Are you Pretty?

[Skippy123]

Monarch, having met you I have to say you are have such a vivacious and wonderful personality; I instantly liked you and think you are the best!!!!!!

People don't like people for all sorts of stupid reasons; it is totally those weirdo ladies loss! You are a beautiful lady and have a fabulous personality as well!!!

 

[monarch64]

Date: 6/11/2009 3:43:05 PM
Author: Skippy123
Monarch, having met you I have to say you are have such a vivacious and wonderful personality; I instantly liked you and think you are the best!!!!!!

People don''t like people for all sorts of stupid reasons; it is totally those weirdo ladies loss! You are a beautiful lady and have a fabulous personality as well!!!

Oh, thank you Skippy!!! Hugs back, friend. I can say the same things about you!

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Date: 6/11/2009 3:00:43 PM
Author: monarch64

Date: 6/11/2009 12:39:44 PM

Author: princesss

I *love* that book! Especially that chapter about the guy on the train imagining David Sedaris is a pickpocket. I was dying laughing so hard. Have you read ''When You Are Engulfed In Flames'' yet? The chapter about the woman next to him on a plane cracks me up so much! I have both as books on tape, and I''ve been listening to him non-stop for the last few weeks.

Yes! That''s exactly what I was talking about, ha ha! I haven''t read the Flames one yet, it was checked out of the library last time I was there. I need to reserve it!

Hate to thread-jack, but did you read the chapter where the French teacher is trying to explain easter? Jesus, nailed to two morsels of wood?

Sedaris is my favorite author... Any play, memoir, short story, anthology... I just eat it up! He''s so hilarious.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 6/11/2009 4:25:47 PM
Author: PilsnPinkysMom

Date: 6/11/2009 3:00:43 PM
Author: monarch64

Date: 6/11/2009 12:39:44 PM

Author: princesss

I *love* that book! Especially that chapter about the guy on the train imagining David Sedaris is a pickpocket. I was dying laughing so hard. Have you read ''When You Are Engulfed In Flames'' yet? The chapter about the woman next to him on a plane cracks me up so much! I have both as books on tape, and I''ve been listening to him non-stop for the last few weeks.

Yes! That''s exactly what I was talking about, ha ha! I haven''t read the Flames one yet, it was checked out of the library last time I was there. I need to reserve it!

Hate to thread-jack, but did you read the chapter where the French teacher is trying to explain easter? Jesus, nailed to two morsels of wood?

Sedaris is my favorite author... Any play, memoir, short story, anthology... I just eat it up! He''s so hilarious.

Ha hahahahaha! I read that and was LMAO, he made her out to be such a mean teacher. He''s just a funny, funny man.

 

[Linda W]

Date: 6/11/2009 11:21:10 AM
Author: jas
*struts in to techno beat*


I''m too sexy for this thread, too sexy for this thread, so sexy it hurts my head!


*struts out, oblivious to the looks received by other posters and lurkers*

OMG Jas, I am dying here. I love you to death. So glad to see you posting.

 

[beau13]

oops..computer ate my reply...hate when that happens!

 

[partgypsy]

It''s so fun and interesting to read people''s responses. I was a really cute baby and little kid. Then I went though a rather lengthy ugly duckling let''s say awkward period (super skinny, thick glasses, bad skin, braces, the works). Probably my self-perception of myself was formed during that time, but at the same time I was a nerd and didn''t really invest my self-worth in how attractive I was, so it wasn''t really material to me. If anything during that time I wished that I was a guy so that I could be some undercover writer hanging out in bars or the Alaskan frontier and my sex (gender) wouldn''t be an issue.

When I grew out of the awkward phase I was continually surprised when guys seemed attracted to me. I abused the privilege by going out with some extremely good looking guys.

Looking at us now, my husband and I together you would say we were an attractive good-looking couple. But as we both went through phases where we were utter losers with the opposite sex, we both felt we scored when we met each other.

 

[drk]

There are definitely some interesting responses on here. I''ve actually been surprised how few people can say they feel pretty. Despite my big nose with a bump on it, and my thin and slightly frizzy hair, I still think I''m pretty. At least you don''t see the big nose when you''re looking at me from the front! If I hadn''t had braces as a teenager to fix my crowded and crooked teeth, I probably wouldn''t feel pretty though.

I definitely don''t do very much with myself, and could probably make myself look more attractive. I value the inside more than the outside (though I can certainly appreciate a beautiful woman or hot man), and didn''t pick my husband because he''s gorgeous or dresses well. He does have the best personality, and is kind and generous. He''s dressing better since I started helping him to pick out his wardrobe. I''m a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl (which he likes), and since I wear scrubs and an OR hat all day at work, I certainly don''t have any reason to make much of an effort (any hairdo is intantaneously flattened). I also value my sleep too much to get up 20 minutes earlier every day to doll myself up. I put on makeup about once a year, despite my Mum sending me to a modelling summer program when I was 13 so that I could learn the girly stuff like how to put on makeup (since she couldn''t have shown me herself). I guess I ended up more of a tomboy geek anyhow.

I''m pretty happy with my body overall, which I wouldn''t have ever said as a teenager when I had braces and was just gangly. The other girls developed a chest years before I did. I''m 6 feet tall, which used to be awful when I was younger and I couldn''t find pants or shoes that fit (or boys that were taller than me). Even shirts are sometimes not long enough. Luckily that''s gotten better over the last 10 years or so as the fashion industry has started catering more to women of different heights. I still have to wear size 8 or 10 clothes to have enough room in the hips or shoulders, and then my pants gape at the waist and there''s too much room in the bust. I''m skinny no matter how much I eat (142lb), and usually get comments about how thin I am rather than that I look nice or pretty.

Thankfully my parents have always been good at building up my self-esteem. They put a lot of emphasis on my brains and academic success. I lacked self-confidence until later in high school after I''d gone to the Shad Valley program (a math and engineering summer program that''s held in Canada where you live with a bunch of other teens in a university dorm and attend classes and do projects together). I''d been to regular summer camp before, but was always the odd one out, as they were all into boys and put no value on schoolwork. Shad was the first time I''d been put together with others who were also smart and good at school, and I realized that most of them had great personalities and were so much more than just brainy. We had so much fun, and I figured out that things would probably get better at university where I''d meet more of those sorts of people, and my self-confidence took a big leap for the rest of high school.

I''m a very shy person, and don''t make new friends easily. I''d actually rather be more outgoing rather than be prettier. I don''t usually have problems talking to people in business or work situations, but throw me into a party, and I get very uncomfortable. I''ve probably been hit on all of 2-3 times in my life and have never really dated anyone. I wonder if it''s the height and shyness and the brains that have always turned men off. I''ve never dated, but just fell into 2 really long-term relationships (including DH). Thank God I already met and married my DH, because I have no idea how I''d ever meet or attract a man now that I''m no longer in school.

It''s interesting that so many people feel better about their personalities than their looks. Great thread!

Kate

 

[Black Jade]

Date: 6/11/2009 11:01:17 AM
Author: Pandora II
I''m aware that I am considered beautiful by other people - I used to do a lot of modelling and was therefore paid for my looks. I know it has been an advantage for jobs I have had (even though they have had no need for good looks as part of the job), and my husband certainly considers me beautiful.

However, I know every fault I have and I can look seriously awful (photo in Newborns thread to prove the point!

) and it has never done anything for my self esteem.

I''ve had psychiatrists tell me ''you''re a pretty girl, there''s no reason for you to be depressed'' as if only ugly people are allowed to have problems.

I''ve been out with friends who I know aren''t that good looking and they all got asked to dance and no-one ever asked me - so I got paranoid that there was something seriously wrong with my personality. Eventually I asked a group of male friends what the issue was... apparently I was intimidating, seen as aloof and ''ice-queenish'' (actually I''m quite shy when it comes to social situations that involve potential dating) and I ''wasn''t the kind of girl you''d just have a good time with'' but someone you''d have to date seriously and would need balls to do so.

I''ve had people assume that I''m brainless or just window dressing...

If you have a good figure, people have no qualms about pointing out when you''ve put on a few pounds - in a way that they would never do to someone who was on the larger size to start with.

I''ve had men date me purely for what I look like - one guy even said to me that he always dated beautiful women because he wasn''t that good-looking and so it helped him get girls as they would think: well if she''s with him then he must have something

How I look has only been important to me when it''s been earning me money. Otherwise I''m pretty uninterested in it. My hobbies and interests are far more important. I''ve been told by other women that this is because I don''t need to work at it and that if they looked like me then they would make better use of it than I do - ie wear make-up more often, do more than just wash my hair, brush it and leave it to dry on it''s own, wear clothes to look good rather than because they are warm/comfortable.

I''ve had people (who don''t know me that well) tell me that I could have done better over my husband because he would be considered less good-looking. Well actually I''d rather marry a man who is clever, interesting and who I''m supremely happy and comfortable with than someone who is more interested in his body than mine!

It''s sad that society puts so much store in people''s looks, that it gives an advantage in the work-place and generally in life. I do admit that I realise these advantages and I am happy to use them, and would not opt to look differently, but I still think it''s a bit sad.

I feel a bit awkward writing this post because, as Dreamer says, saying that yes you are beautiful is not something that is ''done'' and also invites negative comments such as ''who does she think she is'' or ''well I wouldn''t consider her good-looking'' etc etc

For my daughter, I would like her to be ''nice'' looking (I am convinced that happiness equals being just slightly above average in every way!) but above all to have a healthy level of self esteem andd confidence - something that I never had growing up.

thanks for your post, Pandora II.
You expressed what I was trying to say much more clearly and eloquently.
You have had to deal with these issues on another level than me, since you were as you say "paid for your looks", which I never was. My father was very much against modelling. I had a cousin who did it for a while and was miserable with it. the thing that she hated most was that no one ever talked TO her. She would be standing right there and they would talk ABOUT her. And the assumption always was that she was stupid and couldn''t understand. She left modelling quickly and became a paralegal, which she likes much better. She''s proud of herself for that. She would have liked to become a lawyer, but her mother (not her father) refused to allow her to go to college--said women didn''t need degrees. She went to night school for the paralegal degree later on her own.
In our society, you get little advantages for being pretty, such as the compliments and the door opening but as people have been pointing out, I don''t see that it really changes the essential things about one''s life. It does not guarantee being loved, or anything of real importance. There are societies though, where it makes all the difference. Ones that are not good to women. I think about this occasionally because there is a reason I am pretty. I come from a long line of women who were bred specifically for that. I''m from a foreign country (I won''t say which one) where what they call the ''creole'' women were picked out and bred to be concubines for their slavemasters and that''s my background. This wasn''t a choice thing. However, it gave you an immeasurably better life than being worked in sugar cane fields like an animal until you died.
My father was probably against modelling because of this background; however my aunt (who pushed my cousin into modelling and didn''t allow college) was I think following the old, familiar rules of what made success for a woman.
Personally, I just feel grateful that this kind of thing doesn''t apply to us here.

 

[partgypsy]

In my Dad''s family, as I was told many times when I was growing up, saying goes "the * men are handsome and the women are . . . smart."

 

[inloveinpa]

Hmm this is an interesting topic...

I feel pretty now that I am older. When I was younger, I was skinny (my nickname was skinny minnie and bean), had huge eyes that looked too big for my face, and I have a very roman nose, that I hadn''t grown into yet. Now, I feel like I am beautiful, not just becaue I filled out in my curves and grew into my eyes and nose, but because I know that I am a good person as well. Of course I have my moments, when I get a pimple or I feel like I''ve gained a little extra weight, where I wish I could change myself a little, but in the end, I love being me and I love who I see in the mirror.

My mom has always been my biggest fan and has brought me up telling me I was beautiful, pretty, gorgeous. I know she is biased, but I think that definitely helped my self-esteem in this area. My mom will text me at least once a week with something like, "how''s my beautiful daughter doing?" My BF tells me everyday that I look pretty or beautiful, so I know I am very lucky to have such great supporters.

I think everyone has their good and bad days, some where you feel beautiful, others where you feel like"ughhhh, blahhhh, ick." I think that our culture focuses on how people should look based on superficial and unrealistic looks. (There is only a minute part of the world''s population that is model thin.) Rather than focusing on people''s whole package - mind, soul, behaviors, and looks - the media focuses on thin, fat, ugly, pimple here, bad hair there. No one is ugly in my eyes...everyone is beautiful and I think that us women really need to start thinking that way. We are beautiful the way we were made, and just because someone else doesn''t think so, who the hell cares?!! Once we start loving ourselves, we will start to look at ourselves in the mirror more positively. It''s like the saying of when someone''s personality is awesome, they just become more and more attractive, but when someone''s personality is mean and cruel, they become less attractive.



Namaste!

 

[drk]

Maybe I should use the label of Roman nose for myself - it sounds much better than saying I have a large nose with a bump on it!

 

[soocool]

I have never thought of myself as pretty, but attractive. Now my sister is knock down dead gorgeous! How could 2 siblings be so totally opposite looking? Cee looks just like my mom. Short, but not too short, curvy figure, light brown hair, fair skin, and the cutest nose and blue eyes. I look like my dad, tall and very slender, dark brown hair, medium complexion, ok nose, and brown eyes. People don''t believe we are sisters.

Cee is ultra feminine, and I am still at times a tomboy. She loves to wear dresses; I live in jeans. Cee tells me that she was jealous of me growing up because I could eat whatever I wanted and never gained an ounce. My skin hardly ever broke out, while she visited the dermatoligist on a regular basis. I was jealous of her because she could just roll out of bed looking pretty. I had to comb the rattails out of my hair first and scrub my face and put on some makeup before I thought I looked good enough for people to look at me.

Cee is still gorgeous today and she still proclaims that I have the butt of a 13 year old! Gotta love her!

 

[NakedFinger]

I say with no ego that I am pretty. I know I am a good person, a good heart, and I have confidence in myself. Thats beauty to me (ok ok, Im not too bad on the eyes either! lol) But because of the outpouring of "you are beautiful, you are hot, you are in the top 10% of all women, you belong in maxim, you light up a room when you walk into it, blah blah blah", you''d think it would make someone have a big head, but quite the contrary, in makes me uncomfortably "self aware". I constantly have people stare at me. And there is nothing more unnerving than sitting at a table, or standing on the subway, etc and seeing out of the corner of your eye that some guy is just staring and staring and staring. Or when I walk through grand central, literally every single man turns their head (some women too lol), and you know what I do?? Walk with my head down, look at my feet, constantly whipe my face and adjust my clothes thinking there must be somethingn on me. It grosses me out to see a man twice my age or older stare at me, or see a man with his wife and kid break his neck trying to look.

Guys can say "you are so pretty" to me all you want, I dont care if you think so or not. The truth is, there is only one man that I care finds me pretty and he does. Thats all that matters.

 

[Haven]

Date: 6/12/2009 1:17:51 PM
Author: drk
Maybe I should use the label of Roman nose for myself - it sounds much better than saying I have a large nose with a bump on it!

I had a friend in HS who was beautiful, but she hated her larger nose. Then, this older guy fell absolutely head over heels for her once summer when we were working at a day camp with him, and he wrote her the most beautiful poem, in which he referenced her "Strong Roman nose." She totally started looking at her nose differently after that.

I have a larger nose, but I think I''d look really strange with a button nose because I have a big face!

 

[Haven]

Date: 6/10/2009 10:45:26 PM
Author: beau13

Date: 6/10/2009 6:08:19 PM

Author: Haven

I thought of this thread this past weekend.

What a great story Haven..now I''m interested in seeing what you look like (picturing Charlize Theron)..got MY attention! lol

Charlize Theron? Yeah, I wish!

My face is all over PS, I''m sure you''ll run into me somewhere!