A friends post- Shocking replies

[Livinthedream]

A girl I work with is getting married as well, and she posted a topic on ''another forum'' regarding wearing her dress from a previous engagement. She doesn''t want to wear it, but she undersatnds her mom paid $$ for it etc etc. So my reason for this post is that the replies she got on the ''other site'' were so rude!! They basically downgraded her issues. One reply just flat out said wear the dress, even though my friend straight up said she feels like it is bad luck. She is persuing selling it and repaying her mom and then going forward with a new dress, but... HOW RUDE! If you aren''t going to offer advice or encouragement then I think people should just move on.
Sorry I had to vent here, where people are encouraging AND honest, and always seem to have each other best interest at heart!!

 

[purrfectpear]

Wear the dress IS advice. It just isn''t the advice that you or your friend happen to agree with.

Why is it that people ask for advice and then take offense and call it rude when it isn''t what they were hoping to hear? I''m confused.

I''m with your friend in not wanting to wear the previously picked out dress though. I''d repay my mom and pick out what I wanted. You know sometimes when you can''t afford to pay your own way, you might not really be ready for marriage

 

[Loves Vintage]

I''d have to say that I would not necessarily agree that it is ADVICE. It depends on what her question was. If she flat out said that she did not want to wear the dress, she had this that and the other concern, then, yes, I agree, it is RUDE to tell her to wear the dress.

I wish your friend the best of luck in selling her dress AND finding a new dress that she will be everything she is looking for!!

 

[Po10472]

Date: 5/13/2008 12:45:23 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Wear the dress IS advice. It just isn''t the advice that you or your friend happen to agree with.

Why is it that people ask for advice and then take offense and call it rude when it isn''t what they were hoping to hear? I''m confused.

I''m with your friend in not wanting to wear the previously picked out dress though. I''d repay my mom and pick out what I wanted. You know sometimes when you can''t afford to pay your own way, you might not really be ready for marriage

There''s a difference from giving people advice, voicing their opinion and being rude. Yes, on here PSers will be open and honest but there''s no need to be rude and if someone feels offended, then surely they have the right to comment.

Also, I don''t understand your comment above, just because the girls mother bought her the dress, does not imply that she can''t pay her own way.

 

[Courtneylub]

Date: 5/13/2008 1:00:57 PM
Author: Po10472

Date: 5/13/2008 12:45:23 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Wear the dress IS advice. It just isn''t the advice that you or your friend happen to agree with.

Why is it that people ask for advice and then take offense and call it rude when it isn''t what they were hoping to hear? I''m confused.

I''m with your friend in not wanting to wear the previously picked out dress though. I''d repay my mom and pick out what I wanted. You know sometimes when you can''t afford to pay your own way, you might not really be ready for marriage

There''s a difference from giving people advice, voicing their opinion and being rude. Yes, on here PSers will be open and honest but there''s no need to be rude and if someone feels offended, then surely they have the right to comment.

Also, I don''t understand your comment above, just because the girls mother bought her the dress, does not imply that she can''t pay her own way.

I didn''t understand that comment either. So if you don''t have $20,000 to pay for a wedding, then you''re not ready for marriage??? That''s a ridiculous comment. If that''s the case, NO ONE would get married. Parents of the bride will usually help pay for the wedding.

 

[doodle]

Date: 5/13/2008 1:38:57 PM
Author: Courtneylub

I didn''t understand that comment either. So if you don''t have $20,000 to pay for a wedding, then you''re not ready for marriage??? That''s a ridiculous comment. If that''s the case, NO ONE would get married. Parents of the bride will usually help pay for the wedding.

SOOOOOO true!!! my FI have been living together for well over a year, so if anything, being married would be MORE affordable than not, but if we had to depend solely on ourselves to pay for the WEDDING, we''d be sca-rewed! our wedding is pretty reasonable, too, but when you have bills, etc, it''s hard to justify a random $1500 on flowers! my parents, on the other hand, have saved up so they can help us, just as we will should we ever have a daughter.

as for "the other board", i agree that it would depend on how she phrased the post. if she asked what they thought she should do, "wear the dress" would be advice, but if she asked what she should do in lieu of wearing the dress, telling her to do so anyway seems a bit redundant if you ask me. you should tell your friend that PS is better because all of us ROCK--and show off our rocks, so it''s doubly fantastic!

 

[Livinthedream]

Date: 5/13/2008 12:45:23 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Wear the dress IS advice. It just isn''t the advice that you or your friend happen to agree with.

Why is it that people ask for advice and then take offense and call it rude when it isn''t what they were hoping to hear? I''m confused.

I''m with your friend in not wanting to wear the previously picked out dress though. I''d repay my mom and pick out what I wanted. You know sometimes when you can''t afford to pay your own way, you might not really be ready for marriage

What i was getting at is- why? The rudeness has to do with the fact that if someone opens up and shares a personal situation and is looking for guidance, maybe take an extra minute and give her some insite. If you want to come out and say where the dress, then give her more... Wear it b/c you''re just being supersticious and don''t let that kinda of karma get to you. OR Don''t wear it b/c a new realtionship should bring about a new change and also comes a new dress. Whatever opinion people may have.
Her post asked anyone going through or gone through this please provide insight.

My post was mearly in appreciation of the people here who take more than 3 seconds to reply, who take the time to elaborate and share when they have gone through similiar things, or just their 2 cents and concern even if they haven''t.

Money doesn''t really play a big part here. She is only being respectful b/c she appreciated that her mom bought her a dress. I told her she would probably find a market on ebay or craigslist if interested, and can re-pay mom and go forward to a new dress.

 

[basil]

Yes, people on the Knot are mean. It''s like middle school all over again. I think grown women should be embarrassed for acting like that, but it''s the internet and it''s anonymous. You can get good information about vendors on local boards, but never post anything personal on there.

I''m just glad that the culture here isn''t like that.

 

[purrfectpear]

Sorry if anyone misunderstood what I meant about paying your own way. No, I don''t think you have to be able to foot the bill for a $20K wedding to be ready for marriage.

I do think that if your mom''s heartburn with you not wanting to wear a previously purchased dress is the fact that she already spent money on it (seriously, what kind of mom wants you to wear a dress from a failed engagement anyway?), then you should be able to say "thanks mom, I understand you already paid for it - but I want a dress that doesn''t remind me of the old engagement. I''ll pay for the new dress" or "I''ll pay you back for the old dress".

If she has to ask for advice on the internet about something so basic as to how to handle it with her mom, then yeah, I''m thinking she''s still a little unsure of herself. I would have whipped out my checkbook to reimburse my mom so fast she wouldn''t have even been able to get the words out. End of dilemma about wearing old dress.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 5/13/2008 1:48:11 PM
Author: doodle

Date: 5/13/2008 1:38:57 PM
Author: Courtneylub

I didn''t understand that comment either. So if you don''t have $20,000 to pay for a wedding, then you''re not ready for marriage??? That''s a ridiculous comment. If that''s the case, NO ONE would get married. Parents of the bride will usually help pay for the wedding.

SOOOOOO true!!! my FI have been living together for well over a year, so if anything, being married would be MORE affordable than not, but if we had to depend solely on ourselves to pay for the WEDDING, we''d be sca-rewed!

You wouldn''t be sca-rewed, you''d just have a different wedding, that''s all.

Livin, I hope that your friend can sell it and buy something for herself that she loves. Things can get dicey when people offer to pay for parts of the wedding because there is always the overriding obligation to make them happy. Heck, we didn''t want either sets of parents paying for a dime of our wedding and I STILL cared about my mom''s opinion of my dress, so I can understand why your coworker is struggling with what to do.

 

[musey]

Date: 5/13/2008 4:20:33 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady

Date: 5/13/2008 1:48:11 PM
Author: doodle

Date: 5/13/2008 1:38:57 PM
Author: Courtneylub

I didn''t understand that comment either. So if you don''t have $20,000 to pay for a wedding, then you''re not ready for marriage??? That''s a ridiculous comment. If that''s the case, NO ONE would get married. Parents of the bride will usually help pay for the wedding.

SOOOOOO true!!! my FI have been living together for well over a year, so if anything, being married would be MORE affordable than not, but if we had to depend solely on ourselves to pay for the WEDDING, we''d be sca-rewed!

You wouldn''t be sca-rewed, you''d just have a different wedding, that''s all.

Yes. This.

$200 weddings are just as meaningful and important as $20,000 weddings. They''re just different. If we were "paying our way," we''d just be having a much different wedding.