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Does anyone else have this problem?

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always.waiting

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 11, 2006
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63
Does anyone else have the problem where they can''t stop bringing up engagement/wedding/waiting anxieties to their bf''s to the point that it might be jeopradizing things? Even after I set a timeline, I found myself bringing it up and my bf is going crazy. I don''t think I''m completely at fault, b/c all the waiting and stalling has created such anxiety in me that it pours over so easily, and I am hyper sensitive all the time. I feel sometimes like I''m on the verge of a breakdown and I have to release it. I am normally controlled and disciplined in my everyday life (and quiet), so I just seem to be suffering from major anxiety.

I was wondering if others had same issues and how you dealt with it, or is it just an ominous sign..
 

Fancy605

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 3, 2006
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1,446
I feel like I go through spurts of talking about it too much. BUT it''s usually when HE brigns something up. I tell him that I worry I am talking too much about it, and he tells me not to worry b/c he''ll let me know when I have said too much. But, still---it really isn''t fun think you''re being a bother.

I try REAL hard not to bring anything up unless he says something first--and I force myself to just hush pretty quickly.

But I def. know where you are coming from. I always think talking about things will make me feel happy, but I generally end up feeling pushy for even talking about it. I almost feel like the process will go faster once you come to the realization that it is out of your hands and let him go with it---especially if you think it may REALLY be coming.
 

ephemery1

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 20, 2006
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1,724
Ugh... I remember that "verge of breakdown" period very well. My boyfriend (FI now) used to say things like "can you please go ONE DAY without talking about rings or weddings or getting engaged??" And then I''d point out that I only brought it up about 1 out of every 9 million times it crossed my mind, since it was on my mind pretty much constantly.

The thing is, he''s my best friend... when something''s bugging me or weighing on me, HE is the one I want to talk to..... so it felt horrible and awkward to have to suppress that for all those months, when the thing weighing on me the MOST was the one thing I wasn''t allowed to talk to him about.
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Suffice it to say, I feel your pain!
 

robbie3982

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 28, 2006
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3,960
I definitely know how you feel! I drove FI crazy! I couldn''t suppress the urge to talk about getting engaged all the time even the slightest bit. I talked about it constantly. Nagged him relentlessly about when it would happen
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. How he dealt with that, I''ll never know. I was horrible, but I just couldn''t control myself.

I feel your pain.
 

therighttime

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 20, 2006
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224
Date: 8/31/2006 6:24:44 PM
Author: ephemery1
Ugh... I remember that ''verge of breakdown'' period very well. My boyfriend (FI now) used to say things like ''can you please go ONE DAY without talking about rings or weddings or getting engaged??'' And then I''d point out that I only brought it up about 1 out of every 9 million times it crossed my mind, since it was on my mind pretty much constantly.

The thing is, he''s my best friend... when something''s bugging me or weighing on me, HE is the one I want to talk to..... so it felt horrible and awkward to have to suppress that for all those months, when the thing weighing on me the MOST was the one thing I wasn''t allowed to talk to him about.
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Suffice it to say, I feel your pain!
I agree with ephemery1.... he''s my best friend so naturally I want to talk to him when something is on my mind. It''s hard to supress that!

I''m right there with you, alwayswaiting. I KNOW I am bugging him so much. Yesterday he told me that every time he gets an email or text message from me, he cringes, thinking that I''m upset about something. That really made me think how incredibly crazy I must be acting. I hate the thought that he would cringe over contact from me.
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I''m really trying to not talk about it at all, but it''s hard.

Hang in there. I know what you are going through!
 

bobacha

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 12, 2006
Messages
105
haha I think most LIWs drive their bf nuts ! Me included.

now I am starting to bring up Wedding planning stuff on every phone call ( LDR ) ...
 

Melibk

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 28, 2006
Messages
103
I know exactly how you feel!! I am having such a hard time not tlaking about it. Actually I am doing a really good job, but it doesn''t seem like it to my BF because I bring it up still. He thinks I am bringing it up a lot, but I stop myself constantly!!! UGH... Why do they torture us?????
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,169
I know exactly how you feel-I used to bring it up all the time but Im in my relaxed mode now and Im in the it''ll happen when its meant to happen mode. Its our 8 year anniversary next year and I have a feeling it will happen around then
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
Yes, yes, yes!

Then I thought about it a bit and actually it''s him that brings it up more.

Last Sunday I said I wasn''t going to mention rings or diamonds for a whole week - he said I''d never manage it.

Well, it worked till yesterday, when HE started talking about it - apparently upset because I said that I reckoned that if he did propose it would just be walking down the road or similar. How could I believe he would do that? Did I really think he wouldn''t want to put loads of thought and effort into it? Hmmm, this from a man who "isn''t sure".

Finished up saying it wouldn''t be for sometime - so I asked Boy-time or Girl-time long? 10 Quarms apparently. What''s a "quarm"? That would be telling apparently. Grrrr

I would even enjoy all of this if he hadn''t told me loads of times that he''s not into the whole "marriage" concept, so even when we are having these conversations I keep wanting him to be serious and straight with me and he just keeps on joking. Then I feel like I''m desperate or acting like I am anyway. He thinks I''m a control freak anyway, so it amuses him all the more.

I am getting all wound up just thinking about it. I''m 34, I''d like some kids and his timeline might be never or might be years!!!! Weddings take time to plan... you guys know the situation. They announced on the news that women over 40 won''t qualify for free IVF anymore, so I''m "Hey, now there''s a good reason to get a move on" - the answer: "It''s okay, we can afford to pay for IVF". I nearly killed him!
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You all make me feel NORMAL - I was so sure that every other girl in the world had men like bf''s brother, where they couldn''t wait to get buying the sparklies and surprise proposals!
 

akw94

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 10, 2006
Messages
1,937
Always, yes I do have that problem at times. I go through phases where I really want to talk about it and the more I talk about it, the more I think about it, so the more I want to talk about it.
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For awhile, I had decided to stop talking about it and actually started feeling better w/o saying anything. He even mentioned once that I hadn''t brought it up in awhile. Now, I''m feeling extra sensitive too b/c I''m also trying to sell my place so we can buy together. I''m having a hard time so that coupled w/engagement and marriage thoughts is just about too much for me. I definitely understand the anxiety you are experiencing. I can be completely happy and then in tears shortly after. Not a great place to be. Luckily, since my bf and I don''t live together, he doesn''t get a lot of that back and forth. But there are times when I just can''t help myself, for e.g., my obsessing about his email response to me. So I''m hopeful that when my place sells, I will settle down again. I try to focus on the present. For awhile, I was reading wedding magazines and have stopped b/c it wasn''t helping to not think about it.

Hopefully it gets a little easier for you soon.
 
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