Annoyed

[Chels7]

So last night I found out that my bf''s brother just proposed to his gf. They have only been dating for 1.5 years and she is a few years younger than me, and my bf and I have been dating for 6 years. So that kinda annoys me, although I kinda knew it was going to happen.

But what really got me mad was when bf''s brother called and told him that he got engaged he said, "Don''t tell me (chels7), cuz then she''ll want to get married too." What the heck, I have been dating bf for 6 years I already want to get married but know we''re not finiancialy ready yet. Where does he get off saying that, does he think i''ll want to have a joint wedding with him!?!?!?!

I''m just super annoyed with his brother and I havn''t even seen him for a few weeks. I''m sure many of you have been here before so thanks for letting me vent

 

[oshinbreez]

I really don''t think your bf''s brother thought you''d want to have a joint wedding. I''d say it was more along the lines of you and your bf have dated so long that you''re probably ready to get married yourself. Don''t let it bother you. It''s not worth it. Next time you see the brother, smile, congratulate him, and offer help if you can.

 

[Chels7]

Oh I know he doesn''t think I want to have a joint wedding with him, but just the fact after he proposes he needs to say something semi-negative about me. It doesn''t help that bf''s brother and I don''t have the best relationship. I guess I just don''t need him worrying about the fact that his proposal would make me want to get married too.

 

[anchor31]

What a stupid to say... How is it of his business if you want to get married or not? My guess he''s afraid you''d get engaged soon and "steal the show"...

 

[janinegirly]

i just wanted to let you know that i''d be really p/o''d at this. i''d be really irritated that the younger bro got engaged first after i''d been dating longer and expressed my desire to move things forward. i know it''s not right, but i''d feel humiliated and a little jealous and very frustrated!! And the bro''s comment are really out of line. You bf should have defended you.
no real point to my post except to say i totally get what you''re feeling (my bf also has a young brother in a relationship and i always thought to myself i couldn''t take it if they got engaged first), so you have every right to express it. just don''t make it seem like it''s a competition w/his brother, but your bf should understand how it might make you feel and how you desperately do want to move forward with him (it''s been 6 years!!) and now this seems like a setback. It might not be rational, but your bf should at least be understanding, and talk you through things. it realistically should not affect your own wedding/proposal timeline.

 

[FireGoddess]

What was dumb IMO was your boyfriend telling you that his brother said this. Maybe he said it as a joke to your BF because he knows his brother isn''t ready financially to take the step but knows you want to.

 

[Pandora II]

I understand exactly how you feel!

Having been so happy that finally my bf has turned the corner (details in my thread) I am now feeling rather down.

My brother, 5 1/2 years younger than me, phoned last night to discuss amongst other things - rings. He and his gf have been together about 1 1/2 years and he's planning on asking next spring/summer.

I have told my mother that I'm hoping to be engaged in time for a 2008 wedding. Now it looks like he's doing the same. My younger sister got married 6 years ago and has 2 kids and I've coped with the minor envy every time. I know it's totally irrational, but it really bugs me if I have to share the same year as my brother. It wouldn't matter so much if it wasn't that her family live abroad so they want the wedding here - and my brother will want my mother to organise it.

If I wasn't 34, I'd put everything on hold so as not to share the same year - but clock is ticking. Grrrrrr

Probably doesn't help that neither I or my 2 sisters like his gf particularly.

I feel so childish and that makes me feel even worse!

Sorry - have rather hijacked your thread.

 

[jaz464]

Date: 10/6/2006 3:44:44 PM
Author: FireGoddess
What was dumb IMO was your boyfriend telling you that his brother said this. Maybe he said it as a joke to your BF because he knows his brother isn''t ready financially to take the step but knows you want to.

Exactly, why would he do this?

 

[Mara]

Date: 10/6/2006 4:17:40 PM
Author: jazmine

Date: 10/6/2006 3:44:44 PM
Author: FireGoddess
What was dumb IMO was your boyfriend telling you that his brother said this. Maybe he said it as a joke to your BF because he knows his brother isn''t ready financially to take the step but knows you want to.

Exactly, why would he do this?

That was my thought too..that your BF was the dumb one for telling YOU what his brother said. DER. It could only end badly for you with that comment, buddy!

 

[Chels7]

Thanks for all your support girls! It''s nice to know you guys are going through the same things. As far as my bf telling me what his brother said, I just don''t think he understands what i''m going though. Guys in general can be so clueless when it comes to this engagement stuff! But thanks again for all your support!

 

[phoenixgirl]

My husband and I dated for six years before getting married. Maybe two years into the relationship, his older brother got engaged after only six months of dating or so. While we were all oohing and aahing over the ring and proposal story, his mother sort of scratched me on the back and whispered, "Don't worry, that'll be you one day" as though she assumed I was just sitting there in a puddle of envy. In my head I thought, "I'm 20 years old lady! I'm in no rush!" I know she meant well, but it didn't help. I only felt awkward because I could tell everyone was worried that I would be upset. I think it's because my husband's parents got married when they were 20 years old (and have divorced since this incident). Nobody in my family or where I grew up ever got married that young, so it really didn't occur to me to want to be engaged already. My fraternal grandparents didn't get married until their mid 30's (and this was in the 1930's), and my parents didn't get married until they were 25 in the late 60's, which was more like getting married at 30 today. They'll be celebrating their 40th anniversary soon, and they still snuggle on the couch and seem to like each other a lot. I even saw my dad poke my mom playfully in the boob while we were at the movies, which was maybe a bit over the top. Wow, this has turned into a real stream-of-consciousness post! Jack Kerouac would be proud!

Anyway, don't let it bother you. Your boyfriend's brother was probably just trying to be helpful.