anyone dealing with a groomzilla??

[doodle]

with the exception of a few wedding-related things, every time i have asked FI his opinion on something, he''s said "it doesn''t really matter to me" (flower type, colors, drinks, you name it)...UNTIL i decide on something. THEN he goes, "no, i think i like __ better". last night, we were at dinner discussing the reception menu, and he did it again, so i told him (JOKINGLY) that he was the most indecisive groomzilla on the planet and that he was piping up after the fact because i had been wearing the pants and he wanted them back. being as we''re both goofy, we think the whole thing is hilarious, but it made me wonder:

how are the rest of the PS FIs behaving? anything they took an interest in that really surprised you? or something you thought they would take an interest in but they totally didn''t care? have they been involved in every little thing or are they letting you do the whole thing and chiming in every now and then with something like "NO PINK" then going back into the manzone?

 

[choro72]

I thought that a small intimate ceremony will be nice for us. If we had a reception at a restaurant, I thought it will be nice to decorate a section and just get married right there.
FI at first didn''t care, but after several trips of venue hunting he decided he wants a gazebo. Not just any gazebo, but it had to be big and nice. He doesn''t want typical steaks and such. He wants an Asian touch somewhere in the reception (of course it''s up to me to figure out where to incorporate it). He wants a wedding band with complex carvings (He can have anything he wants on this one). He wants Japanese beer. I''m sure the list is going to grow.

 

[loverocks]

Well, he did give me a strict "no pink" rule. One thing he was very specific about was the chapel. For sentimental reasons, for both of us, we really wanted to do it there. He was very take charge on that. FH has an interest in most aspects "overall". But, whenever it gets down to the *details* of doing anything, he turns into a dear in headlights.

I just don''t think he grasps all of the details involved in each decision and how one thing will impact the other. The other thing that I am having a hard time with him on is the logistics involved. A wedding, like any other large event, conference, etc., takes a lot of thought logistically to run smoothly. It''s not like you wake up that day and it just *poof* fallis into place. Or maybe I am just anal, but I must must must have a proper schedule and my wedding binder (aka, sanity book).

 

[choro72]

loverocks, I have a wedding binder too! I put all pictures, business cards, contracts, and ideas in them. I wasn''t intending it to be, but it''s turning into my wedding scrapbook

 

[loverocks]

Choro - your gazebo has me laughing. I forgot to mention that I was actually the one who wanted to run away to an island somewhere with a couple of friends and family. He was the one that wanted the traditional wedding. He was adament about that and won. Maybe I should remind him about that when he does this

LOL - he actually has been much more helpful then I thought he would be though

 

[HisLadyLove]

I''m dealing with the same kind Groomzilla AND Momzilla... UHHHHHHHHHH

SO FRUSTRATING!

 

[newbie124]

I''ve pretty much been running the show, but we have talked about our general thoughts on type of wedding, style, tone, etc., and for the most part we''re very much on the same page (and if not, well, usually I end up getting my way anyway...heh

)

I have to say, though, he''s at least been pretty good about giving me an opinion when I can''t decide on something and want his input...and he generally sticks to it...whereas I usually keep going back and forth!

He''s mostly taken charge of music selection and is also doing the design for our website (w/ my input of course I think so far, the balance has worked out pretty well for us.

 

[WishfulThinking]

The stories about what matters to each of your FIs are really cute and interesting- and random! Annoying that they pick inopportune times to chime in and/or make odd requests, but so cute that they want to be involved.

We have two brides, so I''m sure you can all just imagine what that is like!

We are good at agreeing with each other, and I originally wasn''t sure that my FI would be as into wedding planning as I am, but she''s turned out to be in love with it! It sometimes gets frustrating when I really want something and she thinks it''s sub par, or when she has her HEART set on something and can''t accept any alternatives, even though there is no way we can do it [some invitations that they only sell in bulk above our pricerange

], but all in all it''s so much fun to plan with two brides!

We both get to dress shop, love flowers, and can have the wedding colors be shades or purple, pink, and red without any protesting!

 

[bee*]

D and I have picked everything together. He has definitely got his own views on how things should look and he''s an architect so he loves paying attention to detail! It''s been fine though-we both keep looking until we''re both happy with what we''re booking.

 

[loverocks]

WishfulThinking - you did go dress shopping together! That had to be a ball. Gotta admit, I am kinda jealous

 

[WishfulThinking]

Date: 7/17/2008 5:18:22 PM
Author: loverocks
WishfulThinking - you did go dress shopping together! That had to be a ball. Gotta admit, I am kinda jealous

Hehe, thanks!
We haven''t gone yet, but we do plan to go together! I know we''re not "supposed to," but it''s going to be a blast to do it together, and to us that is more important than the few moments of surprise of not knowing what the dresses will look like beforehand. Plus, if we did all the things we were "supposed to do," we wouldn''t even be getting married- gotta break the rules sometimes!

 

[Blair138]

Haha I can totally relate-FI and I are picking a venue and date in the next few days. I originally made a list of places my mom called while we were on vaca and then made appointments based on availability when we got back. As of yesterday we saw 3 of 4 places and we get home and FI goes on the computer to look up more places. I told him thanks for the help that I could have used 3 days ago! We are picking a place not looking for more. I have a feeling every time I am ready to decide, FI''s going to look up more options-which makes my head spin!!! Gotta love him though!

 

[LaraOnline]

My man is an atheist and he let me have my church wedding and all!
He even sang a hymn! Luckily for him , because if he had insisted on a civil wedding it would have caused a lot of tantrums.
Perhaps the mother-of-the-groom could gently inform her son that his wedding decisions should basically be restricted to what he and his groomsmen will be wearing to the do. Organising the speeches. Oh, and what the drinks will be!

I guess he *might* get a say in the reception venue, as long as he isn't too fussy about it! lol

 

[marchswallowbird]

Really, I think weddings are so foreign to most men that they don''t KNOW what they think about some of these items until you start describing to them what you have chosen. Then they finally "get it" and chime in. Who knows. Their brains just work completely differently than ours. I asked my FI if he cared how I wore my hair and he said no, then a few weeks later he said "I hope you''re wearing your hair down" (which I had already decided to do).

 

[ponderer]

My DH did this.

He didnt care about anything until one day when I mentioned I was putting down a couple of deposits and ordering the invites the following day.

He blew up. He wanted top know what the invites looked like. I told him that I showed him the invites, but he said whatever you want is fine. He then started questioning the other deposits and decisions.

Then I blew up. I was a little upset and fustrated that he didnt care about the wedding details, but I got over it and moved on with the planning. I could not believe that all of a sudden he really cared

.

In actuality, I dont think he really cared. I then gave him wedding responsibilities, he did not question me again.

And they call us irrational

.

 

[mimzy]

haha.
oh yes.


it''s a struggle to get stefan to sit down and focus on anything wedding related to make joint decisions. BUT the second i make a decision on my own and show him afterwards, he''ll say he doesn''t like it. does he offer helpful solutions or alternatives? no...that would be too much! he''s (maybe not so) strangely picky about certain things too....

shrug. when things like that happen i just put the issue in his hands and he has the option of either handing it back over to me or doing it himself. if it gets handed back to me and he ends up still unhappy, he gets a big one of these -->

. everything wedding related also falls victim to his horrible memory/attention - there have been countless times when i''ll mention something or show him something and he ok''s it, only to freak out later because he claims he''s never seen or heard of it before

.

unfortunately/fortunately the issue is not just an issue with wedding stuff, but with things in general, so we (I) have a lot of practice dealing with it!

 

[noelwr]

FI said just to tell him when and where it is and he''ll make sure he''s there. at least he''s interested in the most important thing.

 

[choro72]

Blair, My FI does the same thing! He acts uninterested and when I show him pictures he complains about information overload. Once I''m ready to go ahead with a decision, he starts his research, throws new ideas, and drags me back to square one.
His response was "This is how I work!"
Me: "I HATE HOW YOU WORK!!!"
Him:

Me: "I shouldn''t have yelled, I''m sorry too (You deserve to be yelled at...

)"

As you say, gotta love the guy. He deals with my temper, and my family knows that''s very hard to do

 

[anchor31]

Date: 7/17/2008 4:14:37 PM
Author:doodle
with the exception of a few wedding-related things, every time i have asked FI his opinion on something, he''s said ''it doesn''t really matter to me'' (flower type, colors, drinks, you name it)...UNTIL i decide on something. THEN he goes, ''no, i think i like __ better''. last night, we were at dinner discussing the reception menu, and he did it again, so i told him (JOKINGLY) that he was the most indecisive groomzilla on the planet and that he was piping up after the fact because i had been wearing the pants and he wanted them back. being as we''re both goofy, we think the whole thing is hilarious, but it made me wonder:

how are the rest of the PS FIs behaving? anything they took an interest in that really surprised you? or something you thought they would take an interest in but they totally didn''t care? have they been involved in every little thing or are they letting you do the whole thing and chiming in every now and then with something like ''NO PINK'' then going back into the manzone?

Oh yeah. At the beginning he was very involved and very adamant about some things. The reason why we''re having a typical indoor sit-down meal reception with dance is because he wanted it and wouldn''t budge, because I wanted an outdoor cocktail reception. I''ve been spending the last 18 months doing everything to tone things down as much as I can, because he always goes for formal, and I wanted casual. We settled somewhere between informal and semi-formal... Later he started to mellow a little, but still, every time FI would say, "oh, you can take care of it", I would ask him if he''s absolutely SURE that it''s up to me and if he''s not happy he won''t say anything... Right.

Like the flowers. He said I could do whatever I wanted. I went to make the arrangement decisions and deposit with my mom. Then a week later or so, This happens:
FI: I''d like to have X for the boutonnieres.
Me: Um, no you''re having Y. X would look pretty weird with the rest of the flowers (different flower, colour, everything).
FI: Why wasn''t I part of this decision?
Me: Because you told me I could take care of it by myself. I went with my mom, remember?
FI: ...
Me: Hmpf.

Last weekend, my brother had a good laugh at my FI... We were going to a 50th anniversary celebration in our family, and we carpooled with my brother and his FI. At some point we were talking about ceremony music (which my FI said I could take care on my own), and my FI said something about "Here comes the bride".
Me: We''re not using that.
FI: Why not?
Me: Because I don''t want to.
FI: What if I want you to use it?
Me: Hey, I''m walking down that aisle, I pick the music I walk down to. Besides, you gave me "carte blanche".
FI: I did?
Me: Yup.
Brother: ROTFL

So... It hasn''t been an easy ride. I do appreciate that he came to every vendor booking (except the flowers) with me, though, and he designed the menus on AutoCAD and is currently making pew bows with his mom. It''s definitely not all bad.

 

[Pandora II]

Me: Do you want to look at ceremony music
FI: La la la wedding talk, can''t hear, can''t hear

Roll on 3 months:

Me: I''ve chosen these pieces of music for the ceremony.
FI: Mmmm
Me: Turn the TV off and listen
FI: Do I have to
Me: Have I asked you to do ANYTHING for this wedding?
FI: No
Me: So be quiet and listen

15 minutes later

FI: But I don''t really like any of those
Me: So what do you like
FI: suggests names of totally inappropriate songs

Ditt for anything else I was stupid enough to ask about!

 

[noelwr]

Date: 7/18/2008 3:21:15 PM
Author: choro72
Blair, My FI does the same thing! He acts uninterested and when I show him pictures he complains about information overload. Once I''m ready to go ahead with a decision, he starts his research, throws new ideas, and drags me back to square one.
His response was ''This is how I work!''
Me: ''I HATE HOW YOU WORK!!!''
Him:

Me: ''I shouldn''t have yelled, I''m sorry too (You deserve to be yelled at...

)''

As you say, gotta love the guy. He deals with my temper, and my family knows that''s very hard to do

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

[Laila619]

My fiance has been such a sweetheart when it comes to wedding planning! He is so involved and he is doing so much work. He went to sign the contract with the reception hall all by himself (I was dress shopping) and he went to visit a photographer all by himself. He''s calling DJs and doing tons of research. He even helped me pick out the color scheme and the color of the bridesmaid dresses. I love that he is so into it. I trust his opinion more than anyone''s. The way I see it is it''s HIS wedding day too so I want him to be just as happy with everything as I am.

 

[doodle]

WOW...all men ARE nutty! Haha! I didn''t figure this thread would get sooooo many hits, but I''m comforted to know that I''m not the only one whose groom is doing this stuff!

we''ve had another adventure...I told Ric to add his guest list to the master MONTHS ago, and he told me he had. We realized the other night that he never finished doing it, so now we need 20 more invitations than what we thought. We were already slightly overbudget on them, but we decided to go with it anyway because we loved them. Now, we''re to the point where we SHOULD be paying Kristy to start production, but I''m not even sure we''ll be able to afford them with an additional 20 thrown in, so I''m ready to kill my FI, not only for goofing so badly on that one, but because I''d feel horrible if we had to back out on our invitation lady when she''s been so great to work with!! I know he feels bad about it, though---he left work and drove al the way across town today to bring me lunch. I guess he figures, "if you can''t beat ''em, feed ''em"...