a fear?

[beautifuldisaster]

ok..random question.

say perhaps that you are instrumental in the diamond picking out process and design process and then once you get the ring, it gets passed off to him.

then the torture begins.

however, what if he just sort of hands you the box and doesn''t say a word?
or what if he hands you the box and says will you marry me but there is no down on one knee, emotion, flower filled room with everything that you dreamed of since uh age 5?

do you.

a) cry
b) realize you are being stupid
c) refuse
d) accept if for what it is and be happily engaged

i am just bouncing around some ideas. i am wondering...my best friend just got engaged and picked out the ring. her man picked it up and just gave her the box. i dont know...i''d be a little upset.

i would like to think that dan won''t be doing this. i think at this stage, he knows better, but perhaps my own fears are coming to the forefront eventhough i still havent had my ring made yet, lol. i think it may sound stupid, but i have been waiting for this for so long, you know?

 

[michela002]

Oh wow, good question.

I think the girl getting to be involved in the ring and diamond picking process is awesome, as it is her ring and that ensures she loves it. But I think maybe sometimes it would be easy for the whole "proper" proposal to just go out the window - the guy thinks, she knows its coming, blah blah blah, here''s your ring. Because he''s not surprising her out of the blue perhaps he thinks it''s like going Hey here''s your Cosmo you asked me to pick up at the store.

I think if that happened to me, I would feel really torn - between being thrilled about being engaged and being gutted and feeling ripped off because I wasn''t proposed to, and then feeling guilty about being upset!

I''d be disappointed, for sure. I think yup I''d probably cry, while realizing I was being stupid (which of course would make me feel worse!) and while I would accept (out of shock?) it would always be something disappointing to look back on, and it would always bug me.

Hmm. Shades of Charlotte in Sex & The City where she''s like, "This is such a bad story to tell our children! Well, mommy really wanted to get married, so daddy said, ''Alrighty!'' " Lol. Of course he salvaged it outside Tiffanys.

 

[blueroses]

Well, and of course the "alrighty" proposal was the one that did NOT stick, vs. Harry''s down on one knee at the Jewish singles'' mixer....

(sorry, I''m such a sucker for Harry and Charlotte)!!


I don''t know.....at this point (we''ve been together over 8 1/2 years, so I''ve been an LIW for about a year and a half, though only on the list for 6 months) I''d probably be relieved and go with option d. Everyone has their own style--Teebee''s fedex proposal being one of my favorites!!--but I could understand how yoru friend''s experience could be disappointing to some as well.

How did your friend react?

 

[AmberGretchen]

Yeah that would suck. I would also worry a little that my guy didn''t want to make it something special we would remember, although of course every couple is different. I think this illustrates why communication is so important - my FI and I talked about each of our expectations and what we wanted from the whole process and it was important to both of us to get something I really loved, so we agreed that I had to be involved in the ring process, but he really wanted to be in charge of the actual proposal, which turned out wonderfully! I think its important to be able to say to your guy that even though you were involved in the ring process you still want the proposal to be something really special or, if, he doesn''t want to surprise you/plan it himself, at least come up with something special you can do together to mark the moment.

 

[michela002]

Awww, Harry and Charlotte

. I just bought S&tC Season 6 on DVD and my housemate laughs at me all the time because I spend every episode going, "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! I love Harry! Oh, they are so cute!"

I think the disappointment would lie not in the lack of a traditional proposal, cos everyone''s is different and hopefully perfect for them, but in the giving of the ring like it''s a bit of gum, without making it clear that the reason for the giving of the ring is wanting to marry the person and share your lives.

 

[Blue824]

Hmmm...well, I understand the part of the girl involved in the ring process. it is a big purchase and there are so many styles and options, having that input from the person who is goign to be wearing the ring can be really important! I also seperate the ring and the proposal. The ring is a symbol. A ring is not a proposal, and a proposal is a proposal regardless of a ring or not. The proposal is a declaration of love, to be heartfelt and personal.

Like said above, each couple has their own way of approaching the situation. When I'm picturing that option, I picture the bare minimum being done. I'm sure it can come out cute too though.Hopefully the guy knows the girl well enough to realize what kind of proposal she'd like.

 

[snow_happy]

Hello

When my FI asked me it wasn''t the get down on one knee with rose petals type proposal (we aren''t that type of people anyways) but it was definitely emotional and heart-felt. I don''t think everyone proposes in that 5-yr.old fanstasy way but nevertheless as long as it is sincere and you have true love then that''s fairy tale enough for me! I think if you focus on the negative part of the proposal (it wasn''t the way you imagined it) you would miss out on the excitement and positives of actually being engaged! (with a ring too most likely!!) I mean, not everything in life is perfect but finding someone you truly want to spend the rest of your life is what getting engaged is all about right?

 

[Buena Girl]

Date: 4/29/2005 8:42:38 PM
Author: blueroses
...Everyone has their own style--Teebee''s fedex proposal being one of my favorites!!--but I could understand how yoru friend''s experience could be disappointing to some as well.
...

Oh no, I missed everything about teebee''s proposal!

Can anyone post a link for me? Luckily her ring is her avatar

.

beautifuldisaster, that is a really interesting question! Since b/f and I are no where near that stage, this is not something we have discussed yet. I don''t know yet exactly how much input I will have in what the ring will look like. If I picked out the ring, then I would probably talk to him beforehand about the proposal and tell him that I would like to have some sort of surprise. If we have this discussion, but then he, on the day the ring was ready, picked up the ring and brought it straight to me and handed me the box thinking in doing this that I would be totally surprised, I guess I would have mixed feelings. I don''t know if I would "refuse" or ask for a "do-over", but I suppose it is possible. I think it would depend on whether I thought he really felt he had done a romantic proposal or if he thought that is what I wanted. It would probably be a good idea to know ahead of time if you and your b/f have the same definitions of what you think a romantic proposal consists of.

 

[Blue824]

teebee''s proposal back in January on the old LIW thread before Leonid gave us our own section...
hehe her story is cute: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/ladies-in-waiting-part-iii.23792/page-16

 

[Buena Girl]

Thanks Blue824!!!

(very cute story teebee

)

 

[jlc0604]

I would be upset if he just sort of gave me the ring box and it didn''t seem all that important to him. But, for me, as long as the proposal is sincere and emotional, it doesn''t have to be elaborate. I really don''t have an idea of what the perfect proposal will be. I don''t even want to start speculating, because I''ve already obsessed enough over the ring! The last thing I need is to start worrying and stressing out about the actual proposal - that''s his job. I know I''ll be happy with whatever he comes up with. And he''s the type of guy that definitely puts thought and effort into important occasions, so I know it''ll be great and come from the heart.

I loved Harry too! Even with all his imperfections, he was such a sweetheart that you just had to love him. He was a thousand times better than that annoying Trey!! And I liked his ring better too

 

[Erin]

I clicked the link for teebee''s proposal story and got caught up looking through everyone''s pictures again. Forgot how gorgeous we all are

Then realized how much better ''Our New Forum'' is with categories instead of 16 conversations going on in one thread.

Ah, the good ol days!

 

[teebee]

Thanks Ladies, I think we have a pretty cute story, too!! Completely unromantic, but that's okay with me!!

Seriously, it is an interesting question just because we are all different and every couple has it's own style and personality. Am I ever slightly jealous of some of the girls whose men go to loads of trouble to put on a big proposal production???? Sure, occasionally I read a really beautiful special romantic proposal and feel a very very slight bit of envy... But, ya know... it only lasts a second or two and then I remember the sweet little things Bryan does for me daily ~ and honestly, that's what our relationship is: day in & day out, not just one moment of one day.

I think AmberGretchen is right: communication is key ~ maybe if I'd told Bryan that I expected some sort of surprise or at least a bended knee, I think he would have made that effort. But I didn't really care about it that much and honestly, as sweet as he is, I don't think he can really pull off "romantic" and it probably would have made me giggle!! I'm so mature...

So I guess my answer is: 'a' with an occasional twinge of 'b'? But that's for me, we're all different, with different desires and expectations!!

P.S. ~ I love Charlotte & Harry!!!! They are one of my all-time favorite TV couples!!! So cute...

 

[MissAva]

Hmmm I think I would rather the cute moment then the ring. Jeffery and I are not always the romantic types we lean more towards goofy, but I think he knows how important this is to me. Of course I would love to be involved in picking out the ring, but I have already been told that this wont be happening. I dont know that I would want the whole rose petels and candle light thing becuase that would not feel like us if that makes sense. But I think let down if he just tossed me a ring box and that was it. The words "will you marry me?" are vital to an engagment in my mind. I think it depends on the couple what they are like from day to day. I wouldn''t say no or ask for a do over but I would be teasing whenever our friends asked how he did it.

 

[Basil Hallward]

Hopefully the (now affianced) boyfriend of your best friend will realize the error of his ways, and make the actual engagement period the most spectacular of any known to man - or woman!

 

[michela002]

Date: 4/29/2005 11:59:44 PM
Author: snow_happy

When my FI asked me it wasn''t the get down on one knee with rose petals type proposal but it was definitely emotional and heart-felt.

Heart-felt: that is all a proposal needs.

Sure, bended knee and a big surprise is nothing to scoff at (as long as it is appropriate for the couple!) but the most important thing is that it comes from his heart.

E.g. Would you prefer your boyfriend to propose to you at the Del Taco drive-through telling you he will love you for the rest of his life and please, please marry him, or have him get down on his knee in an expensive restaurant and say, "Fine, stop your nagging, I''m proposing. You happy now? Here''s your damn ring." !!!

It''s the difference between someone proposing to you, and someone giving you a ring. I know which one means more!

 

[JessesGrl]

I picked out my ring in October....and that was that, I knew it would take a few months to come in and so I waited and waited and waited anxiously awaiting my proposal. I had always dreamed it would be outside, in the snow...simple and romantic. I remember the first winters snow this year my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to take a ride to see how my new SUV handled in the snow. I was like THIS IS IT...omigod!!!! the first winters snow, how romantic!!!! NOPE....he just REALLY wanted to see how the car handled!!! A few weeks later I got home from school and my boyfriend was begging me to go out and get him icecream. I had just commuted almost 2 hours and was exhausted and so of course I was getting angry. I had gotten home from class early and since he was acting so weird I started to realize maybe this was it. I went to take a bath, he poured me a glass of wine and kept popping his head in the bathroom all googly eyed and weird. This is when I KNEW he had the ring....he was so EXCITED it was so cute! We went to bed and during a commercial of south park he turned over and said Super Bear has something for you ( super bear is a vermont teddy bear he got me last v-day) I picked up the bear and out from his cape fell my ring. My boyfriend got out of bed, down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. It was so sweet because it was just simply HIM....he had planned a scavenger hunt but since I got home early it messed up the plan. he was going to wait until the next day to do it but was just TOOOO EXCITED...how great is it to have your boyfriend be so excited he can''t wait to ask you! People always ask if I was dissapointed...and the answer is NO....it was a private, intimate memory between the two of us that I will have forever

 

[diamondgrrl]

thanks to everyone who replied.

this cracked me up....E.g. Would you prefer your boyfriend to propose to you at the Del Taco drive-through telling you he will love you for the rest of his life and please, please marry him, or have him get down on his knee in an expensive restaurant and say, "Fine, stop your nagging, I''m proposing. You happy now? Here''s your damn ring." !!!....the latter part.

i think that although some of you have different ideas and feelings about it, you all had very interesting opnions and insight to the situation.

i am glad that i asked and got such a great response.

as for my best friend, she is still sportin the ring and there has been no reproposal. although, the other day he did say that the ring he gave her was just a placeholder ring and that he is making payments on the real ring and probably wont have it paid off for another year or so. She assumes (but isnt sure) that with the next ring will come a more formal proposal. At the suggestion of several people on her though, I am going to suggest that if she wants the words will you marry me to spill from his lips....she needs to communicate that to him

i am off to read about the fedex proposal story.

i just LOVE this forum

 

[beautifuldisaster]

ah..not to throw anyone off...i logged in under the wrong name logged on as my friend, so please excuse my last post, it was supposed to come from me, but says its from her

thats what happens when your boyfriend installs fancy id/password saving software and you dont pay attention to what you are doing

lol

 

[michela002]

Jessesgrl - That is so cute! That is totally what I mean by all that matters is that its heartfelt. It sounds just perfect, and so lovely that he couldn''t wait!