Wife is mad at me...

[BennYoga]

Because I am going to New Orleans for Mardi Gras for a few days in February.

I will be joining my best friend who is also married, his brother and two other friends.

Ladies,

Would you be mad at your husband for going to Mardi Gras with his friends?

 

[telephone89]

I think it depends on your marriage and what your boundaries are. NOLA is a super cool amazing place. But a bunch of married guys going at the most...wild?.. time seems a bit like you are also looking to get wild.

Mardi Gras is a wonderful time, but unfortunately its mostly the drunk obnoxious tourists looking to get into trouble that ruin it. So...good luck to you!

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Did you discuss it with her first, or announce you were going after the tickets/plans were booked/made?

cheers--Sharon

 

[cmd2014]

I'm with Sharon. Was this something that the two of you discussed first? Is this in the budget without sacrificing anything else that might be important to you guys as a couple? Is there some reason to do a boys weekend rather than doing a couple's vacation? Is she being left at home with kids (and if so, does she have enough support to manage that)? Does she get a girls weekend too? There seem like lots of reasons why someone might be upset that their spouse has booked this kind of trip, and jealousy isn't necessarily one of them.

I guess my answer would be that IF this was discussed first, IF money wasn't an object and the trip wouldn't take away from us doing something as a couple or meeting important financial goals, If I wasn't being left to manage kids without enough support, IF solo vacations were something that my husband and I had agreed were ok in advance (and I was doing them too sometimes), and IF this wasn't intended as a wild "let's get drunk and do stupid things" trip, I don't think there would be any reason to be angry.

But if this was something that wasn't discussed first, if there wasn't consideration given to budget and it meant that other important things couldn't happen because of the trip, and if the plan is to go wild and get dirty like you're all single boys again, then yeah, I probably wouldn't be too impressed.

 

[BennYoga]

Hi telephone89,

Thank you for your feedback. To be honest, I am just going for the music, food, drinks and a great time with my friends. It has been a while since we all hanged out as we all live in different states. At my age, nothing surprises me anymore.

We have long distance relationship and visit each other every 2-3 months which makes things a little complicated. Although I live here in the US by myself, I always do my best to keep her up to date with my moves.

Hey canuk-gal,

Well, everything happened at the last minute. My friend called me at midnight on Sunday night and invited to join them. 2 minutes later, I was buying my plane ticket. I did not mention anything until the following morning. She was fine with that but then she decided to use Google to find out what Mardi Gras is all about. She is getting the wrong impression.

 

[telephone89]

"She was fine with that but then she decided to use Google to find out what Mardi Gras is all about. She is getting the wrong impression."
Is she? Why did your friend want to go? Why did he choose NOLA? And Mardi Gras specifically? The most crowded expensive time to visit?

Being long distance and not discussing things with her first seriously complicates things.

 

[pearlsngems]

Can she go with you? Might she enjoy it?

 

[whitewave]

It is exactly what she googled, lol. I was born and raised in New Orleans. You are going to see lots of boobies.

 

[BennYoga]

Hi telephone89,

Well, my friend and his wife live in AL and he has been to NOLA a few times. We also have a friend that lives and works there. We are basically flying and staying there for free. All we have to do is pay for food and drinks.

I went over the details with my wife before she started to Google some images. As much I am trying to convince her that all I want is to have a good time with my friends, she still opposed to my trip.

Hi pearlsngems,

I would love to take her with me. I am sure she will have a great time, however, she lives in Mexico. She was going to come visit last week, however, my job as a first responder did not allow me to have any free time for the rest of the year.

She loves to visit but she always has a hard time dealing with a whole new world. She think we are too liberal around here, hehe. She is very reserved and prefers to stay home most of the time. Whenever I go to Mexico to visit, I am the one that likes to come out with ideas and random trips around the country.

Thanks for your feedback!

 

[TooPatient]

Sorry, but I think she has exactly the right impression and I would be very upset if my husband did what you did. She sounds to be very conservative. You are going to go drink and party in a place with lots of boobies around. Very not conservative and, frankly, very disrespectful of her.

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

With all the extra info and having lived a long distance relationship with my now DH:
Yes, I'd be super mad.
For the reasons @TooPatient mentioned.

 

[azstonie]

Would I be mad? Nope. Would I be examining my marriage, considering my grown -up husband wanted to attend an event internationally known for drunken hook-ups? Yes! If you want to ACT single, then BE single.

 

[missy]

I would have discussed it with my partner first before buying tickets and made sure she knew what the event was about. And if she wanted to come with even better. But each marriage is different of course and there is no one size fits all. But since you asked no I wouldn't want my dh going to Mardi Gras without me. Together? Heck yes!

 

[elle_chris]

Just curious, if you know she's reserved, and thinks we're too liberal in the US, why did you decide to go? You must have known she would of been opposed to it..

 

[monarch64]

Ben, how would you feel if one day your wife decided to go to Vegas or some other random party spot for a few days with her single and/or married girlfriends? Especially if she didn't really mention it to you at first?

A little easier to understand when the shoe's on the other foot, now, isn't it?

My first husband used to go on "guy trips" a lot. He liked to appease me by giving me jewelry. That marriage didn't last very long.

 

[lyra]

Marriages are like a box of chocolates... Or something like that.

In my marriage, I wouldn't have a problem. We've been married 34 years and if he wanted to take a trip with buddies, I'd be happy for him. But, that would never happen. He would never do that.

I think your wife is upset, and that's your business.

 

[tkyasx78]

Yes, I’d be upset. It would be a big problem that he thought that it was ok.

 

[december-fire]

I would love to take her with me. I am sure she will have a great time, however, she lives in Mexico. She was going to come visit last week, however, my job as a first responder did not allow me to have any free time for the rest of the year.

So, she was going to visit you last week, and looking forward to it I would expect, but your job prevented you from having time off. Now, you're telling her you're taking time off in February to visit your buddies at Mardi Gras? I don't know if you've already planned a visit to see her in January, but it sort of sounds like you're picking your buddies and Mardi Gras (that's two separate strikes against you, not one) over seeing her. Even though you may think you're not doing that, its just circumstances, it might feel that way to her.

Since you say she's conservative, then I'm not sure why you say she'd have a great time at Mardi Gras.

It would be best to have a discussion with her and put your focus on hearing her, rather than defending your actions. Is it worth going if your wife is going to be hurt or upset by you doing so?

 

[BennYoga]

Hi elle_chris,

Well, I got very excited when my friend told me about the trip, and all I could think about was the good time we are about to have. I did not count on my wife using Google to learn more about such festivity, haha. Most of the pictures she found included half naked women flashing their boobs. I am not going there to party like crazy as all I am looking forward is to see my friends and experience something new. We all are in our early 30's.

Hi monarch64,

I always encourage my wife to go out with her friends, family, ect. I am not opposed to anything she'd like to do. Even if she goes to see naked men, I would not be mad at all. I trust her. We simply have been used to a different environments and cultures.

Last time she came to the US to visit, a friend of mine invited us to a wine tasting. She got mad because most of the people there were women. Just image the rest.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

I'd be okay with it IF he took me with him or at least gave me the option AND bought me jewelry.

Any excuse for jewelry
Plus I get to see some perky boobies so there's a bonus

 

[doberman]

My daughter lived in Nola and said Mardi Gras was insane. I love the city, but not at that time of the year.

As to whether I'd be upset, my husband goes on hunting trips with his friends on a regular basis and I'm cool with it. But Montana, Colorado and Africa have a different reputation than Nola. No one is walking around half naked and inebriated. It all depends on the level of trust in your marriage and that deprnds on what kind of a man you are.

 

[december-fire]

Last time she came to the US to visit, a friend of mine invited us to a wine tasting. She got mad because most of the people there were women. Just image the rest.

Is she generally jealous, not convinced of the security of your relationship, whatever?
Not looking for an actual response from you, but just thinking that you and your buddies in Mardi Gras sounds more and more like a bad idea in terms of your relationship with your wife.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Ohs hunnies yous gots lots going on!

cheers--Sharon

 

[rainwood]

It doesn't matter what we think. You're not married to any of us.

What matters is your wife is unhappy about it, and you need to deal with it in a more mature way than running to the internet and asking a bunch of strangers what they think.

 

[ABKIS]

Hi elle_chris,

Well, I got very excited when my friend told me about the trip, and all I could think about was the good time we are about to have. I did not count on my wife using Google to learn more about such festivity, haha. Most of the pictures she found included half naked women flashing their boobs. I am not going there to party like crazy as all I am looking forward is to see my friends and experience something new. We all are in our early 30's.

Hi monarch64,

I always encourage my wife to go out with her friends, family, ect. I am not opposed to anything she'd like to do. Even if she goes to see naked men, I would not be mad at all. I trust her. We simply have been used to a different environments and cultures.

Last time she came to the US to visit, a friend of mine invited us to a wine tasting. She got mad because most of the people there were women. Just image the rest.

Hello Benn,

This may not be what you want to hear, but this is how I view it from her stand point:

Terrible idea all the way around. If she got upset about the wine tasting because it was mostly women, you should have known she'd be upset about going to NOLA during Mardi Gras. Her ignorance about Mardi Gras and your idea that she wouldn't check online do not make this any better. It sounds like deceit by omission.

If I was her, yes, I'd be upset. Sorry!!!

 

[Tekate]

My husband went to New Orleans once for a DAC (Design Automation Conference) years ago, I was pissed as he left me home with the boys, BUT when he came back he had stitches in his leg as it appears at the time he walked into a fence I have to say, it made me feel ever so much better

ETA: He went to many DAC's after that danged stitched one.. I was never worried about his cheating, as I knew he was happy in the bed department, but I was happy that the higher power gave him a wake up

Because I am going to New Orleans for Mardi Gras for a few days in February.

I will be joining my best friend who is also married, his brother and two other friends.

Ladies,

Would you be mad at your husband for going to Mardi Gras with his friends?

 

[sonnyjane]

Would I be mad? Nope. Would I be examining my marriage, considering my grown -up husband wanted to attend an event internationally known for drunken hook-ups? Yes! If you want to ACT single, then BE single.

Wow. Mardi Gras is a lot more than that. Believe it or not it can even be a family affair.

I think the wife is insecure because of your long distance relationship. I travel all the time without my husband to such dastardly places as Las Vegas, Key West, Jamaica, etc. and DH doesn’t care. Believe it or not, it’s possible to be away from your spouse and drink without cheating.

 

[babs23r]

Why don’t you visit her instead of running off with your friends. I’d be mad.

 

[Jambalaya]

Hang on a minute, you booked a boys-only weekend, without consulting her, to an event which has an established tradition of women flashing their bare breasts? And you're long-distance, anyway?

Great way to maintain the trust!

Yes, I would be mad as hell.

(For those who don't know, women show their breasts to get beads. No, I don't get it either.)

I'll never know why married couples often treat each other so shabbily.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Can she go with you? Might she enjoy it?

Of course not! ...then it wouldn't be any fun...