Wanting but Waiting graduates!

[bobbin]

I was just thinking about the WBW thread that was active early last year and realised that most of us who posted on that thread are now TTC or pregnant!

I thought it was funny as many of us were contemplating very long stays in the WBW camp, and here we all are a bit over a year later!

Anyone still WBW? Any WBW from last year want to share what tipped them from WBW to TTC?

We both really, really wanted to have children and not wait, but it wasn't the perfect time and we couldn't admit that we were TTC, we were just being very lax with preventing. The month I fell pregnant I knew I was fertile at the time we DTD and DH knew too. We thought to heck with it, and 7 months later, we are counting down to the birth of our daughter (and absolutely thrilled)!

 

[Dandi]

Yippee!! Congratulations bobbin! DH and I are actively TTC (with OPKs, and I'm taking folate). We just felt the time was right (whatever that really means!) after our overseas trip at the end of last year. Plus I'll be 30 in a month, so we figure we'd better make a move! We're pretty relaxed about the whole thing, so whatever happens, happens. Good luck, I hope you've been well!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

So funny, I was just thinking about that thread the other day because I remember amc and meg posting on it. I was charting when the thread started, so not really TTC, but knew that TTC was right around the corner. I feel like once the baby bug bites, it's really hard to put it off. At least it was for me.

And now that I have a one-week old, I can't believe we waited at all, haha. D and I are so overwhelmingly in love with her that we can't believe we were ever on the fence.

 

[mayerling]

I was wanting but waiting because I was waiting until after my wedding to TTC. After the wedding, it was full-blown TTC!

 

[megumic]

Ahhh I can't believe I even forgot about that thread, even though I had started it!!! Yes, many of us are now TTC or pregnant already!

You know who I haven't seen much of though, who was very active on that thread, Haven. Anyone know where she's been???

 

[mayerling]

Haven still posts in hangout. She probably doesn't still post on "Wanting but Waiting" because most of us from that thread are no longer waiting.

 

[tammy77]

I forgot all about that thread too! We're also no longer WBW, hoping to no longer need to be TTC in another week!

 

[Haven]

I'm here! I'm still WBW!

DH and I are just the sloooooowest moving people you could ever find, I think.
One day I feel totally ready. Then, the next morning I can't even believe that I thought I was ready.

I think my long-suffering husband is just waiting for me to be consistently wanting for several weeks in a row, for once.

I can't believe so many of you are TTC or pregnant now, that's so wonderful!

I've tried to pop into the TTC and pregnant PSers threads, but they move way too fast for me to keep up.

If I had to guess, I'd say we'll start TTC this summer or next fall. Or maybe summer 2013. Nothing too far away though. I think.

 

[amc80]

Oh yeah, forgot about the WBW thread. We waited until our wedding (sort of) and I'm now 16 weeks pregnant (well, I will be tomorrow)!

 

[mayachel]

This thread makes me smile, as I am never on PS these days other then to read because most of my hours are consumed by my 11 wk old daughter. I never thought we would get pregnant so quickly, and while we were planning to start TTC within a few months, she certainly surprised us, as we were both working such crazy hours that we know there was only one chance for it to have happened in our time line. Having always known I wanted a child, and my DH and I knowing one another for years before dating, dating forever before getting married, etc....It had felt like a long time WBW. Early on I would tell people we got married on his time line but had a baby on mine

 

[Octavia]

Congrats to all the formerly-WBW preggos and mamas! I hope you're all doing well. I posted on that thread and really haven't changed my position. I'm still wanting in an abstract sense, but I don't actually want to be pregnant or have a little one at home now. Just trying to figure out when I will be ready for that...Also, it's really hard with work. I had just gotten to the point in my old job where going on maternity leave would have feasible and then we moved, so I'm basically starting over at my new job. Plus, I'm on a two-year term that may or may not get extended, and I don't want to a) leave the office shorthanded during this term, or b) jeopardize my chances of being extended or made permanent. I guess if I really had the baby itch I wouldn't let this dictate the timing, but it just seems more prudent all around to hold off awhile longer. It's funny, a year and a half ago I would have thought I'd either be pregnant or have a newborn right now but I really regressed. DH wavers, too, though he's somewhat more in the "let's just go ahead and see what happens" camp, but he agrees it's not optimal timing now. I still kind of hope for an oops that takes away the need for a decision on the issue...but I also know I'd completely freak out if that happens, haha. Oh well, what will be will be...

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Hey guys...I am no longer in the WBW but moving into waiting due to infertility issues.....

 

[blacksand]

I'm still WBW. I miss that thread; it was nice seeing so many others in the same boat and knowing I wasn't [too] crazy. But I am happy to see so many of you now fulfilling that dream! Congrats to you all!

We're still waiting. We won't be married until December. At this point, with my planned career change, we will probably have to wait a while after that, too, unless FI wants to support a family on one salary (yeah...he doesn't/can't). It is also just a sensitive topic at the moment because FI's sister is going through very serious post-partum depression at the moment. We are all trying to help, and she is in therapy, but it is really affecting the whole family quite seriously at this point. So that makes me think twice about having a baby, first because I can't help wondering if the same thing will happen to me, and second because...well, it doesn't seem like a good time for FI's family. FI is very upset seeing his sister like this, so baby talk is just kind of off the table for now. I haven't stopped wanting...but I'm definitely still waiting.

 

[megumic]

I'm here! I'm still WBW!

DH and I are just the sloooooowest moving people you could ever find, I think.
One day I feel totally ready. Then, the next morning I can't even believe that I thought I was ready.

I think my long-suffering husband is just waiting for me to be consistently wanting for several weeks in a row, for once.

I can't believe so many of you are TTC or pregnant now, that's so wonderful!

I've tried to pop into the TTC and pregnant PSers threads, but they move way too fast for me to keep up.

If I had to guess, I'd say we'll start TTC this summer or next fall. Or maybe summer 2013. Nothing too far away though. I think.

Ha, glad you are still in the WBW crowd when you're ready and look forward to you popping into TTC and JBP hopefully soon thereafter!

 

[Echidna]

I posted on that thread and really haven't changed my position. I'm still wanting in an abstract sense, but I don't actually want to be pregnant or have a little one at home now. Just trying to figure out when I will be ready for that...Also, it's really hard with work. I had just gotten to the point in my old job where going on maternity leave would have feasible and then we moved, so I'm basically starting over at my new job. Plus, I'm on a two-year term that may or may not get extended, and I don't want to a) leave the office shorthanded during this term, or b) jeopardize my chances of being extended or made permanent. I guess if I really had the baby itch I wouldn't let this dictate the timing, but it just seems more prudent all around to hold off awhile longer.

I'm in a very similar position, Octavia. Happy to hang around waiting in an abstract sense with you

 

[Octavia]

I posted on that thread and really haven't changed my position. I'm still wanting in an abstract sense, but I don't actually want to be pregnant or have a little one at home now. Just trying to figure out when I will be ready for that...Also, it's really hard with work. I had just gotten to the point in my old job where going on maternity leave would have feasible and then we moved, so I'm basically starting over at my new job. Plus, I'm on a two-year term that may or may not get extended, and I don't want to a) leave the office shorthanded during this term, or b) jeopardize my chances of being extended or made permanent. I guess if I really had the baby itch I wouldn't let this dictate the timing, but it just seems more prudent all around to hold off awhile longer.

I'm in a very similar position, Octavia. Happy to hang around waiting in an abstract sense with you

Happy to have company while we wait! Do you have any general thoughts on timing? I think we might start trying next summer or fall, but so much can happen before then...

 

[MuffDog]

I was part of the WBW crowd. For a long time I would have even said I was in the CFBC (child free by choice) group. But over time, we talked and talked and thought and thought and I am now 6 months preggo.

Funny how things change eh?

 

[Echidna]

I posted on that thread and really haven't changed my position. I'm still wanting in an abstract sense, but I don't actually want to be pregnant or have a little one at home now. Just trying to figure out when I will be ready for that...Also, it's really hard with work. I had just gotten to the point in my old job where going on maternity leave would have feasible and then we moved, so I'm basically starting over at my new job. Plus, I'm on a two-year term that may or may not get extended, and I don't want to a) leave the office shorthanded during this term, or b) jeopardize my chances of being extended or made permanent. I guess if I really had the baby itch I wouldn't let this dictate the timing, but it just seems more prudent all around to hold off awhile longer.

I'm in a very similar position, Octavia. Happy to hang around waiting in an abstract sense with you

Happy to have company while we wait! Do you have any general thoughts on timing? I think we might start trying next summer or fall, but so much can happen before then...

Yay

Timing sort of depends on work. I'm at the start of a 2 year post-doc contract (after being in the same post-doc position the previous 2 years), so ideally I'd become permanent before we start trying. I have kind of an obscure feeling that will happen sometime in the life of the current contract but I can't be sure of that. I have a vague thought you might be in academia/research as well? Perhaps I am making that up!

I'm also doing (a lot) more study in 2012/2013, so maybe it would work to get pregnant in the last 6 months of that? I think that puts us TTC at about the same time (if my maths is correct!). Timing is so hard! I'm 29 this year so we have some flexibility. Every time we pin down a date I try to push it back a bit...

ETA: I AM making up the academia thing- you're in law! I knew it was a serious and high-pressure job though

 

[Echidna]

I was part of the WBW crowd. For a long time I would have even said I was in the CFBC (child free by choice) group. But over time, we talked and talked and thought and thought and I am now 6 months preggo.

Funny how things change eh?

Isn't it funny, Muffdog? I always assumed I'd be child-free and just act as a naughty aunty to my sibling's kids

Congratulations on your pregnancy Can't wait to see your little person when they arrive.

 

[Octavia]

Yay

Timing sort of depends on work. I'm at the start of a 2 year post-doc contract (after being in the same post-doc position the previous 2 years), so ideally I'd become permanent before we start trying. I have kind of an obscure feeling that will happen sometime in the life of the current contract but I can't be sure of that. I have a vague thought you might be in academia/research as well? Perhaps I am making that up!

I'm also doing (a lot) more study in 2012/2013, so maybe it would work to get pregnant in the last 6 months of that? I think that puts us TTC at about the same time (if my maths is correct!). Timing is so hard! I'm 29 this year so we have some flexibility. Every time we pin down a date I try to push it back a bit...

ETA: I AM making up the academia thing- you're in law! I knew it was a serious and high-pressure job though

Well, my profession can be high-stress and demanding, but fortunately my specific job is a dream. It's highly technical and needs to be done well, but I work for the gov't so the workload is reasonable and predictable, and the hours are great (normal "9-5" type workday, none of that 80-hours a week nonsense). The other attorneys in my sub-agency are mostly in the late-20s to late 30s age range and about 2/3 have young children, so I don't think anyone would be shocked or upset or anything...in fact, it's probably somewhat anticipated...but I'm mainly concerned about making myself valuable enough that the agency continues to fund the position when the two years are up, and losing out on several months of work before then won't help my cause. Plus, I'd like to save up as much leave as possible because mat leave isn't paid for federal employees .

What particular field are you in? I don't remember if you ever said. It is definitely a little stressful to be in a term position, as it's good to have a job at all but hard to make long-term plans.

Ltl and blacksand, I'm sorry to hear about your setbacks...hoping things look up for you both soon.

 

[vc10um]

I'm not a WBW graduate...just barely dipping my toes into the "wanting" pool at the moment, actually. But I just wanted to give a shout out to Octavia...another federal employee with no maternity leave here! I got some great advice from Logan Sapphire about how to work your annual/sick and LWOP to get some extended, but still partially-paid, time off...if that's something that would work for your family when the time comes! Her post is here near the bottom of the page.

DH and I have been married for 8 months now, and when our first wedding anniversary rolls around we will have been together for four years. We are currently just about to start the process of house-hunting hundreds of miles away from where we currently live, so no baby-making for awhile! Hopefully we'll purchase and move into that home later this summer (we're hoping for August) and then we've said we're giving ourselves at least a year in the new home before we start thinking about making babies! That will actually probably get pushed back until late 2013/early 2014 anyway because we're planning on going on SAFARI in Africa sometime in late 2013, probably in South Africa, and if that's the case, this girl is going WINE TASTING. So no babies allowed! DH will turn 30 in November 2013, and I will follow suit in June of 2014, so we have plenty of time. I currently waffle between "one and done" and "two and through" camps...DH is a firm believer in the "two" camp. We'll see how the first go turns out, I guess!

 

[Echidna]

Yay

Timing sort of depends on work. I'm at the start of a 2 year post-doc contract (after being in the same post-doc position the previous 2 years), so ideally I'd become permanent before we start trying. I have kind of an obscure feeling that will happen sometime in the life of the current contract but I can't be sure of that. I have a vague thought you might be in academia/research as well? Perhaps I am making that up!

I'm also doing (a lot) more study in 2012/2013, so maybe it would work to get pregnant in the last 6 months of that? I think that puts us TTC at about the same time (if my maths is correct!). Timing is so hard! I'm 29 this year so we have some flexibility. Every time we pin down a date I try to push it back a bit...

ETA: I AM making up the academia thing- you're in law! I knew it was a serious and high-pressure job though

Well, my profession can be high-stress and demanding, but fortunately my specific job is a dream. It's highly technical and needs to be done well, but I work for the gov't so the workload is reasonable and predictable, and the hours are great (normal "9-5" type workday, none of that 80-hours a week nonsense). The other attorneys in my sub-agency are mostly in the late-20s to late 30s age range and about 2/3 have young children, so I don't think anyone would be shocked or upset or anything...in fact, it's probably somewhat anticipated...but I'm mainly concerned about making myself valuable enough that the agency continues to fund the position when the two years are up, and losing out on several months of work before then won't help my cause. Plus, I'd like to save up as much leave as possible because mat leave isn't paid for federal employees .

What particular field are you in? I don't remember if you ever said. It is definitely a little stressful to be in a term position, as it's good to have a job at all but hard to make long-term plans.

Ltl and blacksand, I'm sorry to hear about your setbacks...hoping things look up for you both soon.

Octavia, glad to hear that your job has reasonable hours and workload. Big tick there! I hear you on the "making yourself invaluable" part of life though. I'm in the position where I could have paid maternity leave (a whole 6 months if I'd like it!) during my 2 year contract, but I cannot imagine that would make my bosses happy (and they're very reasonable people- it's just that I'd feel like I abused their attempts to keep me employed as long as possible).

The thing I am most scared of is having to go elsewhere at the end of the two years; mat benefits are great here as long as you've been with your employer a year before leave. I cannot believe your and vc10um are FEDERAL employees and don't get mat leave. For real?!?!

I don't think I've ever mentioned my field (makes me a bit too trackable!) but we're definitely not changing the world or finding a cure for cancer

 

[Trekkie]

I'm wanting, wanting, wanting... And waiting for it to happen.

We've only been officially trying for one month so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that nothing has happened yet, but still... I'm not getting any younger, you know.

I turn 28 on Thursday.

 

[vc10um]

The thing I am most scared of is having to go elsewhere at the end of the two years; mat benefits are great here as long as you've been with your employer a year before leave. I cannot believe your and vc10um are FEDERAL employees and don't get mat leave. For real?!?!

Well, up until like 30 years ago, the Federal Government was completely run by men. And now the female Senators and Representatives that try and introduce paid maternity leave bills (even ones requesting as little as 4 weeks!) get chastized for wanting to "waste the taxpayer's money" in such grandiose fashion. It's really reprehensible, actually. But with all the hooplah over abortion and contraception right now, obviously women's rights aren't at all a concern... (sorry to slide slightly off track)

Good luck to all the ladies who are currently TTC, and dust to those who are no longer wanting or waiting that your pregnancies are smooth, as are your deliveries! And to those who are still truly WBW, I'm sure our times will come soon enough!

 

[Trekkie]

The thing I am most scared of is having to go elsewhere at the end of the two years; mat benefits are great here as long as you've been with your employer a year before leave. I cannot believe your and vc10um are FEDERAL employees and don't get mat leave. For real?!?!

Well, up until like 30 years ago, the Federal Government was completely run by men. And now the female Senators and Representatives that try and introduce paid maternity leave bills (even ones requesting as little as 4 weeks!) get chastized for wanting to "waste the taxpayer's money" in such grandiose fashion. It's really reprehensible, actually. But with all the hooplah over abortion and contraception right now, obviously women's rights aren't at all a concern... (sorry to slide slightly off track)

Good luck to all the ladies who are currently TTC, and dust to those who are no longer wanting or waiting that your pregnancies are smooth, as are your deliveries! And to those who are still truly WBW, I'm sure our times will come soon enough!

WHAT! No paid maternity leave? You're joking!

I live in South Africa and I get 6 months maternity leave on full pay!

 

[vc10um]

The thing I am most scared of is having to go elsewhere at the end of the two years; mat benefits are great here as long as you've been with your employer a year before leave. I cannot believe your and vc10um are FEDERAL employees and don't get mat leave. For real?!?!

Well, up until like 30 years ago, the Federal Government was completely run by men. And now the female Senators and Representatives that try and introduce paid maternity leave bills (even ones requesting as little as 4 weeks!) get chastized for wanting to "waste the taxpayer's money" in such grandiose fashion. It's really reprehensible, actually. But with all the hooplah over abortion and contraception right now, obviously women's rights aren't at all a concern... (sorry to slide slightly off track)

Good luck to all the ladies who are currently TTC, and dust to those who are no longer wanting or waiting that your pregnancies are smooth, as are your deliveries! And to those who are still truly WBW, I'm sure our times will come soon enough!

WHAT! No paid maternity leave? You're joking!

I live in South Africa and I get 6 months maternity leave on full pay!

Not joking. If you're interested in seeing how substandard mothers in the US are treated after giving birth, give that thread I linked above a click and read back through the nine pages. It's pretty disheartening, actually.

 

[Octavia]

Echidna, totally understandable about not wanting to be too traceable -- I won't say what agency I work for either, for the same reason. And vc10um hit it on the head about federal work and maternity leave. If you can afford to take unpaid leave, it's not so bad because many agencies will allow you to take a fairly long leave (up to 11 months at the agency where I interned while I was in law school; not sure about my current agency's policy, though) and are pretty good about allowing part-time for awhile, and/or telework. It really depends on the agency, though, and on whether you have enough savings or a spouse/partner who earns enough so you can afford to do that. And once you're back to work, the jobs themselves tend to be family-friendly, in the sense that you can actually spend time with your spouse and kids at night and on the weekends. So there's both good and bad...

Vc10um, thanks for that link! I remembered reading it but I didn't remember which thread it was in, so I don't know if I'd have ever found it on my own. It will definitely be useful when the time comes. I think I'll probably try to take 12-15 weeks at first and then come back part-time for a couple months if they allow it, so knowing in advance how to schedule my leave is a beautiful thing!

 

[Clairitek]

Still wanting but waiting over here. If you had asked me 6 months ago I would have told you that we would be trying right now. Oh well!
Careers make that challenging. I am trying to time my mat leave (like I really have control over that, but a girl can make an effort, no?) for a particular time in my career path. I am due to move to another state for 12 months, likely with out DH. I think we will TTC during that time if we haven't started already, which could be interesting. If I get my way we will be TTC in September of this year. Fingers crossed DH is on board by then. He told me he would be more ready to nail down a potential date once we know more about what our next 18 months will look like. We won't really know that until the summer. Sigh. Oh well!

LtlFirecracker- I am cheering for you! Sorry this has been a not-so-fun road for you so far. I hope things improve very very very soon.

 

[MissStepcut]

I just graduated yesterday with my first positive pregnancy test

It was an accident. Eep!

 

[Echidna]

Congrats to the Stepcuts

If I put myself in your position, I would be completely too (maybe even ), but I'm sure in a few days/weeks it will become !