RSVP woes

[kelpie]

So I am one day past my "reply by" and still haven't heard from at least a 1/3 of my guests. What is so hard about returning a self addressed envelope?

But the real kicker is, I got a response today who did not write in their name but replied for 2 adults and one dog; and drew a little smiley face with question mark eyes after the dog part. I think this was my aunt and uncle who bring their wiener dog everywhere without asking. I love dogs but it chases and kills smaller animals like chickens (and I have chickens and wiener dogs that are terrified of other dogs and they will bring him to my house w/o asking). Not to mention we have a guest who is so severely allergic to EVERYTHING he can't socialize at other people's houses and his only pets are reptiles. I just changed my facebook status to "Who anonymously replied for two adults and one dog (?)? No dogs, please."

I know they were asking by putting a question mark after it, but this is presumptuous right? Besides just the inconvenience to other guests the venues are a historic ship and a children's museum where I am sure a reasonable person would assume dogs are not welcome. I can see maybe if it was a backyard wedding or a park...

Just venting, but I'd like to hear your other RSVP woes.

 

[slg47]

no name...two adults and one dog???? seems odd to me that they just assumed they could bring their dog...while I love dogs not all events are dog-appropriate...

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Maybe I'm cranky today but that really irritates me. Jeez, and I thought it was the people who wrote in their children's names when the envelope was addressed only to the parents that bothered me the most.

We numbered the back of our RSVPs so I would know if anyone sent their response without a name. Luckily, my sister was the only one who did that and the name she wrote in was "Captain Rumble Cheeks" so I knew it was her. I printed place cards verbatim so I have a wonderful pro picture of her bridesmaid bouquet next to a place card that says "Captain Rumble Cheeks." My mother was not amused.

ETA: Yeah, I had a lot of people who missed the RSVP deadline. A few came in right after the deadline but I did have to make a quite a few calls and send some emails. What really bugged me were the people that said "Um, I can't make it to the ceremony, but I'll try to show up for the reception." So..... you want your filet mignon and to drink for free at the open bar but you can't even come to the reason for the celebration (which takes place directly before the reception)?!?

Oh, and we had a cousin of DH's who sent in her RSVP on time with a "decline" response but I noticed that she signed the guestbook. Come on, people! What happened to common courtesy? (She also didn't give us a gift/card. Shocking .)

 

[lulu66]

kelpie, i think you might win an rsvp woe contest w/ an anonymous dog rsvp but i'm one week out & only received about 1/2 of my rsvps in the mail. umm, hello, they are addressed & stamped already. put your name & whether you're coming or not, lick the envelope & stick it in the mailbox most were declines, i guess people only feel the need to rsvp if they are attending?? and i was surprised at the percentage that were already married themselves! (i give single people a bit of slack if they suck out on rsvp-ing.)

 

[kelpie]

Thanks for the affirmation, Guys. Captain Rumble Cheeks sounds like an esteemed guest! I wish I had thought to number them. I never even leave the mailbox with an RSVP, I just get a pen out of my purse, fill it out, and stick it back in the mailbox. Why is it such a challenge? I gave a month! And Lulu, wow, 1/2 unresponded and a week away? Seriously where is the courtesy? You need to know how much food to have and food is expensive!!!! Someone asked me yesterday, "do I really need to send the card back?", I said "Yes!" and they said, "Jeez, ok there. Yes ma'am!". If you can't make the effort to send a card I've already paid postage on, how am I supposed to believe you'll get it together enough to come?

*cool off* *open beer*

 

[ts44]

I feel your pain. I did postcard RSVPs so there wasn't even an ENVELOPE and I still had to hound people for replies. I think we were about 1/3rd unresponded by the due date too. I didn't number mine but it ended up being ok - the only no-name was a decline. My mom was all fired up about it and I was just like, whatever mom, whoever it is they aren't coming so let's not worry about it!

It is awful cheeky to RSVP for a dog though. Seriously, what are people thinking? It's a wedding, not an afternoon picnic at the park.

OH - here's a good RSVP story. So one of my husband's coworkers RSVP'd (a week and a half late) with his guest's name, let's call her Jane Doe. I dutifully put Mr. Coworker and Ms. Jane Doe on the seating chart, hand-stamped Jane Doe's place card, wrote in Jane Doe on my table maps for the servers, etc. Well Mr. Coworker shows up with a DIFFERENT GIRL. And doesn't tell her he RSVP'd with a different guest. So she is totally unprepared to see a different girl's name on the seating chart, on the place card, etc. The servers are calling her Ms. Jane Doe. She didn't handle it very gracefully, either - she threw a tantrum, refused to eat the chicken entree that Jane Doe had RSVP'd for, and forced the server to give her a steak entree instead. Blessedly, their table was pretty far from ours so I didn't even know this had happened until two days ago! We assume they were fighting when he got the RSVP, put somebody else's name on their to spite her, then they reconciled just before the wedding and he forgot about the RSVP.

 

[ladypirate]

We had one person (a groomsman no less and the father of our flower girl) who rsvp'd for his (recent) ex wife (flower girl's mother) to come then let us know a week and a half out that she wasn't coming, THEN told us two days out as he was driving up for the wedding that he was bringing his girlfriend that we didn't even know about.

It was bizarre. Luckily I was running behind and hadn't printed the placecards yet.

 

[RhubarbPie]

I'm not married yet, but I remember for my bat mitzvah, my mom (who is anally organized and incredible when it comes to organizing events...she should start a business) put teeny tiny numbers in light pencil on the back, lower corner of all of the response cards (you wouldn't notice them if you weren't looking). These numbers corresponded to each person's number on her guest list spreadsheet. That way, when someone accidentally forgot to put their name on their card, she would know who it belonged to.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

You know what I actually appreciated? When people put a reason for why they declined. The very first RSVP I received back was from a couple (married within the past few years; explains the quick response!) and the wife wrote "We'd love to come but we have another wedding that day!"

At first I thought, "Hmm, that's kinda weird that she wrote that." But then as other declines came in, if nothing was written, I'd think "Why? What's so important that you can't make it?" I really began to appreciate the little notes on the side that some people added. I plan to give an explanation on weddings I RSVP "no" to from now on.

 

[kelpie]

Ah yes, I have only gotten 2 declines but both had little explainations. I also enjoy the little notes and drawings (except the dog!). The Aunt was the culprit. She said, "Ok, no dog but your uncle is coming" to my facebook post. I replied "Also, contrary to the rumor mill, our pet pig will not be a ring bearer." I wanted to make light of it but also want to gently suggest it's not cool to think your dog is going to be welcome at catered events at museums!

 

[kelpie]

I should also mention this Uncle's daughter and Aunt's stepdaughter just got married a month ago and she was really over-involving herself for someone who just married the Bride's dad after the bride was a teen. Telling her things like, "WHAT? You HAVE to have a color scheme!" When the bride was trying to extend an invitation to her sailor stepbrother via his mom she replied, "OK, I told him about it but I don't know how many people he is bringing with him yet". WTH? An entourage? He ended up not even coming.

She also disapproved of her other step daughter's wedding cake because it wasn't "wedding cake-y enough" (no layers, covered in fruit and tasted AMAZING) so she wanted to buy my sister's cake so she didn't make the same mistake. My sister graciously accepted the offer and let her make most of the decisions about it. It tasted like sheetcake from safeway and the "sky blue" icing ended up intense dark blue and stained people's hands, clothes (wedding gown too!) and somehow ended up everywhere.

 

[megumic]

Our RSVP date was Sept 10 which also just passed and we only had a little less than half of our RSVPs back. Don't fret too much, just chase people when the cards are a week overdue.

As for the dog, I'd just be clear that pets (and maybe even children...) are not welcome at the wedding. It's not a big deal I don't think -- they should understand. And maybe it was just a joke.

Also, as an aside, I probably would not be posting your wedding drama on facebook. People are sensitive when it comes to weddings and the drama comes out of the woodwork -- I'd hate for it to get back to your Aunt and Uncle.

 

[merbear1215]

Our RSVP's are not due until 10/2. However, we have had a few things come up that were a little funny/annoying. One of my bridesmaids (who is more like a sister) RSVP'd with her husband and their 1.5 year old. He was not on the invite. I love that kid, don't get me wrong. But, we just aren't having kids. I also invited her siblings and aunt and uncle, all who we are close to. ON the response card she wrote "we have no one to leave him with because our whole family is invited, but don't worry, he doesn't need a meal."

Like I said, I love that kid. But, it really irritated me because literally a month ago I had baby sat (for free) him when her cousin got married. This same cousin is not invited to our wedding and I thought "well, I am certain that your cousin would have watched him for free too" as i know money is tight.

I finally decided I would say nothing about it. I do consider him a nephew and FI and I have NO other children near as close to us as that. So, it won't cost me anything, I won't be watching him, and I do love him. More over, I didn't even want to have to get into it.

 

[doodle]

Bwahaha, Captain Rumble Cheeks! I have every intention of using that on the next wedding invite I get!

 

[elrohwen]

It sucks, but it's honestly way more common that I ever thought going into my wedding. I called/emailed about 1/3 of my guests to ask if they were coming. A few of my relatives never bothered responding at all, even to my emails!

 

[merbear1215]

besides the inconvenience of having to hassle people and such (like you don't have enough going on) isn't it annoying to think about the postage you wasted???

Also, when you contacted people to see if they were attending, was there anyone who has just never received the invite?

 

[CurlySue]

Our RSVP date is 10/1, and we still have about 1/3 of our responses outstanding.

We did have at least one case so far of the invitation not being received (which is weird since they got the STD, which is what made them ask about the invitation).

The funny thing is that there are at least 20 people who I *know* are attending (b/c they booked rooms in our hotel block) who haven't sent their responses in. The good news is that we can at least plan on them coming, but the bad news is that if they don't send in their responses, I still need to bug them to find out about their meal choice and whether they are coming to our brunch.

Oh well! I've already blocked out time in my calendar during the first week of October to follow up with all the lazy-butts that haven't responded by then. Such is life!