Best city/state for a young family

[Indylady]

What is your fave city or state for a young family? Where did you raise your kids, and how did you like it? If you were in a big city, are you glad you raised your kids there?

For a little background: my SO and I live in a big and very very expensive city. We're considering staying put, or moving within the 3-5 years. We do love the city we're in, but it feels weird to think of growing up as a child in a big city. What do you think?

 

[madelise]

Following bc same considerations. I’m in the suburbs of San Francisco, and while it’s amazing, it’s expensive and I will always wonder if there’s a better place to plant roots with starting a family.

 

[missy]

This is an excellent question and one I have thought about often. Recently more along the lines of best place to retire but similar in that it just depends what you and your family need and want in a community. And of course if you want to be in a metro area or outside of one and how far outside.

During my search I realized there just is no one perfect place (for us) and each area has its pros and cons. It always seems as if the most expensive places are the most desirable (for us). And that is the struggle. The balance between expense and amenities. However you define amenities and of course that is different for each of us. For you obviously the school system is at the top of the list. Important to us is that there is good health care available in the community including good hospitals and physicians, museums, theater, shopping, Costco and Trader Joe (haha), reliable and efficient transport system, to name a few things.

A few links that you might find helpful.

https://realestate.usnews.com/real-estate/slideshows/25-best-places-to-live-in-the-us

https://about.niche.com/methodology/best-places-for-families/
https://www.niche.com/places-to-live/search/best-cities-for-families/

https://www.thestreet.com/how-to/be...travel-best-places-to-raise-a-family-14604133

After all, different households have different needs and tastes when it comes to finding the best places to raise a family. A city like Houston may win out on affordability over San Francisco or New York. Or, if you're into a tropical, warm climate, you can't go wrong with Phoenix or Miami.


Before you launch your campaign to find the best place to raise a family in the U.S., make sure these items are on your "to do" checklist first.


What's the job picture? Check the unemployment rate for any city you check out. Getting a good job is, well, "job one" when finding a great place to live for your family.


What's the median household income? You'll want a family-friendly place to live that offers your household a chance to earn a decent income, so you can afford more home - and more lifestyle experiences - with your family.


What's the media annual housing cost? Building a household budget is key to keeping your family well cared for and happy in your new residence.


What's the average commute to work? Mom and Dad need to minimize time getting to work, so they can spend more time with the kids.


What's the violent crime rate? Parents should research the number of crimes per 100,000 residents in the city they choose.


What's the high school graduation rate and the college acceptance rate? Check your school district's track record on graduating students and getting them into a good college or university.


What are the annual childcare costs? Parents will want to know the average annual cost of full-time childcare for children up to four or five years of age.

https://www.forbes.com/pictures/eddf45gihi/best-cities-for-raising-a-family/#61e246cc2bb3

 

[VRBeauty]

A lot depends too on what you and your husband like to do, and what you (realistically) envision doing with your kids.

My sweetie loves the outdoors and shared that love with his kids as they were growing up. He lives in the foothills, with easy access to mountains... for hiking, mountain biking, quick overnight camp-outs, snow shoeing, etc. His daughter lives in a little town in Washington State that offers many of the same opportunities. Her son, not yet three, is already becoming quite the hiker! Because it’s on the far outskirts of Seattle, their town is relatively affordable but still gives her contractor-husband access to the higher income clients he needs.

As for me, I’m happiest in cities with easy access to good coffee shops and restaurants, museums, and the coast!

 

[caf]

Denver, Colorado. Big city with a small city feel. I grew up in NYC and in Westchester County, NY. Love Colorado - miss the east coast ocean/lakes. But Colorado is a great place to raise a family and Denver has it all. I am glad I raised my daughter here. She is going to college on east coast but I think she'll return ultimately to Colorado.

 

[monarch64]

I really can't recommend my state (IN) but do recommend my town (Bloomington.) You might want to consider university towns in a state you feel fits with your politics and seems like a place you want to raise children. A lot of times they're smaller towns (~30-50k when students are gone during the summer) and are filled with families raising children/a lot of academic people. Ann Arbor, MI is gorgeous. I'm from the Midwest so obviously am biased towards it.

Here's a list of somewhat larger cities: https://www.niche.com/places-to-live/search/best-cities-for-families/ Oh, hey, Ann Arbor is on it! Also love Naperville--far west 'burb of Chicago. Those western cities are awfully appealing as well.

 

[Indylady]

Following bc same considerations. I’m in the suburbs of San Francisco, and while it’s amazing, it’s expensive and I will always wonder if there’s a better place to plant roots with starting a family.

I’m in SF too. It’s so wildly expensive though! Do you guys plan to stay?

 

[Indylady]

Missy, you’re exactly right! It does feel like expensive places feel like the best...my current area is very progressive, with lots of smart people and good job opportunities. But—some creature comforts/amenities are the cost: space is limited, traffic is bad and that makes is running errands, going shopping, etc. so much harder, it’s expensive to buy and you don’t get a lot for it (so it’s hard to have a spare bedroom or two). Thank you for the links, too. I hadn’t even thought to really consider some of those factors, you’ve definitely given me food for thought.

 

[AprilBaby]

Naperville, Illinois. We always win best place to raise kids. Fantastic schools, 40 miles west of Chicago, tons of shopping and restaurants. I don’t recommend I.linois to retire.

 

[AprilBaby]

Downtown

 

[KristyDarling]

Currently raising teenagers in the city of San Francisco. If I could do it all over again, I would've moved out of the city/Bay Area when they were toddlers. While we love all that the city offers in terms of weather, culture, dining, diversity, liberal politics, and natural beauty, that's all overshadowed by:

1) Worsening crime and homelessness
2) No guarantees on a good public education, and lack of affordable private school options.
3) Insane cost of living that only keeps getting astronomically higher
4) Out-of-control home prices (to state the obvious)
5) Absolutely awful public transportation and traffic

Where would I have moved? I have no idea. No other city has all that we're looking for, so that's why we'll probably just stay put and do our best to cope with the above issues. It's hard, though, and I often find myself fantasizing about leaving someday. I hear good things about some of the little towns in Sonoma County, and I have friends raising families there who love it. Maybe someday we'll sell our place here in SF and retire somewhere quiet up there....although they do have that persistent and growing wildfire problem...sigh.

 

[KristyDarling]

As for whether I'm glad my kids are being raised here: You know, despite my gripes about the city, I *am* glad they're growing up here. They're independent and street-smart, they're outside in nature all year round, they're getting regular exposure to the city's cultural delights and entertainment, they've marched in protests, they've volunteered in soup kitchens since they were 11, they have extremely diverse friends (racially, socioeconomically, sexual orientation, religion, etc), and they interact with a complete cross-section of society almost every day. I'm glad that they're growing up with the world's beautiful diversity right in their backyard.

I do get nervous whenever they're on the Muni (which is every day), but as long as they're traveling in pairs or groups and always stay vigilant and aware of their environment, I feel like they'll be OK. I have to let them go and be out in the world, and SF is as good as any big city for that experience.

When they go off to college, I know they'll be able to take care of themselves, and I know they'll be comfortable interacting with all kinds of people.

But, could I see myself in an alternate reality raising my kids in a peaceful suburb? Absolutely, yes. That's how I was raised and I think I turned out OK. I started working when I was 13 and believe that was an incredible experience (talk about having to grow up *quick*!) and all the jobs I held in high school were just as essential to my personal growth as the urban experience my kids are getting. (That said, my son does have a part-time job, and my daughter will, too.)

So I guess all this is to say that even if you do decide to stay in SF, there are definitely benefits despite the many drawbacks of life in such an expensive city.

 

[Indylady]

Downtown

Gorgeous!! Thank you Monnie and April. One of my colleagues is from Naperville, I’ll definitely ask her about home on Monday. I’ve also heard the school system is great.

 

[Indylady]

Kristy, your pros and cons are basically all of mine, too. There’s so much to love in SF. I love my job, the progressive political climate, promixity to nature (there are so many great weekend getaways), and on and on. It’s hard to complain. And I get contacted by recruiters all the time with pretty good options, and that would very likely not be the case unless in most their cities.

Of all the cons, I think affordability is what is bugging me the most—I feel comfortable now, but, the cost of a bigger place+childcare+pre-k/school in SF sounds terrifying. Actually, affordability, and security—I also find Muni to be stressful, and certain parts of the city are very congested with transient/homeless folks. I don’t worry too much about violent crime, but there are just so many folks with either mental illness or on drugs that it makes me anxious to pass through those places. When your kids were younger, did you feel anxious taking them around, or is it just a thing you get used to? Or perhaps kiddos stay close enough to home that it’s not a worry if they’re little?

 

[Indylady]

VR—agreed, what you like to do is an important consideration! I’m kind of an indoors gal which makes it easy for me, but I’ve been getting a little sportier in the last few years and do love a short hike on the weekends.

Caf—I’ve thought a LOT about Denver! How do you find the winters? Denver is so beautiful. So much natural beauty, great airport hub, lots and lots of jobs, and still has a small-town/home-y feel. I’ve always lived in warm climates so I’m a little scared of winter.

Monnie, very agreed, college towns are a great idea. I loved my own college town (perhaps town(s) if you count grad school) and they do generally produce progressive environments.

 

[peacechick]

I grew up in a big city. All my best friends did as well. We lived in apartments. Yes, life in the city is fast-paced, crowded and expensive. I never had my own room, I had to share with my sister. But early on you learn to be street smart and it’s really convenient. My DH had a starkly different upbringing in a small town where he felt trapped and was bullied all thoughout school. He got out at 18 and never wants to live anywhere that is not a city.

But I get what is being discussed here. Not all cities are safe, some cities have drug problems or constantly smell like pot, some cities have bad transportation, so they are not equal. Suburbs are a good solution in these cases.

The North Shore of Chicago is a pretty nice place to live actually. Chicago is very affordable for a big city, and it has great public transportation and shopping. We always hear about gun crime but it’s not actually a problem in the main city area.

I also like Boston and Burlington, Vermont. Burlington is very popular with Canadians who cross the border, so it feels really vibrant and diverse for a small city.

I have a friend in Denver who is really happy there but she is a really outdoorsy person, so that is a natural fit.

 

[nala]

I live by Disneyland. Love it. Used to take dd to Disney during the week. Great weather. Swimming pool. Close to the beach. Mountains. Hockey. Angel’s baseball. Almost free after school daycare programs in blue ribbon distinguished schools. Top school in the nation. Can’t complain. Anaheim. It’s orange county’s best best kept secret. Homes range from 650k to 800k in east Anaheim. If you want a cookie cutter neighborhood and have 1 million try Irvine, ca. Safest city. Top schools. I’m like 15 minutes away but I find too sterile for my taste.

 

[AprilBaby]

Holy cow that’s expensive! I can’t imagine what taxes are! You can still buy a house here for $350,000.

 

[KristyDarling]

Kristy, your pros and cons are basically all of mine, too. There’s so much to love in SF. I love my job, the progressive political climate, promixity to nature (there are so many great weekend getaways), and on and on. It’s hard to complain. And I get contacted by recruiters all the time with pretty good options, and that would very likely not be the case unless in most their cities.

Of all the cons, I think affordability is what is bugging me the most—I feel comfortable now, but, the cost of a bigger place+childcare+pre-k/school in SF sounds terrifying. Actually, affordability, and security—I also find Muni to be stressful, and certain parts of the city are very congested with transient/homeless folks. I don’t worry too much about violent crime, but there are just so many folks with either mental illness or on drugs that it makes me anxious to pass through those places. When your kids were younger, did you feel anxious taking them around, or is it just a thing you get used to? Or perhaps kiddos stay close enough to home that it’s not a worry if they’re little?

I totally hear you! When my kids were younger, I didn't worry that much about security because it wasn't the problem that it is today. It's one of my top concerns now. Public safety seems to have gotten much worse in the last several years, and it has hit way too close to home. Earlier this year, a relative was the victim of a random attack -- middle of the afternoon on a weekend, walking down a busy street in a "safe" neighborhood, minding his own business -- when he was physically attacked from behind completely out of the blue by a mentally disturbed person. He ended up in the ER totally traumatized and needing hundreds of stitches. They arrested the guy, who turned out to be a violent repeat offender who kept getting released because of state laws protecting the mentally ill.

It's crap like this that totally sours me on city life and makes me terrified for my kids every time they're out without me, but I can't keep them under lock and key either. I don't know what the solution is other than to tell them to always be on guard.

 

[soxfan]

Massachusetts, New Hampshire, or Vermont. If choosing New Hampshire, make sure it's a GOOD school district.

I LOVE Mass. Close to Boston, close to skiing, close to the Ocean. Pretty much everything you would want to do you can. EXCELLENT schools- Mass leads the nation in education. Housing is affordable (depending on where you live There are plenty of jobs, shopping, restaurants, things to do with the kids.

I moved here from NH because the schools where I lived were terrible. I don't regret moving for one second. But I had also lived near Boston after I graduated from college in NH, so I knew I eventually wanted to get back to Mass.....

 

[madelise]

Indy, you are posting as if you are me. I want to stay here for all the reasons you and kristy are posting. In fact, Kristy’s post re: her kids’ experiences are exactly what I want for mine.

I want to raise GOOD, ethical, committed to others type people.

And I just can’t imagine a better place than SF to do it.

Could I afford a larger home? With no traffic? More money for diamonds? Yes.

But I’m not the same person I was when I first moved here 2 years ago. I feel much more in tune with caring for PEOPLE rather than being selfish. I wouldn’t trade this for the world. And I doubt I would’ve grown in this way if I hadn’t been living in SF. I really do.

The good thing is that the peninsula schools are pretty much all 8-10 out of 10 ratings, and if they aren’t, by the time I have kids, they will be. I also know that school ratings also don’t mean jack squat lol bc high test scores and As don’t make a person a better person so.. I kinda don’t care too much.

As for childcare, I have the exact same worries. Hubby has 4 months paternity while I get none. So we’ll figure out taking turns for the first 6 months and then probably get an aupair. It’s the most affordable option until 2 when daycares are cheaper.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I grew up in and around Pittsburgh and loved it. Went to a blue ribbon public school which offered every AP class and extra curricular in the book while still allowing me to have very socioeconomically diverse friend groups. I have great memories of the Carnegie museums, hanging out around the south side, and being at Pitt and CMU campus. No real subway system which is annoying.

I currently live in philly and love it. Would totally raise a family here though you have to pick your neighborhood/schools selectively. I have many peers raising families in the surrounding Philly area who enjoy access to the “big city” and reasonable prices and lots of space.

 

[missy]

I agree with those of you who wrote there are more important things than money and space and to raise one's family with good ethical values and caring empathetic traits is truly priceless. And while I do believe one can do that practically anywhere raising a family in a diverse and culturally rich environment exposed to many different learning experiences is wonderful if one can afford it by just giving up some luxury comforts. That is, if by compromising on certain desirable comforts (space, big house, private education, luxury items, etc.) one can afford to be in the rich and diverse location then I say it is more than worth it.

I grew up in a very small house in an urban environment and we attended public schools throughout. And I wouldn't trade our experiences for anything. Yes we were crowded and yes there were certain comforts we did not have nor did we have the luxury of space and a big yard and a big house and a luxurious fancy car. In fact I did not get a car till my last year of graduate school when I needed one because I did my residency at West Point and had to have a car to get around on base. And even then I bought a used car (it was the late 80s and I don't believe certified preowned existed but I could be wrong). Unlike many of my peers who lived in the suburbs and had a car (gift from their parents) from when they got their learner's permit at the age of 15/16. We had no such luxuries. It did not matter to me/us. We had a great childhood rich with cultural experiences and exposed to many different ways of life. In some ways it was more challenging for sure but it helped shape us into who we are today. I don't take anything for granted and I appreciate all the good in our lives then and now. I wouldn't trade a thing.

Of course YMMV and as I wrote in my first post in this thread we all have different priorities. It doesn't mean one is better than the other. Just different. It's what matters to you and your family and to that end a list of your priorities to sort through the critical, the desired and the just not necessary to make the best decision for your family.

 

[Rubybrick]

Indy, you are posting as if you are me. I want to stay here for all the reasons you and kristy are posting. In fact, Kristy’s post re: her kids’ experiences are exactly what I want for mine.

I want to raise GOOD, ethical, committed to others type people.

And I just can’t imagine a better place than SF to do it.

Could I afford a larger home? With no traffic? More money for diamonds? Yes.

But I’m not the same person I was when I first moved here 2 years ago. I feel much more in tune with caring for PEOPLE rather than being selfish. I wouldn’t trade this for the world. And I doubt I would’ve grown in this way if I hadn’t been living in SF. I really do.

The good thing is that the peninsula schools are pretty much all 8-10 out of 10 ratings, and if they aren’t, by the time I have kids, they will be. I also know that school ratings also don’t mean jack squat lol bc high test scores and As don’t make a person a better person so.. I kinda don’t care too much.

As for childcare, I have the exact same worries. Hubby has 4 months paternity while I get none. So we’ll figure out taking turns for the first 6 months and then probably get an aupair. It’s the most affordable option until 2 when daycares are cheaper.

Agree with all the pros and cons raised here re SF Bay Area, and struggled with the choices. We made the choice to move to Santa Cruz when my son is 9 after living in oakland for 15 years. So still in the larger Bay Area but in a much smaller town. I have to say much more easier/comfortable with my now 10 and 4 year olds. Public school is not great, but 10 year old is happy, most of other kids doing after school activities live close by, very easy to get involved with the community when small. Our new neighborhood is also very walking/bike friendly. So even tho our house is tiny in comparison and we definitely lost some diversity, we still feel like our new home is a good move.

 

[madelise]

As a minority person, I do not feel comfortable moving to smaller nearby towns with lack of diversity. As a foodie, I will probably die of starvation.

 

[KristyDarling]

As a minority person, I do not feel comfortable moving to smaller nearby towns with lack of diversity. As a foodie, I will probably die of starvation.

I can relate to this. I grew up in the '70s and '80s as literally the *only* minority kid in my suburban middle America town and, um, let's just say it's not the childhood I'd want for my kids. It was brutal. Sadly, the melting pot concept doesn't really work the way it should in that setting. It may not be any better today either (if anything, it might be worse).

The food was also what you'd expect. My belly is MUCH happier now!

 

[Indylady]

I can relate to this. I grew up in the '70s and '80s as literally the *only* minority kid in my suburban middle America town and, um, let's just say it's not the childhood I'd want for my kids. It was brutal. Sadly, the melting pot concept doesn't really work the way it should in that setting. It may not be any better today either (if anything, it might be worse).

The food was also what you'd expect. My belly is MUCH happier now!

LOL! My belly is happier but my jeans are not! I love the food in the Bay. I almost wish my standards hadn't 'elevated' so much, and I don't even consider myself a foodie! My SF faves are Absinthe and Petit Crenn, both in Hayes Valley, and Elephant Sushi in the Tenderloin. East Bay, don't even get me started--Mua, Gregoires, Great China, Cheeseboard, Brown Sugar Kitchen, Rockin' Crawfish...and San Jose/Santa Clara has soo many other great places. AND--the grocery stores--Asian (East or South), Italian, etc. even cornerstores/bodegas carry "ethnic" foods as a regular item that I'd certainly have to go to a specialty store to get in any other town. I'm also a POC, and recently I was in Ohio and totally ignored in a shop for 25 minutes till I left...it was just horrible and I'd forgotten that that still happens...

 

[KristyDarling]

I need to try Elephant Sushi...I've heard good things! Yes, there is no shortage of amazing food here. We're definitely spoiled in that department.

And yes, that nasty stuff still happens, even in the Bay. I had an ugly run-in with a boutique manager a few years ago when I was next in line to be checked out but she kept bringing a steady stream of other customers (who were white and NOT in line) to the register. I was like....wait, is this REALLY happening???

 

[TorontoArtist]

TORONTO, Canada!
It's the most ethnically diverse city in the world, liberal-minded, excellent public schools (public school is funded much differently here so there is not nearly as much variation between districts compared to the states), subsidized university education (about 1/10 of the price as Uni in the US), very low crime rate, walkable, decent public transport (I don't have a car and just Subway everywhere), and of course universal health care oh and we are actually larger than Chicago,IL... no one ever believes me about that one! Toronto is a metropolitan city, and not every where in Canada is an arctic wasteland

 

[Indylady]

Agree with all the pros and cons raised here re SF Bay Area, and struggled with the choices. We made the choice to move to Santa Cruz when my son is 9 after living in oakland for 15 years. So still in the larger Bay Area but in a much smaller town. I have to say much more easier/comfortable with my now 10 and 4 year olds. Public school is not great, but 10 year old is happy, most of other kids doing after school activities live close by, very easy to get involved with the community when small. Our new neighborhood is also very walking/bike friendly. So even tho our house is tiny in comparison and we definitely lost some diversity, we still feel like our new home is a good move.

Interesting!! I've thought about the greater Bay Area--Santa Cruz is so lovely, and so are parts of the East Bay that are a little further out, where you can still have some space! Nice to hear that the neighborhood is walking/bike friendly. I'm thinking I should take some weekend trips to Santa Cruz, Sacramento, Walnut Creek/Orinda to get to know some local options...