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A Guy''s Perspective

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charl99

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
1
Ladies in Waiting,

I''ve read quite a few of your posts, and while I feel your plight, I thought I might post a quick note from a guy who just recently got engaged''s (getting married in August) perspective.

If your guy is like me, he''s probably a little dense -- there, I admitted it. :) I was a bit slow at figuring out that my girlfriend wanted to be my fiance/wife soon (we had talked "eventuals" but had never set a date)... She was starting to get frustrated.

You know what I wish she did? Told me!

So let your guy know -- even set a deadline. You can do it seriously, or make it a half-joke ("if you don''t propose in 6 months, I''ll crush you" or something).

Also, thanks to technology, there are a few subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways to let your man know that you want to get engaged:

1. Start talking to him about styles of rings you like (relatively subtle)
2. Put a note on your or his MySpace / Friendster page saying "I''m going to marry you" or something (not-so-subtle)
3. Use RingReview.Com''s Drop a Hint feature to let him know what rings you like (between 1 & 2 in subtlety)
4. Start pointing out friends who just got engaged, and say "they''re so lucky" (again, sort of subtle)

or

5. JUST TELL HIM!

The girlfriend of one of my friends told him she wants him to propose by the end of the year. Sure, like most guys, he got a bit scared -- but the truth is, if he''s a good enough guy to marry, he''s probably thinking about it too -- and is just a bit too scared (or dense, like me) to act. So give him some encouragement, get a beautiful ring, a great husband, and live happily ever after.

I wish you all the best. Please don''t flame me too hard -- just trying to help!
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
11,242
I don't think anyone will flame you--your advice is almost identical to other advice offered here on this topic, and none of the other posters got flamed


Unfortunately, I think that (in most cases) there's no way around having to tell your guy to get a move on. Most of the LIWs (including myself, when I was one) lament wishing he'd "do it on his own" or that engagement will be somehow cheapened by her having to "push" him. Sadly, I have yet to hear an engagement story that didn't begin with "well, I brought up getting engaged ____ months ago, then he..." Even though most of us want(ed) our engagement stories to begin with "it was a complete surprise!"
 

firebirdgold

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2005
Messages
2,216
I think many LIW''s complaints are centered around boy soon versus girl soon.
 

kcoursolle

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 21, 2006
Messages
10,589
Date: 4/20/2007 3:52:24 AM
Author: IndieJones
I think many LIW''s complaints are centered around boy soon versus girl soon.
yeah....I waited 4 months AFTER he had the ring. He just felt, "what''s the rush, I''m obviously going to ask since you know I have the ring." I''d ask him when, and he''s say "soon."....months later he proposed. It was definitely worth the wait though LOL!!!
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
7,074
I definitely agree with you! At one point I ended up asking him point blank what his intentions were because he was driving me crazy! I''m certainly glad I did.
 

Gwyn

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 5, 2007
Messages
745
Date: 4/20/2007 3:34:03 AM
Author: musey
I don''t think anyone will flame you--your advice is almost identical to other advice offered here on this topic, and none of the other posters got flamed


Unfortunately, I think that (in most cases) there''s no way around having to tell your guy to get a move on. Most of the LIWs (including myself, when I was one) lament wishing he''d ''do it on his own'' or that engagement will be somehow cheapened by her having to ''push'' him. Sadly, I have yet to hear an engagement story that didn''t begin with ''well, I brought up getting engaged ____ months ago, then he...'' Even though most of us want(ed) our engagement stories to begin with ''it was a complete surprise!''
WOW dead on! exactly what the issue is. No girl wants to feel like she had to ask her boyfreind to propose.

I think guys need to be less dense. =)

I knew my boyfriend wanted to propose. I knew he planned on us getting married. He just didnt see what the rush was. The way I saw it was, if you already know you want to and are going to, why wait?

Just the difference between men and women I guess.

Then again, it could just be my FF, hes a total procrastinator.
 

Miscka

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 9, 2007
Messages
1,938
While you are completely right, and I enjoy the guy perspective, for some reason this idea terrifies me! And this from an "assertive" (read:pushy) girl. Maybe one day I will get up the courage...
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
11,242
Gwyn--that was my/our problem EXACTLY!!! FI knew (and openly shared) that he wanted to marry me for about two years before I finally broke down and said "So WHAT, pray tell, is your hold up?"
He finally realized that there wasn't one. Sometimes I think if I hadn't asked him about it, he would have "forgotten" to propose--just would never have gotten around to it. Or maybe he forgot that it was even his job to go ahead and do it! I'm sure that's not really the case, but we'll never know now... MEN!


I'm sure he would have done it eventually, but it probably would have happened a couple of years from now instead of a couple months ago...

It's taken awhile for me to get over the "he only proposed because I told him to" feeling. It really wasn't until he started actually taking an interest in wedding planning (only a couple of weeks ago, when he discovered that he could design a "wedding website" for us, haha) that I finally felt at peace with that. Ugh, I hated that feeling, though!

I can't even tell you how much I wish my engagement story DID start with "Well he completely surprised me, I didn't even know it was coming!" But I seriously doubt that more than 2% of engagement stories start that way, nowadays
 

Gwyn

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 5, 2007
Messages
745
LOL MUSEY, I am laughing b/c i started a thread about how to get over feeling like i made my bf propose.

Though, he still hasnt technically propsed yet! He is just sitting on the ring


MEN!
 

ladyciel

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 24, 2007
Messages
1,769
I somehow found a true rarity among men. My BF pushed ME about getting engaged/married before I had any expectations about it. Our 1 year was back in January, and shortly thereafter some of our friends got engaged, which brought up the topic. We''re both in grad school, so when the topic of getting married came up I said something along the lines of "I don''t know if it''d make much sense to get engaged right now...we''d probably have to wait 3 years before we could afford a wedding...Would you want to be engaged for 3 years?? I think it''d drive me nuts...." You get the idea. Well, this really upset my bf. He took that as me not really caring about getting married, while he''s sitting here thinking he wants nothing in the world more than to marry me ASAP.

Long story short, he took me to Tiffany''s a week or two later to look at rings. Evil evil man did everything in his power to make sure I got bitten by his bug, and now I''ve turned into yet another obsessive LIW.
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Date: 4/20/2007 9:53:46 PM
Author: ladyciel
I somehow found a true rarity among men. My BF pushed ME about getting engaged/married before I had any expectations about it. Our 1 year was back in January, and shortly thereafter some of our friends got engaged, which brought up the topic. We''re both in grad school, so when the topic of getting married came up I said something along the lines of ''I don''t know if it''d make much sense to get engaged right now...we''d probably have to wait 3 years before we could afford a wedding...Would you want to be engaged for 3 years?? I think it''d drive me nuts....'' You get the idea. Well, this really upset my bf. He took that as me not really caring about getting married, while he''s sitting here thinking he wants nothing in the world more than to marry me ASAP.


Long story short, he took me to Tiffany''s a week or two later to look at rings. Evil evil man did everything in his power to make sure I got bitten by his bug, and now I''ve turned into yet another obsessive LIW.
My DH is/was the same way. He also was very gung-ho about getting engaged and married, which was a real surprise because overall he is a very calm and laid back person. We even got married a year earlier than I thought we would because he wanted to be married as soon as possible, too. It''s funny how sometimes people you know so well can still surprise you.

*M*
 
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