- Joined
- Dec 18, 2007
- Messages
- 3,793
In the UK and Canada, gifting the couple cash (i.e., presentation) isn't always the norm. It's customary in some cultures (Italian, Portuguese), but it is seriously frowned upon in others (people from more WASP-y backgrounds). In those cultures it is frowned upon, the traditional wedding gift would be something that helps you set up your home as a couple, like china, a nice serving dish, towels and sheets, cutlery, and the like.
Also, it's a mistake to assume that the parents are paying for the wedding. With couples marrying older, the parents of the bride often do not feel obligated to do this. Many young couples can't afford a lavish wedding with an open bar.
This was an issue between DH and myself. He is from an Italian family where presentation is the norm. I am from a WASP background, where presentation is seen as tacky (ESPECIALLY if you put it on your invitations) and only wedding gifts are given. His parents assumed my parents should pay for the wedding and that we should have the large traditional 500 person wedding where you invite the entire community. My parents were NOT going to pay as I was an adult and had been on my own for a long time. DH and I were paying, and could not afford a $50K+ wedding. DH's parents said "no problem, put it on a CC and the presentation will pay for the wedding plus some" not understanding that half the wedding guests would gift us with china and the like. So we had a very small wedding with wine on the table only and no open bar. My in-laws were not happy about it, but they weren't offering to step and and pay. Perhaps our guests thought my parents were cheap too, but honestly, I was not prepared to go tens of thousands of dollars into debt to pay for a wedding I could not afford.
So I guess I don't blink at cash bars. A wedding shouldn't be a drunk fest IMO anyway. Wine with dinner and a sparkling wine for a toast or two seems like plenty.
So interesting how it all changes from culture to culture and areas - I find it somewhat fascinating. When I was talking to my friend (located in New Jersey, very close to New York City), she had me laughing until I cried over all of the rules of having and attending a wedding in her area. I live at the beach in Delaware - it's a small town, and fairly laid back, where (more or less) anything goes. I never had any idea that certain areas were so heavily regulated in terms of wedding etiquette. She said if you were in her circle of friends and had a buffet wedding, people would talk negatively about you for years
Last edited: