A WWYD post...

[yennyfire]

So I have a dilemma. I have a .70ct. oec (the one with the chip in it) that my jeweler bezeled (heavily) in wg and attached to a 16 inch chain. I was planning to give it to my Mom, who owns no pendants (not for lack of funds, she just refuses to spend on herself). I was at her house today and she was trying on clothes and I mentioned casually how the outfit she was wearing needed a necklace. Her response was that she won't wear a necklace because she doesn't want to call attention to her old wrinkly neck. Now, I could go ahead and give it to her anyway, though I don't want to make her feel obligated to wear it if she will truly feel that it draws unwanted attention to her chest/neck area.

On the flip side, I have a dear friend who lost her ering a few years back and didn't have insurance. They have four kids under the age of 7 and she just mentioned to me that her oldest child just wrote an essay for a content sponsored by a local jeweler about "Why My Mom Deserves a Diamond". She told me that he wrote that he knows that his Mom really wants one and that she is embarrased around friends who have beautiful rings (this made me cringe a bit b/c I know I'm probably one of those he means, though we've never even discussed my ring) but that with 4 children in the family, she will likely never have one.

I could give the pendant to my friend, whom I know would adore it. I know it's not a ring (and I don't feel it's appropriate for me to give her one...her hubby would probably feel badly about it), but I do think she'd love it (if I could get her to accept it). I thought about contacting the jeweler who's running the contest and asking him to pick her for 2nd place (there really isn't a 2nd place), but then I thought he might not want his shop associated with a chipped stone (though it's almost not visible in the bezel)....

So, what to do? I don't need this pendant (thanks to kelpie, I have a gorgeous pre-loved one!)....but I'm not sure who to give it to? I don't want to offend anyone or make anyone feel bad. It's meant to make someone happy. Thoughts?

 

[kenny]

Funny you bring this up.
I'm a diamond giver.

I gave that 0.33 ct I SI1 WF ACA I won in Vegas at last summer's Pricescope GTG to my SO's mom, and she loves it.

Recently I gave similar diamonds (actually not quite as fine) to both of my sister inlaws, and they also love them.
First I spoke to their husbands and they were cool with it. (IMHO this is very important)

It's been all good.

When in doubt, go ahead and do something nice for someone.
If someone becomes a jealous poopoohead over it that's their problem.

 

[yennyfire]

But Kenny, you didn't answer the question. Who do I give it to? My Mom who may never wear it (and I mean this. She has diamond studs that she never wears and has no ering, only a plain gold wedding band...she's a true minimilast). Or, do I give it to my friend, who I know will love it. If you think I should give it to my friend, should I call her hubby first? How do I approach this with him?? I have a spare diamond I thought Helen might like?? I just can't picture this conversation. I could always give it to my sister, but she buys her own jewelry and has a diamond necklace, but I know my BIL would care less if I gave my sis a diamond.

 

[Lottie]

My vote would be to give it to your friend, she really wants a diamond but cannot afford it whereas your mother has already said she wouldn't wear a necklace.

When will you know for sure if your friend has won the competition or not? If she doesn't win could you plan something with her son so that he gets to be the one to give her the necklace and feel like he has helped to do something lovely for his mother?

Whatever you choose, its a lovely generous thing to do.

 

[Enerchi]

yennyfire, you have such a kind and generous heart - you are wonderful to consider giving a diamond away!!!

You love your mom - that is obvious! - but she's saying she would truly not wear it and is uncomfortable about attention to an area she is self conscious about. There could always be another trinket down the road that would be PERFECT for her....

But your friend would be the best recipient, IMHO. She has obviously talked about wanting a ring or a diamond enough that one of her kids under 7 even wrote an essay about it. She would be soooo appreciative of your kind gesture! That's who I would give it to... you are a saint, my dear, for even thinking of her as the lucky new owner of your OEC! And chipped or not - she would NEVER even notice if she is that excited about eventually having her own diamond. What you and us PS'ers see as flaws, those that have no idea... have no idea!

I'm excited to learn who is the winner... (and if both turn you down... let me know! I'd HAPPILY accept your bezel necklace! )

 

[kenny]

Yes, give it to the friend.

Call the hubbie, better yet just mention it when you see him next, and just say it.
Think out loud . . . something like . . . "Hi Jerry. How are you? Hey, this is kind of awkward but I respect you and want to pass something by you before I make a decision on something I'd like to do which is really cool but unusual." . . . "very often diamonds are thought of as something a man gives to his gal so I was wonder if it you are okay with . . ."

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I say give it to your friend. Your mom was honest that she'd not wear it, so there is no reason you should feel any sort of obligation to give it to her. Your friend will LOVE the diamond. I don't know how to best approach how to give it to her and there could be issues if it's given as a "2nd place" contest gift as there are tax issues and details that the jeweler and the friend would have to deal with. Maybe the best is just give it to her as a gift...maybe anonymously, if that is possible. From experience I can say that receiving a diamond gift from a mystery friend is one of the most rewarding experiences! It really makes a person feel blessed!

 

[VRBeauty]

I say give it to your friend. Your mom was honest that she'd not wear it, so there is no reason you should feel any sort of obligation to give it to her. Your friend will LOVE the diamond. I don't know how to best approach how to give it to her and there could be issues if it's given as a "2nd place" contest gift as there are tax issues and details that the jeweler and the friend would have to deal with. Maybe the best is just give it to her as a gift...maybe anonymously, if that is possible. From experience I can say that receiving a diamond gift from a mystery friend is one of the most rewarding experiences! It really makes a person feel blessed!

Wouldn't YF run the risk of the husband thinking - albeit erroneously - that mystery person is a male?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I say give it to your friend. Your mom was honest that she'd not wear it, so there is no reason you should feel any sort of obligation to give it to her. Your friend will LOVE the diamond. I don't know how to best approach how to give it to her and there could be issues if it's given as a "2nd place" contest gift as there are tax issues and details that the jeweler and the friend would have to deal with. Maybe the best is just give it to her as a gift...maybe anonymously, if that is possible. From experience I can say that receiving a diamond gift from a mystery friend is one of the most rewarding experiences! It really makes a person feel blessed!

Wouldn't YF run the risk of the husband thinking - albeit erroneously - that mystery person is a male?

I don't know! I have no idea about the dynamics with the friend and her DH. When I got my gift earrings, my husband didn't once question where they came from, but he also knows I've been a member of a diamond forum for many years and is aware I interact with ladies here. He just didn't say much after I got them...he was a bit confused but I think it was mostly b/c he isn't into diamonds/jewelry at all so he didn't understand the significance. I wear them almost every day and sleep with them on, and he's never acted uncomfortable...

 

[tyty333]

I would give it to your friend. (Mom's already said she wouldnt wear it.) Tell her that you know her child wrote about
wanting a diamond for Mom and that nothing would make you feel better than if she would accept it. Tell her that
she can do anything she wants with it incase she really would want to turn it into an e-ring and hubby doesnt care.

Its such a sweet gesture and would let her know how good a friend she really is.

 

[Circe]

I'd give it to the friend, but not out of the blue ... for the next special occasion that comes up (her birthday, Christmas/Channukah, what have you) with a nice note about how much you value your friendship. I think it's a fabulously sweet thing to do!

 

[ooo~Shiney!]

Your post makes me so happy !!!
Give the diamond to your friend.
She will remember this gesture always !

You are a most cherished daughter and friend.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I would give it to your friend as a birthday or holiday gift, the next big one. No need to ask her husband, in my opinion. You are not a man so ego issues are less important. And also, if you are friends the way I am friends with my close friends -- like SATC type of friends -- then you have known her long enough that you are very important in her life and can give her any type of gift you darn well please! No permission required! Tell her you got it for a steal and wanted to pass along the diamond love. Surely she knows you are an addict?

Don't give it to mama because I am the same way as her, don't like my neck/chest area and would not wear a pendant either.

 

[yennyfire]

Thanks for the input. After "hearing" everything you said, I will give it to my friend. Still not sure how/when, though I really like the idea of finding a way for Sebastian (her son) to give it to her. His essay (all 4 lines of it...remember, he's only 7) brought tears to my eyes and I think it would be a lifelong memory if he could give that to her. I don't think her hubby is the kind of guy to mind, but you never know....I'll let you know when I decide how/when to give this to her (or her son). Thanks for helping me think this through. Taxes and such never would have entered my mind when approaching the jeweler...

 

[Enerchi]

Great decision!!! Can't wait to hear about how the gift giving goes... when it happens. Such a wonderful person you are!

 

[yennyfire]

Thanks Enerchi. Helen is one of the sweetest people I know and would do anything for anyone. While I love diamonds and I'm going to be stoned for saying this, I don't feel like I need another one and she will truly love it, and has none at this time. I am so excited about this. I really want to figure out a way for her son to give this to her. Their 10 year anni is in July...would that be weird? Or should I wait til her birthday in October?

 

[Enerchi]

Thanks Enerchi. Helen is one of the sweetest people I know and would do anything for anyone. While I love diamonds and I'm going to be stoned for saying this, I don't feel like I need another one and she will truly love it, and has none at this time. I am so excited about this. I really want to figure out a way for her son to give this to her. Their 10 year anni is in July...would that be weird? Or should I wait til her birthday in October?

how about Mother's day, if you can arrange it so her son gives it to her? That was what got you motivated - the tug at your heart strings because he wrote an essay --- that would be most appropriate, in my opinion. Plust its May which is earlier than July or October. Do they celebrate Easter? Would that be an option? Rebirth/renewal of life and the life of this diamond will now be with her??? (I'm stretching there....!!! )

I like the Mother's day idea from Sebastien (that was the son, right?) AND all the kids as a group surprise!

 

[sonnyjane]

Thanks Enerchi. Helen is one of the sweetest people I know and would do anything for anyone. While I love diamonds and I'm going to be stoned for saying this, I don't feel like I need another one and she will truly love it, and has none at this time. I am so excited about this. I really want to figure out a way for her son to give this to her. Their 10 year anni is in July...would that be weird? Or should I wait til her birthday in October?

Of the two, I would do the birthday. I feel like an anniversary gift should probably come from, you know, the other half of the marriage lolol. I don't think I would be able to wait until October though!

Just out of curiosity, has the winner of the contest been announced yet? Do you know for certain that he didn't win!?

 

[Dreamer_D]

Mother's day!

And how about this: Tell the son you will sell it to him for 3 hours help in your yard (or whatever). Then he will feel like he earned it

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Thanks Enerchi. Helen is one of the sweetest people I know and would do anything for anyone. While I love diamonds and I'm going to be stoned for saying this, I don't feel like I need another one and she will truly love it, and has none at this time. I am so excited about this. I really want to figure out a way for her son to give this to her. Their 10 year anni is in July...would that be weird? Or should I wait til her birthday in October?

Her birthday would be perfect! I'd stay clear of their anniversary! That's your friend and her dh's time! If you can't wait until Oct, then maybe Mother's Day? Her son could give it to her then...

 

[yennyfire]

Mother's Day is PERFECT, why didn't I think of that??! And Dreamer, I think I'll try to figure out some way for him to earn it (may be tough since my son will be begging him to play, not do yard work or the like, lol)...but that way, he will feel like it is his. I'll definitely stay away from their anniversary (what made me think of it is that we were planning to celebrate together since it's our 10 year too)....

I don't think that the winner has been announced. I'm going to have to try to figure out which jeweler it was so that I know when the winner will be announced, not that I think a girl can't have two diamonds.

 

[Enerchi]

Mother's Day is PERFECT, why didn't I think of that??! And Dreamer, I think I'll try to figure out some way for him to earn it (may be tough since my son will be begging him to play, not do yard work or the like, lol)...but that way, he will feel like it is his. I'll definitely stay away from their anniversary (what made me think of it is that we were planning to celebrate together since it's our 10 year too)....

I don't think that the winner has been announced. I'm going to have to try to figure out which jeweler it was so that I know when the winner will be announced, not that I think a girl can't have two diamonds.

You just needed our collective wisdom! lol!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Yenny, that is such a great gift idea and mothers day/the son "earning it" for his mom is PERFECT!

 

[MsP]

You should feel great for doing this....

reading the post makes me feel all warm and happy.

 

[Amys Bling]

My vote would be to give it to your friend, she really wants a diamond but cannot afford it whereas your mother has already said she wouldn't wear a necklace.

When will you know for sure if your friend has won the competition or not? If she doesn't win could you plan something with her son so that he gets to be the one to give her the necklace and feel like he has helped to do something lovely for his mother?

Whatever you choose, its a lovely generous thing to do.

this is how I feel. Down the road I am sure you will find a gift your mom would love to have... I think this one goes to your friend.

 

[Kaleigh]

Your friend. I have done the same thing, not once but a few times....

You give fromthe heart, no need to get an OK. Just do it..

You are awesome..

 

[Amys Bling]

I'd give it to the friend, but not out of the blue ... for the next special occasion that comes up (her birthday, Christmas/Channukah, what have you) with a nice note about how much you value your friendship. I think it's a fabulously sweet thing to do!

yes! give it to her as a gift- saying how much you value your friendship and that you really wanted to share your love of diamonds with her I think saying it's from your personal collection makes it less of an expense in her mind to think you went out and spent so much on her- but as a token from your personal collection you really want her to have..

 

[Amys Bling]

Mother's day!

And how about this: Tell the son you will sell it to him for 3 hours help in your yard (or whatever). Then he will feel like he earned it

i really like the idea!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I think it is a sweet and generous thing to do for your friend! I wish there was a way for it to be from her little boy, but there is really no way for that to happen. I would maybe write her a note telling her how you value her friendship, and that you were very touched by the essay her little boy wrote and wanted her to have this pendant even though it is not a replacement for the ring she lost.

(Before I read down to where you had decided to give it to your friend, I was going to ask if you have a little girl, because you'd have plenty of occasions in the future to give some starter pieces of jewelry to her.)

 

[yennyfire]

DS, I do have a little girl (she's 5) and I could save this pendant for her, however, I know that we have plenty of pieces to give her (some from my grandmother, some from my "collection"). I am definitely going to give it to my friend, via her son. I am so excited! I'll try to take some photos of the pendant before I give it to him/her, though my dang camera is broken and my phone doesn't seem to take good bling photos.