Annoyed by incorrect relationship status

[that_someone_special]

HAHA ok I had no idea what to write in the subject... buttttt

A friend of mine is CONSTANTLY referring to her boyfriend as husband on facebook. People almost always comment "You're married?" and she just ignores them. She isn't married, I know for a fact

Examples of what she writes:

"My husband is the best!"
"I have the best husband! He does everything for me!"
"I am so lucky that I have my husband!"
picture caption: "Me and husband at the lake"

WTH? I try not to let this bother me, but it's like nails on a chalkboard right now. I also feel slightly miffed that she is acting like it's some secret mystery or something (to be fair she is a complete attention youknowwhat). I've started just ignoring her now and her posts. I can't stand it.

Why would someone do this?!?!

And on another note.. I am getting annoyed with people that have PDA diahreea all over their FB page.. like every single post, comment, picture is about their relationship and how everything is the best everrrrrr... like they have nothing better to talk about? And then there are comments between BF/ GF that are "omg I love you" "I love you more" "no way! I love YOU MORE" etc..... I am a relationship grinch I guess.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

I'm sorry, I just don't understand why something like this would annoy you so much....

 

[kelpie]

Say, "If you like him so much why don't you marry him?"

Kidding.

Yeah, it seems odd to be hung up on semantics it but agree that it is annoying when people PDA or air laundry all over the the internet. My comment is usually *barf* or *get a room*. But there is an ignore button for a reason.

 

[movie zombie]

or "does your boyfriend know you have a husband?"

MoZo

 

[slg47]

yeah this would annoy me too. there's a thread in LIW about people whose friends refer to their BFs as their husband (why???) and I just don't get it.

 

[Munchkin]

I get annoyed by that, too. I can't stand it when people update 10 times a day just to proclaim their undying love for their SO.

I have facebook friends who refer to each other as husband and wife, only they aren't. That annoys me largely because, well, they aren't.

I have so much respect for the institution of marriage. DH and I waited years to finish (grad) school and get jobs before getting married. We planned and saved and dreamed together. Getting married was a big life, life-changing achievement for us. So, it irks me when people casually toss around the term "husband" or "wife" as though it doesn't signify something really major. I do think some women call their guy "husband" out of insecure feelings of NOT being married or engaged, though. I have some pity for them.

I think I'd also be annoyed by your friend because they are ignoring questions about their marital status rather than simply admitting they aren't married.

 

[Indylady]

Ugh. Irritating. Chances are its wishful thinking? Maybe she really wants to be married, and has jump-started past the vows?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Why does this bother you? I think once you examine that, you can learn how not let this annoy you. Otherwise defriend.

 

[that_someone_special]

or "does your boyfriend know you have a husband?"

MoZo

hahahaha!! I am using this one!

 

[that_someone_special]

Why does this bother you? I think once you examine that, you can learn how not let this annoy you. Otherwise defriend.

You know what else? She used to refer to MY husband and when he was a boyfriend at the time as husband as well.
One day she was over and he came home from work and screams from the other room "OOOOOOH husband is home!!"

I'm not sure why it bothers me so much. But it does.

 

[that_someone_special]

Ugh. Irritating. Chances are its wishful thinking? Maybe she really wants to be married, and has jump-started past the vows?

I think so.. but she is an all-or-nothing kind of gal. I would be shocked if he married her though given her financial and emotional situation.

 

[that_someone_special]

Maybe it's bothering me because I don't like her very much anymore. So the little things are driving me nuts. Man.. break-ups are tough

 

[chemgirl]

I think you're right that it has a lot to do with how you feel about the girl.

I usually don't care when people do the whole relationship overload on facebook thing, but it drives me nuts with one girl. Everything about her makes me want to gag. I just really really dislike her, but we were in school together since we were 4 years old so I feel bad deleting her from my friends list. She always refers to how fantastic her husband is, except she's not married. I have a list of things I can't stand about her, and referring to her boyfriend as her husband on facebook is on it.

 

[that_someone_special]

Yeah unfortunately her and I have a lot of friends in common, so just deleting her is not an option if I don't want the whole world to explode. Maybe I'll just "hide" her.

 

[somethingshiny]

It's weird but obviously she's not trying to offend anyone. I'd let it go. DH's friends called me "the wife" before we were married and he like it. Maybe her BF likes being called "husband' or maybe they have no intention of getting married but she wants people to know that they're committed?

I always think it's weird to hear a grown woman talking about her "boyfriend." It just doesn't seem to convey the connection that two adults have. But, I don't think "husband" is quite the right term either.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Maybe she's calling him her husband b/c some people were concluding her relationship isn't as serious due to them not being married. I'm not saying you're doing this...what I'm thinking of was when I was in college and my DH and I were togther as boyfriend/girlfriend AND I had a ring, one of my friends kept getting me to go to a singles' event since she didn't consider what my then boyfriend and I had to be a commitment.

Hopefully all is good with your friend. Try not to let it bug you!

 

[lulu66]

Yeah unfortunately her and I have a lot of friends in common, so just deleting her is not an option if I don't want the whole world to explode. Maybe I'll just "hide" her.

oh, bean, i'd do this.
but i can totally see how that's annoying. i have a friend who lives with her FI & is constantly writing "i love you" or "you're the bestest" etc, etc on his page. then come to find out from a mutual friend, she manages his page...so she's the main one logging in & checking it. so that is basically for show & to place her "claim." annoying. so, yea, that's to say: i feel ya, girl! but now i just laugh & roll my eyes. people need to pass a test before they are allowed to have a fb page

 

[zoebartlett]

Ha, I know someone on FB who is always completely HAPPPYYYYYY whenever she posts about her kids. A coworker of mine (who also knows this girl) constantly comments to me, in person, "really? She's really THAT happy with her kids ALL the time? I don't buy it." It doesn't bother me but I get what you're saying.

Now, about how this girl is always referring to her boyfriend as her husband, that would bother me. I'm not sure why because it wouldn't affect me at all (she can do what she wants, yadda, yadda...), but yeah...I'd ask her about it.

 

[charbie]

Why does this bother you? I think once you examine that, you can learn how not let this annoy you. Otherwise defriend.

you know, i thought about this, since its something that irks me as well. i guess i just look at the institution of marriage as a pretty big step, so if you're not even engaged, why do you have the "right" to call your SO your husband when you haven't made that vow. marriage is something i take very seriously- if you're that serious about your SO, get married. otherwise, don't steal the term i get to call my husband. i made it a point never to say husband until i was married.

i DO however, think its fine when same sex couples refer to their SO as husband/wife after being together for a super long time or having a civil service. so who knows.

 

[allycat0303]

I have a lot of friends that do that too. A lot of, "oh my husband brought me flowers he's the most wonderful man ever" I don't know. I think it's a way of being boastful, i.e look at what I have but you don't have. I don't get that annoyed though, because most of the time, I think it's their way of convicing themselves. Nobody's husband is that wonderful 300 days of the year. Frankly, all of that constant wonderful-ness would be exhausting to me. It's like a constant soap opera or the most romantic novel EVER (everyday).

As for the husband thing. Well...maybe wishful thinking on her part a bit. Before we were married, my husband sometimes referred to me as "wife" in private. And it WAS wishful thinking on our parts, because we thought of the day we would be married. BUT NEVER in public. And NEVER on fb.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I hide people who annoy me, not sure that would annoy me but it would definitely depend on the person. I've been married a long time and I think that would have annoyed me more early on when I felt more proprietal about marraige. Now, eh, I just don't care. Let people fool themselves... they have their life to live and whatever floats their boat. I wouldn't unfriend (good lord the drama that brings) but if I was really irritated I could see myself posting something on her board, "Why do you keep referring to John as your husband - you aren't married."

I wonder what the guys think of this. If they're on board, more power to the couple. If they think she's kooky, she soon may find herself getting "a divorce" @@

 

[somethingshiny]

A little off topic here....kinda

I'm a fb newbie. If you hide someone, will you still see a post that is directly put on your wall?

 

[swimmer]

SS, yes, you will, just not their posts on your home stream of updates.

I'm more bothered by the people who argue on fb. One couple I have since hidden (though it is like watching a train-wreck, so hard to turn away) goes back and forth with blame and really snarky comments about how each of them could do much better with other people. I just feel so awkward reading that.

 

[somethingshiny]

Thanks Swimmer. My page is getting cluttered with sis's friends and stuff. I don't want to unfriend them because they may want to talk to me but I don't need the daily "I have butter on my pancakes."

 

[iLander]

I don't understand; does is somehow elevate her status to declare herself married when she's not? What does she actually get out of that?

Doesn't this freak out her boyfriend? He is not her fiance, right?

Why hasn't he run away screaming?

 

[diva rose]

Hm...I also don't get why it would annoy you. Just put her on ignore.
Who cares what she does - as long as she isn't stating something mean or hurting someone e.g. discriminating or rude comments etc.

I think when people comment what nice things their partner or friends do aren't being boastful (well most people). They just want to share their happiness. If you feel uncomfortable with that or feel irritated, I really do think it's your issue not theirs.

I'm not into corny or romantic things but hey,,who are we to judge what they like?
I'm sure there are things we do or write that others find annoying. So in the end, it really is just how you perceive things.

 

[Haven]

SS, yes, you will, just not their posts on your home stream of updates.

I'm more bothered by the people who argue on fb. One couple I have since hidden (though it is like watching a train-wreck, so hard to turn away) goes back and forth with blame and really snarky comments about how each of them could do much better with other people. I just feel so awkward reading that.

That sounds horrible. I would definitely delete those people from my friends list.

If a friend of mine referred to her BF as her husband on Facebook, it probably wouldn't bother me unless I had other issues with her. But, if that were the case, we wouldn't be friends on Facebook so I wouldn't see her posts, anyway. I don't befriend anyone on there unless I truly like them, so it takes a lot for someone to annoy me on FB. I find some people's habits strange, but I imagine the feeling is mutual.

 

[fieryred33143]

Where is she from, out of curiosity? In my family and my FI's family, they all call him my husband because we live together. They all know we aren't married (because I correct them) but to them, he's my husband.

I don't call my FI my husband ever. He does call me his wife when he talks to certain people, don't really know why.

 

[violet3]

I'm sorry, I just don't understand why something like this would annoy you so much....

ditto. who cares what this person calls her SO on FB? People called my DH my husband long before we ever even got engaged. It was sort of tongue in cheek - perhaps that's how your friend means it. Or perhaps she just really wants to be married, but hasn't been asked yet. Rather than being annoyed, why don't you just ignore her/it and feel greatful for what you DO have in your life, even if you are too graceful to post it all over FB

 

[Dreamer_D]

Maybe they do not believe in legal marriage and are committed?

I have friends like this, who are common law partners and thus use the terms husband and wife, since in their eyes, that is what they are.