Dilemma

[blabla]

I feel horrible about complaining but i feel that I must. My bf and I have recently decided that we want to get married. We are both successful professionals and make good money. He said he would like to pick out the ring all by myself but I said that I would like to have some say in it. So finally I convinced him to take me along when he went looking at rings. We have agreed on a round brilliant cut, colorless. The rest is up to him and thats ok with me. He says his budget is somewhere between 2-5K, which is surprising considering our combined income is quite high.
I said I would prefer a bigger stone than not. He says 1 carat is too big. I have even offered to chip in. He has always been generous with me and I am afraid that he will get me a ring I wont like.

 

[Caribou]

When he says ''1ct is too big'' does he mean $$ wise?

Is he a frugal man? Have you gone shopping yet? He may not be aware of what he can get for his money. My MOH got a really nice ring from her very frugal husband, 3 stone ring, center stone is less than 1.5cts and two side stones that are probably 1 ct or less each. I think she told me the ring cost him a little over 5k. It''s set in a simple gold band. Very pretty sparkles like crazy.

Is there a change he might be saying these things to slip you up so that you are very happily surprised with the end result? Remember whatever he gets now, you can always upgrade later.

 

[blabla]

Virginia
Thanks for the reply! There are plenty of big rocks in our area. I am just not sure what his philosophy is. He always said that he would like to get me something ''wearable'' and in any case i will just be wearing my wedding ring on a regular basis.
I informed him that I plan on wearing both regularly. I am not greedy or anything, and its not that i am dying for a big rock...i could afford one by myself if i wanted. Its just that i think 1 carat is a nice size.

 

[blabla]

He is frugal but not miserly, if that makes any sense. He is generous and is good with money. I dont think he is trying to throw me off. I am just perplexed.

By too big, he literally meant the size.

 

[Caribou]

Date: 2/7/2006 3:49:29 PM
Author: blabla
He is frugal but not miserly, if that makes any sense. He is generous and is good with money. I dont think he is trying to throw me off. I am just perplexed.

By too big, he literally meant the size.

My friend''s husband isn''t miserly either but he has this need/want theory. He feels if something is a want than you don''t really need it (this excludes beer, poker, etc

) if it''s a need than it''s worth spending the money. I love him to death but he always goes against this ''theory'' on stuff he buys but is adament when it comes to my friend. Silly really, he''s gotten better though. However, in his defense, they will never have to worry about money.

My honey thought 1ct was too big too, however, after looking and finding a jeweler he liked my center stone ended up being 1.3 cts.

Anywho, don''t worry too much about it right now.... his mind might change as he starts (or keeps) looking once he sees what he can get for his money.

 

[roxy7]

I don''t think 1 carat is that big to ask for, especially since you are both professionals and easily able to afford more.

I would try to put the idea into his mind by showing him pictures of different sites, and trying them on and showing him that it doesn''t really look big on your hand, etc. Also, tell him how big all of your friends and acquantainces diamonds are, so he realizes that less than 1 carat will be really small in comparison.

The only thing that I can guess from the situation as you describe it is that he has some misunderstanding of what "1 carat" is.

 

[blabla]

Thanks for everyone''s advice. I wish he would consult a female friend or something. I think I am not going to worry about it too much. I should consider myself blessed to have found such a wonderful man who is so compatible with me. At the end of it all, if he gets me a small ring....so be it.

 

[stermag]

Blabla,

Does your boyfriend know what a .5ct, 1ct or 2ct diamond looks like? Have you already looked at diamonds/rings together? Is his budget based on any price checks or is it simply the ballpark figure he feels comfortable with at the moment?

When my boyfriend and I began talking about engagement rings, he was bouncing around a similar figure. We, too, have a nice combined income, already bought a house and even had considerable savings. I didn''t really object, even though based on my knowledge of diamond prices I knew we weren''t going to get anywhere near a 1 carat stone. We went to a couple of jewelry stores (Tiffany was one of them) and his jaw really dropped. My poor, sweet BF really had no idea how much diamonds were! When we got back home, he quadrupled his budget.

But it didn''t end there. Although I was initially quite impressed with Tiffany''s, after doing some research I decided we were best buying online, and because online prices were so great (as compared to the high-end jewelers), BF scaled back the budget a little.

Still, in the end, I ended up with exactly what I wanted, and although he spent more than he initially planned to, he is happy with the purchase. Our ring (although I am not wearing it yet, since we aren''t formally engaged) represents a nice middle ground between my desires and our requirements.

Keep your chin up, stay positive and optimistic. Have faith. The road from first discussing budgets to actually making a purchase is quite long and a lot can change.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Perhaps your boyfriend is going into sticker shock over high store prices. WAY before I had even heard of Pricescope, my boyfriend at the time (not my husband) and I went shopping for engagement rings. We stopped by a nice jewelry store (Pampillonia on Connecticut Ave., for those of you familiar with DC), and I fell in love with an amazing 1ct ring with small side stones. However, the price was not so amazing at close to $10,000. Right then and there my then-boyfriend said there was no way he could afford a 1ct.

My husband''s and my combined income is quite high too but we had other financial obligations that made it impossible (or at least, really stupid) to buy a ring that was more in line with our income. Just a thought....or, he could be trying to throw you off. $2000 or $5000- that''s a big difference!

 

[blabla]

Can anyone tell me how much a 1 carat, Round Brilliant Cut, D color, VVS2 or better (Yellow Gold ) is likely to cost?
Also, what are some dependable online stores?

 

[stermag]

Around 13,000, I''m guessing... give or take a grand.

But personally, I would not pay for anything over VS2 and maybe F-H in terms of color. And when you adjust those requirements, the price drops considerably.

 

[stermag]

The premium for the color and clarity you selected is substantial. Consider this:

A great 1.01carat, VS2, F stone from Whiteflash Expert Selection can be had for just under $7500.00. See?.

 

[blabla]

Yeah thats what I thought too.

 

[blabla]

Stermag, could i ask which site you got yours from?

 

[stermag]

We bought from James Allen (jamesallen.com) - they''re a great company and Jim, in particular, was a pleasure to deal with. It was an ideal cut, 1.52ct, F, SI2 (very nice and perfectly eye clean) for WELL under 10k. SI2 stones are a little trickier to buy since not all are created equal, but present a great value in my opinion. Search the forum for threads showcasing some of the amazing SI2 diamonds around here. You''ll be pleasantly surprised.

When we started our search (at Tiffany''s) I got it into my head that nothing below a VS2 would do, but honestly at VS2, and even at SI1 and many SI2s, the inclusions are so minute, one would have to scrutinize them for a considerable time to be able to recognize them at all.

That said, unless you have seen, with your own two eyes, an amazing SI2 stone, you''ll be sceptical till the very end. I know I was, even as my ring was being shipped to me... but when I opened that box for the first time, I almost laughed out loud at how silly I was to worry so much.

The key lies in finding a great vendor (James Allen, Whiteflash, Good Old Gold to name a few) who''ll be able to give you their expert opinion on any stone you might be considering. Trust their eyes, they really know their stuff.

 

[decodelighted]

Is the "D" "VVS2" wish yours or the big fella's? A lot of folks around here seem to think those specs are "throwing away money" on stuff you won't see ... qualities that don't make a stone more "brilliant" or more "sparkly" or more beautiful really.

F is still in the colorless range, for example ... and even G-J ideal cut round stones can be very white & stunning (K/L/M/N too - but, def. show some color)

CUT is what most people swear by here - & why a lot of folks use on-line sources that offer ideal-cut, or AGS 000, or H&A stones. Rounds only. Fancies are a whole diff story.

If 2K-5K is the budget he'd like to hit ... but you'd like 1ct ... what about this

Whiteflash, A Cut Above H&A
$5303 (less with Pscope discount)
1.010
I color
SI1 clarity
Ideal/Ideal
spread - 6.51 x 6.53
http://www.whiteflash.com/hearts_arrows/A-Cut-Above-H-A-cut-diamond-756269.htm

or this

Whiteflash Round Ideal Cut
$4625 (maybe less w/P-scope discount)
.902
G color
VVS2 clarity
Ex/Ex
spread - 6.12 x 6.15 mm
http://www.whiteflash.com/round_ideal_cut/Round-Ideal-Cut-cut-diamond-2107695.htm

 

[squeaksluv]

I don''t know as much about diamonds as everyone else here but I''m sure if you went with a lower color (maybe G-I) and ones that are included but not without magnification you could probably get a larger stone for a lower cost. My friend has a 2 carat round brillant which has one tiny inclusion under the prong and is an I color and in all honesty it looks pretty white to me. Her FI is pretty miserly and hated the thought of spending too much $$ on something she''d wear on her finger so they picked out the stone together. She''s really happy with it.
My suggestion would be to go diamond shopping with your bf and maybe when he sees the prices and such and the sizes he might be more open to suggestions. I''m sure he''ll want to get you something you''ll love!
Good luck!

 

[kcoursolle]

I can relate to all of this trust me! My boyfriend gave me a budget of 2000 and I don''t need a huge rock...but I was thinking more like 3500-4k, because I knew that 2k wouldn''t go anywhere. I was very patient and understanding and tried to talk to him politely. First I said that a 2000 ring would be fine if he really didn''t want to spend that much money. Obviously I love him a lot and I would understand. Then I said however, that a 2000 ring will look pretty small and that increasing the budget a bit would make a big difference. Then we went browsing at mall jewelers. I would never buy from one, but he got to see that rings are actually pretty expensive and that you don''t get much for 2k. At this point he felt a little overwhelmed and I said..."Don''t worry, I can find us a great value diamond online for a great price." He listened and then I also got some input. Also, we compromised in that we agreed that he would pay for the stone and that I would pay for the setting. This way I got to chip in a little, but he still felt like he paid for the biggest part. This was a good way to suggest chipping in without sounding needy or having him feel cheap.

I ended up with a radiant. Radiants are a bit cheaper because typically cutting them yields more diamond than other types. However, finding a good cut is a bit more difficult. I would recommend dirt cheap diamonds signature series. They are very reasonably priced, great to do business with, and their signature series are incredible. Another thing that you can do is get a stone that is just under one carat like a .9 or a .95 because these are substantially cheaper than a one carat stone and really look pretty much the same. Beware of think girdles, they will make the stone look smaller too.

Anyways...I am very happy with my stone that was about 1k over budget...I didn''t need a 1c, but I did want something a little bigger than 2k permits. I ended up with, and am very happy with my .74c F color VVS2 signature radiant from DCD. It was appraised at well over 1k of what we paid for it. By the way, you can''t see ANY color in an F...it looks very icey white. I also think that I could have easily gone to a VS2, but it just happened that this diamond happened to be a VVS2. Who cares if you can see flaws under a microscope?! VS2''s are completely eye-clean and sometimes SI''s are too.

One last possibility!!!!! He may be pulling your arm!!! There might be a 1+ carat stone in the works haha!!! Can''t count on it, but it''s definitely possible.

 

[LuvThatBling]

I think you should be honest with him in a kind way. For some men, jewelry is not worth spending money on because it''s not something they like or are interested in. But since you want a nice ring, then you should find a tactful way to get the point across. You will wear this ring everyday & it should be something that you enjoy wearing.

 

[bobacha]

I definitely can relate to this too cus I'm kinda in the same situation ..

My bf was shocked at how much the rock costs last month on our first trip to a jeweller He's always thought about spending $2k - $3k .. he just had NO IDEA at all ..

Our combined income is pretty decent too.. i know the "2 months salary" guideline is just a guideline... but if he'd just follow that guideline.. it would be more than enough to get what I want

I've offered to chip in too.. but he refused..

My mother loves diamonds.. and growing up I knew how expensive it could get.. :p Plus, of course this is not the first time I tried to design my own engagement ring or look up the prices so I wasn't surprised at all when we were told the price..

My mom just gave me a $3k tennis bracelet when i went home over the holiday.. it's delicate enough that i feel comfy wearing i everyday to work... surely i want something more for my engagement ring, right ??

I'm also thinking about a carat.. he actually didn't think it's too big when I tried one on my finger.. I wear a size 7 ring .. but i know he's thinking about the money..

However since then he's been asking around his friends and coworkers... and he told me that none of them have a carat.. even the couple that we thought would have a big rock only have 0.5 ct so now he's saying 1 ct is too big

 

[XChick03]

I was in a similar situation as you. My boyfriend said our budget was between $2-$2500 originally, which I was fine with until I did some research. After looking at rings, I wanted something that I could live with for at least the next 5-10 years, so I didn''t want something too small. I was looking for something between the .75 1 ct range and realized the price would have to go up at least $1000 to get what I wanted.

At first, he thought that was just too much to spend on a ring. So I sat down and told him how I really felt about it. I told him it really meant a lot to me and it was something I''d have and cherish forever and wear every day, and I also offered to chip in if he couldn''t afford it. After he realized it really meant a lot to me, he told me to just find what I wanted and he''d worry about the cost later. I ended up finding the perfect diamond just a little over $1k over his budget.

So, my advice to you is to tell him how much it means to you. I think if he realized it was really important to you, he''d be willing to get you whatever you wanted or at least compromise on it.

 

[blabla]

My bf and I went ring-shopping again a couple of days back and there seems to be a big change. First of all, my hands are quite small and even a 3/4 carat was looking substantial on my fingers. Also, he has upped his budget by another 1K. So the way I look at it, if he gets me a 3/4 of good quality I am sure it will sparkle and look good on my fingers. I trust his taste and will be happy with whatever he gets me.

 

[XChick03]

Personally, I love between 3/4 and 1 ct, especially if they are well cut. I''m glad your issue was pretty much resolved...now to just wait and see what he gets you.

 

[Irisheejit]

Giving a man''s perspective, I kinda think you have to factor in just how unsubtle our (men''s) senses of humour are, also that we like to surprise the loves of our life.

For myself, I am about to pop the question next weekend. She doesn''t know this - we''ve been going out for about 5 years but have never sat down and agreed to get married or anything, although we do live together. It will, in other words, be a massive surprise (or horrible shock lol) to her.

As I want to surprise her I also took the plunge and have bought the ering myself. There was no way I could afford a carat at Irish high street prices (you would be surprised to see the junk on sale over here) and although I nearly bit the bullet and handed over a ridiculous amount of money for something I now realise to have been over-priced I managed to stop myself. Long story short I found a dealer who is entirely reputable and has fixed me up with a .84 ideal cut RB that looks amazing and is being set in a platinum six pronged tiffany type setting at a fantastic price. I think this is a good compromise on price and quality myself.

Now, I have this (hopefully) fabulous ring, and a (hopefully) fabulous surprise for her. But if I didn''t have the opportunity to surprise her, have a bit of fun (we do love our fun us simple minded blokes) I would have to think of another way - which might be by pretending I had a hard line in the sand as regards the money I was willing to spend and then wipping out a massive chunk of ice.

Just a thought

 

[DonaBella]

With men and depending on how yours perceives diamonds in general, its a whole different world...My DH was not and still is not too into diamonds. He knows that I am and that it means alot to me, hence, the reason I come to PS and have learned alot especially before we bought my cushion, but he knows I want a larger stone and he has made peace--to a certain extent--with the fact that I plan to trade in the cushion for either a larger cushion but more rectangular or a bigger and different stone altogether...but defintely bigger.

To my DH, its a pretty rock...a REALLY really pretty rock, but a rock nonetheless and a symbol of our love. He associates the last part to it only because I do. He isn''t into anything really of a material basis and I am compared to him. I love lavender sterling roses and to him---whatever. The only thing that really makes him stop and be in awe he said is when I get myself all glamed up for him and look really amazing...that is what makes him bug-eyed and appreciative, but I wouldn''t say that I am a thing.

Because of me liking well cut diamonds, a nice home(not fancy, just very nice and in a very nice neighborhood), a gorgeous pool, well made leather handbags, shoes, great selection of cds(I love music!), and an amazing comfortable bed, does not make me all that materialistic, I do not feel. DH says he claims the value of a great bed, refreshing pool, the music and doesn''t worry about the rest...

What I am trying to say here and taking way too long to do so is its ok to want a little more...it doesn''t make you into a brat or something. My diamond is 1.21 in carats but it a symbol of us and the next stone will be, too...On that level, it is just a stone and the next diamond will have even more brilliance and sparkle, kind of like my love and life with my DH...

 

[Mara]

you may not have too much to worry about...when we started looking we didn''t really know what we wanted, but were looking at something like .75c HOF diamond...we both thought it was pretty and looked great on my hand. i said i''d like to get something closer to 1c. well after a bit more shopping around and trying things on together, i ended up with a 1.25c stone...and our budget was upped by a bit from when we started looking.

i think that sometimes it is just a gradual process, aka you start out with something, don''t even know what you REALLY may want yet, but through looking around and trying things on, you start to get a feel for what you really like. have you done this together? if not, i would highly suggest it. you don''t have to do the serious shopping together, but i''d really suggest a day or a few hours one day of visiting jewelers and trying on various styles of rings and stones and sizes so you can get an idea of what looks good on your hand (as can he!)

another suggestion is to ensure he shops with someone who has an upgrade or trade-in policy. this way you will know that even if you do get a smaller stone, you do have the option with that shop or vendor to upgrade at some point in the future, aka year 5 or 10...maybe that will suit both of you.

mentally i think it''s hard for men to think about dropping $$ on something that to them (most of them anyway) is frivolous and doesn''t pay the bills. men can be very practical, so make sure your thoughts are heard in there. good luck!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/7/2006 4:24:34 PM
Author: blabla
Can anyone tell me how much a 1 carat, Round Brilliant Cut, D color, VVS2 or better (Yellow Gold ) is likely to cost?
Also, what are some dependable online stores?

tell your bf to talk to me,i''ll give him some free diamond lessons

if you like D color,that''s fine but, a VS 2 or SI 1 will do.