A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of me!

[Loverlover85]

I started looking at rings with my boyfriend since a few weeks ago. I posted pics on my blog of all these beautiful rings of a certain style, listed a couple designers I loved. She wrote to me that she was sooo wanting her boyfriend to propose and that he better by such and such time and that he won't do it at all.

I finally found the perfect ring and posted pictures. I wanted to show anyone who reads my blog (I'm a bit anonymous on there regardless of this info) as I felt like showing someone, but haven't shown anyone in person yet. Nobody in person will see it until I get the actual ring.

Exactly -one week- after this she posted a blog entry about how her and her boyfriend looked at rings and how she loves all these designers I listed (minus mentioning me at all) and now she is acting like she is the master of all things concerning engagement. She picked a ring that looks just. like. my. ring. It took her one trip!
I don't know her in person, but I've known her a long time through my blog.

It simply rubbed me the wrong way. She even went on to say she's got this whole plan of when people ask her if she was surprised how she'll be so happy to say she knew all about it and talking about how she has all these little plans about it, like she's so proud of her control.
In reality, my blog post probably caused her to have a breakdown and she forced her boyfriend into it. I don't like that my long term boyfriend and I, doing our thing, being us, caused someone to act like this. I think I would feel better if she admit she "became impatient" as she said in her own blog post, that it was because of me. I mean really, I don't think I have to be a mind reader to know this.

The best way to describe her since her copycat blog post is she's acting very "See? see? see??" And not nice at all.

I feel foolish for even writing this but my gosh, I have to get it out and vent!

 

[kama_s]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

So essentially you're jealous some anonymous person on the internet stole your ring idea? Unless you designed the ring with your own blood, sweat and tears, I would strongly suggest letting go. Maybe she coerced her bf into proposing, but it's not your place to pass judgement.

And lastly, you have me all curious about your potential ring! Hope you post pics of the beauty when you get it!

 

[Loverlover85]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

I don't feel -too- possessive of the style, but it's the fact of the timing (a week!) and topping it off it the same style as mine. I didn't make it but we went to so many places... I suppose it all has just rubbed me the wrong way really bad.
I haven't met her but known her and we have been friendly for a few years now.
She's acting so competitive... I was just like "hey guys I'd love to share this secret with someone!" and he's got it on another level with what she's saying in her blog as well as to me.
I have to get over it this isn't ok to be so annoyed by something like this!!

And I'll definitely post it when I have it and the diamond officially set and on my finger and honestly... If someone here got the same one I wouldn't mind... But a girl I've known a long time on my blog dragging her boyfriend out and doing it one week (7 days!!) later has a possibility of ruffling my feathers again! lol

 

[monarch64]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

I suppose I would be somewhat annoyed, BUT, you did take a chance in posting pics of your favorite ring/style online. Imitation is allegedly the highest form of flattery so you could look at it that way, but her attitude as you describe it, certainly doesn't lend itself to making you as the "originator" of the ring style feel very friendly towards her. I get it. Not saying I approve or think you're totally justified in your frustration, but you already know that yourself hence the reason you're coming here to vent, eh?

I would consider this a live and learn episode in life, and possibly post a different ring on your blog, stating that you've changed your mind and found something more fabulous. Possible result: takes the wind out of her sails a bit and perhaps she will move on.

Best of luck!

 

[Loverlover85]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

I am so private in real life, this is exactly why. I get effected by this sort of thing too easily. If I had to choose which bugged me more, the style or the fact she dragged him out it because of my post, id say the latter bugs me more.
I was even thinking aww in a few months I can put pics of dress ideas if I narrow down to a few and have trouble picking! Noooo... I'll just do eenie meenie miney moe for that.
I think sites like this are better for that actually. I will stick to these for my wedding things, it's just different!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

You do not know it was because of your post that she did what she did Did she tell you it was? Me thinks there is a little bit of egocentrism at work here. Usually, other people care about what we do much less than we think they do. Usually, they are too busy thinking about themselves to give a fig what we are up to. For all you know, she is sitting at home moaning about YOU and how you stole her ideas too.

 

[yssie]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

Even if she does copy your dress, your hairstyle, your makeup... what are the odds that you'll ever meet her? See any of it? Be personally affected by it outside of cyberspace?

You can't possibly know she took her bf out to look at engagement rings because of a post by someone she's never met on some internet site - engagement is a big step, I'm quite sure even if your blog prompted that particular trip there were many, many other considerations and motivations

 

[monarch64]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

I'm a bit confused...your initial post, er, thread title, sounded as if it was a girl you knew. But in the thread you don't describe her as someone you know personally, so is she just a random stranger, or someone you know in the internet world, or someone you know in real life?

If I were you, and she was someone I knew in real life and had an actual relationship with, then I could see how you might be miffed. If she's a total stranger and not someone whose path you'd ever cross, then I really would let this go. Last, if she is someone you've gotten to know online, and is someone you MIGHT come in contact with, or have already, then I'd a. let it go, and b. look into changing your blog name or something so she can't follow you around...

Bottom line, though, you can't let others who decide to imitate you make you feel unimportant. That is YOUR choice, not something they willingly did to try to get the best of you. Try to see it for what it is, if this is the case.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

Even if she does copy your dress, your hairstyle, your makeup... what are the odds that you'll ever meet her? See any of it? Be personally affected by it outside of cyberspace?

And therefore you should not be upset! For example, I plan to copy Yssie's ring one day, and when I saw it I dragged my husband out and made him look at rings, then I posted a whole thread where I asked people if they thought I should copy Yssie's ring exactly of if I should maybe get slightly larger side stones (proportionally). And Yssie did not care one bit To top it off I did not mention her name but I stole some of her photos as "examples". And I am going to steal her clothing and makeup ideas as soon as she posts her wedding photos too. Yet she STILL loves me!

Ok, before Yssie goes hunting for the mystery thread, I made that up, BUT such things happen all the time on PS and elsewhere on the internet, and who givesa fig? Well, except for certain people we have known on PS who DO give a fig about "imitation", but trust me when I saw it is not behaviour you want to emulate, Yssie. Keep it in mind when I do copy your ring entirely. I may even trade in for an SI2.

 

[yssie]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

Even if she does copy your dress, your hairstyle, your makeup... what are the odds that you'll ever meet her? See any of it? Be personally affected by it outside of cyberspace?

And therefore you should not be upset! For example, I plan to copy Yssie's ring one day, and when I saw it I dragged my husband out and made him look at rings, then I posted a whole thread where I asked people if they thought I should copy Yssie's ring exactly of if I should maybe get slightly larger side stones (proportionally). And Yssie did not care one bit To top it off I did not mention her name but I stole some of her photos as "examples". And I am going to steal her clothing and makeup ideas as soon as she posts her wedding photos too. Yet she STILL loves me!

Ok, before Yssie goes hunting for the mystery thread, I made that up, BUT such things happen all the time on PS and elsewhere on the internet, and who givesa fig? Well, except for certain people we have known on PS who DO give a fig about "imitation", but trust me when I saw it is not behaviour you want to emulate, Yssie. Keep it in mind when I do copy your ring entirely. I may even trade in for an SI2.

lol!
Aren't you a riot, dreamer dear
And photos will come, I promise!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

I am so private in real life, this is exactly why. I get effected by this sort of thing too easily. If I had to choose which bugged me more, the style or the fact she dragged him out it because of my post, id say the latter bugs me more.
I was even thinking aww in a few months I can put pics of dress ideas if I narrow down to a few and have trouble picking! Noooo... I'll just do eenie meenie miney moe for that.
I think sites like this are better for that actually. I will stick to these for my wedding things, it's just different!

regardless of whatever may possibly motivate her into action, their relationship isn't about you and the decision to marry also isn't about you. She will be living in a life where she doesn't really know you any more than you know her. Maybe she's having a superficial jealous snit over you but who cares... none of that is about our real lives anyway. A relationship not ready to take the next step simply won't because someone online got engaged.

 

[rosetta]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

I've pretty much copied yssie's ring, apart from centre stone size and shank width.

Thankfully, she seems more flattered than annoyed!

The chances of yssie and I meeting are minuscule so it didn't seem a big deal.

I'm grateful for the inspiration!

 

[Indylady]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

In reality, my blog post probably caused her to have a breakdown and she forced her boyfriend into it.

That's a little presumptuous.

Heck, that's REALLY PRESUMPTUOUS.

 

[Loverlover85]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

^^well she told me she was "so jealous" and that she has a time he better propose and all of that. Then only a week later? I've known her on there for years, I know the post I made awakened things with her, many girls get like that when someone gets engaged. I don't think it's wrong to think that's what she did, c'mon!

 

[fieryred33143]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

The world of bloggers is so interesting to me. I see this same competitiveness/jealousy/pettiness with mommy bloggers all the time.

I'm curious about your statement that you are a private person. In reality, you're not because you have a public blog. And even if your blog is private (i.e. by invited readers only), you still have people reading your blog that don't know you personally.

I would just let it go. One random stranger in another part of the country/world having a ring like yours isn't going to affect you.

 

[Loverlover85]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

Yeah it's invited readers only. I dont tell all on there but I think it's easy to write at all because I don't know them. I was reading over what she said and she even said he just won't budge, doesn't know what to do. Then out of nowhere 7 days later she not only looks at ONE place but she finds her ring, Just seems like such a turn of events.
I mentioned it to her too, I said this is so exciting for you! I remember what you said last week, etc and she ignored it and went on to talk and talk about it all like she's an expert. It was just weird.
It all just happened though so I feel like ok, I get it now, I dont know her in person, so what let it go. Almost there lol

 

[LadyBlue]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

Yeah it's invited readers only. I dont tell all on there but I think it's easy to write at all because I don't know them. I was reading over what she said and she even said he just won't budge, doesn't know what to do. Then out of nowhere 7 days later she not only looks at ONE place but she finds her ring, Just seems like such a turn of events.
I mentioned it to her too, I said this is so exciting for you! I remember what you said last week, etc and she ignored it and went on to talk and talk about it all like she's an expert. It was just weird.
It all just happened though so I feel like ok, I get it now, I dont know her in person, so what let it go. It made me feel like this is how people in my personal life will act, like it's a competition. Am I right or wrong this goes on often?

Loverlover, I feel that the only one in competiton is you, maybe that's why you see this situation that way.

 

[Loverlover85]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

I don't know if that is what she's doing so I took it out but I think what she did was weird especially to ignore me bringing it up. I do think people are like that in my personal life based on how people have reacted to other people's engagements. This whole thing makes me not even want to be engaged. I'm on another forum for wedding planning and there's so many threads of people venting and being jealous and saying "I better be engaged before my friend!" and I never would have guessed this is so much like a game to so many people.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

I have a cooking blog with occasionally very unique content, so in the early days, while part of me would get frustrated when I would see my recipes reposted (without track-backs) on other blogs, I quickly grew to understand that most people who have blogs are just feeding a search engine monster to make money on google ads, grab attention, etc.

Just let it go. You'll drive yourself insane if you concern yourself with the minutiae of strangers on the internet. Just let this girl have her happiness, and try to concern yourself with your own. Enjoy this time as a pre-engaged couple because you'll never get it back again, and it makes little sense to add more stress to the situation.

 

[smitcompton]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

Hi All,

I think i see where lover lover is coming from. I don't think it has to do with jealousy. I think it has to do with acknowledgement.
Many of you have relationships on here. If you like a ring design that someone else has chosen you mention it. The person is flattered. all well and good. This girl took her ring idea and didn't even mention that she did it. If you don't count yrs of internet posts
as being able to establish some sort of relationship, why in heavens name do you all keep posting.
I say call her on it. Don't do it upset, but tell her she if if she took your idea she should acknowledge it. That is a way to make someone feel unimportant.(imo) meaning you. Don't post these things on the internet if you don't want them taken by others. It happens on here with lurkers.

I doubt you are responsible for the engagement. She pushed, he caved. that all.


Thanks,
Annette

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

You are not that powerful. Posting an engagement blog with ring ideas did not somehow manipulate/convince/force someone to go out, buy a ring, and propose to his girlfriend. He has free will.

It is none of your business. Once you post something online it is out of your hands. She has the right to buy the same ring as you. You do not know her in real life. She owes you no loyalty. Maybe you should think twice before having a blog if you don't want to be inspiration for other people.

Your pride is getting in the way. Why should she mention your blog to her BF/FI? I mean, you didn't design the ring. What is it you want credit for? I never talk about online friends with people IRL. I just like to keep things separate so maybe that is how she is too.

Like you said, you need to let it go. I think the easiest way it to be *honest* WHY this is bothering you so much. I think you are just scratching the surface.

 

[Loverlover85]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

smitcompton, everything you said is exactly how I feel.
I don't feel responsible for the engagement but I do feel like my post made her push and then he caved! And when I say that, it does make me feel like perhaps it's just not a big deal if she did, I guess if it were me in a reversed roll and if I really did what I suspect she did, I'd say something like "this happened to a certain someone out there and it made me antsy, just had to see if we could do this now!" or something like that... I don't know...
I've read many (well, a good few) a post from her about this topic over the time I've known her... she is also the person on there I would consider most as a friend, I feel like she's ignoring the fact I have been doing this with the rings for the last month (but only 3 posts, 1st was we're looking, 2nd is I'm overwhelmed by rings, 3rd and last is I found it!)

This will sound really... really... awful, but now when we talk she only talks about her, like "the hell with you and what you're doing, I'M the engagement ring master!" I did point it out to her, like oh wow that was fast, I remember your comment to me! And now she is posting constantly about diamonds because they can't afford a real diamond. I reassured her it's fine and to do what they can and don't even worry about it right now. But because of her several posts in the last 2 days I feel weird blogging about my own engagement, and I do have new things to talk about. Again, a great place to talk about things I want to keep private (for now!) but at the same time would like to share, is my blog!
I can filter her out and I think I'll do that since I think it will make me more comfortable. I'm "getting over it" in terms of this whole thing, it has taken a couple days but considering who it is... if it was a new friend on there I'd be like well they've probably been back and forth about this forever, what do I know? I do love my blog. But it will FOREVER continue to be on an invite basis. Obviously I can't handle this stuff lol.

 

[Imdanny]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

This whole thing makes me not even want to be engaged.

This is one of the most shocking things I"ve read at PS. These other people don't have anything to do with your relationship/ future relationship.

I think you should step back and consider why you're letting any of this get to you.

The first thing you might want to do is shut down your blog. If this doesn't work then maybe you should stop posting at other forums.

If "This whole thing makes me nt even want to be engaged." you might be doing something wrong or you might not be ready to be engaged. Again, these people have nothing to do with your personal life.

 

[that_someone_special]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

You are not that powerful. Posting an engagement blog with ring ideas did not somehow manipulate/convince/force someone to go out, buy a ring, and propose to his girlfriend. He has free will.

It is none of your business. Once you post something online it is out of your hands. She has the right to buy the same ring as you. You do not know her in real life. She owes you no loyalty. Maybe you should think twice before having a blog if you don't want to be inspiration for other people.

Your pride is getting in the way. Why should she mention your blog to her BF/FI? I mean, you didn't design the ring. What is it you want credit for? I never talk about online friends with people IRL. I just like to keep things separate so maybe that is how she is too.

Like you said, you need to let it go. I think the easiest way it to be *honest* WHY this is bothering you so much. I think you are just scratching the surface.

This is exactly what I was thinking too... but in not such a nice way

OP: I think you need to really, honestly, drop it, get over it, and grow up a little. Forget other people. Concentrate on yourself.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

I don't know if that is what she's doing so I took it out but I think what she did was weird especially to ignore me bringing it up. I do think people are like that in my personal life based on how people have reacted to other people's engagements. This whole thing makes me not even want to be engaged. I'm on another forum for wedding planning and there's so many threads of people venting and being jealous and saying "I better be engaged before my friend!" and I never would have guessed this is so much like a game to so many people.

Dude, if that makes you not even want to be engaged you are seriously screwed up to be contemplating a real relationship. Need to grow up first.

 

[Loverlover85]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

lol ok "dude," of course, considering it seems like a game to most girls how couldn't I feel that way at least once or twice if I'm not in it for this game? We are doing it for us not for everything said there. I think not thinking of it as a game/contest makes me grown up already doesn't it?

 

[Circe]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

I think blogs contribute to a dramatic mindset (yeah, I have one too). Something about the intersection of private and public and intended audience and imagined response can make for odd interactions. That said, I think you're letting it get to you a little too much. Sometimes people are just on similar trajectories.

Could she have engagement on the brain, and your post made her decide to be more proactive? Sure. But why the heck would you need to get credit for that? You might be an inspiration, but you're probably not the only influence in her life - our culture is chockful of ring advertisements, people announcing their news on FaceBook and the like, wedding shows, etc. What you're thinking of as the straw that broke the camel's back is possibly just another drop in the bucket ... and I think that's what a lot of people are seeing in your post as presumption.

You say you're not competitive about getting engaged, but you keep phrasing it like it's a competition: that she's acting like an "expert" and the engagement ring "master." These are arbitrary concepts, though - she's not the master, you're not the master, nobody here is the master (well, except for Leon Mege, and even there, it's probably a sign of egomania). So ... instead of knee-jerking to disagreement with everybody that it doesn't bug you for the reasons people are seeing, but because she's just WRONG and should cite you in all engagement-related matters ... why not think a little about why it matters to you so much?

 

[qtiekiki]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

You say you're not competitive about getting engaged, but you keep phrasing it like it's a competition: that she's acting like an "expert" and the engagement ring "master." These are arbitrary concepts, though - she's not the master, you're not the master, nobody here is the master (well, except for Leon Mege, and even there, it's probably a sign of egomania). So ... instead of knee-jerking to disagreement with everybody that it doesn't bug you for the reasons people are seeing, but because she's just WRONG and should cite you in all engagement-related matters ... why not think a little about why it matters to you so much?

Ditto Circe.

I am also a little confused as to what you feel like you should be given credit for? The fact that she drags her BF to look at rings? Why on the earth would you want be credited for someone "forcing" an idea on another? I don't get it. Me think, you are upset because you feel like she is stealing your thunder. But who cares, it's just a stranger on cyberspace.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

Hey, for all we know the reason her BF wasn't all hip to go shopping for a ring was because the girl you're ranting about kept changing her mind about what style she wants. Finally she figures out the style, the BF is relieved, and they go and get the ring and become engaged. . .that could be it!

 

[dragonfly411]

Re: A girl I know dragged her bf out to look at rings bc of

Lover lover - First, you do not KNOW this girl. You know of her as a blogger. Second, so what if she got a ring almost exactly like what you want? People get similar rings EVERYWHERE. Enjoy what you love and stop worrying about others. If you are worried about her taking the content of your post, then I would let her know that she should mention where she got the post idea from. Otherwise, let it go. You are making far far far too much of this.