imagine it''s hard not to take offense to her snotty comments (all the while she''s stealing all your ideas out from under you), but just know that you''re obviously the more intelligent, mature person in the situation.

I''m with everyone else - try to not tell her anything about the wedding and maybe even slip a couple of your "reject" ideas her way!

 

[Gypsy]

Okay. Take your cousin out to a bridal lunch. Just the two of you. Talk about wedding planning stress. Drop in, casually, that one of your biggest stresses is making your weddings BOTH be memorable without being too similar. Say it in such a way that it sounds like you know it's her stress too. Slip in a reference to the monograms. Tell her that from now on maybe the two of your should consult on some things to make sure that you aren't being too 'matchy, matchy' because you know that BOTH of you don't want the two weddings to blur into one giant wedding for your guests. Like, "the wedding, the sequel." That's what I'd do.

ETA; What I meant by consult BTW... is you get HER ideas, tell her you think her idea is great... and that you don't know what you are doing for that particular thing. THAT WAY you know what to avoid. And of course, don't tell her your ideas.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

She knows nothing of Pricescope, thankfully. I guess I did have a little forethought!

Like I said earlier, she''s very young, barely 21, and I think she has an issue with us being married the week after her. When Paul and I got engaged and I talked to her about it, I told her we couldn''t get it all together fast enough to do it in October after all, so we were looking at December or January instead. I pretty much flat out asked her if she''d prefer that we do it early in December, so it''d be a month apart from hers or after hers. She said no, do it in January.

Admittedly, I believe I can see myself being upset if someone came in and got married right before me. That''s just not nice. But she said after, and when we told her the day we were contemplating, she was all excited about it and wanted to do this and that together. It has been a blessing, in part, because I am so far from my mom, so I have this wonderful aunt who''s also in motherly wedding mode, too.

Primarily, I think it''s an age thing. The good thing is that she won''t take the time to do the really crafty/creative type things. And we''re having a morning wedding, they''re having a night wedding. So there will be big differences. She also has a theme. That will be a difference. I mean, we do, too, but it''s *us.*

Thanks for your comments guys. I feel a lot better now and well, now I get to eat M&Ms twice, right?

 

[firebirdgold]

Anyone else thinking she''d be a prime candidate for the Bridezilla show?

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Date: 10/20/2006 3:14:11 PM
Author: IndieJones
Anyone else thinking she''d be a prime candidate for the Bridezilla show?

IndieJones,

Do you have a thread on here about your wedding planning? When is the date? And did you used to have another name, with a dog picture for your icon? If so, Paul asked about you last night when I told him about BlueRoses'' news. How are things?

 

[flopkins]

she''s probably a little miffed you''re getting married *right* after her, and sounds like she''s just young and not as mature...

Try to keep things to yourself, and maybe try to ask what *she''s* doing so you know what''s up!!

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 10/20/2006 3:29:16 PM
Author: fisherofmengirly

Date: 10/20/2006 3:14:11 PM

Author: IndieJones

Anyone else thinking she''d be a prime candidate for the Bridezilla show?

IndieJones,


Do you have a thread on here about your wedding planning? When is the date? And did you used to have another name, with a dog picture for your icon? If so, Paul asked about you last night when I told him about BlueRoses'' news. How are things?

Yes I did have another name and a dog pic, but I went ''undercover'' in case my then bf checked out PS.

Hmm, that''s a good idea. I''ll do a planning update thread.

 

[Scintillating]

Stop telling her anything about your plans! She sounds very competitive.
Also, give your mother strict instructions not to talk about your wedding details.
Sorry - if this sounds harsh, I just think you have to put a stop to this before it spirals out of control in a giant fight or long term negative feelings.

Scintillating...

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Yes, lesson has been learned. Mom and I have agreed to tell one another and my bridesmaids and juniors about fun ideas, etc, but not anyone else who may like them and take them. It''s kind of funny really, but last night I was so upset, and I was mad at myself for being upset. Oh well. I''ll just write it off as a near bridezilla moment. If that''s as close as I come, all will be fine!

 

[Fancy605]

Date: 10/20/2006 5:37:40 PM
Author: fisherofmengirly
Yes, lesson has been learned. Mom and I have agreed to tell one another and my bridesmaids and juniors about fun ideas, etc

And don''t forget to tell us about your ideas! I love reading about everyone''s weddings!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Mom is going to suggest to my aunt that she use the candy at the bridal shower, which will be in November, that way there is a gap between appearances of the little tiny things. My aunt said she could tell I was upset when she told me because I apparently lost all my *momentum.* Well, at least I wasn''t mean flat out. I have a hard time NOT showing my feelings, though. I''m a very expressive person.

So, we''ll see what happens.

On to other news: we made the wraps last night for the Juniors (silver). Beautiful!!

 

[bravesfan]

Date: 10/20/2006 11:58:05 AM
Author: fisherofmengirly
She knows nothing of Pricescope, thankfully. I guess I did have a little forethought!

Like I said earlier, she''s very young, barely 21, and I think she has an issue with us being married the week after her. When Paul and I got engaged and I talked to her about it, I told her we couldn''t get it all together fast enough to do it in October after all, so we were looking at December or January instead. I pretty much flat out asked her if she''d prefer that we do it early in December, so it''d be a month apart from hers or after hers. She said no, do it in January.

Admittedly, I believe I can see myself being upset if someone came in and got married right before me. That''s just not nice. But she said after, and when we told her the day we were contemplating, she was all excited about it and wanted to do this and that together. It has been a blessing, in part, because I am so far from my mom, so I have this wonderful aunt who''s also in motherly wedding mode, too.

Primarily, I think it''s an age thing. The good thing is that she won''t take the time to do the really crafty/creative type things. And we''re having a morning wedding, they''re having a night wedding. So there will be big differences. She also has a theme. That will be a difference. I mean, we do, too, but it''s *us.*

Thanks for your comments guys. I feel a lot better now and well, now I get to eat M&Ms twice, right?

Hey there... I am 21 and I would NEVER EVER do this. I really dont think age has anything to do with it, but I definitly think your cousin is acting like a brat about this.

Def stop telling her about your ideas

and I totally agree with giving her really bad ideas!

Good Luck!

 

[poptart]

Date: 10/21/2006 10:01:11 PM
Author: bravesfan

Hey there... I am 21 and I would NEVER EVER do this. I really dont think age has anything to do with it, but I definitly think your cousin is acting like a brat about this.

Def stop telling her about your ideas

and I totally agree with giving her really bad ideas!

Good Luck!

That''s what I was thinking! Age and maturity are surely very different things. Hope everything is working out much better for you fisher... you seem very creative though, so I''m sure everything will turn out lovely because you also seem chalk full of great ideas!

Marisa

 

[fatafelice]

Date: 10/20/2006 12:04:00 AM
Author: fisherofmengirly

My cousin is a few years younger than I am, and she''s being really frivolous, burning through resources she doesn''t have. Back in the day, I may have done the same, though I doubt it. I''m a creative type and I love a *deal* and an opportunity to embellish and give things my own flare. Anyway, this isn''t the first incident that''s upset me, to say the least. She refers to my ring, my lovely, beautiful, gotta-love-it tulip, as the ''baby diamond,'' while hers is not much bigger at all, and well, not high quality, at all. She told me she was glad I could feel pretty and like a bride in a $99 dollar dress, and that she hears the Florida Keys are really quite dirty, particularly Key Largo, where we will most likely be staying on our honeymoon. It''s really kind of comical to me, because I LOVE every aspect of what we''re planning and I LOVE that it''s working out to be wonderful and still inexpensive, for the most part.

Okay, in the beginning of this thread, I would have just said not to give her any further ideas and now worry about it. I would have felt just a little sad for her un-creative self. After reading this, however, feeding her bad ideas doesn''t seem so mean! What a brat!

I just want to add that I have had similar feelings for my FSIL, who got married this past May. FI and I weren''t even engaged yet, but she knew I had done some planning. I was showing her some pictures I had cut out of magazines and we came across one from Martha Stewart that involved using a vintage postcard to create a magnet STD. I was really excited about it because I collect vintage postcards -- which his whole family well knows. I told her that even if I didn''t make it a magnet, I was going to get a real vintage postcard for our location and replicate it as the STD. SO what does she do? Takes a picture of her venue, photoshops it to look like a vintage postcard, and sends them out as STDs. Grrrrrrr. Everyone thought it was so "cute" and "original." Double Grrrrrrrr. Now, I know that I don''t have exclusive rights to copy someything out of a MS magazine, but COME ON! I''m the one that collects postcards!

However, I love this idea and it is very "me," so I am doing it anyway. Except mine will be made from a *real* postcard because I am getting married at a real historic site. And mine will be magnets -- big ones.

Overall, I know how frustrating it can be to have a wedding in close proximity to another in the same family. I feel like everyone will be comparing our weddings and they are a whole year apart! Crazy, you say? Well, I had finally managed to get past it and convince myself that no one would notice and or be comapring them....until last week. That''s when FMIL said to me:

"It''s going to be hard to beat M-- and M--''s wedding. That was the best wedding I''ve ever been to!"

tripple GRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Granted, age and maturity are totally different things. However, because she is 21, I try to give her more slack, knowing that the *me, me me* stage is not uncommon at that age.

Of course many, many people are mature either beyond their years, or at least to their year.

Haha, I''m not tons older than her, I''m 26, so I''m just saying that she''s acting rather young. No harm meant to anyone younger than me or anything like that.