2008 brides... Dealing with long engagement?

[anchor31]

I noticed that Scintillating, Kit, curiousaboutdiamonds and Kiziki84 are also 2008 brides... And I wondered how are you ladies doing with the 2 years engagement?

We didn''t have much of a choice to set a fall 2008 date if I didn''t want to get married in the middle of term and if I wanted to have both my siblings present at the wedding, not to mention that I would NOT have the time to plan a 2007 wedding right now. Getting married in 2008 was a thought through and reasonable decision for us, but I have to say that it''s starting to get to me. Our venues are picked out, the colours, the flowers; the ceremony musicians are booked, we''re waiting to hear from friends for the reception DJ and the photography, and I have ideas for everything else (mostly DIY except the dress)... Now, all I can do is wait. I just hate the inaction, although I''m perfectly aware that I don''t have time for any serious planning right now! Not that it would be really useful that long before the wedding anyway...

What''s eating at me the most at the moment is dress shopping. I''ve been planning on going in May, but I''m dying to go and try some dresses out now... I''m even toying with the idea of taking advantage of fall break next week to get an appointment... Is that crazy? Am I insane? Please tell me I''m not alone!

 

[decodelighted]

I don''t think it would be so crazy to do a little dress shopping if you''re WANTING to. Especially since so many folks kinda make the dress *central* to the look & feel of a wedding. Things might click into view more naturally later if you know what that one aspect is going to be like "for sure".

BUYING or ORDERING now ... unless you get an amazing deal or a one-of-a-kind pre-owned OR sample sale dealie ... is another matter. Your taste might change in two years ... or, styles might change drastically. If you''re going to order a dress ... maybe a year in advance or eight months would be more prudent.

Why not satisfy your curiosity though! Check out what styles suit your frame best etc....

Sometimes it''s best to do things when you''re energy is focused there too. If you''re thinking about it, dreaming about it, stressing about it ... DO IT! (( ps.-- I waited until I had NO INTEREST in dresses & kinda screwed things up a bit ..at least temporarily. And ended up spending 2-3x what I needed to in the process.))

 

[codex57]

Err, I'd just be happy if I had that extra time. Can you imagine planning a wedding now with all the stuff going on in your life? Stuff will always come up. Even in a year when you think you'll have more time.

If you've got a break coming up soon, go ahead and go dress shopping. Especially if it makes you happy, do those wedding things. It just means less for you to do later. It's a win-win situation. Scratch the wedding itch, check another thing off the list.

 

[decodelighted]

HA! Just remembered an episode of "Whose Wedding Is It Anyway" I saw last night ... a girl bought her David''s Bridal Oleg Cassini dress two years before her wedding, before she''d even met her fiance!! I think she''d only KNOWN the guy six months when they tied the knot ... in that very dress.

I like YOUR way a lot better!! Get the GROOM - then - THE DRESS!

I hope that dress wasn''t just burning a hole in her closet so she married some random guy!

He was saying "No one is encouraging me in this, I''m really out on a limb here." And I was thinking "RUN! RUN!" ''Cause the girl seemed super nightmareish!

 

[MustangGal]

I was engaged over two years also. The first 6-8 months of which was spent convincing my MIL that yes, we were going to get married (she thought we were too young). We didn''t really start planning until 13 months before the wedding, and I didn''t buy a dress until 9 months before. I would go shopping and have fun, just don''t stress about having to make a purchase. The dresses you''ll try on now will be great deals on ebay and other places by the time you''re ready to purchse anyway, and you might luck out.

 

[labbielove]

i say go for it!
dress shopping can be a lot of fun, and if you do a lot of the upfront work now (general style you like, flatters you, manufacturers you like,etc.) you will be primed to snatch up the perfect dress when you do find it-
could even get a great deal on ebay or a preowned gown-

 

[anchor31]

Aw... You ladies (and gent

) are so sweet! This is why I love PS! Now the question is where to go... There are so many bridal stores here it''s almost ridiculous!

 

[anchor31]

So, I picked a boutique, and will call tomorrow to set an appointment for Friday next week.

I hope they''ll let me take pictures...

deco - I have no intention on buying yet, that''ll be next summer. I just need to "scratch that itch" as you say... I''ll let you all know how it goes!

mustang - Thanks for sharing your experience! I''m staying as far away as possible from the FMIL, actually...

 

[indecisive]

I am getting married in 2008 also! I don''t really mind the wait but some family members do. It seems like all the good venues are booked for the dates we would want in 2007 and we don''t want to get rushed with planning. You are wayyy ahead of us. We are still deciding on the venue, which is very difficult right now. Also, I think this lets us have more fun with the planning, rather than being totally stressed about it. We really want to be far along on our way to a house when we get married. I say you should definitely go look at dresses though. Just get pics to show all of us!

 

[flopkins]

I was engaged for about 1 1/2 yrs before we got married, and believe me, all that time was filled up w/planning. But it seems like you have a lot of things figured out already! I have to say though, that if I had to do it again I''d have made the engagement shorter. By the time the wedding came around, I was so tired of thinking about and planning the wedding, it was justa relief when it was all over. Plus, DH and I are SO happy married... I wonder why we waited so long!!!

In any case, I agree w/the others who suggested to go try on dresses - just see what''s out there. Don''t order though. My tastes changed a lot over the course of a year!!

 

[anchor31]

Hey indecisive!

I''m with you on the no stress thing, it''s easier to not stress about all this when you know it doesn''t have to be done within the next few months.

flopkins - Thanks for sharing. I have to admit that having more time to save up for the wedding costs is a big advantage too.

 

[Kit]

OMG! Anchor, what a great thread for the few of us in this situation. Personally for me, it is rather frustrating, but just a fact of my life right now and I have accepted it. While I tell people, including FI, if I could be married tomorrow that would be great, in the grand scheme of life one more year of not being married is not the end of the world. But...I am so excited and eager to be married and have the wedding we've talked about for so long, sometimes it can be difficult.

We would probably be preparing to have our wedding day sometime this month were it not for the fact that I am in graduate school in upstate NY right now, separated from FI who is in the DC area.

When we got engaged this past Christmas (nearly 11 months ago!!) I had just completed all my applications and we really weren't going to let that get in the way of our engagement. When I decided on my program, which is a 12-month condensed program, we just figured, okay let's set the date for October 2007 and have a long engagement. We knew where we wanted to be married (Richmond, VA) and we booked the hotel for the ceremony and reception for that date.

Recently, due to some ugly family drama

, we've had to push out our date to 2008. Ugh!!! It is really only 4.5 months more but for some reason getting married in '08 when we got engaged in '05 is kinda crazy. But, whatever...life throws you curve balls. We were able to book our 7 year anniversary date as our wedding date, which I think is romantic, plus 7 is a lucky number, plus we'lll only have one anniversary to celebrate from then on...LOL!

So far we've done nothing except book the space--but we've talked about nearly all the big details of what we want and I've designed what we want for invites/the look of all the printed materials. I have been looking at lots of flower arrangements lately online and amassing a file of what I like to take to the florist when the time comes. Just doing research, brainstorming, that kind of thing...it's actually really fun! At the same time, I am glad I don't have the pressure of planning a wedding long distance, with a long distance FI, while in grad school. That would be hard I think. I graduate in June of 2007 and then, it's "let the planning begin."

ETA: Anchor, I say you try on as many dresses as you possibly can-shop till you drop, girl! Find that dress!!

 

[anchor31]

Kit -

Date: 10/16/2006 11:35:04 PM
Author: Kit
Personally for me, it is rather frustrating, but just a fact of my life right now and I have accepted it. While I tell people, including FI, if I could be married tomorrow that would be great, in the grand scheme of life one more year of not being married is not the end of the world. But...I am so excited and eager to be married and have the wedding we''ve talked about for so long, sometimes it can be difficult.

I have to say that describes perfectly the way I feel.

Date: 10/16/2006 11:35:04 PM
Author: Kit
But, whatever...life throws you curve balls.

I''m with you on that one... I changed career paths in junior college (from modern languages studies to biology!), so I''m graduating one year later than my peers... It''s a little frustrating to think I could have graduating next April and married next September. However, I''m perfectly aware that planning now would probably be too much for me to handle and having the whole of next summer to do it is a good thing.

Date: 10/16/2006 11:35:04 PM
Author: Kit
ETA: Anchor, I say you try on as many dresses as you possibly can-shop till you drop, girl! Find that dress!!

lol I will!

 

[allycat0303]

Hey Anchor,

I don''t think there is any harm in looking. Someone told me that wedding dresses have to be ordered 7-8 months ahead to give time for alterations etc. Plus picking it out is going to be LONG (I doubt you''ll buy the first one you see.) In any case, I think it''s good to get a head start and see what''s out there. You are going to look fabulous in whatever you choose!

 

[anchor31]

Ally - You''re very sweet...

So, I called the boutique, and I don''t need an appointment. I''ll just walk in there on my own on Friday morning and knock myself out!

 

[codex57]

Can you bring a friend? Apparently my wife and her friend had a hilarious time picking out dresses for fun. It''s nice when you''ve got someone to laugh with, bounce ideas off of, show off a crazy dress too, etc. This is a fun time for you. Milk it.

 

[Scintillating]

I'm having a hard time with my long engagement. Sorry if this rambles!
We planned on a long engagement due to financial issues, fiance is a new attorney and struggling to get work in a very competitive city. (Boston) His loan payments are enormous, $800 a month - ouch. This is preventing us from moving in together and starting a life. I'm really frustrated about it all.

We're getting pressure from his side of the family to start planning. We're thinking about doing something tiny, essential people only! Neither my parents or his can afford a big traditional wedding, though his mother would LOVE my parents to pay for one. (Grr, long story.)

We're thinking of doing a ceremony in Boston in my family's church and then - a brunch at a restaurant. We'd prefer to get married in Newport, but that might not be financially possible. Arg. We looked at a reception location in Newport, that does brunches, but with the setup fee it would come to $9k for 65 people. (Belle Mer) We thought that was crazy for us.

I loved the location however.

In December we will be engaged for one year. I'm trying to get my FI to think about setting a date and making some kind of plan. I KNOW it's not cold feet, just the financial cul-de-sac we're in that has him delaying - it's still frustrating. I'd really like to set a date, if just a tentative one.

We're also thinking about just eloping once we're able to move in together. We've been together for 8 years and are ready to be married, and living a life together. We're both 26, soon to be 27.

Thanks for asking, it makes me feel better writing about it to you ladies.

Oh* I have gone out an tried on some dresses. This has made me feel a lot better about the slow process - like we're actually engaged! It's nice to do something that actually makes me feel like a bride, and that I will marry my sweetie soon. I say go for it as well - with one caveat (sp?) make sure you know the level of formality and season you're plannng for.

Scintillating...

 

[allycat0303]

Anchor:

PSST.... maybe a camera wouldn''t hurt either

. We love pictures here. It will be a treat to see you in some gowns. Where are you going by the way?

 

[anchor31]

codex - I''m thinking about bringing one of my roommates... She''s a sweet exchange student from France, and I''m sure we''d have a blast.

Date: 10/17/2006 12:14:28 PM
Author: Scintillating
I''m having a hard time with my long engagement. Sorry if this rambles!
We planned on a long engagement due to financial issues, fiance is a new attorney and struggling to get work in a very competitive city. (Boston) His loan payments are enormous, $800 a month - ouch. This is preventing us from moving in together and starting a life. I''m really frustrated about it all.

No need to apologise, this is why I started this thread! A 2008 brides support group, if you will. Financial isses are hard to deal with... You have my sympathies.

Date: 10/17/2006 12:14:28 PM
Author: Scintillating
We''re getting pressure from his side of the family to start planning. We''re thinking about doing something tiny, essential people only! Neither my parents or his can afford a big traditional wedding, though his mother would LOVE my parents to pay for one. (Grr, long story.)

Yuck, I know how you feel. My FMIL cannot get into her head that we''re having a small wedding because it''s what we WANT, not only because we can''t afford more! She said that we should ask our guests to pay for their meals so we could afford inviting more! GAH!

Date: 10/17/2006 12:14:28 PM
Author: Scintillating
We''re thinking of doing a ceremony in Boston in my family''s church and then - a brunch at a restaurant. We''d prefer to get married in Newport, but that might not be financially possible. Arg. We looked at a reception location in Newport, that does brunches, but with the setup fee it would come to $9k for 65 people. (Belle Mer) We thought that was crazy for us.

I loved the location however.

In December we will be engaged for one year. I''m trying to get my FI to think about setting a date and making some kind of plan. I KNOW it''s not cold feet, just the financial cul-de-sac we''re in that has him delaying - it''s still frustrating. I''d really like to set a date, if just a tentative one.

We''re also thinking about just eloping once we''re able to move in together. We''ve been together for 8 years and are ready to be married, and living a life together. We''re both 26, soon to be 27.

Eloping sounds like a fantastic idea for both of you... Why not?

If you don''t, I hope you''ll be able to find a nice affordable place and set a date.

Date: 10/17/2006 12:14:28 PM
Author: Scintillating
Oh* I have gone out an tried on some dresses. This has made me feel a lot better about the slow process - like we''re actually engaged! It''s nice to do something that actually makes me feel like a bride, and that I will marry my sweetie soon. I say go for it as well - with one caveat (sp?) make sure you know the level of formality and season you''re plannng for.

Well, I do know we getting married in fall (September 20th). As for the level of formality, with the reception venue we picked, I''d say it should turn out to be semi-formal or formal. I''m not looking to buy right now though.

Ally - If I take my roommate, we''ll use her camera, and if not I''ll borrow my dad''s. I promise to get pics if I can! I''m going to France B. Pronuptia on St-Hubert st, I''ve been told they have a pretty big selection. I like that I don''t need an appointment, this way I can just enjoy myself!

 

[allycat0303]

France B Pronuptia is expensive, expensive, expensive. I''m actually surprise you don''t need an appointment. In any case there''s a zillion wedding dress stores on St Hubert street, so you can walk down the street and look and try to your hearts content. I cannot wait to see some pics

 

[anchor31]

It is? Yikes! Well, as you say there's a ton of them there, so I'll see. Maybe Ami-Fer? They seem to have a good collection there too...

 

[allycat0303]

Anchor: It doesn't matter if it's expensive, you can always go look and try

. The two in Montreal that are (aside from haute couture) that are known to be expensive is France B and Sposabella. Of course you got the montreal designer names like Nevik (a little avant garde) but when my friends mention high end weddings it's usually France B. I've never been to either so I don't know for sure. Hopefully you don't fall in love with a hdeously, outrageously exepnsive dress

I don't know if you've looked, but a little appetizer

http://www.pronuptiacanada.com

 

[anchor31]

Ok... The dresses on the website are just not me. Very "avant-garde" as you say!

I checked the Ami-Fer website and their collection attracts me a lot more! Plus, they carry Alfred Angelo dresses, and I''ve found a few of them I like... No appointment needed there either.

 

[allycat0303]

Anchor: I bought 2 sick, sick dresses from ami-fer. 2 soireé dresses. That just honestly, are show stoppers, for a great price. And I know you aren''t looking to buy BUUUUTTTT I have to let you know because at Ami-fer, you can BARGAIN. I''m not a bargainer, but anyways, my dress was listed as 500 + tax. My mom (bless her soul, she has no shyness to speak of) talked to the manager, etc., haggled, and we paid $350 tax included.) I like their dresses a lot actually. Younger, and less fussy.

 

[anchor31]

Yay! I just ask my sweet French roommate to come shopping with me on Friday next week and she is THRILLED!

Ally - That''s great to know, because I do intend to bargain. They have both wedding AND BM dresses I''m very interested in, so when it comes to buying, I would ask for a discount if we bought all three dresses there. With some luck we might find the MOB''s dress there too.

 

[Kit]

Scintillating, that is a tough, tough situation...I feel for you. It must be hard wanting to be married but having limited progress in the planning department. I used to live in Boston and miss it so much, for a few summers I went in on a house in Newport with friends...too much fun. That is a pricey town! I wonder if you could secure a date somehow through the state/county/city park system. I know in VA you can rent space pretty inexpensively from the government-run parks...some of them have decent facilities and if you gather your essentials to help pitch in and decorate...just a thought. Maybe in RI or MA they have similar options. Those beaches are also government run, if I recall...a beach wedding off-season would be lovely and you could save $$$.

Hope I am helping!

 

[allycat0303]

Anchor: If anything you are going to find TOO MUCH! If you''re not afraid to bargain, you are going to get a great deal. I''m totally not able to bargain so I just don''t. Let me know how it goes. I''m so excited for you. Isn''t that crazy?

 

[basil]

I''m getting married in 2008 too. Our issue is that we are both finishing up our residency/fellowship in different cities, so we will not be able to live together until then. I''m excited about planning, however, just frustrated that there is so little I can do right now! We''re going to get married in the city where my fiance and parents live, but since I''m not there right now, I can''t really make any firm decisions on the reception location. Plus, I want to go dress shopping, but I really want to go with my mom since she told me she was really looking forward to it. And she doesn''t live here. It hasn''t stopped me from researching excessively though!

Scintillating - have you looked at all in Bristol, RI? They have quite a few places on the water that are more reasonable than the Newport places. Mt. Hope Farm, Linden Place, Glen Manor, Bristol Harbor Inn, Blithewold Mansion. There are also a few vineyards on the water - Sakonnet Vineyards and Greenvale Vineyards - who do weddings too. I haven''t seen any of those places yet in person, but they''re on my list.

 

[anchor31]

Hey basil! I certainly understand the frustration of not being to do much right now. My mother also really want to go shopping with me, but she says it''s too soon now, so I''m taking a friend instead next week.

Government parks and beaches are great alternatives for a wedding on a tight budget! If you''re not having a Catholic wedding, that is.

 

[Scintillating]

Thanks Anchor, Kit and Basil.

Basil - I TOTALLY feel your frustration. That must be so hard living away from eachother. Is there anything small you could do to feel bridal or celebrate? Have you had an engagement party?

Thank you both for the suggestions. Newport is a special place for us, my mother is from Newport and I have spent summers there - and FI and I have spent summers there together. We were both raised Catholic, and are thinking (and being pressured

) into a full Mass. If we were to wed in Newport, we'd marry at St. Mary's - which is the same church my parents and JFK and Jackie were married in. (The only thing they have in common, lol!) I've been going to masses there since I was a little girl. The goal is to be married someone special to us, somewhere with history and significance to FI and Me, and my family.

Kit - My cousin had a beach wedding in Newport in May. It was so cold that the goldfish centerpieces froze! Outdoor weddings off-season in New England can be risky!

I will definitely check out the Vineyards. And Ellaila's reception locale - Castle Hill. I'll check out the state function areas as well. We'll also look at some restaurants.

Not to be morbid or pessimistic - but I'm happy to hear I'm not alone in my frustrations. It's so difficult to deal with societal expectations/social norms with wedddings these days. I sort of envy the settler/colonial days when the town got together for a wedding and everyone just brought something to the party - there was no expectation that a young couple, just beginning their life together, would throw a lavish party.

Anchor - Pics are Mandatory!

Scintillating...