any diamond shrinkage survivors out there?

[windy1365]

I have major diamond shrinkage syndrome right now. I''ve been engaged for a year now (Valentine''s Day). I got to pick out my own ring... I chose a .95, G, VVS2 princess center stone, very good cut with a .5 tcw princess stone platinum setting. Now, I want a 1.5 center stone and a Vatche setting. My current e-ring wasn''t cheap... about $7k, but he would have spent the extra money at the time if I had wanted a 1.5 center stone then. We went with Bluenile, so there isn''t an upgrade policy. Plus, our wedding is very expensive, so we are saving all our money for it (coming up in April!!). I think he would be very mad if he knew that I wanted a bigger center stone... especially since I picked out exactly what I thought I wanted!! But, all I can do is look up diamonds every night on the internet and obsess over wanting a bigger diamond.

Any suggestings to help me get over this awful syndrome?? Anyone else going through this??

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/21/2005 11:42:26 PM
Author:windy1365
I have major diamond shrinkage syndrome right now. I''ve been engaged for a year now (Valentine''s Day). I got to pick out my own ring... I chose a .95, G, VVS2 princess center stone, very good cut with a .5 tcw princess stone platinum setting. Now, I want a 1.5 center stone and a Vatche setting. My current e-ring wasn''t cheap... about $7k, but he would have spent the extra money at the time if I had wanted a 1.5 center stone then. We went with Bluenile, so there isn''t an upgrade policy. Plus, our wedding is very expensive, so we are saving all our money for it (coming up in April!!). I think he would be very mad if he knew that I wanted a bigger center stone... especially since I picked out exactly what I thought I wanted!! But, all I can do is look up diamonds every night on the internet and obsess over wanting a bigger diamond.

Any suggestings to help me get over this awful syndrome?? Anyone else going through this??

windy
i would say 80% of the girls here had this syndrome one time or another.i''m guessing the avg e-ring in the U.S. is about .75 ct and here on P.S. i''m guessing the avg is about 1.5 ct.the girls on this site are bad INFLUENCE.......

lol

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Hi, I went through this when reading this board and for a while thought it was most important to get a bigger diamond. You've got to keep in perspective other priorities in life like purchasing a home, saving for the future, AND most importantly life itself and what it has to offer, which extends beyond diamonds.

Spending too much time on here means you will obsess. We all do this. But, remember the symbol of the ring you HAVE and keep this in mind and think about how this ring made and makes you happy. A larger diamond will not make you any happier in life, will it? It'll be bigger but does it matter THAT much? Will you be a more radiant and full filled person with a 1.5 carat? If so, then upgrade. If not, enjoy your ring and then after you pay for the wedding save up for a beautiful pair of earrings!

Oh, and there's nothing wrong with wanting more and bigger diamonds, but you have to decide if this is because you really *want* more or if you're just seeing all the other options out there and concluding you need them all!

 

[valeria101]

Date: 2/21/2005 11:42:26 PM
Author:windy1365

... all I can do is look up diamonds every night on the internet and obsess over wanting a bigger diamond.

Any suggestings to help me get over this awful syndrome ?

Not that I know !

To me, jewelry is just a stress-fighting instrument. I can only imagine that awaiting a BIG wedding is stressful... and hunting a diamond might sound just the thing to do right now. It even makes sense if there''s no negative side effect (as in overspending). Otherwise, 1.5 cts shrink too, you know

Timing is everything

 

[mia1967]

How about getting a big, beautiful solitare pendant, or a 5 year anniversary ring with the size diamond(s) you want?

We couldn''t afford a huge diamond when we got married (but it''s goegeous anyway!), but now that we are a bit better off financially, I have a huge 2 ct. coming my way for our anniversary.

You may want to wait until after all of the wedding stuff settles down - you may be under stress now and who knows, you may change your mind again.

Good luck!

 

[mrssalvo]

Some have suggested not wearing it for a few days. When you put it back on it will look huge on your finger.

They is nothing wrong with wanting a bigger diamond but it sounds like you have a lot of other things going on right now that would be a bigger priority (i.e. A Wedding.) You can always upgrade for an anniversary down the road.

 

[sharon scott]

With diamonds, there is always going to be a bigger and better stone. You have know when to stop and if you don''t know than you just have to stop.

Just my opinion.

 

[diamondlil]

There is nothing wrong with wanting an upgrade, but it does amaze me when people do it after such a short period of time. In your case, you have not gotten through the wedding yet, and you are just beginning your lives together. There are so many things that will probably come up in the next few years: House, cars, children(?). I''d start planning an upgrade now though. If it is something you really want, put aside a little at a time beginning now and wait for a milestone like an anniversary to do it.

I must say, PS has played a big part in warping all our minds.

We see so many bigger, better, nicer rings posted here that we start believing that this is the norm when in reality it''s not. The majority of people getting engaged do not get even close to a 1 ct stone. But if you look at what is posted here, you''d think otherwise.

DiamondLil

 

[jellybean]

I think the only way to get over the syndrome is to get another diamond!

Seriously though, the shrinkage factor will set in on your new diamond as well. One of my girlfriends did exactly what you want to do. She got engaged with a .75ct princess diamond that she picked out. She had to compromise on the center size because she was insistant on getting platinum and a setting with side stones. Not even 2 months later she was sad that her diamond was "so small" so started looking for an upgrade. Fortunately, her fiance (now husband) was very supportive about it. She wound up getting a 1.25ct princess in a solitaire setting. She was happy for about 6 months when she decided even that wasn''t big enough. It was like a sickness! Her husband said "no way" to another upgrade as they were going to buy a house. She went behind his back and traded in the 1.25ct for a 1.75ct princess (she added $ to the upgrade). She was planning on keeping the second upgrade a secret from her husband but of course he found out. It put a huge strain on their marriage, mostly because she did it behind his back, but he was very upset that she kept thinking about "her" and not "them". Because she used the $ they were planning on a down payment for the ring, they wound up borrowing that $ so they didn''t lose out on the house they wanted. Things are OK now (this happened about 4 years ago), but now she is talking about getting a 2ct. Most of her friends won''t even talk about diamonds with her. It really is sad with her.


Now I''m not saying that this is the case with you, but it is very easy for it to become an obsession. I just had my diamond reset into a solitaire not even a month ago and I want to change it!

 

[Mara]

There is NO CURE for shrinkage syndrome I am sorry to say. People can note very rational reasons why you should not want a bigger stone, aka house, cars, kids, life, retirement, travel, bills...but it does not help your MENTAL STATE of drooling over the bigger diamonds and secretly dreaming about bigger stones. Trust me, I know!

In my case, I try to plan out a timeframe that works for me and my hubby and our goals, so that I can have a definitive timeline and have something to look fwd to but without being selfish and taking away from other items that are important. It gives the dreams some sort of substance and keeps you from pining away after things that are not attainable right now. It may not be right away, and sometimes a year or two away sounds SO LONG but it gives you that light at the end of the tunnel IMO.

The scary thing is that when does it really end? I want a 3c stone when all is said and done and I am only at 1.29c right now, but when I get that 3c, what if it starts to look small? Does it ever end?!

I guess maybe when I can't lift my hand?

 

[snlee]

Sometimes my diamond looks small and sometimes it looks huge! It all depends on the day. But I can honestly say that I''m happy with what I have and don''t want a upgrade. At least for now. Hehe. IF I do end up getting am upgrade it will be a REALLY long time from now. And if I upgrade to a larger stone I know I''ll have to give up my D color. =( So I don''t want that! I love it. I also don''t think I''d want my guy to spend more money on my ring. I''d rather spend that money on a solitaire pendant, more rings, and an earring upgrade. Right now I have tiny diamond studs (.28tcw).

I agree though. After going on PS and seeing all of these huge diamonds it makes you want bigger one as well. I keep telling myself I should stop going on P but I can''t stop myself! I love looking at the eye candy!!!

 

[Julian]

I'm like Mara! It never ends... I have a 3 ct. RB and sometimes I feel a slight shrinkage syndrome.

Originally, when we were diamond shopping we looked at RBs in the 3.5 carat range. My f. surprised me with the most sparkly high quality diamond he could afford at the time, which was 3 ct. (We're in our 20s!)

But sometimes secretly I wish for the 3.5 carat RBs I tried on initially. Is that bad or what? My f. says he'll upgrade in a few years, but then again -- I am really delirously happy with my stone...

I do feel lucky for getting to marry my best friend and would have said yes to a Glad Twist Tie! After all, it's the man -- not the ring that we're marrying.

 

[Libster]

Date: 2/22/2005 12:15:18 PM
Author: jellybean
I think the only way to get over the syndrome is to get another diamond!

Seriously though, the shrinkage factor will set in on your new diamond as well. One of my girlfriends did exactly what you want to do. She got engaged with a .75ct princess diamond that she picked out. She had to compromise on the center size because she was insistant on getting platinum and a setting with side stones. Not even 2 months later she was sad that her diamond was ''so small'' so started looking for an upgrade. Fortunately, her fiance (now husband) was very supportive about it. She wound up getting a 1.25ct princess in a solitaire setting. She was happy for about 6 months when she decided even that wasn''t big enough. It was like a sickness! Her husband said ''no way'' to another upgrade as they were going to buy a house. She went behind his back and traded in the 1.25ct for a 1.75ct princess (she added $ to the upgrade). She was planning on keeping the second upgrade a secret from her husband but of course he found out. It put a huge strain on their marriage, mostly because she did it behind his back, but he was very upset that she kept thinking about ''her'' and not ''them''. Because she used the $ they were planning on a down payment for the ring, they wound up borrowing that $ so they didn''t lose out on the house they wanted. Things are OK now (this happened about 4 years ago), but now she is talking about getting a 2ct. Most of her friends won''t even talk about diamonds with her. It really is sad with her.


Now I''m not saying that this is the case with you, but it is very easy for it to become an obsession. I just had my diamond reset into a solitaire not even a month ago and I want to change it!

Hello....do you know my step mother?? LOL

Michelle Carmen gave the most perfect advice!

I have diamond shrinkage and it''s a sickness that I can not give into...at least not now anyway. I need to save the $$$ and make sure I really want to spend the money on it. Yes, taking the ring off and not wearing it for a day or two really helps you appreciate what you have once you slip it back on. Now to another sad diamond tale, involving family relatives no less...my step mother.

A few years after my father and this person married, she took it upon herself to go to a local jewelry store, open a credit account in his name and purchase herself a 2+ carat stone in a setting with diamonds everywhere. For two years she only wore this ring in the house, she could never show it to anyone for fear they would comment to my father about it. When they traveled she would forward the mail to a p.o. box so she could make sure he would never see the jewelry store bill, as she continued to pay it off. This is the height of insanity!!!! All she ever needed to do was to talk to him about this and he would have worked with her to get her what she wanted. Here is the kicker....I knew about the ring since she had purchased it from my Aunt, on my Mother''s side of the family, who just so happened to assist her that day in the jewelry store. This woman is amazing and after all this, and years of therapy, he is still with her. I can''t remember how he actually found out, I think he saw it on a credit report and then investigated why he had an account with this store. Now this is the ultimate in diamond obsession and one I remember often when having a really obsessive day.

Moral of the story.....be happy with your beautiful ring, given to you with love and when the time comes, if you want to upgrade the stone, make it a joint project

 

[Kaleigh]

I think the diamond shrinkage syndrome gets to most of us here on PS, but your not even married yet. You have so many things ahead of you. I would concentrate on buying a house etc.. and wait for an upgrade for an anniversary. I''ve been married for 18 years and I didn''t get my upgrade until our 15th wedding anniversary!! Just my 0.2!!

 

[Mara]

No way could I imagine secretly opening an account and buying a TWO CARAT RING! I mean I don''t consult hubby on every purchase I make, but that must have been a huge chunk of change, definitely a joint discussion!

 

[snlee]

I agree! Opening up a secret account to buy a big diamond, secretly paying it off, and hiding it is just pain disrespectful!

You shouldn''t be married and treat your spouse like that!!

 

[codex57]

Wow, those are some scary stories. I think I''m more disturbed by the one that continuously wanted to upgrade more than the one who got the diamond behind her husband''s back.

Personally, I say cut out diamonds to help get over the shrinkage problem. Force yourself to stop looking at other people''s rings. Stop comign on this site for a while. Stop wearing your own for some time. This place is a baaaad influence. Well, the the customers. I''m sure diamond store owners everywhere love this site (to some degree).

Since you''re not even married yet, take a look at housing prices. You do want to own your own home right? After seeing those prices and what kind of down payment you need, hopefully the shock of that will scare you into cutting back on all other luxuries like jewelery.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 2/22/2005 1:31:25 PM
Author: snlee
I agree! Opening up a secret account to buy a big diamond, secretly paying it off, and hiding it is just pain disrespectful!

You shouldn''t be married and treat your spouse like that!!

lol - this is hilarious!!!

I can''t imagine ANY husband not realizing thousands are suddenly disappearing. That said, I''m married and have a secret money stash. My husband knows I do this, but he doesn''t know where the money is or how much I''ve saved... Of course, I usually blow the money on clothes or shoes before I save up very much! lol

Don''t all women have their own little rainy day funds set aside?

 

[Diamonds4Me]

I haven''t personally experienced diamond shrinkage yet but the other day h2b says to me, "Is it me or does that diamond look smaller than it did in the jewelry store? Maybe we should get a bigger one or make it a three stone."

!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Matata]

Date: 2/22/2005 5

7:58 PM
Author: Diamonds4Me
I haven''t personally experienced diamond shrinkage yet but the other day h2b says to me, ''Is it me or does that diamond look smaller than it did in the jewelry store? Maybe we should get a bigger one or make it a three stone.''

!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ohhhh, now that''s got me thinking.....how lovely it would be to find a h2b with gradually failing close up vision that would necessitate constant upgrades so he can see the diamond at 30 paces. My profile on match.com would list the most important asset in a man as farsightedness.

 

[TLS]

I have to admit that i have already succumbed to the shrinkage disease and I haven't even been given the ring yet. I picked it out and it's getting set with the jeweler, but I stared at it every day before we brought it in and it definitely appeared small to me as a 1.39... but I truly believe I would be forever happy in the 1.6 range/1.7 range, or at least I believe that is the case now

amazingly though I have seen rings under a carat that look gigantic on other peoples hands! My hands are small, ring size 4, yet nothing looks big!

 

[bluepetal]

I HAVE IT BIG TIME!!!!

I have an ideal round 2.37. I am dying to upgrade. We are getting married this year in May at the Rainbow Room in NYC and buying a house. I really want an upgrade to a 3.5 round with bullets!

I have the feeling that I will still want another (a canary from diamonds by lauren) : )!!

 

[appletini]

I''m not engaged yet and already worried about shrinkage, so I''m pushing for the 1.5 RB.

windy: you should consider getting your ring upgraded for a 1 or 5 year anniversary after all of the wedding, starting a new life together expenses have been paid, plus it will make your anniversary special too.

 

[carina]

I have a 2.29ct and I''m always thinking I should have a 3ct. I suffer from diamond shrinkage syndrome.
The longer I have it the smaller it looks. I became adapted, it''s not a good mentality. I should appreciate what I have and always realize that it is indeed a big diamond.
There are alot more important things in this world.

 

[theinquisitor]

We "upgraded" a month after getting engaged!! We really didn't know anything when we bought the first stone (which I picked out, and my fiance had doubts about from the beginning but didn't say anything because he thought it was what I wanted), and the stone wasn't well-cut; we both just kept getting more and more disappointed with it, the more we looked at it. Thanks to Pricescope, we narrowed down what the important parameters were for us, and fortunately we got full credit on the trade-in from the jeweler. While for sentimental reasons we would have liked the ring he propsed with to be "the one," we chose to look at it as a learning experience as a couple -- to do our research and trust our instincts before making major purchases in the future!

Since the upgrade, my fiance has also fallen victim to diamond shrinakge syndrome, and has said more than once, "Are you sure that's not too small? Maybe we should get a bigger one." But then I point out to him how gorgeous and sparkly it is, and also tell him that if he wants it, he's going to have to pry it off my cold, dead hands!! Then he usually lets it be.

Have I mentioned that I LOVE this man???

Anyway, I know what it feels like to have picked the ring yourself and then regret it later. Just remember that engagement is a very stressful time, and sometimes we fixate on inanimate objects or other external factors as a way of soothing our anxiety over the major change occurring in our lives. I'd encourage you to think about waiting until you're married for awhile and see if you are still having these feelings. Maybe once everything is done and overwith and life is calmer, the DSS will fade!! If not, your husband will no doubt be thrilled to hear that you know exactly what you want for your anniversary and that you're even willing to pick it out yourself! Just my two cents; good luck!

 

[Christy42]

Hey Windy,
I could see where this place could be a very bad influence but my recent upgrade wasn''t due to diamond shrinkage and I was already obssessed before I found Pricescope! Mine was just wanting a different diamond shape on my right hand! Greedy, huh? My guy encourages my bad behavior. I''m not sure if that''s a good or a bad thing.

To tell you the truth, as much as I love this ring, I think it was the hunt I enjoyed, not the trophy. I spent sooo much time researching and learning that now that I have it, it''s kind of like old news.

But, to get back on to my point, I would wait and get your house first. That will make you a lot happier if you love where you live. This ring was my second upgrade in 17.5 years of marriage. If you are into diamonds, which I gather you are, it will happen again even if you have a 1.5 carat. So get your house, stay off of PS and a little later down the road decide what you want and how big you want it. Oh, I agree with taking it off for a while.

Christy

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/22/2005 12:58:56 PM
Author: Mara
There is NO CURE for shrinkage syndrome I am sorry to say. People can note very rational reasons why you should not want a bigger stone, aka house, cars, kids, life, retirement, travel, bills...but it does not help your MENTAL STATE of drooling over the bigger diamonds and secretly dreaming about bigger stones. Trust me, I know!

In my case, I try to plan out a timeframe that works for me and my hubby and our goals, so that I can have a definitive timeline and have something to look fwd to but without being selfish and taking away from other items that are important. It gives the dreams some sort of substance and keeps you from pining away after things that are not attainable right now. It may not be right away, and sometimes a year or two away sounds SO LONG but it gives you that light at the end of the tunnel IMO.

The scary thing is that when does it really end? I want a 3c stone when all is said and done and I am only at 1.29c right now, but when I get that 3c, what if it starts to look small? Does it ever end?!

I guess maybe when I can''t lift my hand?

Mara
one thing i admire about you is, you admit you have this disease,most girls wouldn''t admit they have this disease but deep inside they know they want a bigger ROCK.

it''s like a drug addict and alcoholic they don''t want to admit they have a problem.

 

[windy1365]

Thanks for all of the great advice!! I''ll try taking my ring off for a couple of days to see if that works. I think my problem started because we never went shopping in a jewelry store to see what size diamond that I actually liked. We had both always heard that professional people got one caret solitares, so that is what we did!! I had no idea what one caret actually looked like until it arrived in the mail. I''ll just plan on getting an upgrade on our fifth year anniversary. By then, either my priorities will have changed or I will know exactly what size diamond will make me happy forever!!

I did quite a bit of research before I picked out my diamond, so other than the size, it is perfect!! I think a nice diamond pave ring with a tourquise center stone will help take my mind off of it. Maybe I can ask for that as a wedding present. Is it rude to ask for a wedding present and tell him exactly what I want? Usually, for Christmas and my birthday (which is in December), I give him a list of things that I want. I didn''t do it this year, and I ended up with a huge Crock Pot. He''s the one that likes to eat!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/22/2005 9:13:15 PM
Author: carina
I have a 2.29ct and I''m always thinking I should have a 3ct. I suffer from diamond shrinkage syndrome.
The longer I have it the smaller it looks. I became adapted, it''s not a good mentality. I should appreciate what I have and always realize that it is indeed a big diamond.
There are alot more important things in this world.

carina
there are more important things than diamonds ?

name one.

 

[windy1365]

We already have our dream house. We just relocated to Arkansas from Atlanta, Georgia. He let me pick the house... a new house, five bedrooms, basement. I had never even lived on my own before him... not even in an apartment, so it was really fun house hunting. But.... we haven''t been able to sell his house in Georgia yet, so we have two house payments right now. Plus, saving for the wedding.

I agree that the hunt is the fun part of everything in life... except, now I am stuck with a $2,500 Cavalier King Charles Spaniel that eats poop just like any other dog. I did all kinds of research and just knew that it was going to be the perfect dog and I would be happy and never want another dog. Now, I want a Japanese Chin, but my fiancee said that this one has to die off first.