Accepting generous money/gifts from relatives?

[hihowareyou]

The thread about a mother in law contributing to an engagement ring got me thinking...

Have you ever accepted a generous gift from a relative? If yes what?
Would you ever accept a generous gift from a relative? and, how much is too much?

Also, would you accept a generous offer even if you had the funds to pay for it yourself?

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/28/2010 2:22:05 AM
Author:hihowareyou
The thread about a mother in law contributing to an engagement ring got me thinking...

Have you ever accepted a generous gift from a relative? If yes what?
Would you ever accept a generous gift from a relative? and, how much is too much?

Also, would you accept a generous offer even if you had the funds to pay for it yourself?

of course i would.i ain''t that stupid.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I have never been offered a generous MONEY gift but I''ve been given generous gifts that took the place of money - sort of... when we got married we were SO BROKE but an older cousin paid for two nights at the hotel del coronado for us so we could have something to remember our wedding night other than the motel 8 lol The same cousin a few years later took me to a broadway show and paid for my hotel up on like floor 29 of the hilton in manhattan... no way could I afford that at the time. I took them graciously.

I think it would depend on the spirit with which it is given.... if something is given because someone wants to give that''s one thing, but if someone is giving and they will want to control the gift that''s another. Like giving someone who is broke $100 and they go and buy clothes or a year of tanning coupons instead of toward a bill or something. If you give me money you give me the right to spend it without your scorn. And I don''t mean someone saying let me pay your bill but just here''s some money enjoy and then they get pissy about how you want to spend it - like that girl''s future mother in law ''Here''s some money toward a beautiful ring for you'' then ''you aren''t seriously going to buy THAT with the money *I* gave you, are you?'' Ick.

 

[lulu]

In his later years my dad periodically gave me and each of my brothers a large sum of money. I didn''t want to take it, but he was so happy when he did it that I couldn''t deny him the pleasure.

 

[mrscushion]

Yes, I have, and would again, accept gifts from relatives. In the past, they''ve been gifts to help pay for my education or to help furnish a first apartment. They''ve been from older people in the family genuinely wanting to help a younger person. No control issues attached. But I am blessed with mostly very reasonable people in my family.

 

[JSM]

We have not faced this issue, but have discussed it. My FIL inherited a large sum of money from childless relatives. If he were to offer some of this money to us, I would accept it graciously. DH told me he wouldn''t feel comfortable doing so, he wants everything we own to be a product of our own hard work. I do not agree, however, this will likely not be an issue, as my FIL has no intentions of sharing!

 

[tigian]

Yes, I have accepted generous amounts of cash as gifts from relatives and would do so again. My older (elder??) family members would be extremely offended if my DH and I refused. The largest amounts were for our wedding and one set of aunt and uncle really could not afford to be so generous. I know they saved for a long time to give us such gift and were very proud to be able to do so.

 

[elrohwen]

Yes, I have. When I first got out of college and moved out on my own, my parents gave me quite a bit of money to buy furniture and put down a $2500 security deposit on my apartment. They also gave me their old car, because my mom was convinced that my car was going to break down at any moment.

They also gave us $10k towards our wedding, and a few thousand dollars as a wedding gift.

I don't think there's anything wrong with accepting monetary gifts, especially around weddings and when first starting out after college. I wouldn't want them putting money in my bank account every week, but I certainly wasn't going to turn down help when moving into my first apartment.

My parents make a lot more money now than when I was growing up, and it makes my mom happy to give me money. I try to rein her in around the holidays.

 

[lyra]

We''ve never received a big gift of money. When we needed it due to special circumstances, we did borrow money, which was done with proper paperwork from a lawyer and paid back with a set interest rate that was slightly lower than what a bank would ask. No hard feelings were incurred, but we were glad to get rid of that debt!

 

[Natylad]

Date: 6/28/2010 2:33:54 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 6/28/2010 2:22:05 AM
Author:hihowareyou
The thread about a mother in law contributing to an engagement ring got me thinking...

Have you ever accepted a generous gift from a relative? If yes what?
Would you ever accept a generous gift from a relative? and, how much is too much?

Also, would you accept a generous offer even if you had the funds to pay for it yourself?

of course i would.i ain''t that stupid.

He, he

 

[kenny]

I don't like the idea of borrowing, lending, or the giving of money in families or friendships.

It can lead to problems that harm the relationships.

Even an old parent with money to leave behind can warp the relationships with and between the kids.

 

[missy]

I think it depends on the family dynamic and health of the relationship. It is a very personal choice dependent on the specific factors at play in the relationship.

I am fortunate in that my parents paid in full for my college and graduate education (and my sister's as well) so I graduated without debt. They also paid for my wedding and my sister's wedding.

They are not rich and have worked hard to be able to do these things for my sister and me. We greatly appreciate it and it would have been insulting to turn them down IMO. But we have a great relationship with my parents and they are not controlling in any way. The money for my wedding was for my dh and me to use as we saw fit without any unasked input from my parents. They also give us generous gifts every year for our anniversary.

However, my dh turned down an offer from his parents to pay for his education as that did not suit him regarding their relationship. They were well able to afford it so it had nothing to do with that but more the family dynamic and health of the relationship. He paid for his undergraduate and graduate education all by himself. And he has no problem accepting the generous gifts from my family every year because he loves, trusts and respects them dearly as they do him.

It has nothing to do (for us) with dependence or autonomy or control. They do it out of love and we accept out of love. Besides my dh there is no one I love and trust and admire more in this whole world than my parents.

 

[packrat]

We''ve got problems on my dad''s side b/c of "gifts" and "loans" and the like. I have as little to do w/my aunt/uncle/cousins as possible to the point that I still love my Uncle, but the others could fall off the face of the earth and I wouldn''t care. But, they''re the squeaky wheels and they got the grease.

 

[elle_chris]

Yes and I have. But only from my closest family members like my parents and aunt. My husband is very against it but it''s normal in my family.

When we were married, my parents gave us a very large amount of cash as a gift. my husband was horrified and refused to take it. all it did was insult my family and cause a huge fight. in the end, we both accepted it and he apologized.
Over the years, he''s become better (my mom is very, very pushy and I''m the only child) when i explained it''s not a matter of whether or not we need it, it''s a cultural thing and the way my family expresses how much they care. If it''s part of your family dynamics, I don''t see anything wrong with it.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

When my MIL sold a rental proerty she gifted all her sons with a nice amount of money. Being the parents of a child who would soon be applying to colleges we gratefully accepted it. So did all my BILs.

I was disinherited {and told so before anyone died} so I KNEW we''d never be getting ANYTHING from that side of the family.

 

[4ever]

My mum recived a generous inheritance from her aunt and offered to use some of this to pay for my university education. I accepted because it means when I find a job I can start out almost debt free. I also feel like I made the most out of this gift, I didn''t fail one single assignment, I got into every compeditive course and major I applied for and won an award for being a the top of my graduating class. I will always be very grateful for that gift.