suggestions?

[TooPatient]

I talked with the venu we'd and got my questions (so far) answered. (I had a thread a couple of pages back with details). Turns out that the 20% service is the gratuity.

Budget wise, it will be a bit of a stretch but since they include pretty much everything in the price we should be able to manage it (without going into debt).

FI is concerned that it may be too far to ask guests to go and we won't have anyone show up. Before we sign contracts, he wants to find out from guests if this is something that will work for them. (as my wedding nightmare a couple of days ago suggests, I have the same worries).

For almost all of our guests, it would be a 2 hour drive. The venu has 30 (by next summer will be 75) rooms that are absolutely amazing and we can get a discount (10-15%) for all of our guests. We'd also put money into an account with them so that we'd be paying an additional part of the rooms (I'd like to keep rooms to $100 -- preferably less) so it wouldn't be as much of a burden and anyone who wanted could stay overnight and have brunch the next day before driving home. (they'd also be able to hike, do wine tastings, or go to the spa -- whatever they want)


So I've got 2 questions:

1: Would you attend a wedding 2 hours away? If so, would you stay the night (given the $100 room) or just drive home after?

2: How do I approach guests with this question? The number who would be willing to stay determines how much of a discount there is (if we take all 30 rooms, the discount will be much larger) and a rough estimate will play a big part in how we negotiate the contract.
FI suggested e-mail (allows people to decline gracefully) or even an "unofficial e-vite -- formal invitation to follow" but I'm not sure I like either of those ideas. I was thinking I could call the people I think are most likely to stay over and get an estimate that way (fi is concerned that people my feel obligated to say yes but back out later)

 

[megumic]

Our wedding is a 2+ hour drive for everyone. We did not consider guest preference of our marriage location -- We did what we wanted and figured if guests want to be there they will, despite a little drive. Also, your room rate is reasonable, so guests should not be dismayed to stay overnight.

I think to make it more appealing, make it a "weekend getaway", exactly as you mentioned. For example, we're having a laid back welcome reception instead of a rehearsal dinner, planned apple picking for the day before, and will have an organized run and yoga session morning of the wedding. That way guests feel like they're coming and staying for more than just the wedding.

 

[stephbolt]

I wouldn't decline a wedding invite just because it was 2 hours away. I would prefer to stay overnight if I'm going to have a 2 hour or more drive home afterward if that's in my budget. You are generous to offer to subsidize part of the rooms for your guests, but I don't know if you need to and your guests certainly won't expect it. Is the venue isolated to the point that there aren't any budget hotels within 15-20 minutes? For my wedding, we booked a block of rooms at one hotel, but many guests found better rates searching on their own.

Does the venue require you let them know how many rooms you are booking before signing the contract? Seems like they would understand how a wedding works and know you have no way of knowing exactly how many people are coming and how many rooms they will sort themselves into. If you really need this info, I think an informal email would be ok to gauge interest, but I would be a little hesitant to force my friends to commit so far in advance to whether they can 100% be there, you know?

 

[TooPatient]

They've got great wine. Maybe a wine tasting before the ceremony? (I thought about doing something like this the following day, but I'd like to avoid filling people up with wine and sending them on a 2 hour drive across the mountains...)
Brunch the next day.

How about something like:

Sunday --
2:00 (3:00?) check in time -- as guests arrive those staying can get settled
4:00 wine tasting
6:00 ceremony
6:30/7:00 reception/dinner -- from after ceremony until 11:00

Monday --
10:00 brunch
12:00 check out
After checkout people could continue to hike (easy and more advanced paths), go to the spa, whatever.

Other activities available: spa, swimming pool, hike to river

I don't want to fill the days with stuff that people feel like they HAVE to do, but I'd really like to have stuff available so they can relax and enjoy themselves.
Maybe I could see how we do on the food/beverage minimum and if we fall short add in something like the more extensive wine tasting?


ETA: There won't be many kids there, but the wine tastings are pretty laid back and the kids would be fine to be there with the parents or out and exploring (if old enough). I'd also make sure there were little activity packs in the rooms with kids so they'd have some stuff to do too.

 

[TooPatient]

I wouldn't decline a wedding invite just because it was 2 hours away. I would prefer to stay overnight if I'm going to have a 2 hour or more drive home afterward if that's in my budget. You are generous to offer to subsidize part of the rooms for your guests, but I don't know if you need to and your guests certainly won't expect it. Is the venue isolated to the point that there aren't any budget hotels within 15-20 minutes? For my wedding, we booked a block of rooms at one hotel, but many guests found better rates searching on their own.

Does the venue require you let them know how many rooms you are booking before signing the contract? Seems like they would understand how a wedding works and know you have no way of knowing exactly how many people are coming and how many rooms they will sort themselves into. If you really need this info, I think an informal email would be ok to gauge interest, but I would be a little hesitant to force my friends to commit so far in advance to whether they can 100% be there, you know?

It is pretty isolated. I haven't looked too closely but I think the nearest would be at least 30-40+ minutes away.

They don't require us to know exact numbers, but having an estimate will help negotiate lower rates for the rooms as well as additional things (like wine tastings, brunch, etc.). There are some people (about 5 - 6 rooms) that we are paying the full price for the rooms and knowing if the rooms are going to be $100 each or $250 each will help with as we plan the rest of the budget. Mostly, I'd like to be able to estimate so we can get the best rates possible for our guests and (if there are enough needed) do a "buy out" so we'd essentially have the entire place to ourselves allowing for more personal wine tastings and other activities that they can make available.

 

[jaylex]

Wow toopatient! You seem like a very generous hostess Your guests are very lucky.

I think that you and your fiance should have your wedding where you two decide feels most "right". I do, however, understand you wanting to get an estimate of who will stay over for negotiation purposes. Even if the other closest hotels are 30 min away, I would say that I would be far more likely to take a 30 min drive to a hotel over a 2 hr drive back home after a wedding. Of course, I would probably choose to stay at the venue if that option were available.

To me, $100 to stay at a beautiful winery, be wined and dined at a wedding for a day, and get away for the weekend is WAY more than worth it. I just asked my fiance (who is very budget conscious) what he would do if he were a guest in that situation and was offered the option of staying at the venue for $100, drive 2 hours home, or stay at a cheaper hotel 30 min away after the wedding. He says he would "definitely stay at the venue.. obviously the better choice".

So never fear, dear! Book your wedding where you want it!

And for negotiation purposes, If I were in your shoes, I would get an "estimated guest list" together... figure that into how many rooms you would need if they ALL stayed and drop the number by 20% or so and use that for your negotiations. Of course, I would tell the venue that it is just a "guesstimate"... and that there may be more or less.

Good luck!

 

[4ever]

I think $100 a room is very reasonable and I would be very happy with that as a guest. I think if I were a guest the travel time and cost of accomidation would only put me off attending your wedding if I did not know the bride and groom well and may have not attended the wedding anyway.

I say go for it, it sounds like a great venue and I really like your ideas for activities for your guests the day after.

 

[vc10um]

TP, I think your plan to help subsidize costs for the rooms is more than generous. I'm sure you would be surprised by the number of people willing to drive 2+ hours for a wedding! I drove 7+ hours to the wedding of my officemate and A and I made a long weekend out of it since we'd never been to Rhode Island before. I'm sure many people will take the opportunity to not just come up for your wedding on Sunday, but perhaps arrive on Saturday to enjoy everything the venue has to offer! Keep that in mind when you are negotiating with the venue, as I'm sure you will have people booking multiple-night stays in addition to people just staying the night of the wedding. I'm also willing to pay more for lodging when I don't have to fly to the wedding...so that may help your cause as well!

So long as the venue doesn't require you in the contract to actually book a particular number of rooms and guarantee occupancy to get the lower rate, I would just give them a realistic number. Think of all the people on your guest list that are in your "most likely or definitely attending" category, figure out how many rooms they will need, and then subtract a few because some friends could share or others may want/need to drive home or choose a cheaper hotel. I think that's reasonable!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

I would go to the wedding and stay the night as long as i could get the monday off of work. If i had to work the next day I would still seriously consider the drive, but wouldnt have as much fun due to the driving home and work the next day.

I think if you want to book this venue i would be giving everyone as much notice as possible so they can book the time off work!

 

[Clairitek]

We went to a wedding on Sunday on Long Island, which is normally a 3 hour drive from where I live. It took us 5 to get there and then we drove home after the wedding (thankfully only 3 hours that time). We could have stayed over but we decided not to since it was a Sunday. I think that 2 hours is totally reasonable to drive for a wedding and if I were one of your guests I would consider staying over for that price (or even more). I don't think you have to subsidize your guests hotel costs, but negotiating a discount is a really nice thing.

I'm not sure what your local options are, but now that I think about it, I'd rather have to drive to go to a particularly awesome wedding venue, than be able to walk across the street to a not-as-awesome wedding venue.

Remind me, what day of the week is your wedding going to be on?

 

[Future Mrs. Sterling]

I have driven as far as 3 1/2 hours each way for a wedding and not stayed overnight because it wasn't in our budget at the time. my FI and I just decided that I would drive up and he would drive back (so I could have some wine and enjoy myself) and it worked out fine. We have people that I expect will drive 1-2 hours for our wedding, and as someone earlier mentioned, if they won't make that drive, then they don't want to be there that badly. 2 hours is not that far, IMHO.

 

[TooPatient]

We went to a wedding on Sunday on Long Island, which is normally a 3 hour drive from where I live. It took us 5 to get there and then we drove home after the wedding (thankfully only 3 hours that time). We could have stayed over but we decided not to since it was a Sunday. I think that 2 hours is totally reasonable to drive for a wedding and if I were one of your guests I would consider staying over for that price (or even more). I don't think you have to subsidize your guests hotel costs, but negotiating a discount is a really nice thing.

I'm not sure what your local options are, but now that I think about it, I'd rather have to drive to go to a particularly awesome wedding venue, than be able to walk across the street to a not-as-awesome wedding venue.

Remind me, what day of the week is your wedding going to be on?

Wedding will be on a Sunday. Since we are Jewish, that pretty much eliminates Saturday as an option and also Friday (since I want evening). (On the up side, Sunday costs a fair amount less than Fri/Sat AND it is not likely to have a concert in the gorge that night)


Depending on other stuff in the budget, we may or may not pay a portion of the rooms for people (we'd still be paying for something like 6 rooms ourselves).

We are still 13+ months away so we'll be able to give people lots of time to arrange schedules.