Anxiety attacks and public speaking... help!

[Enerchi]

I have experienced 3 anxiety attacks that became debilitating - can't breathe, nauseated, terror sweats, 'blacking out' feeling, racing heart - to the point where I'm almost incapacitated for a few hours. They are physically exhausting to go thru, and totally embarrassing. There have been different situations that triggered each event, but one was caused by public speaking at work. My job doesn't immediately require presentations but may in the future - the thought of this scares the crap out of me! So I enrolled in a presentation workshop back in April (when June seemed like a distant glimmer...) and now, its here and will be a 2 day event at the end of the week. Apparently, they film you (oh, JOY - NOT!) so you can recognize what your distracting patterns are, and you also need to develop a mini presentation. I'm going to talk about diamonds! (stick w your comfort zone, right?)

I'm hoping the comfortable public speakers out there in PS land, can help me on 2 points:
A) - HOW DO YOU DO IT!?!?! - any suggestions to try and calm myself over 2 days and not take medication or pass out or have another attack? I'm trying to think of this as 'acting' ("you can do it, Enerchi, just pretend and it will be fun" - ya, that's not working too well) and I'm also reminded that everyone else there also has anxiety about presentations so we are all in the same boat (also not working too well). My memory is not good at the best of times so when I'm stressed, its even WORSE.

B) - if you had to put together a 2 - 3 minute mini power point presentation on diamonds, what would you think are the key points? I'm so stressed that I can't get past the 4C's and "don't spend too much"!

Eager to have your suggestions. This is something I'm totally regretting that I signed up for but I think my job may shift and this may become a requirement soon. I hope you can help me please

 

[iLander]

It's great that you signed up for a workshop! That's awesome, and absolutely what helps. Remember, everyone else will be just as nervous, or they wouldn't have signed up, right?

I gave a lot of speeches when I was young, the hardest was to a group called Toastmasters. It's a club that has chapters all over the world, specifically to teach people how to give speeches. They meet for breakfast, and take turns speaking. The hard part is whenever you slip and say "Uh," they rap their knuckles on the table. All of them. At once. Which is extremely disconcerting in the middle of a speech. The really fun part is that no one told me, until 2 minutes before my turn, that this was going to happen. So I gave the speech and got rapped twice at first, but then when I felt an Uh or Um coming on, I stopped and took a breath. It worked. So, long story short, DON'T BE AFRAID TO BREATH. Or pause. Take your time, don't rush.

Can you have visual aids? Slides, pics? Those are good for distracting people, taking the focus off you and giving yourself a rest.

And just PRACTICE. Do it front of family, friends, the mirror. Do it at least 5 times. Until you can do it comfortably.

If you can have cards, don't write every word, just words you need to nudge you along. NUMBER your cards! BIG number in the corner with a sharpie. When you are done with a card, secretly fold down the corner or toss it on the floor. That's so if you do get mixed up, you won't have excess cards to go through. If you write every word it will distract you, if you miss one. But don't worry about hitting every word. They don't know what your card or script says. Miss a word or section, who cares? Just keep going. When you practice, slide your fingers down the cards (eventually without looking) to keep your place. The idea is to practice enough until you don't need the cards. But bring them anyway.

I approach speeches the same way that I approach conversations. A speech is just a conversation. I make a lot of eye contact so that I feel like I'm having a conversation, and it keeps me on track and the audience focused. When I did some TV work, I treated the camera like a single person, it was easier.

When it's almost your turn, take 3 deep breaths, to calm yourself. And realize butterflies and nerves are normal, just ignore them. They are no big deal, they mean nothing, and they are normal. Just breath. Relax. It's just a conversation. And think it through: what's the worst? Can they stone you? No, silly. Beat you with sticks? No. Just talking.

Put your focus on when it's over; the next day, the 5 minutes after, Christmas, whatever. Because it will be over. It's just a few minutes, and then it's over. No big deal. Don't give it more power than it deserves. You'll be just fine.

 

[arkieb1]

I agree Practice, attempt to get as comfortable as you can public speaking and doing the things that bring on anxiety attacks. Preparation also helps me, the more prepared I am, the more comfortable I am...

 

[marymm]

Okay, part of my post does not directly address your specific questions, but I do think may be worthwhile:

It is unclear from your OP but is this workshop given in-house by your company (so will comprise of you and co-workers), or is it given by a third-party company completely separate from your workplace such that it is unlikely anyone from your company will be there?

#1. If it is in-house and your job may soon require public presentations and you participate in this in-house workshop where it is clear you are not yet adept at public presentations, is it possible your company may use this information against you?

#2. If it is in-house, are you comfortable with co-workers being aware of your knowledge and interest in diamonds? As a PSer, clearly I have no problem with diamonds as a hobby, but in my workplace personally I prefer it not to be common knowledge. For a mini-presentation that required a non-job-related topic, I might choose something more generic, like "the most effective way to grocery shop," or the best way to do laundry" and divide the topic into minute, detailed steps... but that is me.

If the presentation is given by a third-party and/or you have no concerns as to your job stability or co-workers knowing about your diamond hobby, I would include in the presentation: (a) the advice to visit diamond stores, high-end department stores, and antique shops in order to try on different diamond shapes and a variety of settings because often what we think will look good on our finger ends up being something we never considered; and (b) the importance of setting and keeping to a budget.

 

[sonnyjane]

To be honest, you just get better with practice. Lots. And lots. And lots.

I have to do public speaking for a living. On any given day I have to get up in front of a group of several hundred people and talk. I STILL get nervous sometimes, especially when it's new material I'm not very familiar with. Sweaty palms, nervous laugh, etc. But I have come leaps and bounds from the first time that I had to do it where I quivered and shook and soaked through the papers I was holding because I was sweating so much. Now, if you come to see me at work, you'd assume that I love the spotlight (so not true!).

One thing I try to do that I think has helped me is I try to form more personal connections - like making a "friend" in the crowd so when I have doubts, I can look at that person and get a nod or something encouraging. So, say before I start formally talking on the microphone, I'll go up to someone and ask how they're doing, where they're from, etc. I'll try to do that to several different people in the crowd that look friendly/outgoing, then when I'm talking, they're usually the ones that will laugh at my jokes or make good eye contact etc. It makes me feel more at ease.

Good luck! It's taken me years to feel comfortable but it gets better with repetition. I have a friend who actually does public speaking competitions and coaches others in that area and even SHE will tell me she's nervous about it on occasion.

 

[dk168]

Certain pointers I picked up at a course:

* Imagine there is a spotlight pointing at you and you can't see much beyond the stage.
* Preparation is key, hence I dislike using other people's materials, and would re-vamp them to suit my style
* Practice in the privacy of your own home
* Deep breathe, it really does help

As for the subject matter, I would be inclined to include the following in my presentation:

* What are the 4 C's
* What is considered to be the most important of the 4 C's
* What is meant by "Mind Clean"
* What is the best value for money (and list a few diamonds for price comparison purposes, D/IF vs H/SI1 etc...)

Have fun!

DK

 

[kgizo]

Avoid caffeine and sugar as those can make your heart race.

Do you have a smart phone and can video yourself? I know it seems daunting, but videos helped me. People never come across as nervous as they feel. It also helps to see that you do some things well.

The four C's and don't spend too much actually sounds like enough for a 2 to 3 minute presentation to me. If you want to add I suggest introducing them to fancy colored diamonds as most people have no knowledge about them.

Good for you for taking training on this skill. It is challenging for most people. Good luck!

 

[charleston1]

Oh I feel your pain. I am the same way. I think some people love being the centre of attention and other people (like myself) cannot stand being the centre of attention and thereby loathe public speaking.

The best thing about a power point presentation is NO ONE is looking at you. Everyone is looking at the screen. Try to remember that they are looking at the screen and not at you. I think that helps when you don't have a sea of people staring at you.

 

[MMtwo]

A former CEO I worked with swore by bananas 1/2 hour before go time.
My Dad swore by Toastmasters.
I have to occasionally address a crowd of about 50 people. It "feels" awkward and stutter-y when I speak, but afterwards I am often told I seemed confident and calm.
FYI - internally I am completely terrified. Well, until I talk about my geeky world of data analysis and someone asks a question that gets me going. Then I have to watch for provoking that eye-glaze people get when long-winded data nerds speak

 

[aljdewey]

Most people freeze in public speaking because they feel as though they have to be continuously on, so they worry inordinately about what happens if they lose their way in a presentation. They also feel like they may not be engaging, thereby losing their audience and feeling incredibly awkward. These are the things most folks need to overcome to get more comfortable with speaking publicly.

I present all the time in front of people, and my advice would be not to let it get bigger in your head than it really is. A presentation is just a 'conversation' between you and many other people, so approach it that way. If you were explaining diamonds to your friend, you'd likely ask them a few questions as you share knowledge with them, right? Do the same to your audience. It's really that easy to engage them.

Don't speak at them - talk to and with them. This means don't read a script line for line - write down a few key points to cover and then just talk about those points. You have the expertise and knowledge to talk about those things already, and you need to trust in that. Talk about the aspects of diamonds that you feel confident and you think others would be interested in.

Lastly, it's ok to pause in presentation. A moment of silence in a talk can be a super powerful thing, and it gives folks time to catch up to you. It's not a race to dump information, and you don't have to fill every moment with a sound (which is what makes so many people say UM). Take a pause or breath; look around the room. If someone looks like they have a question on his/her face, ask if there are questions and encourage them to participate.

You can do it!

 

[JaneSmith]

Enerchi, you poor thing! I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. You are describing panic attacks. You have had three, and they are debilitating. You also seem to have more than one trigger.

You need to get thee to an MD. She can point you towards the correct professionals to help you with this condition.

As for public speaking specifically, I would absolutely concur with the previous posters who advised to know your material inside and out. Familiarity is the foundation of confidence in your presentation. I would personally suggest that you take that confidence in your material and maintain that as your focus, it is then easier to give less of a sh!t about what others think, if that is your trigger.

 

[marcy]

Enerchi, i used to teach astronomy as a local community college. I had a telecourse in the summer and I froze every time I saw myself on the TV so I learned to avoid looking at the screen showing me on camera. Definitely practice your talk out loud and use minimal notes so you don't just read what you want to say. I found talking to some people in your audience ahead of time can make it easier to find a smile or friendly face in the crowd. Start with a light hearted joke or story to help get everyone at ease. I had a long list of really bad, stupid space jokes that eased some of that angst. Try to smile and if you do make a mistake or forget something don't let it fluster you.

Good luck!

 

[missy]

Enerchi, I feel your anxiety and I suffer from the same fear and panic regarding public speaking. Great suggestions in this thread and only one additional comment from me. Have you considered a short acting med to help calm your anxiety if necessary? Something like Propranolol perhaps? Just a suggestion if all else fails. Sending you lots of hugs and calming vibes and good luck wishes!

 

[Sparklelu]

ENERCHI- first of all let me tell you when I type your name my IPad autocorrects it to all caps!!!
I teach public speaking to MS kids and previous advice is spot on.
I often give professional development to fellow teachers and I've found this trick works well.
If you get a chance to meet the crowd before the actual talk begins mingle before hand, introduce yourself to a few folks.
Then when it's time to give the actual speaking, find them and make eye contact.
Also don't worry about pauses. They need time to process the info. Visual aids are great but test the system first. Make sure the slides work! Of course you could just pass around all your fabulous baubles!

Try really hard to just talk to the audience. Also if you make a mistake, unless you are breaking the laws of power pointing and reading the damn slide, no one will know. They are learning from you!
Take a deep breath and (a Xanax)

 

[Boatluvr]

Hi Enerchi,

I used to work for a very large and well known health insurance agency and part of my job was to give 'Benefit Presentations" and take questions. The first two months were hard. Then I started using a benefit booklet as a 'prop' and making sure each person had the booklet so they could follow along and make notes. I explained that I would answer questions after the presentation so as to not get off track. I quickly realized that I know a lot more about the insurance business than they did - just as you are very knowledgeable about diamonds (I mostly lurk but I do read a lot). Have a basic outline with talking points to remind yourself of what you want to cover. Then, perhaps a brief summation of what your ideal diamond is and why. With those props and with repetition, you will be great! It really helped me a lot! I gave a presentation for about 1500 people one time - in that case you probably want to give them something to remember you with. I would always try and insert a bit of my 'personality' into the presentation - that helps you be more relaxed too. Good luck - you know your stuff and that's the most important thing you can bring to it - pretend you are a teacher!

 

[JaneSmith]

Enerchi, I feel your anxiety and I suffer from the same fear and panic regarding public speaking. Great suggestions in this thread and only one additional comment from me. Have you considered a short acting med to help calm your anxiety if necessary? Something like Propranolol perhaps? Just a suggestion if all else fails. Sending you lots of hugs and calming vibes and good luck wishes!

I'm pretty sure Missy meant to see a doc and get a prescription for propranolol, but just in case someone reads this and decides to just take one of grandma's pills to calm their nerves, I'll add this warning.
Propranolol is a heart medication and will drop your blood pressure and heart rate (pulse). Do not take this medication unless a physician prescribes it for you.

 

[packrat]

I used to have panic attacks, much the same as yours, only mine were when driving at night. I was put on propranolol and that did help. Didn't make it totally better, but enough. I only had to take it for about a year, and it helped me learn how to handle when the panicky feelings would start. I had a prescription for lorazepam for flying.

I am anxious in social situations, awkward, crowds give me the heebie jeebies. The last time I had to actually speak in front of people, I had to do a presentation for a class I was taking at the community college, and the instructor and all the other students graded us. There were like 10 in the class and I shook so hard.

I am currently trying something, and have been active in the community theater the past couple months. I don't know that it is helping me, like I don't know that I could go out and do a presentation, but forcing myself to be around 80 people I don't know, and to sing with them, and then be up on stage w/them, and finding that I'm not really going to pass out has helped give me a bit more confidence in myself. I have to completely remove myself from the situation, in my head, to do it.

Maybe doing something like that would help?

 

[packrat]

I used to have panic attacks, much the same as yours, only mine were when driving at night. I was put on propranolol and that did help. Didn't make it totally better, but enough. I only had to take it for about a year, and it helped me learn how to handle when the panicky feelings would start. I had a prescription for lorazepam for flying.

I am anxious in social situations, awkward, crowds give me the heebie jeebies. The last time I had to actually speak in front of people, I had to do a presentation for a class I was taking at the community college, and the instructor and all the other students graded us. There were like 10 in the class and I shook so hard.

I am currently trying something, and have been active in the community theater the past couple months. I don't know that it is helping me, like I don't know that I could go out and do a presentation, but forcing myself to be around 80 people I don't know, and to sing with them, and then be up on stage w/them, and finding that I'm not really going to pass out has helped give me a bit more confidence in myself. I have to completely remove myself from the situation, in my head, to do it.

Maybe doing something like that would help?

ETA--totally the banana thing too. I eat a banana before getting tattooed, and swear by it. Will be eating one before each performance.

 

[missy]

Enerchi, I feel your anxiety and I suffer from the same fear and panic regarding public speaking. Great suggestions in this thread and only one additional comment from me. Have you considered a short acting med to help calm your anxiety if necessary? Something like Propranolol perhaps? Just a suggestion if all else fails. Sending you lots of hugs and calming vibes and good luck wishes!

I'm pretty sure Missy meant to see a doc and get a prescription for propranolol, but just in case someone reads this and decides to just take one of grandma's pills to calm their nerves, I'll add this warning.
Propranolol is a heart medication and will drop your blood pressure and heart rate (pulse). Do not take this medication unless a physician prescribes it for you.

Yes that is precisely what I meant.

I never thought a PSer would obtain this drug illegally.

Especially given the field Enerchi is in I know she would never entertain that idea either. So it wasn't on my radar Jane.

Having said that it is a fairly safe drug especially for short term as needed use. Personally I have never used it but know that it can be beneficial for stage fright and situational anxiety.

I wonder if I need to make a disclaimer at the end of all my posts like Deco. Hmmmmm.


Enerchi, how are you doing? I know you will excel at whatever you do.(((Hugs))).

 

[MarionC]

Enerchi, I feel your anxiety and I suffer from the same fear and panic regarding public speaking. Great suggestions in this thread and only one additional comment from me. Have you considered a short acting med to help calm your anxiety if necessary? Something like Propranolol perhaps? Just a suggestion if all else fails. Sending you lots of hugs and calming vibes and good luck wishes!

I'm pretty sure Missy meant to see a doc and get a prescription for propranolol, but just in case someone reads this and decides to just take o of grandma's pills to calm their nerves, I'll add this warning.
Propranolol is a heart medication and will drop your blood pressure and heart rate (pulse). Do not take this medication unless a physician prescribes it for you.

Is that a beta-blocker?
That's what I used before dressage competitions and it was very helpful.

also, I used to be a basket case with pubic speaking, but as I got older I found I could ignore the audience, and stop the panic before it escalated. That ability came from my meditation practice...

 

[boerumbiddy]

One tip a friend who had debilitating attacks was given:
Just before you go on the platform, take your fist and give yourself a gentle and brief but deep massage in the solar plexus, just below your rib cage. Apparently this is where the nerves tighten and radiate all over your body. So this helps short-circuit the butterflies where they start. I have tried it and it seems to help the physical reaction quite a bit.

If you have a child and want to help him or her avoid panic attacks in the first place, my mother gave me the following "elementary" tips before I had to recite at school assemblies in second and third grade. As a result, I still get little pangs but am able to speak right through them.
Everybody gets the butterflies and they do not really mean you are having a heart attack. Each time you speak, more of them will fly away. Always slow down and breathe.
Pick a friendly face in the crowd to talk to directly.
And if you think the audience is hostile, imagine them naked!

 

[Enerchi]

THANK YOU EVERYONE!!! Thank you!!! I really REALLY appreciate your advice.

Today is the day - I'm up early and playing mind games that I am ok with this, I am excited, I am happy to be there and willing to make mistakes and speak in public. Yup - that's what I'm telling myself - not so sure I'm convinced, but I did manage to sleep thru the night, so that's a good start!

Thank you ALL for your advice - each of you have some nugget that I've been ruminating and churning away over. I have all of the ideas saved on my phone and keep reading them over and over. I love the idea of having a conversation with naked people, holding numbered cards, thinking they are glad its not them, who don't know anything, covered in butterflies, standing in the spot light and I've eaten a banana!! See - I'm listening!! Ok, I realize its not all of the recommendations combined together, but if it helps me calm down... I'll take it!

Lots of deep breathes and calm thoughts now, as I look forward to the next 2 days. *I can do it... I can do it... I can do it....*

 

[missy]

Good luck Enerchi!!!
I am thinking of you today and know you will be outstanding!
(((Hugs)))

 

[Dee*Jay]

You'll be smashing today Enerchi! Go get 'em killer!

 

[packrat]

Good luck!

 

[VapidLapid]

I used to take metoporol for bloood pressure. It can also be given for stage fright. Sure made me verbally less inhibited, sometimes much to the chagrin of others. Sometimes I choose someone whose knowledge, presentation, and delivery I would like to emulate, and practice speaking in their character. Choose a character wisely; Bugs Bunny might not be a good choice for a work presentation, but might be great if you're new in town, and the entire garden club descends on you to tell you what you must to with your garden. Lauren Bacall might be a good model; smart, confident and she doesn't rush her words.

 

[partgypsy]

I totally understand what you are going through. When I have to speak publically I end up blushing and flushing. I also have rosacea which doesn't help. The main thing about public speaking is the more you do it the easier it gets, it's all about practice practice practice and desensitizing yourself. If you have any opportunities to speak in front of others, even if it's a few people in a meeting, in a volunteer capacity, any amount helps.

It is actually easier to speak about things you don't care about. When I did poetry readings (again trying to give myself practice in an area I was weak in) it was easier to read other people's poems than my own, because I didn't have so much invested in it. If you have to talk about something you are invested in, just practice it enough you have second nature, and also know enough that you can answer common questions. If you don't know the answer, don't flub. I'd say, "good question. i'll have to get back to you on that" (or what you do know about it, and what you don't know).

As others said, avoid caffeine or any other "uppers".

Pay attention to your breathing. For me I would start speaking faster and also breathing more shallowly. I would practice the speech so I would deliberately go slower than my usual pace, so it would remind me when I was talking, to slow down! And take deeper breathes.

Myself I started doing more intensive exercise and it has really helped with my stress levels it seems to be recalibrating my anxiety levels. so if your schedule permits it, I would totally suggest this. Not just for anxiety and public speaking, but but for overall health and well being.

My mother also has anxiety problems, and she swears by half a valium if she knows she's going to be in a high stress situation (she has a prescription but uses it only 2-3 times a month).

 

[partgypsy]

I used to take metoporol for bloood pressure. It can also be given for stage fright. Sure made me verbally less inhibited, sometimes much to the chagrin of others. Sometimes I choose someone whose knowledge, presentation, and delivery I would like to emulate, and practice speaking in their character. Choose a character wisely; Bugs Bunny might not be a good choice for a work presentation, but might be great if you're new in town, and the entire garden club descends on you to tell you what you must to with your garden. Lauren Bacall might be a good model; smart, confident and she doesn't rush her words.

I like this idea. Basically, pretend to be someone else, whose talking manner you admire.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Hope it went well. You got great advice. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help with anxiety issues. Breathing is one of the most important parts. We tend to have rapid, shallow breathes when we are anxious. I think exposure is great and helps the anxiety lose its power. I have done public speaking and found it helps when I am confident in the subject matter, love to get them laughing (helps relax me), and gets easier every time. I also allow myself to make mistakes. As they say, the speech I planned on giving, the speech I gave, and the speech I wish I had. I use each time as a learning opportunity and don't get hung up if I missed something I wanted to say.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

How about an update?! Hope it went well!

My son has anxiety issues, and when he had a public speaking course in college, the doctor gave him a blood pressure med prescription so he could take a pill prior to speaking. It was not nearly as problematic as taking anxiety meds, and even if half of it was placebo effect, he did make it through the class!