A Cheater''s Plea For Forgiveness--Or Attention?

[iheartscience]

I read this article just now and thought it was...interesting to say the least!

Apparently "William Taylor's" wife "Karen" busted him cheating. She saw some nakey pics on his cell phone that he took and sent to a woman he was having an affair with. In a fight over the affair he begged her to tell him what he needed to do to be forgiven. She came up with him standing on the side of a very busy road with a sign around his neck that says "I cheated. This is my punishment."

I wonder if the punishment will really make "Karen" feel better, though? Or make her feel like he's actually sorry? Huh...I guess it could help make her feel better in the short run...the long run, I'm not so sure. Thoughts?

link

 

[miraclesrule]

Well, if her plan was to pack up his stuff, toss it in the front yard, and change the locks while he''s standing on a corner with the sign, I''d say it''s a success.

 

[Nomsdeplume]

Date: 8/29/2009 2:31:42 AM
Author: miraclesrule
Well, if her plan was to pack up his stuff, toss it in the front yard, and change the locks while he''s standing on a corner with the sign, I''d say it''s a success.

I have to agree!

 

[gemgirl]

I''m thinking I should probably not answer a serious question without the benefit of coffee but I''ll answer anyway since this is primarily what my husband and I have devoted ourselves to for the last ten years. People do the dumbest things when they cheat, but that temporary stupidity is sometimes no match for what comes after, and this woman''s request of her husband is a perfect example. What she''s attempting is to "get even" with her husband, or to humiliate him as much as she feels she''s been humiliated by his infidelity. It doesn''t work though.
Some people are even crazy enough to go out and have an affair themselves to get even, only to realize afterwards that they''ve made the whole situation ten times worse and much more complicated to work through.

Forgiveness comes from the heart and mind, and it comes from the knowledge that withholding forgiveness, hurts the emotional victim more than it hurts the cheater. By her asking her irresponsible husband to do this and him actually doing it, implies that they are still together and probably intend to stay together. They would be better off gettting help to get through this, than playing games with each other. It was playing games that got them into this mess to begin with.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 8/29/2009 7:26:35 AM
Author: gemgirl
I''m thinking I should probably not answer a serious question without the benefit of coffee but I''ll answer anyway since this is primarily what my husband and I have devoted ourselves to for the last ten years. People do the dumbest things when they cheat, but that temporary stupidity is sometimes no match for what comes after, and this woman''s request of her husband is a perfect example. What she''s attempting is to ''get even'' with her husband, or to humiliate him as much as she feels she''s been humiliated by his infidelity. It doesn''t work though.

Some people are even crazy enough to go out and have an affair themselves to get even, only to realize afterwards that they''ve made the whole situation ten times worse and much more complicated to work through.


Forgiveness comes from the heart and mind, and it comes from the knowledge that withholding forgiveness, hurts the emotional victim more than it hurts the cheater. By her asking her irresponsible husband to do this and him actually doing it, implies that they are still together and probably intend to stay together. They would be better off gettting help to get through this, than playing games with each other. It was playing games that got them into this mess to begin with.

Well said Gemgirl... we did laugh when we saw this on the news. I immediately thought of the scarlet letter.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 8/29/2009 2:31:42 AM
Author: miraclesrule
Well, if her plan was to pack up his stuff, toss it in the front yard, and change the locks while he's standing on a corner with the sign, I'd say it's a success.

that sounds like a fantastic idea!

I want to add my 2 cents tho.

There are also several types of cheaters. I would be more willing to forgive the one night stand stupidest mistake of my life cheater because everyone makes mistakes. But if a man actually has a mistress he is devoting time, money, affection sometimes even LOVE that belongs to his wife/fiance and he is taking that away from her and more often then not he might also be badmouthing her to his mistress, that is on a whole different level and that is something that I think you really can't take him back. In situations like that something serious is missing from both parts and likely cant be fixed with out a complete relationship overhaul.An most people don't want to put that much effort into what seems like a "sinking ship"

 

[radiantquest]

I don''t think that is nearly enough. I agree that I would feel more betrayed if there was an actual affair than if he had a one night mistake with another woman. That being said and the way I am I would make my husband tell me EVERYTHING. It would satisfy my need to know exactly what happened and I am sure that having to recount everyting he did with another woman to his wife would be so shameful he would not want to do it again.

 

[KimberlyH]

I simply can't fathom that this would help resolve anything for either one of them long term. It would take a lot of time spent rebuilding trust, not public humilation, to help them get past what has happened. Speaking as someone who has been cheated on (by a past boyfriend, not my husband), I can't imagine wanting others to know what he did to me. I told my closest friends and family for support but I never shared with anyone outside of that, including our mutual friends and acquaintances. It was such a private thing and I had no interest in advertising what happened.

 

[purrfectpear]

Works for me. I don''t think the humiliation was intended to make her feel better, I suspect it was done in the hopes that if he were sufficiently humiliated he might think twice before he did such a stupid thing again. People make a lot of choices in private that they would NEVER make if they believed it would be brought to the light of day.

I would compare it to discovering your child had shoplifted. You make them take the item back to the store and stand before the store manager and personally declare that they stole it, rather than just returning it yourself with an apology. The hope is that there is a LESSON learned in facing the humiliation of your poor choice.

 

[Lynn B]

What immediately struck me is... how odd!
She is not his mother! It''s not her place to "punish him" or "teach him a lesson".

(And FWIW, I think it''s a lousy parenting tactic, too!!!)

 

[gemgirl]

Date: 8/29/2009 1:31:23 PM
Author: Lynn B
What immediately struck me is... how odd!
She is not his mother! It''s not her place to ''punish him'' or ''teach him a lesson''.

(And FWIW, I think it''s a lousy parenting tactic, too!!!)

Ah BUT, marriages are primary relationships, which means that once married, your spouse comes before anyone else, even those you considered all of your life to be your immediate family. When we say "I do", our marriages become our central relationship. Having said that, have you ever met a woman scorned who wasn''t so angry with her spouse that she''d throw all of his clothes out onto the lawn, cut all the legs off his pants, smash his favorite toy, punch holes in his tires, shred all of his credit cards, bend his golfclubs, snap his fishing rods, put pepper in his shorts? The list goes on into infinity! This woman went right to public humiliation....... Having been there myself....... I have to smirk just for a minute. Even working in a marriage ministry, we''re human and we get to smirk every once in a while.

It doesn''t solve anything though and now she has to deal with her whole town knowing what her husband, Bozo the Clown, did.

 

[klewis]

She should kick him out or accept an apology and move on. If her style is to humiliate him in this way then she''s no better in my eyes. And if he''s stupid enough to go through with the apology/humilation then they deserve each other.

 

[Lynn B]

Date: 8/29/2009 5:38:52 PM
Author: gemgirl

Date: 8/29/2009 1:31:23 PM
Author: Lynn B
What immediately struck me is... how odd!
She is not his mother! It''s not her place to ''punish him'' or ''teach him a lesson''.

(And FWIW, I think it''s a lousy parenting tactic, too!!!)

Ah BUT, marriages are primary relationships, which means that once married, your spouse comes before anyone else, even those you considered all of your life to be your immediate family. When we say ''I do'', our marriages become our central relationship. Having said that, have you ever met a woman scorned who wasn''t so angry with her spouse that she''d throw all of his clothes out onto the lawn, cut all the legs off his pants, smash his favorite toy, punch holes in his tires, shred all of his credit cards, bend his golfclubs, snap his fishing rods, put pepper in his shorts? The list goes on into infinity! This woman went right to public humiliation....... Having been there myself....... I have to smirk just for a minute. Even working in a marriage ministry, we''re human and we get to smirk every once in a while.

It doesn''t solve anything though and now she has to deal with her whole town knowing what her husband, Bozo the Clown, did.

Yep.

 

[*Danielle*]

I have to agree with the fact that it wasn''t very well thought out. Obviously anyone who sees the sign now knows. Also, what does it change? He was obviously having a drawn out relationship with another woman, KNOWING that it was wrong. I highly doubt this will change anything, but it may add resentment to the relationship.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Personally, I think she "punished" him...but what was the lesson? You cheat on me, and I make you stand on a corner for 2 hours with a sign? Some punishment for crushing the marriage and the trust they shared.

 

[E B]

Date: 8/29/2009 2:31:42 AM
Author: miraclesrule
Well, if her plan was to pack up his stuff, toss it in the front yard, and change the locks while he''s standing on a corner with the sign, I''d say it''s a success.

That''s exactly what I''d do.

 

[vespergirl]

This guy was standing outside just down the road from us, so DH and I were discussing the story. He said that he was talking about it with one of his colleagues at work, and the other guy''s comment was, "So that''s all I would have to do to get off the hook for cheating? I''m going to go make my sign right now!"

We thought that was pretty funny. Suffice to say, we didn''t think that it seemed like an overly harsh punishment.

 

[snowflakeluvr]

my hubby''s never cheated, but if standing on a corner with a sign that said, "i don''t help with housework" would shame him into it, well, then, maybe....

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 8/30/2009 4:27:07 PM
Author: vespergirl
This guy was standing outside just down the road from us, so DH and I were discussing the story. He said that he was talking about it with one of his colleagues at work, and the other guy''s comment was, ''So that''s all I would have to do to get off the hook for cheating? I''m going to go make my sign right now!''

We thought that was pretty funny. Suffice to say, we didn''t think that it seemed like an overly harsh punishment.

Ha, true! A few weeks ago my sister and I were out shopping and we saw a guy holding a sign at a very busy intersection that said "My girlfriend got food poisoning on Saturday from (Restaurant Name Here)." My sister and I laughed about it but the next time we passed that restaurant we both remembered it and mentioned it, so I guess it was effective for him!

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 8/29/2009 8:59:51 PM
Author: Lynn B

Date: 8/29/2009 5:38:52 PM
Author: gemgirl

Date: 8/29/2009 1:31:23 PM
Author: Lynn B
What immediately struck me is... how odd!
She is not his mother! It''s not her place to ''punish him'' or ''teach him a lesson''.

(And FWIW, I think it''s a lousy parenting tactic, too!!!)

Ah BUT, marriages are primary relationships, which means that once married, your spouse comes before anyone else, even those you considered all of your life to be your immediate family. When we say ''I do'', our marriages become our central relationship. Having said that, have you ever met a woman scorned who wasn''t so angry with her spouse that she''d throw all of his clothes out onto the lawn, cut all the legs off his pants, smash his favorite toy, punch holes in his tires, shred all of his credit cards, bend his golfclubs, snap his fishing rods, put pepper in his shorts? The list goes on into infinity! This woman went right to public humiliation....... Having been there myself....... I have to smirk just for a minute. Even working in a marriage ministry, we''re human and we get to smirk every once in a while.

It doesn''t solve anything though and now she has to deal with her whole town knowing what her husband, Bozo the Clown, did.

Yep.

x2.

 

[miraclesrule]

Hahaha snowflake...that''s awesome.