shape
carat
color
clarity

now i'm really depressed

movie zombie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 20, 2005
Messages
11,879
remember my january thread re being depressed? [cat diagnosed with cancer; goats killed].

well, now i'm really depressed: my Rusty cat age 12 has been diagnosed with lung cancer, and probably a nasty malignant one. the treatment is surgery to remove his upper left lung lobe. however, this is the cat that almost died after surgery complications for a much less complicated surgery in february of last year. complicating it is he's got kidney disease and is on thyroid medication as well as been getting asthma medication for several years. he's had weight loss and loss of appetite but is not coughing more than before, and perhaps even less actually.

my original reaction is that i just cannot put him through this. i almost lived at the vet's a year ago and i saw what he went through. of course, dying from cancer ain't no bed of roses either...... the only other option is to let nature take its course, medications for symptoms as the arrise, and knowing for a fact that a decison to end his life is going to be sooner rather than later. the prognisis after surgery [if he survives that] is all dependent upon what the lab says about the removed lobe/tumor. could be short, could be some years.

i am upset and have been for days and off/on with tears as well.

wish us luck in making this decision.....

the good news: Harley, 18 year old male cat, is responding to his medication slowly but positively. his cancer is of the stomach lining and a much less problematic cancer.

afraid its time for more tears.......
 

aljdewey

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 25, 2002
Messages
9,170
I wish I had something to say that would be comforting, but I know firsthand there just isn't anything to make it feel less visceral. Just know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you right now.
 

Enerchi

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Oct 4, 2011
Messages
10,658
oh dear MZ... I hope you get thru this intact. It is so heart wrenching to just have stuff piled on top of other stuff. You HAVE been thru a lot in this short year to date :((

I feel for you with this new diagnosis for your kitty. Such a hard call to know what to do -especially if you've just gone thru it a year ago (time and trauma at the vet). It is not easy deciding one way or another.

Somehow, you will know the right thing for both you and your kitty. The moment will come and you'll have a clear decision come to you. Good luck my dear - I am sending you dust for the two of you and give him a big snuggle!!!
 

Begonia

Ideal_Rock
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Feb 2, 2011
Messages
3,214
Ahhh Jeez.

It ain't right when animals (and kids) are sick.

Well, keep us up to date on how he is doing, and what kind of decisions you have to make.

So so sorry to hear this MZ. :blackeye:
 

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Apr 3, 2004
Messages
33,852
sorry to hear this... :(sad lots of dust for your kitty.
 

Kaleigh

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Nov 18, 2004
Messages
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I am so very sorry. In this past year, I lost my 17 year old Bichon Casper and recently my 13 year old Bichon Callie.

I am always about fighting the good fight. But when you see it's not working, it's best to let them go.

When Casper was put to sleep, my kids were with me. 17 year old dog, every memory we had, included him...

The tears will flow, and I offer you a big big hug....

I can't say it gets better.

But after a while, I got a puppy, different breed. Charlie has been a blessing to us all.. She is a Morkie. Smart as heck and has tons of personality.


I never thought I could open my heart again. This wasn't planned, but was the best thing I did....

Prayers outgoing MZ... :halo:
 

Amys Bling

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
11,025
So sorry :(
 

lulu

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
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So sorry, mz.
I know how you feel. It's always a horrible decision to make, and it's best to make it with your heart. God bless you.
 

Okie_girl

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 4, 2011
Messages
316
I'm so sorry MZ. It's such a gut wrenching decision to have to make. I'm a huge animal lover, but when it comes to something like this, I tend to not be as aggressive with treatment. Not because I don't love them, or think they "deserve" the treatment, but more because I don't want them to be in any more pain than is absolutely necessary. Hugs for you as you travel this road, whatever you choose, and hugs for Rusty, too.
 

movie zombie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 20, 2005
Messages
11,879
i've got 5 urns setting on a table from past kitty deaths...last one was december 12, 2010. all i know is that i learn a lot from each cat both in their living and in their dying. i have been with each as they have died and administered the fatal dose for two. hard but it had to be done and it was crystal clear that in so loving them, i needed to be the one to gaze last into their eyes and hearts and lovingly ease their passing.

but it just doesn't get easier....and every situation is different. it really is breaking my heart. on one hand i'm wanting to let nature take its course but then i wonder if i'm being fair to him by not doing everything that can possibly be done even if it means losing him during surgery.

i've done tons of online research. i've taken up a lot of our vet's time as well as that of another vet. and i'm taking a lot of pictures!

one thing i read says that removing the lung lobe will then create asthma like symptoms...need to confirm that. his asthma is under control. he rarely coughs....this makes me know that his cancer isn't too far advanced. however, he has lost a full pound since december 8 and he definitely has a loss of appetite. these are definite signs that the disease has progressed. many times this type of cancer isn't discovered until "it is too late". i happen to be extremely observant...and paranoid...re their health so we sort of got a bit of a jump on it. but......the risks of surgery for him are as bad as the cancer itself.

thus far it has not spread to his other lung which is a good thing but his biopsy lab have aspects of a fast moving cancer and the pathologist fears its a nasty malignancy....there is also fluid which indicates a breakdown of tissue...not good.

i will give kitty pets to Rusty for each one of you.....i know he'll appreciate your thoughts and prayers...as do i.
 

sonnyjane

Ideal_Rock
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Jul 13, 2008
Messages
2,476
I have nothing to say other than I'm just so incredibly sorry. My little buddy is 8 and I dread the day that I'll have to make these choices. If your cat is not in pain, then you should probably let nature take its course and just keep him comfortable. The last pet I lost was our childhood pet, a golden. She was 14 and had cancer. They didn't think she would survive surgery so we just let her go on until she was starting to feel pain, then we made the choice to let her go. I hate having to outlive these creatures that have loved me so :( I'm sending you lots if strength.
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,225
Oh sweetie. I'm so very sorry. For you having to make this decision, and for Rusty and everything he's been through and is going through.

I wish I had some advice to offer to help you. But all I have is a lot of sympathy and friendship and love for you both.

I'll be praying for you both. My kids offer you and Rusty head bonks.
 

Matata

Ideal_Rock
Premium
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Sep 10, 2003
Messages
8,995
MZ, I've read you here for a number of years and feel I know you well when it comes to your animals and I know you will do what is right for Rusty. Hugs to you and your family as you go through this transition with him. There is much comfort to be gained from the knowledge of a life well lived with a soul well loved.
 

TooPatient

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Sep 1, 2009
Messages
10,295
MZ, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. It is never easy.

I'll be thinking of you and Rusty.
 

TooPatient

Super_Ideal_Rock
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10,295
MZ, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. It is never easy.

I'll be thinking of you and Rusty.
 

asscherisme

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 6, 2006
Messages
2,950
I am so sorry to hear about Rusty. I can't imagine what you are going through. Rusty and you are in my thoughts. I am happy to hear Harley is responding.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
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Messages
53,978
Oh mz, I'm so sorry about this. I am keeping you and Rusty and Harley (glad he is responding well to treatment!) in my thoughts and prayers and sending good vibes your way. It's not an easy decision but I know whatever you decide it will be from a place of love and compassion. Please hug Rusty and Harley for me.
 

justginger

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 11, 2009
Messages
3,712
MZ, I'm sorry to hear of your bad news. I am certain you will do what is best for Rusty, but yes, the decision is always difficult no matter which direction you go. They sure worm their way right into your very soul - you can only do what you believe is best for them. Have no doubt, they know you'll do right by them. Lots of dust.
 

yennyfire

Ideal_Rock
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I'm so sorry MZ. It's always horrible when our furry family members are ailing. :(( I know that you have hard choices ahead and am sending hugs and prayers to you.
 

allycat0303

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 19, 2004
Messages
3,450
MovieZombie,

I'm so sorry about your recent difficulties with your cats. I recently lost two of the cats I grew up. Zebra and Phoenix (the calico in my avatar). It's even hard for me to write the words because it's so painful, so I truly understand what you are going through. I sense that you are very conflicted about your decision to have or not have surgery for your baby. Your post suggests you feel very guilty about this is though you should do *everything*. I assume that like in many things, cat lung cancer is similar to human lung cancer. Most often then not, depending on the age, type of cancer we do not operate in humans. The reason for this is that through PET screening, we find that there are metastasis to other organs. At that point, prognosis is very bad, and the treatment is palliative. I'm assuming that your cat has one of the 3 most common type of cancers of the lung. He's 12 years old, which is elderly for a cat. Partial removal of his lung is an incredibly morbid procedure for a young cat, never mind at his age.

Sometimes, the loving thing to do is let your pet live out his days in comfort. I mean this for pets and humans. Please let me tell you about Mr. G. Canada is public heath care, so we have unlimited resources. Mr.G was 82 years old, and had a severe infection, he was brought down to the ICU and intubated. He stayed in the ICU for 2 YEARS. He had bed ulcers, he was on a ventilator, had dialysis, had a feeding tube, and a permanent breathing tube and two chest tubes. For 2 YEARS, his wife and children insisted that we do everything to save him. They refused to let any doctor talk directly to him (unfortunately, he was completely with it). One day, he had an acute event, and I went in the room with him. There was no family. He took my hand, looked at me and said, "Please for the love of God let me die. How can you be so cruel to keep going?" We did not stop, and we treated him for 6 months, until he passed despite maximum medical care.

I'm not saying his wife didn't love him, I remember the day he passed and she was devastated. But at some point, I think she couldn't see beyond her own suffering and look at what was best for him. He passed after 2.5 years of agony. The loving thing, would have been to say, "I love you enough to let you go." Its much harder to accept the guilt you feel, and do what is best for your cat, then to do everything you can to save him so that you won't feel bad.

I can tell you love your cats MZ. Every decision you've made so far has been about them, and what was best for your pet. I know whichever way you go, you'll only be thinking of him. I'm sure you've given him a beautiful life, and he has been spoiled rotten.
 

dragonfly411

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2007
Messages
7,378
mozo - I am so sorry for your troubles. We are going through some similar things with our older family dog. He's got cataracts, is now deaf, has an abscessed tooth, and they are running blood counts b/c they think he is diabetic. He has incontinence problems (pees everywhere basically), and balance issues. At this point, we are aware we'd have to knock him out to get the tooth, and elderly dogs are sometimes harder to wake back up, so it's coming down to decision time on just how much more he can take. He seems confused, and tired.

Sorry, didn't mean to thread jack. I just wanted you to know that I can relate a little... and it's horrible and sad, and there is nothing that can make us feel happy about those situations. But if you ever need to talk, I'm always happy to listen.
 

Circe

Ideal_Rock
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Messages
8,087
MoZo, I am so sorry you have to make this decision, and that you and Rusty are in this situation to begin with. I know no words can make it easier, but my heart hurts for you and with you.
 

QueenB29

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 3, 2008
Messages
440
Oh no. I am so sorry.
 

Amber St. Clare

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 15, 2009
Messages
1,673
I'm so sorry for you and your little guys. We went thru something similar in the summer....mega dust to the three of you.
 

tyty333

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 17, 2008
Messages
27,198
I'm so sorry MZ. I hope you and your vet can figure out the best treatment for him.
 

iLander

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2010
Messages
6,731
Sorry to hear this, MZ. This is the worst and you have my sympathies.

I went down that road a couple of years ago when Sandy, our tortie, started to decline. If I had to do it again, I would have let her go a month sooner than I did. It just seemed so bad for her . . .

I feel for you, and wish you courage and strength.
 

hlmr

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 21, 2004
Messages
2,872
Thinking of you, MZ.....
 

Enerchi

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 4, 2011
Messages
10,658
Hi MovieZombie- how is Harley doing today? What update can you share with us - and how are YOU doing??? :))
 

movie zombie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 20, 2005
Messages
11,879
thank you everyone!

hubby and i were up to the wee hours of the early a.m.'s discussing this.

i've spoken with the main vet that i will call "hopeful", the 2nd opinion vet that i call "pragmatic" and now today with the surgeon that would do the surgery.....and did the surgery a year ago.

my original response of "hell, no, i can't do that to him" has modified but essentially remains intact.
my husband would like to see a better carrot extended re the success of such a surgery for a cat with asthma, kidne/renal disease, and a prior history of problems with surgery [internal bleeding, water accumulated in lining of lungs, bleeding from incision requiring aspiration of of a great amount of fluid, several blood transfusions, days in an oxygen tent environment and a 10 day hospital stay for what should have been a simple surgery]. yes, it was incredibly expensive. i walked away from that one saying i'd never put him through it again. in many ways, i want to stick to that and do feel we have had him a year longer because he really did come so very close to dying.

i put myself in his paws: if i were in my 80's, suffered from kidney/reneal disease, and had asthma, i'm not so sure i'd have such a surgery done on myself.

his weight loss and lack of appetite are of additional concern.

thus far this is where we stand: wait until next week for another x-ray to see if it appears to be growing. see if we can get his weight up. assess for any other "signs". ultimately, though, we appear to be headed down the path of "do nothing" and proceed with palative care. in so many ways, this goes against all my other decisions re my cats and their health. i've been very proactive and even aggressive in seeking care and having tests done as well as consenting to medical procedures. that i'm dragging my feet on this one is telling..... having watched 5 cats die over the last 7 years or so, i know for a fact that i have done everything i could. not doing the surgery for Rusty who i dearly love is out of character. but i think it comes from wanting to do right by HIM and not putting myself first.

again, thank you everyone for your kindness, thoughts, words, prayers, etc. head bonks back to you all from Rusty.

alleycat, please know that your words resonated with me....even had hubby read them. in many ways your post substantiates my feelings and thoughts.....there comes a point when one has to ask why one is pursuing treatment against so many odds. yes, it is possible but is it probable? i don't know that i personally can chance his not making it through surgery. it comes down to what one can live with as more than one vet has told me. i wanted to shout: TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW!!! but didn't. they've gone out of their way to consult with me and i appreciate it.

and for myself today i went and had acupuncture. i spoke to the dr re my emotions and about the cat. he did an extra long session and added needles for my current emotional stress.....i slept which is always a good sign and feel much more centered.
 

canuk-gal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 19, 2004
Messages
25,646
HI:

Oh my heart goes out to you MZ--healing vibes across the miles..... :halo:

kind regards--Sharon
 
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