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Any breakups you regret?

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Porridge

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I was reading through the advice-you'd-give-your-younger-self thread, and saw that a lot of you said you'd advise the younger you to leave that guy faster, or not get with him at all! So off that bat, how many of you regret breaking up with someone? Or, in a similar vein, did you ever have doubts, decide to stay with someone despite them, and are now happier because of it?
 

meresal

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Porridge, I''m kind of confused... You''re asking if there''s anyone we regret ending things with (as in, wish we were still together?)? and/or if we are happy we stayed in a relationship with someone that others told us was bad news?
 

Steel

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Seems a simple enough question to me


No to the first (No break up regrets) and Yes to the second (Stayed with somebody despite best indications to the contrary and was happy).
 

meresal

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No, no break ups I regret, and no, never ended up happy by staying with someone that others close to me warned against.
 

FrekeChild

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I regret not breaking up with them faster!

Although there is one BF that we shouldn''t have broken up in the first place, but nothing can be done now...and I wouldn''t want anything to be done now.
 

meresal

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Date: 4/16/2009 3:53:51 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I regret not breaking up with them faster!
Ditto. That high-school sweetheart that was a complete tool, and still is... that one should have been much shorter.

ETA: FI and I dated my first 2 months at college, and then stopped seeing eachother. It would have been nice to spend more time together, but we both agree that with all the changing and maturing we both needed, there is no way our relationship would have lasted, had we stayed together.
 

Italiahaircolor

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Absolutely not. No way. Never. Not when you hold them up to the standard set my marriage now. At the time, in the middle of it, I probably would have been like "heck yes" but I know now that not every relationship was or is meant to last forever...sometimes passing through is just enough.
 

musey

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Date: 4/16/2009 3:27:46 PM
Author:Porridge
how many of you regret breaking up with someone?
Definitely not, but there are the ones that got away (never dated in the first place) that I'll always wonder about. Not in an "I could have ended up with him" way, just a "hmm, wonder how that would have impacted my life" way. I wouldn't trade my husband for anyone in the world, but I'm always curious about the 'what ifs.' I'm a generally curious/inquisitive person, though


Or, in a similar vein, did you ever have doubts, decide to stay with someone despite them, and are now happier because of it?
Hmmm... I did get more than one "friend" advising me to stay away from my now-husband, and it planted an amount of doubt in my young, impressionable mind. In the end I wanted to stay with him, so I worked through it. Turns out those "friends" were interested in him, and just wanted me out of the picture
- thanks for nothin'. I'm very glad I didn't let it get to me more than it did.

I also stayed with one of my high school boyfriends for quite some time after friends/family were telling me to stop wasting my time with him. I'm very glad I did, because I learned SO MUCH about myself and what I want out of a relationship... I think it helped me to be much pickier afterward, and waste zero time on any guy I wouldn't consider marrying (I wasn't yet ready to get married, but I didn't see the point in dating people who weren't compatible enough in theory). I think if that hadn't gone the way it did, I wouldn't have been as interested in my husband, and we could easily have never dated in the first place - much less gotten married.
 

fieryred33143

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Date: 4/16/2009 3:27:46 PM
Author:Porridge
So off that bat, how many of you regret breaking up with someone?
I don''t regret any of the break ups I went through. I wouldn''t be with Mr. Fiery if I hadn''t.


Or, in a similar vein, did you ever have doubts, decide to stay with someone despite them, and are now happier because of it?
Yes...Mr. Fiery
 

musey

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Date: 4/16/2009 3:57:10 PM
Author: meresal
Date: 4/16/2009 3:53:51 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I regret not breaking up with them faster!
Ditto. That high-school sweetheart that was a complete tool, and still is... that one should have been much shorter.
But at least he (likely) gave you a strong example of what you DON''T want in a partner, right?
 

onedrop

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Like freke said, there are a couple of guys that I wish I''d broken up with sooner. I don''t have any regrets about breaking up with a guy because if I hadn''t I wouldn''t be with DH now. I feel strongly that those past relationships set me up to be exactly where I am now.

There is one person from my past where there was a "failure to launch" but I realize now, we probably would have been a disaster as a couple.
 

bee*

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D was and is my first and only boyfriend so I have no breakups to regret. In terms of staying with someone despite having doubts, I''ve been with him ten years so there have been times when I''ve thought that maybe we should play the field a bit, but I''m so glad that we didn''t.
 

lliang_chi

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Date: 4/16/2009 3:57:10 PM
Author: meresal
Date: 4/16/2009 3:53:51 PM

Author: FrekeChild

I regret not breaking up with them faster!
Ditto. That high-school sweetheart that was a complete tool, and still is... that one should have been much shorter.
I have the same sentiment about my college sweetheart. Also wish I broke up with him and not the other way around. I guess I was too young and naive that "it will all work out" to see the writing on the wall. Oh well, it all worked out at the end, I have an amazing man that I wouldn't trade for anything. :)
 

Octavia

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I don''t regret any of my break-ups, although I do regret how a couple of them happened. I''m still friends with one ex, though it was probably my most heart-wrenching breakup and it took a long time afterward to get past everything. But a couple of other break-ups went really smoothly and then events transpired afterward that irreversibly damaged what was left of the relationship. I could easily have stayed friends with these guys if things had been different, and I do regret that. But even in the best of circumstances, I can''t imagine that any of those past relationships would have lasted, and I''m glad they didn''t because now I have my FI. I did have some doubts about dating FI at first, but obviously I got past those
 

meresal

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Date: 4/16/2009 4:18:28 PM
Author: lliang_chi

Date: 4/16/2009 3:57:10 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 4/16/2009 3:53:51 PM

Author: FrekeChild

I regret not breaking up with them faster!
Ditto. That high-school sweetheart that was a complete tool, and still is... that one should have been much shorter.
I have the same sentiment about my college sweetheart. Also wish I broke up with him and not the other way around. I guess I was too young and naive that ''it will all work out'' to see the writing on the wall. Oh well, it all worked out at the end, I have an amazing man that I wouldn''t trade for anything. :)
The same thing happened with my college ex and I. About 4 months before we broke up, we even had a conversation talking about how we would want to vacation once we had a family or were married: He wanted one trip a year, and I wanted a few smaller ones, like getaways. The conversation ended with me crying, and saying "We want different things for our futures. How is this ever going to work out?", and his reply, "Everything will be fine. We''ll make it work." I mean COME ON!! The writing doesn''t get much bigger than that!!
 

meresal

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Date: 4/16/2009 4:13:50 PM
Author: musey


Date: 4/16/2009 3:57:10 PM
Author: meresal


Date: 4/16/2009 3:53:51 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I regret not breaking up with them faster!
Ditto. That high-school sweetheart that was a complete tool, and still is... that one should have been much shorter.
But at least he (likely) gave you a strong example of what you DON'T want in a partner, right?
To be honest, I was still too young(mentally) to see what it was about him that was so bad. I don't think I really learned that much, at that point in my life. However, now I can look back and say how much better it would have been for me, if it had ended earlier. Just because it was an emotionaly draining relationship, and I can now see how much time it took away from other things I should have been focusing on.
 

Porridge

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Date: 4/16/2009 3:48:17 PM
Author: Steel
Seems a simple enough question to me



No to the first (No break up regrets) and Yes to the second (Stayed with somebody despite best indications to the contrary and was happy).
Steel has it right! Was just interested, it seems that breaking up is touted as the best option when there are doubts. It''s happened lately with two girlfriends, and one is regretting it.
 

meresal

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I''m sorry to hear that Porridge... how long were they together? how long have they been broken up?

I would assume that most people that were in a long relationship, doubted it afterwards at some point. Initially it''s very hard to be alone, and it''s hard to find yourself again. I would just try and keep her busy. Movies, dinners, running errands together. I remember it being really hard to wake up in the morning and not get a phone call from my ex, to say he was on his way to pick me up for class. Well, to cure that, I started staying at my friends houses at night. There was always someone to talk to in the morning
 

Porridge

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Thanks Meresal! It was 7 years, and she was doubting it for a while, but nothing big happened to end it KWIM? As in nobody did anything wrong. She just felt they were together too long, irritating each other, and needed to be on their own for a bit. They got together v young, 16 and 17. You're right I think that the first while is hard. She was great for the first week, now is a little lonely. I know he is too, he misses her and didn't want to break up. I dunno, maybe they'll get back together. That kind of led me on to my second question, working through doubts and coming through all the better for it. Or is it usually a lost cause?

ETA, good advice about keeping her busy etc - for some reason a load of my friends had yesterday off work, so we had a pot luck dinner night on Tuesday night. Ended up having way too much wine and all stayed over, and I shared a room with that friend. She spooned the [email protected] outta me!!
 

Patiently_Waiting

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I regret not breaking up with an ex sooner but also regret breaking up with an ex who is now actually my SO. We started dating right after I got out of a LTR so although things were good with us, I just wasn't ready for a relationship at the time (too soon after a really painful breakup) so I broke it off. Fortunately, after some time passed we were able to find our way back to each other and things have been great, but I'll always wonder what if we'd just stayed together back then...
 

dragonfly411

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I have absolutely no breakups that I regret. I DO regret the way I treated a guy who was interested. I probably should have given him a chance, but he lived with my ex and I treated all of them with bitterness.
 

trillionaire

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Funny question on this board, since most people are in committed relationships of some sort. Can't really imagine too many people 'fessing up and saying, "YES!!! I LET HIM GET AWAY!!!"

lol.

Anyways, to answer...

I've only dated two people, and no regrets about that really. I learned a WHOLE LOT in about 5 mos with my 1st ex, but pretty much all of it in hindsight and retrospect. Funny, I don't think he has changed much (hung out with him 2 weekends ago), which is kinda sad. He's 29 and single, but IMO too pessimistic and self-deprecating to met that special someone. *shrugs* He's very funny and full of antics, so fun to hang out with, but can be draining when he is a debbie-downer.

As far as SO, we broke up in college for about 5 months and it was (IMO) the best thing for us. Really taught us both to let our guards down and appreciate each other, whereas before we were both distant. It was definitely a tough transition for me from 'friends' to 'more than friends', so I had temporary regrets (or uncertainty) when we first started dating. It's so funny now, because he is so much more confident and comfortable that I can distinctly remember how awkward he was (I was/am his 1st gf) then, and it seems like a different person. What a cutie!

So, as for my regrets, I kind of wish I had had some of my 20's to just date around (I'm still in my 20's). I love SO and he is NOT worth trading, but if I could have anything that I wanted, I would have started dating him just a few years ago (like 2), instead of for 5.5+ years. But he let's me speed date, lol, to 'scratch my itch', so I think that has helped me.
And we are LDR, so I have plenty of time to go out and met people and flirt (mildly, not inappropriately) or dance or pretty much do the components of dating minus the emotions and connections.
I just always had this idea in my head (thanks mom!) that I would spend my 20's casually dating and meeting interesting people, doing random things, etc, so I sometimes lament that that didn't happen, but on the other hand, I'm going out more than I ever did, having more fun, and the BF is not at all a hinderance, and he is happy and supportive of me being more social, so I guess I have it all!

I think SO would appreciate me more, too, if he had dated a few other people. Unfortunately, I'm not giving him that option!



sorry for rambling!
 

Aloros

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Don''t have any break-ups I regret. Do regret not breaking up with an ex sooner. It was 5.5 years, almost 6. It never should have gone over a year. We were such different people and wanted such different things. Still, it taught me a lot about what I wanted out of a relationship, it taught me a lot about what I was willing to change and not change about myself, and it taught me to never give a person too many chances! But I think I could have learned this all in less time...

Did have doubts about my fiance, but decided to stick it out despite them. Everyone here thought I was crazy (probably a lot still do
). On the other hand, family and friends who knew him thought I should give him a chance. I am glad I didn''t walk away. He has become THE most amazing man, whereas before he was faltering. I have never met anyone so willing to to examine his flaws and to always strive to do better.
 

Elmorton

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Nope - no regrets for staying with a person longer or breaking up. All my breakups were different, but they taught me about how different bad relationships run their course. While I certainly thought my breakups/relationships were traumatic at the time, they really just had a common denominator in that I wasn''t really suited for the other person, and the interest had fizzled out - so from that standard, all the relationships/breakups I had were timed just right.

And, through comparison, by the time I met DH, I knew that our relationship was worth my time, effort, and concentration - so that makes my previous experiences worth their weight in gold.
 

elrohwen

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I have one guy I wish I had broken up with sooner ... He wanted to break up in September, but we agreed to stay together and work through it and ended up breaking up in early February anyway. Though what musey said really made me think ... In a way, I'm glad we stayed together because I really learned something about myself and about what I wanted in a guy. For example, I learned that I needed a guy to stick with me, no matter what happened or how upset I got. The guy I was dating totally abandoned me when I was going through a tough time (with work even, nothing involving him) and, instead of supporting me, he picked fights with me. I would not have put up with a friend who ditched me during that hard time, and I'm glad I learned not to put up with a guy who wouldn't give me any support. I'm now with a fantastic guy that unconditionally supports me when I'm having a rough time with anything


ETA: I actually sorta regret breaking up with one guy (well, he broke up with me). I think if we had stayed together we would have broken up eventually, so it's probably good that it was only 1 month into the relationship (he kind of freaked out about having a girlfriend in general). Though I have often wondered what he could've added to my experience if we had stayed together. But I guess staying with someone longer and being more upset when breaking up isn't to be desired ... I should be glad we broke up after only one month.
 

ahappygirl

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I regret not breaking up sooner with a couple of guys. I also regret not giving some of the nicer ones a real chance at the time. I would have had fun and a probably a genuinely positive experience instead of negative baggage when I met my Mr. Ahappygirl.

Although I wouldn''t change anything now.
The bad ones definitely helped me recognize the keeper when I met him.
 

Bliss

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I''m with Freke, I regret not breaking up with them faster!!! But then, I wouldn''t have the life lessons or the sense to have recognized DH''s incredible gifts. It''s a catch-22. But I have been in a position (long long ago) when I regretted leaving someone and upon seeing him again, thought, "YEP! Still a greaaaat decision! Buh-byeeee!"
Sometimes it''s the fantasy of that person you *think* you miss, not the person.
 

AmberGretchen

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Nope. I think there was one where I regretted the breakup at the time, but in retrospect, it was a really good decision, and it allowed me to meet my now-DH
 

BeachRunner

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I do not regret any break up I''ve went through. I am a "what-if" gal too, and I wonder circumstantial things (ie: if I wasn''t with this person, would it have worked out with this person). It''s very weird to think about little things like that, that could have potentially changed your life.
 
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