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Already married but no rings - what to do?!

mort1980

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 13, 2016
Messages
18
Hi all! I'm still relatively new here (only my 2nd post) but I need some help. So, hubby and I will be celebrating 15 years on our next anniversary and though I don't regret it, it hasn't been all roses. We got married when we were young and poor and though he picked out my original engagement ring, I wound up paying for it myself. It wasn't elaborate by any means - just a quarter carat solitaire with two 1 point melee diamonds on the side. He had borrowed the money and when I found out two weeks before the wedding, I couldn't handle the thought that I was about to walk down the aisle wearing a ring the best man paid for. So, I made my now hubby take me to the bank, I took out the cash and I gave it to him to pay his friend back. Anyway, we got married two weeks later and joint accounts and all that meant that all our finances sort of melded together so it's not like I ever got "paid back." Fast forward 13 years and my husband wound up getting drunk and making a stupid mistake. Coupled with the fact that they never held much value to me because I paid for them myself, I couldn't stand to wear my rings after that. They sat in a jewelry box for about nine months and then I finally sold them and donated the money to my kids' school.

Two years later, some counseling, my husband has stopped drinking (he's a year sober now!) and we're doing better than ever! I'll be getting a new wedding ring and I'm not sure what is appropriate or even what I want. I mean, we're already married so I'm not sure about an engagement ring. I was thinking an eternity wedding band (because I definitely want sparkle) but I'm not sold on that either. Part of me really wants to get a beautiful engagement ring like I wanted the first time around and part of me is more practical and wants to just get the eternity ring because it says, "I'm married." I haven't had a ring at all in over a year.

What would you do? I definitely want a ring that says, "I'm married," not one that just says, "I'm engaged." And I'll only be getting one ring. What kind of ring do you think would be appropriate as a wedding ring but not be too plain? Share any pictures you have that you think would be helpful!
 

distracts

Ideal_Rock
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Oct 11, 2011
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Is there a reason you can't get the beautiful engagementy ring you want and a plain wedding band? A lot of us have plain bands from e-weddingbands.com because their prices are super reasonable - if you're getting something in gold you can easily get something for $100-200, and $300-400 in platinum. So if you're getting a nice engagement ring in white gold, then you can budget like $150 for a wedding band and still have the married look. That's what I would do, since it sounds like your heart is more set on an engagement ring type ring than an eternity band.
 

mort1980

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 13, 2016
Messages
18
distracts|1477263962|4089851 said:
Is there a reason you can't get the beautiful engagementy ring you want and a plain wedding band? A lot of us have plain bands from e-weddingbands.com because their prices are super reasonable - if you're getting something in gold you can easily get something for $100-200, and $300-400 in platinum. So if you're getting a nice engagement ring in white gold, then you can budget like $150 for a wedding band and still have the married look. That's what I would do, since it sounds like your heart is more set on an engagement ring type ring than an eternity band.
That's a good point about a plain band. I guess I hadn't thought of that. That might be a good option. I really love art deco style rings so yeah, I guess my heart is more set on an engagement style ring...
 

iwantsparkle

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 25, 2016
Messages
306
You sound set on an engagement ring and I think that is what you should get. That and a band of your liking.

Some people upgrade rings after they have been married a long time. And some do it early on. I don't think there are any "rules."

I'm getting married for a second time and even though I am not planning to have a wedding - I still want an engagement ring. (Which, I guess I am engaged but it's not traditional. And I don't care. I want the ring. Lol.)

Shopping for a ring has been very fun for me and I hope it is for you, too.
 

december-fire

Ideal_Rock
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Sep 3, 2013
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2,346
Congratulations to your husband for getting sober and remaining sober for a year!
I hope he stays strong and continues to keep away from drinking.

And congratulations on 15 years of marriage.
Most marriages face challenges, especially for couples who marry at a young age.
What matters is how the individuals each respond.

Now on to the important stuff! The ring! ;))

You said some things with which I relate.
I tend to be very practical (and certainly don't pamper myself very often), and I think about what others will think.
But I'm getting older and realizing that its very important to indulge yourself occasionally, and its foolish to deprive yourself of something you desire just because of what others might think.

My advice:

Get what you really want.
Don't waste time or energy considering what others might think of your choice. Its totally irrelevant.


You said you want something that says 'married', not 'engaged'.
But you haven't worn any rings for a long time. Were you concerned that no rings said 'not engaged or married'?

Rings don't talk to other people.
They evoke feelings in the wearer.
Get a ring that will bring you joy each time you glance at it.

Other people don't ask your permission before buying a ring.
You don't need anyone's permission when buying your ring.

You and your husband are celebrating your marriage.
Don't suck any joy out of that celebration!
Get what you love!

And then post photos here! :))
 

Dakota

Rough_Rock
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Oct 16, 2016
Messages
48
Go with what your heart tells you and your bank account dictates. If it has to be simple, make it something you like. That's the most important thing.....what do YOU want?
 

Snowdrop13

Brilliant_Rock
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1,860
Do you have an idea of your budget? If you let us know then people can give you some suggestions, that's what everyone loves to do here on PS!
 

mort1980

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 13, 2016
Messages
18
Dakota|1477286653|4089919 said:
Go with what your heart tells you and your bank account dictates. If it has to be simple, make it something you like. That's the most important thing.....what do YOU want?
I definitely agree with that...I guess I'm having trouble narrowing down my tastes because I feel like they're all over the place! I'm sure that in the end, I'll wind up with something classic or vintage.
 

mort1980

Rough_Rock
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Oct 13, 2016
Messages
18
Snowdrop13|1477287073|4089922 said:
Do you have an idea of your budget? If you let us know then people can give you some suggestions, that's what everyone loves to do here on PS!
Well, I'm hoping to go on a 2nd honeymoon or a family vacation with our kiddos as well so I'd probably say the budget is under $3,000. It'll be hard to do a nice vacation if I go over that but there might be a little wiggle room, ya know? For the perfect ring. :)
 

Alex T

Ideal_Rock
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Oct 24, 2012
Messages
4,985
Have you thought about a wider diamond set pave band with a solitaire set into it, a bit like the Tiffany Eoile? That would scratch your itch for a solitaire and sparkly eternity band in one?
 

mort1980

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 13, 2016
Messages
18
Alex T|1477311256|4089955 said:
Have you thought about a wider diamond set pave band with a solitaire set into it, a bit like the Tiffany Eoile? That would scratch your itch for a solitaire and sparkly eternity band in one?
Yes, I did look at those. They're beautiful... I think the reason I lean toward art deco style rings is because they are very often bezel set and I like the idea of no prongs. I broke the prongs off my original engagement ring multiple times. So, I guess I'm trying to find something that is gorgeous, has presence but is extremely wearable. And preferably, something a little more unique or at least uncommon.

These are a few styles I'm considering but I have no idea what they'd actually look like on me and I know that liking something in a picture is a lot different than liking something on your own finger. I have long, slender fingers (size 4.5). Clearly, I like sapphires, emeralds and rubies.

0babd8e5d90df463c35a2913a79bd5e4.jpg

6af282a8abf0beea7a19a2d7bf90e517.jpg

6bb287236a54c3f604ce2699b6cee289.jpg

071f39c78b0dd0c2cce24fb478cc22cb.jpg
 

SpencerDane

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2016
Messages
33
If it were me, I would require a wedding set. I am guessing you have had some tough times to get through while your hubby was drinking. Congrats on his sobriety, but hey you have definitely earned your stripes. If you do not want to buy two separate rings, you might want to consider getting a set. You could find a nice set that is equally as beautiful for close to the same price as getting an engagement ring. This would give you that gorgeous engagement ring you have always wanted and the wedding ring that says you are married.

Jared's has some absolutely stunning bridal sets.

http://www.jared.com/en/jaredstore/bridal-sets-101535--1/1015350000/101524/1/0/0/0/101524.101535
 

hathalove

Brilliant_Rock
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Aug 1, 2012
Messages
1,686
I am going to 2nd all that December-Fire said! If you are going to invest in a new ring you want to love it! Congratulations on 15years. When youre with someone that long there is bound to be some challenges. Some very serious. That's because we are human and ever changing. Part of life. Part of living life.

Also wanted to add 3k is a good budget and you wont have to shop at jareds. In fact I recommend you stay away from any of the mall jewelers. We have fantastic PSers who really know how to work a budget for excellent cut, color and amazingly beautiful rings.

So it sounds like you are looking for a colored stone ring? For example there is a beautiful sapphire round available on preloved for sale by one of our members. There is also a comp round blue that was avail from one of the colored stone vendors. For around 2k I think? You can probably find a lovely setting with small diamond sides for $1500ish like your last pic. That's pretty darn close to budget. Let me see if I can find those. Or Perhaps you are looking for a completed vintage ring? Checking Jewels by Grace or love affair diamonds is a good idea. I've seen completed beautiful rings around your budget listed with them before.

I mean there are so many possibilities. I think if you are serious about colored stones you may want to create a post in that section. The PSers know what they are doing and will help you find and create it all within your budget.
 

lovedogs

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jul 31, 2014
Messages
10,448
December-fire said everything I wanted to, much more eloquently :)

Definitely stay away from all mall jewelers, since they have poor quality items that are very overpriced.

I typically try not to recommend things that are over budget, but this would be my first choice if I were in the market for a unique e-ring and was open to a colored center stone: http://www.jewelsbygrace.com/rings/2-67ct-montana-sapphire-halo-ring#.WA4a-8tlBnE

I believe this has been on consignment with Grace for a while now, so she might be willing to accept a lower price to make it more budget friendly :)

I'll look for other options as well, but this was the first one that came to mind when you posted.
 

mort1980

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 13, 2016
Messages
18
lovedogs|1477319597|4089985 said:
December-fire said everything I wanted to, much more eloquently :)

Definitely stay away from all mall jewelers, since they have poor quality items that are very overpriced.

I typically try not to recommend things that are over budget, but this would be my first choice if I were in the market for a unique e-ring and was open to a colored center stone: http://www.jewelsbygrace.com/rings/2-67ct-montana-sapphire-halo-ring#.WA4a-8tlBnE

I believe this has been on consignment with Grace for a while now, so she might be willing to accept a lower price to make it more budget friendly :)

I'll look for other options as well, but this was the first one that came to mind when you posted.
Oh my gosh! Yes, it is over budget BUT I'm from Montana so how perfect is that? I do think I'm probably sold on colored stone, preferably as the main stone but I'm open to a diamond if it has beautiful colored accents. I will peruse the forum and see if I can find any threads with colored stones on display. I'm very new here and not really sure how to navigate yet. ;-)

Can I just say, I REALLY appreciate how no one is bashing my hubby. I've gotten that before and it's so unfair. No one is perfect and addictions only bring out the worst in us. Thank you. :)
 

Snowdrop13

Brilliant_Rock
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Oh yes, there is a coloured stones forum, you've probably found it by now? Lots of lovely things on display there and a long list of vendor websites for you to peruse.
 

lovedogs

Super_Ideal_Rock
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mort1980|1477322824|4090000 said:
lovedogs|1477319597|4089985 said:
December-fire said everything I wanted to, much more eloquently :)

Definitely stay away from all mall jewelers, since they have poor quality items that are very overpriced.

I typically try not to recommend things that are over budget, but this would be my first choice if I were in the market for a unique e-ring and was open to a colored center stone: http://www.jewelsbygrace.com/rings/2-67ct-montana-sapphire-halo-ring#.WA4a-8tlBnE

I believe this has been on consignment with Grace for a while now, so she might be willing to accept a lower price to make it more budget friendly :)

I'll look for other options as well, but this was the first one that came to mind when you posted.
Oh my gosh! Yes, it is over budget BUT I'm from Montana so how perfect is that? I do think I'm probably sold on colored stone, preferably as the main stone but I'm open to a diamond if it has beautiful colored accents. I will peruse the forum and see if I can find any threads with colored stones on display. I'm very new here and not really sure how to navigate yet. ;-)

Can I just say, I REALLY appreciate how no one is bashing my hubby. I've gotten that before and it's so unfair. No one is perfect and addictions only bring out the worst in us. Thank you. :)

aww, that's such a sweet coincidence! Love it! I'd definitely email Grace and see if there's flexibility in terms of price--there's no harm in asking :)

In terms of navigating the forum, if you go to the top of the page there should be a tab labeled "forum", and then there should be a "colored stones" option on the dropdown menu. That will bring you to the "colored stones" forum/page. Just FYI :)
 

motownmama

Ideal_Rock
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7,347
I like all your example rings, but if I had to choose (yup, some stranger off the internet) I'd choose the 3-stone ring!!!!
 

distracts

Ideal_Rock
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mort1980|1477312631|4089957 said:
I broke the prongs off my original engagement ring multiple times. So, I guess I'm trying to find something that is gorgeous, has presence but is extremely wearable. And preferably, something a little more unique or at least uncommon.

These are a few styles I'm considering but I have no idea what they'd actually look like on me and I know that liking something in a picture is a lot different than liking something on your own finger. I have long, slender fingers (size 4.5). Clearly, I like sapphires, emeralds and rubies.
I have several points of note -

1. What metal was your previous ring? And if it was gold, did you by any chance happen to wear it relatively often into a swimming pool or hot tub? Chlorine can make gold brittle which can cause prongs to break more easily.

2. Would you say you are generally hard on your rings? Given that you've broken prongs multiple times, I'm thinking you should stay away from emeralds as they can be more delicate, and probably stay away from pave or other multiple-diamond settings like that, unless you can commit to not wearing them if you are doing things with your hands.

3. Absolutely see if you can go to local jewelers and try on rings - even if they are not what you want exactly, and their prices are probably higher than online, you can still get an idea of what shapes you like on your hand.

4. If you are open to buying a sapphire and setting separately, you might want to check out Beverly K settings, as they have lovely vintage/art deco designs and imo they're really beautiful. Here are some (not all by any means): http://www.pearlmansjewelers.com/jewelry-designers/beverley-k-jewelry/rings/

mort1980|1477322824|4090000 said:
Can I just say, I REALLY appreciate how no one is bashing my hubby. I've gotten that before and it's so unfair. No one is perfect and addictions only bring out the worst in us. Thank you. :)
Well, you didn't ask us for advice on your relationship, you asked us for advice on bling. And it's different to see the situation when he's been sober for a year and trying to make things work.
 

hathalove

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mort1980

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motownmama|1477328815|4090047 said:
I like all your example rings, but if I had to choose (yup, some stranger off the internet) I'd choose the 3-stone ring!!!!
Ugh! Me too! It's my favorite but it's way over budget. I love the three stone style and the cushion cut center sapphire. :) It's actually the only ring I've found with prongs that I like. I do tend to favor bezel set stones due to durability and smoothness.
 

ac117

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mort1980|1477337154|4090106 said:
motownmama|1477328815|4090047 said:
I like all your example rings, but if I had to choose (yup, some stranger off the internet) I'd choose the 3-stone ring!!!!
Ugh! Me too! It's my favorite but it's way over budget. I love the three stone style and the cushion cut center sapphire. :) It's actually the only ring I've found with prongs that I like. I do tend to favor bezel set stones due to durability and smoothness.
Don't be discouraged - I think you could most definitely recreate a ring just like that in your budget! I suggest starting a thread in the colored stone section and they could help you find a nice cushion sapphire. Then you could perhaps contact David Klass to create the 3 stone ring - he does great work (and nice claw prongs that you seem to like) and is very reasonably priced!

For example (I'm not a colored stone expert but this is just to give you an idea): http://gemfix.com/gems/sapphire-blue-1199-cushion-mixed-cut-1-22cts or http://gemfix.com/gems/sapphire-blue-1223-sapphire-cushion-mixed-cut-2-03cts have nice color and should leave you with enough for a setting and side stones.
 

VRBeauty

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I was also going to suggest a 5-stone ring. If you're not quite sure whether you want an eternity band or a more traditional engagement ring, a 5-stone might present the perfect middle ground. And - many 5-stones are designed in such a way that plain band would fit flush against the diamond ring, giving you the best of both worlds. The 5-stone bands that were posted earlier are both beautiful rings that would give you a lot of "bang for the buck."

(I also totally get the appeal of a U.S.-mined sapphire, by the way - especially if you have ties to Montana!)

Good luck as you narrow your search!
 

ElizabethR

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 19, 2011
Messages
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Hi, just for fun and to give you an idea of how a ring might look on your hand you could try the Beaumade App. They have some brautiful colored stone rings. You take and upload a picture of your hand and then try on their rings virtually. Hope you find the ring/s of your dreams, and congratulations to you and your hubby.
 

Dancing Fire

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iwantsparkle|1477270320|4089876 said:
You sound set on an engagement ring and I think that is what you should get. That and a band of your liking.

Some people upgrade rings after they have been married a long time. And some do it early on. I don't think there are any "rules."
Yup, like before they walk down the aisle... :bigsmile:
 

Niel

Super_Ideal_Rock
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ac117|1477338730|4090117 said:
mort1980|1477337154|4090106 said:
motownmama|1477328815|4090047 said:
I like all your example rings, but if I had to choose (yup, some stranger off the internet) I'd choose the 3-stone ring!!!!
Ugh! Me too! It's my favorite but it's way over budget. I love the three stone style and the cushion cut center sapphire. :) It's actually the only ring I've found with prongs that I like. I do tend to favor bezel set stones due to durability and smoothness.
Don't be discouraged - I think you could most definitely recreate a ring just like that in your budget! I suggest starting a thread in the colored stone section and they could help you find a nice cushion sapphire. Then you could perhaps contact David Klass to create the 3 stone ring - he does great work (and nice claw prongs that you seem to like) and is very reasonably priced!

For example (I'm not a colored stone expert but this is just to give you an idea): http://gemfix.com/gems/sapphire-blue-1199-cushion-mixed-cut-1-22cts or http://gemfix.com/gems/sapphire-blue-1223-sapphire-cushion-mixed-cut-2-03cts have nice color and should leave you with enough for a setting and side stones.
David klass made this three stone ring for a song, if you wanted to go down the bezel three stone with colored stone center route

img_20161012_224106_01.jpg
 

Niel

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