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Issues with nostalgia?

nala

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My daughter left for college a few hours ago. This will be her junior year. I thought it would be easier to say goodbye this third time around. But here I am already reminiscing about our summer adventures. And dreading my firsts without her. I know she’s fine and doing great and I know my emotional turmoil right now has nothing to do with that. I have adapted well after empty nest syndrome. That’s just it. I don’t know why this lifestyle change is affecting me so deeply third time around. But I have always had a tendency of romanticizing the past. I just don’t know why I do that. Do any of you suffer from this condition? Lol. Is there a term for it? Is there a reason for it?
 

pearlsngems

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You are in good company. Do you read College Confidential? There's currently a thread in the Parent Cafe called, "The 'I just dropped my kid at college which is GREAT but now I need to wallow' thread."

Mine is home again, having graduated in May, but she's looking for a job in her field and I am aware that her time at home is meant to be brief.
 

canuk-gal

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HI:

Common feeling! My son will leave this week to work out of Province, and I am already missing him. Having those Mom (protective) feelings just doesn't wane.

cheers--Sharon
 

Matthews1127

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Move-in day for my college Freshman is this Friday. He’s my first born, and our first college-bound child; the other two “18+” year olds are working. He will only be 1.5-1.75 hours away, but it feels like he’s moving to another country. Super proud of him, totally excited for him, but incredibly dreading saying “see ya later”. :cry2:
 

Jambalaya

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Well, as my old dad used to say, when one door closes, another one opens. Kick that door open, you guys! Now you'll have more free time, you can run naked through the house should you choose, if you're partnered up, you can make some noise, and if you're not, you can bring a date home without your kid watching. You'll have more time for hobbies, you can have long baths and binge-watch whatever you like, your laundry load will go right down...

Just trying to think of some upsides for y'all! :D
 

lyra

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I'll let you know how I really feel once my 28 and 30 year old daughters actually move out.:lol-2:To be fair, the oldest is going back to school for a post grad diploma. The youngest is employed in her field but is still trying to find her footings in general. I'm not sure how I'll feel. I'm sure it will be lonely, quiet and hard to deal with initially.
 

nala

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Ty all. Reading these posts is helping me. A lot.
 

Elizabeth35

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Our youngest heads back to school for junior year shortly.
House will be quiet and of course we will miss him.
BUT—we will relish our empty nest again. We have 6 kids between us and have been married 7 years. So we have always been looking forward to our honeymoon period. Probably very different from your situation.

I used to cry every new school year when my kids were younger. So aware that it was one year closer to them leaving. Then-teenage years helped me realize that there was a natural progression. Life has different stages.

I’m with Jambalaya. Use this time to kidnap your husband for a getaway or make your favorite romantic meal at home. Have breakfast in bed with your spouse. Plan a treat for yourself-massage or whatever you enjoy.

Maybe it sadder because you know that every year is closer to graduation?
Maybe allocate one day to feeling nostalgia and then focus on looking forward and planning something fun for you.
Is it a possibility to work on plans for a family vacation over Thanksgiving, Xmas or spring break? That would be something to take your mind to something fun in the future with your daughter. And travel is something we enjoy with our kids and gives us some time together after they leave the nest.
 

caf

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My only DD leaves Wednesday for her sophomore year 2000 Miles away. I feel you Nala - and the rest of the PSers with kids leaving. I wouldn’t call it wallowing but do agree it’s nostalgia tinged with a bit of sad.
 

MissGotRocks

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I never got used to saying goodbye. Once the kids started college, life seemed to be a series of hellos and goodbyes. They are well, this is what you wanted for them, but they always take a piece of your heart with them. Even now, after visits and vacations with them, I am always tinged with sadness to say goodbye. I can tell you though that the transition back to your normal routine comes easier with the passing years - I guess you just get used to it. At this stage of my life, I value my free time and lack of child rearing responsibilities but I am always so glad to see them and the grandkids!!
 

KaeKae

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Give me a month, and I'll be feeling the same way (DD2's school operates on a quarter system, they start later in the fall) She will be starting her 2nd year. DD1 is already out of the house, She visited last week, dropping her off at the airport was hard, too.
 

Slickk

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It is hard to say see ya later but it does get easier. My youngest just moved out so we’re empty nesters, and I’ll happy to say, in our case, we are proud of the productive, independent members of society we raised and now is our time to have fun. Enjoy reminiscing but make new memories and future plans. It gets easier...:kiss2:
 
Q

Queenie60

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Our youngest leaves in the morning for her Senior year. It's bitter sweet for me. I am glad that she's leaving however, it was a sweet goodbye. She knows that I'm just a 2 hour flight away - she is such an independent and efficient person that I don't worry about her. We hugged, cried and in the morning, we will be moving forward. It's part of pushing them out of the nest. We look forward to the peace and freedom of not having them here. The process of life.
 

Snowdrop13

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@nala I have this too although my oldest is only 16 at present! I’m always reminiscing about the past and am really dreading the day in a couple of years when he leaves for University. We’ve had a lovely time as a family unit of four and I can’t imagine what it will be like not having that.
 

lyra

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Does humour help at all? I think one the greatest things about eventually having an empty nest is I won't have to wear a bra if I don't feel like it! :P2I won't have to consider weekly menus. We will save hundreds of $ a month on food alone. I can sleep as much as I want to (this may be short lived, I don't know what it's like). I won't have to clean up after other people!:x2
 

Lisa Loves Shiny

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Awwww Momma it does get better. Nothing wrong with being sentimental and missing your kids. ((((Hugs))).
 

nala

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Thank you! You guys have no idea how much comfort you all have given me! I’m feeling much better today. Adjusting to my empty nest and yes, making the most of it with hubby. Hugs to all of you who are going thru this! Come back and share if you need hugs.
 

arkieb1

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Could be worse, my sister in law's son (second youngest child) is living in Germany. She sees him once a year if she is lucky.
 

iluvshinythings

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I remember those feelings nala. My DD is 31 and lives 6 hours away with my grandsons. It's still hard to say goodbye and I still miss her and worry about her all the time even though she's a very capable, independent, grown up woman.

Before she left for her freshman year, I thought I had it all together. We really enjoyed that last summer together and went on a cruise alone together and really made some great memories. Things were going well and then I went to WalMart to buy cleaning supplies for her dorm. I had a break down in the cleaning supply aisle because I started wondering what I had forgotten to teach her and how I was going to take care of her when she's so far away. It was one of my greatest existential crises and it all happened *kaboom* at WalMart.

The cleaning supplies all came back completely unused and intact when she moved home the next spring BTW.

It was harder for me to adjust than it was for her. She was in band and I didn't know what in the world to do on a Friday evening if I wasn't at a football game. I finally learned that you wear your pj's and watch whatever you want on the tv while eating snacks, because you will have leftover snacks without a teenager (and friends) in the house. You can also take a long, hot bath and not worry about running out of hot water. Or you can hang out with your friends and not have to hurry home or act responsibly.

I went to see her at school every six weeks her first semester. She finally told me "mom, you've gotta get a life, I have one and you're really messing it up for me". LOL :lol:

Big hugs to you!!! You got this!
 

Matthews1127

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Today was move-in day. It’s hard, but I’m beaming with pride.
I just may have adopted another son: my son’s roommate, who traveled across the country from Tulsa, OK.
He seems nice, and his parents were, too. Mom was struggling to keep it together, and we assured both mom & Dad that we’re close & can help out, if he needs anything. Our door is open, if he wants to get away, but can’t get home.
Some photos:
9138172A-B5A6-48A2-B40A-6EF992700EB8.jpeg D46CC5D1-72E9-40DC-BF69-FDEE12AFEFA4.jpeg 39DB04C8-DA2A-44C1-B3CF-1C91E4B6B2B3.jpeg F213DFB5-D4D7-4F4E-B9B7-7392599D40A5.jpeg

I must add that my DD was a champ, today; no tears & all smiles. She has struggled with her big brother leaving, and I was dreading their “goodbyes”. She was fine, and happy for him. I’m so proud of both of them!

This weekend won’t be the first without him; it will be the first weekend he won’t come home. I will get through this, but it will take time.
Being nostalgic doesn’t mean anything other than you love your children, and you have something beautiful & special to look back on. Now is the time to look forward to everything beautiful & special that awaits!!! :kiss2:
 

nala

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Gorgeous family! Ty for sharing! Love the college mom shirt!
 

ohsomethingshiny

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I’ve been feeling it but my son isn’t college bound. He graduated high school in May. Tonight I dropped my 16 year old off at the football game and it was the first game in four years that my son wasn’t performing in a halftime show. I felt sad that those days are over. (Those four years went by FAST!)
 

Matthews1127

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I’ve been feeling it but my son isn’t college bound. He graduated high school in May. Tonight I dropped my 16 year old off at the football game and it was the first game in four years that my son wasn’t performing in a halftime show. I felt sad that those days are over. (Those four years went by FAST!)

I can imagine that would feel weird being somewhere, and not being able to see your child perform. My son plays Lacrosse. He started in HS, and has moved to the College level. Unless he goes on to play in the Pros (doubtful-not because he’s not good...he’s awesome-more because he wants to be a pharmacist...lol!), this will be it. I plan to enjoy these next 4 years of his life as much as I possibly can, and get to every game he plays...because, soon, he won’t be playing, anymore.
 

Austina

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My only child lives 5000 miles away! He hasn’t lived at home for about 12 years.

We gave him the money to buy a place when he was 23, to get him on the property ladder. He decided to go and live in Thailand for a while, then got a job offer in the US, which is where he’s been for the last 7 years. That’s his home now, and he intends to become a US citizen.

I can honestly say the only time we miss him, is when he’s been home for a visit. As soon as he leaves, we feel very unsettled for a while. We actually see him more now than when he was still living in England, because our visits to him are usually a couple of weeks at a time, and he works from home.

We also meet up in the US, like last month, we were in NY and he and his g/f flew up for a few days. We usually visit him 3 times a year, and in between FaceTime a couple of times a week.

You get used to it, and our attitude has always been that it’s his life, and he must do what’s best for him.
 
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