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Advice please. (kinda long)

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rierie26

Shiny_Rock
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Hello,

I need some advice, please. My boyfriend and I are currently in a long-distance relationship due to his work. We were living together before he left, so we had to find me a new apartment to live in before he left as I was starting school and needed to move closer than where we were currently living. When we were looking I was realistic and had a pretty strict budget about how much I could afford on my own. I was looking at studios as that''s all I could afford in my range and was fine with it since it I was just going to be living alone anyway. My boyfriend and I looked for months before we had to move since this was still when rentals were scarce. As we were looking in a big city and had location limitations due to my lack of a car, late-night schedule due to school, safety, etc and my budget was still pretty small at the time we were looking, our options were really limited and depressing. We stumbled across a one bedroom that was $200 more than the top of my budget and my boyfriend fell in love with it. It was 1000x better than anything we had seen (ie. super convenient, safe neighborhood, no dead roaches, cat pee smell and was bigger than a shoe closet), but it was out of my budget. I was hesitant, but my boyfriend really liked it due to his concerns for my safety as I would be living alone and I have no family close by so he offered to help me by contributing $200/month towards rent. Since I was about $600 short towards the deposit he let me borrow the money in lieu of him giving me $200 for 3 months.

Those 3 months are over and I''m finding it hard to ask him to start giving me the money he promised me as I''m sure it''s slipped his mind. I feel really bad asking him because he has other expenses (he lives with his parents and helps them financially) and he has said he would like to start saving for a ring and for our future wedding as we''ll have to pay for it ourselves, but it''s a bit of a stretch for me financially each month. I can make rent and pay all my bills, food, utilities, etc. but I have to keep to strict budget, I can''t save anything and I pray that no emergencies come up. I can''t really move out due to work, school and the fact that I''m pretty much alone here and BF is in another continent and I can''t afford the moving costs, so that''s not really an option. I think he can afford to give me the $200/month and if he can''t afford it then I''ll just have to accept it, but I feel like it would be asking too much of him even though he volunteered.
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My question is, should I bring it up to him when I see him next? If I do bring it up to him, how should I phrase it?

Thanks!
 

Hera

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 12, 2007
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2,405
Absolutely.
He offered, you accepted, so ask him for the money. If he says he can't afford it, then you'll probably have to move or get a second job/make it work somehow. I'm not sure there's a special way to ask him, so just ask him straight out. No need to sugar coat if you both are planning to be married.
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
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I would definitely say it to him, seeing as he offered to do so when you went to see the apartment. Just say it straight out to him next time you''re talking to him.
 

swingirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 6, 2006
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5,667
Definitely ask. Tell him the apartment he really loved is starting to break your budget and was he serious about the $200 because without it you'll need to consider moving. Then you need to work out a plan so you will know when to expect his contribution.

Keep in mind if he didn't offer you would have found an apartment that you could afford or gotten a roommate and you wouldn't be so stresses about making the rent.
 

LGK

Ideal_Rock
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Nov 27, 2007
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2,975
If you feel uncomfortable just saying it straight out you could tease him a little- you know, make it a bit funny when you bring it up. That might make you feel a little more at ease? It depends on your relationship and your own sense of humor, of course. That was sweet of him to offer to help with the apt.
 

CNOS128

Ideal_Rock
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Jan 28, 2008
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2,700
I agree with everyone else that you should definitely bring it up. Especially if you''re thinking about getting engaged/married, it''s important to learn how to talk to each other about money and finances!
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
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I''d definitely bring it up. This is an apartment that you wouldn''t have chosen on your own due to finances, and your boyfriend said he''d help out. It may have just slipped his mind, or he may have just assumed that you''ll bring it up when needed.
 

MonkeyPie

Ideal_Rock
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Apr 23, 2008
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6,059
Date: 12/7/2009 4:09:36 AM
Author: swingirl
Definitely ask. Tell him the apartment he really loved is starting to break your budget and was he serious about the $200 because without it you''ll need to consider moving. Then you need to work out a plan so you will know when to expect his contribution.

Keep in mind if he didn''t offer you would have found an apartment that you could afford or gotten a roommate and you wouldn''t be so stresses about making the rent.

This. He basically chose the apartment for you knowing you couldn''t afford it, so he needs to help you, or you need to move. If he is as sweet as he was when he offered, then he won''t be offended!
 

meresal

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 13, 2007
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5,720
I''m sorry this is hanging over your head. I would bring it up the next time you talk with him. He offered, so he should help you.
 

Efe

Brilliant_Rock
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Aug 8, 2006
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774
I''m confused. He knew you couldn''t afford the deposit or the rent so he let you "borrow" the $200 he offered to kick in each month to make the deposit, knowing full well that you also couldn''t afford to carry it yourself for the 3 months that the $600 would have covered? Yet he really wanted you to get this particular apartment?

How did that make financial sense in the first place?

I would flat out ask him what he is thinking.
 

rierie26

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 20, 2009
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342
Thanks for the advice guys. I don''t know why I was so worried about the whole thing. Bf and I have no problems talking about money. I guess the reason I was having the dilemma is because I feel really bad about asking him for the money (even though he did promise) because he is trying to save money for the ring and the wedding as well and I think he didn''t realize when he made the promise that the wedding that we want will cost us a lot more than he thought it would and when he started looking into the true costs, he was REALLY surprised
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and I just feel really bad for him. I think when he comes, we''ll have to discuss maybe postponing things out a bit longer so we''ve saved up enough to not sacrifice on the wedding (not that we''re engaged yet, but that''s a whole ''nother issue).

It wasn''t really me "borrowing" money but rather at the time we signed the lease (we were in a time crunch and were getting pretty desperate at this point to lock in the lease) I was short $600. I could have waited until the next payperiod, but the apartment might have been rented by then. Knowing him, he probably would have just let me have it, but I hate owing people money.
 

LilyKat

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 8, 2009
Messages
835
Just ask him, nicely, and straight out. It was a decision you made together, and it sounds like he''s just completely forgotten about it. No big deal.

If it helps, remind yourself that the extra money is going towards your safety and basic comfort (which is important to BOTH of you in a relationship) - it''s hardly a luxury purchase.
 
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