Advice for loved one going into assisted living?

[Daisys and Diamonds]

My MIL chose assisted living after her stroke. I would have loved her to live with us but she chose it because she was very social and wanted to be around a lot of people.

Assisted living is just that- living with assistance. It should never be looked at as a hospital setting with visiting hours. I took my MIL out all the time and she stayed overnight at my house on many occasions. So take your grandfather out to have some fun. Shopping, parks, festivals. It is harder when they have physical limitations but very doable if you plan. You can also hang out at their place to watch TV, visit, join the group activities, or sit by the fireplace if the facility has one. You can also (usually for a fee) join them for dinner at the facility.

When we visited mum and also my father in law they would always ask us to join them for lunch
I think sometimes they wanted to show us the food was good !

 

[molinePDG]

I appreciate everyone's advice, and it's telling and very welcome with the follow up as well. Sorry about the late reply.

It has been about 6 weeks or so since my grandfather moved in successfully, and he had been doing OK, but unfortunately his health simply continues to decline. He's having some kidney issues and is just frail. Nothing particularly "wrong" with him -- just being 92 and it has all caught up to him. Up to now, he has been doing all right but not exactly thriving. He mostly just likes to sit in his room and sleep as much as he can -- which is fine. It is a blessing that he has lived to be as old as he has, but at the same time, when he doesn't want to do an activity or doesn't feel social, etc. -- I keep having to remind myself that he is quite literally 20-25 years older than many of the other retired, more active residents. A 70 year old to my grandfather is the same difference as a 47 year old to a 70 year old - and there's a definite difference. All things considered, though.... he says he's comfortable, not in pain, and is able to rest safely -- not much more any of us can hope for when we get old.

Unfortunately, he slipped out of his chair and fell today, and the staff were great about getting him the help he needed. He's currently at the hospital with my dad, and I haven't heard much news beyond this so far. With his history, possible he had a mini-stroke or something like that. His health has been slowly but surely declining for some time now, and I hope he is either on the mend a bit, or that this is the one that gets him -- that sounds cruel, probably, but worst case scenario is him to be even more physically debilitated than he already is and stuck mostly non-responsive; there's no quality of life there.

I don't know much at the moment besides that what I posted, but appreciate all of your advice, thoughts, prayers, well wishes that were given. All the best to you all in these very warm days we're having!

 

[tyty333]

@molinePDG I hope your Grandfather didnt hurt anything and is ok. I know its not easy at this point. I felt like my MIL was just
waiting to die. She was the baby of the family and everyone that was her generation had all already departed the physical world. It was
very hard on her to be the last one left of her generation. We think she finally had a stroke in the end. One side of her body was not
responding. She could only lay in bed. She did not get hungry and very rarely wanted something to drink. That's when we knew it was
a matter of time. I think it was a couple of weeks and she passed away. We all actually had a sigh of relief in the end. We didnt
expect that it would be a relief but I think it was because we were all holding our breath.

Keep us posted on how he's doing...

 

[peachster]

It’s very hard with watching and helping those in their late sunset years. I was visiting today with a 102 year old friend, who lives at home with 24 hour care. Mentally, she is cognitively okay - not perfect with memory but amazing for her age. But, as she puts it, she is long since ready to “go.” She has no family left. Never had children. Only child and husband was an only child - no cousins. She is able to walk with her walker, but she can’t go anywhere alone and of course can’t drive. She was a world traveler and a consummate volunteer after she retired from a challenging and fulfilling professional career. Now sits at her table and does word puzzles and goes to the patio to feed the birds. She has visitors but all in all, she is not in the life situation that would make her happy. And I really do understand. We just try to do what we can but underneath it all is her view that enough is enough.

 

[molinePDG]

An update for the wonderful folks here on PriceScope, whose advice was invaluable, appreciated, and helped so much on the journey.

Today, October 4th, my grandpa, John, passed away at the nursing home here in town.

After his fall, he had to move to full time nursing care as assisted living was no longer an option.

5 days ago, he tested positive for COVID, and soon after began going downhill. Extremely insistent on no drastic measures, it was a slow journey as his oxygen saturation continued to drop, despite receiving much of it supplementally.

And, as much as part of me had hoped he could rally and improve, a less selfish part of me knows that painfully gasping for breath and as frail as he was regardless is no way to continue living on -- especially for someone who had made medicine his his own career and life and was in full understanding of his circumstances.

The Moline house is very sad, but there is little more that we could have hoped for him: He lived 92 very full years of life, traveled the world, had his own practice, wrote and published a book, had a big family, and enjoyed a very long retirement, playing tennis and riding his motorcycle until he was 90 (!). He used every last bit of the tank that one could hope.

The PriceScope community is a kind group of folks indeed, and it's a privilege to be here among you all. Thank you for the wealth of knowledge, support, and kindness you provided; I know I certainly felt every bit of it, and I am sure my grandpa would have, too.

 

[missy]

My deepest condolences to you and your family @molinePDG.

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

@molinePDG my sincere condolences,

Thank you for writing this wonderful post about your extraordinary grandfather. This warmed my heart

 

[MamaBee]

@molinePDG I‘m so sorry about your grandfather. He sounded like a wonderful man..

 

[Austina]

I’m so sorry to hear of your dear grandfather’s passing. When a friend of ours died suddenly, his wife was determined that people didn’t mourn, but celebrate the wonderful life he’d had. I hope you’re able to do this, and look back on all he accomplished and the full life he enjoyed.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Sad news. But riding a motorcycle at 90 is a great story to celebrate!

kind regards--Sharon

 

[marymm]

May your grandfather rest in peace, and my condolences to you and the entire family. I hope you take comfort in knowing even during these difficult times your grandfather's wishes and preferences were honored and respected.

 

[tyty333]

My condolences @molinePDG . Never easy to say goodbye but he sounds like a man who really knew how to live. I'd say he
had a life well lived!