Anyone else have the same problem???

[coco813]

Hi Everyone!!!
I''m a long time lurker and recently engaged!!! So in planning my wedding for next summer FI and I were looking into having our wedding locally (southern CA) but is EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE!!! We (I... LOL) have always dreamt about getting married on the beach!!! FI has ALOT of family and I have a small family (all of which are located on the east coast) so it would be very very hard to cut our guest lists down! So anyways, we decided to have our wedding in Hawaii!!! It''ll be alot cheaper and more exciting and fun, we are super stoked about it! Now the problem??? Everyone we have told about our plans loves the idea, that is except my family. All of my family were very quick to say they weren''t able to attend. It kind of upset me b/c we have lived in CA for 11 yrs and they never have been out here to visit, we are always the ones making frequent trips for all the occasions and they don''t want to make the trip. (I do understand it''s a long trip, but I''ve always been close with them and I thought they''d make the effort to put the flight aside!) My mom is now insisting that I should change my location to accomidate them, but as much as I love them and want them there, FI and I really love this idea and don''t really have the money to have it elsewhere (we got a great deal to have it at a military only hotel where a family friend will sponsor us and it is BEAUTIFUL!!!)

Has anyone else run into this kind of situation??? Any advice???

Sorry for so much rambling lol... I''m just going out of my mind!!!

 

[Maisie]

I think if you choose a destination wedding you will always run the risk of people not being able to attend. I know it must be disappointing for you not to have your family there.

Why not have the wedding you want, then on your return have a party to celebrate? That way your family can celebrate with you.

 

[coco813]

Date: 6/6/2008 5:21:31 PM
Author: Maisie
I think if you choose a destination wedding you will always run the risk of people not being able to attend. I know it must be disappointing for you not to have your family there.

Why not have the wedding you want, then on your return have a party to celebrate? That way your family can celebrate with you.

I definately want to have it in Hawaii!!! We both do and we will! We plan on having a big BBQ when we get back with everyone who couldn''t make it! Unfortunately my family is in NY and I am in CA. I knew that having a destination wedding would cut out people, but I didn''t think it would be my family I have been very close to all my life!

 

[Maisie]

I'm not from the US so forgive my ignorance..... would your family have to fly a long way to get to your wedding? Are finances the real obstruction to them coming?

 

[coco813]

Date: 6/6/2008 5:30:09 PM
Author: Maisie
I''m not from the US so forgive my ignorance..... would your family have to fly a long way to get to your wedding? Are finances the real obstruction to them coming?

I wouldn''t say finances are the issue.. (either way its over a year away)... They always had issues with flying and it would be a total of 10 hours on a flight... more than likely with a stop over (they could even fly to CA and fly to Hawaii with us) My being upset is b/c they said they couldn''t come right when I told them my plan... No discussion, no thought about!

 

[Maisie]

I can understand the issue with flying. I don''t really enjoy flying myself. But if it was for one of my kids I would really try to get there. I can understand your disappointment. Shall I come instead?

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Hello, congrats, and welcome!!

I just wanted to make sure, are you sure it''s cheaper? With the price of gas going so crazy and the way things are already crazy expensive in Hawaii, might want to check one more time. Not trying to down your plans or anything, I just know that Hawaii also just lost another major airline. Last downer question, are you positive you can''t cut the list at all? My FI''s family is huge as well and mine is small, so we cut some of his cousins and all of his 2nd cousins+. But anyway, if you''re really set on Hawaii then hopefully Harleigh will chime in because she is getting married there soon!

We can also help you look for anything.

 

[Sabine]

Welcome! It doesn''t sound like your family would be willing to travel anywhere for your wedding, even to CA since they''ve never been to visit you. Some people just don''t like to travel. It stinks that they aren''t even trying to make an effort to attend your wedding, but I agree that you should have it where you want since everyone else seems on board for the Hawaii wedding.

 

[neatfreak]

Ultimately it is your day and you need to do what feels right to you. But that being said, flights to Hawaii are NOT cheap and if they are coming from the east coast, with layovers, the trip will probably be closer to 14 hours. And tickets for this summer are close to $1000 from New York to Honolulu. So if they aren't in NY and/or need to go somewhere else on the island, that is very expensive for most people. Not to mention accomodations, etc. So I would rethink the "it's not financial" aspect of things just to make sure you won't regret those people not being there.

 

[Gwyn]

Living in Los Angeles and having all my fmaily on the east coast has taken its toll on me as well.

I am lucky enough that my immediate family, grandmother and godparents will be coming to Cali to see my get married but the rest of my family (and there is alot) will not.

To make up for it (yes they will guilt you into thinking it is somethng YOU need to make up for) we are having a cocktail party on the east coast after our honeymoon.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 6/6/2008 6:00:46 PM
Author: neatfreak
Ultimately it is your day and you need to do what feels right to you. But that being said, flights to Hawaii are NOT cheap and if they are coming from the east coast, with layovers, the trip will probably be closer to 14 hours. And tickets for this summer are close to $1000 from New York to Honolulu. So if they aren't in NY and/or need to go somewhere else on the island, that is very expensive for most people. Not to mention accomodations, etc. So I would rethink the 'it's not financial' aspect of things just to make sure you won't regret those people not being there.

I definitely agree with this. Our original idea was to have a small beach wedding in Hawaii and pay for our guests' accommodations to make it affordable, but the bottom line was that even the cost of the flights was too much for us to ask of our guests (based on our families' financial situations).

I think you just have to prioritize how important it is for your family to be there for the ceremony. I think that eloping to Hawaii and having a big BBQ for your families when you return is a great option for you. If having your family there is really important to you, you could have the ceremony in a place that is convenient for both families and honeymoon in Hawaii.

It definitely is your and your fiance's day and you should do what makes you happy, I know that weighing your priorities isn't always easy.

 

[zoebartlett]

Would you rather get married in Hawaii or have your family at your wedding? I can definitely see where you''d be frustrated that they were so quick to tell you they wouldn''t be able to attend. If they haven''t been to see you in CA in 11 years, I can understand them not wanting to make the trip (traveling so far, I mean, not the wedding) to Hawaii -- it is further away. I don''t agree with it but I can understand it.

I like the idea of having a wedding elsewhere and then honeymooning in Hawaii. It just seems that you might potentially run the risk of having a rift with your family -- would it be worth it?

 

[shimmer]

Aww, that is awful! I know how you feel exactly, yesterday I told my sister that we were getting married in Vegas and she didn''t wait 1 second to say "well then, we''re (as in her family) not going".

It hurt so bad that she wouldn''t even have the courtesy to consider it (even if she already knew she couldn''t/wouldn''t want to make it there, it is so rude to respond like that, without thought). Now I feel like I don''t want her there (if she did decided to) if she is that quick to decide that she won''t be there. Money is NOT an issue here either.

I think you should do what makes YOU and your FI happy, don''t let your family talk you out of it. My family has tried MANY, MANY times to talk me out of a DW. I know it is hard and it really hurts at times, but just focus on what the wedding is really about, you and your FI''s commitment to each other. It is your wedding day, you don''t want any debbie downers there anyway

I will be thinking about you, I wish you the best.

 

[Pandora II]

I''m sorry your family are behaving this way.

My FBIL got married in Chicago last year. We all had a year''s notice and they got deals at hotels etc for us. We all shopped around for flights and saved up.

70 of us flew over from the UK in the end.

If you really want to be somewhere, you make it happen - and I think this is what upsets you the most. With him having the bigger family to start with it would have been hard to have it in NY as well.

At least now everyone has to travel and they can''t throw the ''you put his family before us'' one at you.

Whatever happens don''t you dare feel guilty. If they want to be there, they will find a way to get there. If they don''t, its they who have the apologising to do - not you.

What do they plan to do when the future grandchildren arrive just out of interest?

 

[DMBFiredancer]

i am in the same boat as you - family on the east coast, planning a so-cal weddng. at first my parents were disappointed that i was not having it out there, but i got lucky and they have gotten over it and have basically said they would come wherever we decide to have it. my mom was getting nervous because of the increase in flight costs but i know it wont stop her from coming.

i think you should have it where YOU will be happy - you can celebrate on the east coast when you return. at the end of the day, your parents will be happy that you are married and happy no matter what. plus, something tells me that they will end up booking the flight and coming. they are probably just speaking out of emotions when they say they are not going to make the trip.